Problems.

[YoungBuck]

Hey all.

I have some mental issues, which I hope that you can help me with. For a start, girls. I cannot pull. Now, I've posted this before, and a now good friend of mine, Phil, supplied me with a book. However, I don't want to use any of those pick-up methods, because that just isn't ME.

I want it to be ME, and only me. When I see a girl that I'm attracted to, I get a "deer in the headlights" moment, where I kind of freeze up, minds empties and I can't do ANYTHING. I don't know what the hell to do. I see all the guys around me getting cute, hot girls, and I'm left like a virgin idiot.

Moving on to my next problem. My insatiable desire to please EVERYONE. I want everyone to like me, I get happiness when people accept me, and I'm the centre of attention. I attention seek to get this attention. Usually though, I'm left in the background, just there to make up the numbers.

I feel like I'm NOBODY. I don't have a personality, I just have the ability to amazingly annoy people and piss them off. I wish I could be fit, funny, laid-back, don't care about negative people's opinons, just like, so CHILL, always happy, and a MASCULINE man. Like, I can handle my problems, I can handle myself, and actually STICK UP for myself, instead of being a *****.

Agh. Help!

[drama07]

haha sounds like me ... no jk

Sorry man, this might not be too helpful,... but I suggest you let it go & surrender to the life you live. Just have fun watching your life unfold no matter what the pleasure & pain that occur. Just be a witness of it all. Don't get attached to anything. Nothing lasts.

Just to motivate you to do what I say... all those problems will be dead to you and will become the opposite. Trust me!

You are resisting to what is. 'What is' being the life you are having. What resists, persists. Let go of everything you 'want' and everything will change without any effort.

Has happened to me. Wasnt the social type. Let go of wanting to be social and guess what happened. I talk a lot

[cookie5]

I agree with drama07 about letting go.!!
It is easy to have these expectations of yourself or even others, but I think you just have to learn to put them aside and learn to love yourself and laugh at yourself.
I think alot of us can probably relate to what your going through.

[David Cain]

Hi YoungBuck,

A lot of the things you talked about were a problem when I was younger. Three things come to mind.

1) Work on your approval-seeking habit. We all get this little high when someone laughs at our jokes or agrees with what we say, and it's easy to get hooked on those ego boosts.

Be aware of your tendency to seek these scraps of attention, and don't ever do anything for the sole purpose of achieving that little ego high.

Whenever you feel the urge to say something, ask yourself "Honestly, why am I saying this? What do I hope to gain from this?" I've found that very often I am just looking to sound clever or get a laugh, and what I say doesn't particularly benefit anyone else.

2) Become somebody you find interesting. Fill your day with activities that most people don't do. Build skills. Learn a language, get into rock climbing or glassblowing or Thai cooking or something. Just make sure you have an interesting answer to "So, what have you been up to?" Become somebody you find interesting and you will have all the confidence you need.

3) Talk to women like you would talk to guys. Just find out who they are and what they're into. Take a genuine interest in their values and their skills.

Do not concern yourself with what they think of you. Allow people to dislike you, whether they have a reason or not. Wayne Dyer said "What other people think of me is none of my business." I think that's perfect. Don't fantasize about their falling in love with you. Don't treat them like queens or angels, treat them like regular people.

It helps to practice conversing with women you are not attracted to so that can learn what it feels like to be comfortable in those situations.

I don't quite agree with the idea of surrendering to the life you live now. If you don't like it, why keep operating the same way? I mean, certainly accept where you are now, but if there are things about your life you don't like, begin to address them or you will never be okay with yourself. You can accept yourself and improve yourself at the same time.

Do the things you love, live a life you love, and attention will come to you, you will not have to seek it. People are drawn towards those who genuinely love themselves. You will be irresistible.

Soon you will find that there is a vast difference between the attention high and genuine happiness. I think this would help you.

[Liveformx64]

Who are You?

What to you believe actually makes up "You" your "Identity"

One way to look at it: Are you are a core bundle of unchangeable attributes?

Another way to look at it: Are you a sum of all of your experiences?

Depending on how you see yourself will determine your apporach

When you say the "pickup" type stuff isn't you, who are you? Everyone says to be yourself, but I sure as hell at the age of 16 didn't know who I was. I am 25 and I am just now really establishing my true identity, and who I fell best being.

I encourage you to try on many different suits, see what fits and appreciate and the ones you try that don't work. Acknowledge that they are not for you and simply move on to try on the next thing. The key is not to get too hung up on one idea or one identity.

I believe adolescence is the hardest time there is as a human. Being pulled so many different directions, your parents telling you one thing your friends telling you another.

As far as your desire for female attention, there is an interesting paradox at work in the realm of attracting the opposite sex. It seems the more you want/need that attention the more elusive it becomes. But those who seemingly don't want it are bombarded with it. You would be well served to research the mechanics of attraction, and what really triggers attraction.

It seems you have looked into the world of pickup a little bit, and while it can be a slimy and manipulative practice, there are some good honest people that truly want to better themselves and help others do the same.

go here: Dating Advice For Men | How to Attract Women and Use Pick Up Lines

While this is packaged in a pick-up type format, the guy who runs this company is a very honest integrated and balanced person. he really focuses on the mechanics of attraction and really hits the core of how it works. You wont see a focus all that superficial junk. (although his tag says pickup lines - for search engine rankings)

The best of luck on your journey.

[YoungBuck]

Amazing replies. Thanks people. I agree with David though, with all of you n fact. I MUST accept who and where I am, and THEN start to change myself. I CAN'T accept myself right now, but I'm going to try.
Also, funny you should link me to that, because a friend sent me Double Your Dating, and I'm thoroughly enjoying it so far. Short, smart, and to the point. Also, it's not talking about GAME, or Openers or anything like that. Good book. Thanks again people

[drama07]

I don't quite agree with the idea of surrendering to the life you live now. If you don't like it, why keep operating the same way? I mean, certainly accept where you are now, but if there are things about your life you don't like, begin to address them or you will never be okay with yourself. You can accept yourself and improve yourself at the same time.

To surrender does not mean to not change. To surrender is to know that life right now is perfect & that nothing can really make it any "better". Then change occurs effortlessly. The mind will continue to tell you life aint perfect no matter what desires you fulfill. Take my word fo it 'YoungBuck', even if all your current problems are solved, more problems will breed unless you surrender, accept, let go and know that your current life is perfect with all the mind-defined imperfections. All problems are mind-made. The mind is not who you are.

There is no such thing as 'good' & 'bad' that the mind uses to separate things. All is one. Life is life. What is, is what is. Accept the pleasure & pain. Welcome them. Do not resist them.

I'm not saying dont improve yourself. Go right ahead. But know that happiness does not TRULY come from some improvements to 'self'. When you realize this, literally nothing matters at all.

[drama07]

Originally Posted by YoungBuck

I CAN'T accept myself right now, but I'm going to try.

To try means to put effort. To effort means that you resist the present state or moment you are in. To resist is not allow/surrender to 'what is' in this moment. Result: your current state will continue.

Let go, surrender. Let go of the need to accept yourself. Let go of the thought of not being able to accept yourself. Only then will true acceptance come.

It's like this. Whatever you dont want, will manifest. Whatever you do want, will not. Why? Because your current mind is dysfunctional.