Self-Confidence in real life

[Tohami]

Hi all,

Does anybody has a story or a practical technique that worked with him in developing self-confidence?

If you are self confident, would you mind sharing with us your secrets?

Self-confidence is vital for a successful life.

So, let's share our experience with self-confidence and participate in developing unshakable self confidence among the forum members.

[Angela]

At the risk of being a landmark forum proselytizer --

The first day of the weekend program of the Advanced Course, I had to stand up and say "who I am." It was awful standing up in front of 101 people. I was nervous, shaking, resistant. Everybody else in the class said they also hated it -- lots of people were visibly shaking and sweating! On the Tuesday following, I stood up in front of the same people, plus 200 guests, and had zero fear of speaking in front of the crowd. Suddenly I was eloquent, witty, dynamic - a hit! Also, my party/dating/meeting new people-shyness was completely gone, nowhere to be found.

In a nutshell, you look for and experience the decisions you made when you were a child, and see how valid they are. Becoming aware of them frees you of their power. There's other stuff in there, too, and I found it very fun and valuable.

The downside is it costs a few hundred dollars, spread over the two courses. Also, they work by word of mouth and the "marketing" can be a little much, but you can disregard it, just as you're free to disregard this post. When I did the courses, they push you to get your pals in, and I hated that. (That's ironic, huh, because here I am recommending it to you.) But I would pay it again in a second, as big a difference as it made for me. Danger Man did it, too, and I think it made a huge difference in our relationship.

I don't normally talk about it in my non-virtual life, but your question is so directly to the point of what I got, in such a big way, out of the courses.

[RT Wolf]

I used to be in retail sales, you had to go talk to everyone who came by. EVERYONE. I gained some confidence and courage back then.

What really kickstarted my PD interest, though and is a large catalyst for who I am today was going up on stage for a stand up comedy contest (which was being filmed for nation-wide tv thingy) and failing MISERABLY. The only people laughing were the two friends I brought with me, and they were laughing at how no one else was laughing. I was a little depressed for a few weeks after that, but then I eventually realized that I was still alive. That while that had happened (what people would call a crushing defeat), I had learned that I was more resiliant than that. And I lost quite a few fears after that.

I think confidence is knowing that no matter what happens (or, at least, a lot of stuff happens), you'll know how to deal with it and you'll be ok. Confidence comes from knowing that you know yourself and you respect yourself enough to be able to deal with any sort of situation.

[rene_stpierre]

For me, I have been able to increase my self-confidence the day I decided to get out of my comfort zone.

I was 6 months into my first job after University. I went to a 1-week Company Course in Atlanta. Although my english was "ok", this was the very first time of my life I was in an english environment (I was raised in Quebec = French). I was also extremely shy and had a major problem with speaking in front of an audience. When I got there, I decided I would make the most out of this course. To my surprise, I volunteered to be one of the speakers for the Friday afternoon report-out to Senior Leaders of the Company. All week, I had a hard time finding sleep and was regreting doing this. But I did not back-down and made the pitch. It went great. That was early 1996 and it was the last time I was afraid of speaking in front of an audience.

This experience is what got my career started. After that, every chance I had to get out of my comfort zone, I went for it and every time, my confidence grew. These event made me what I am today.

René

[joshbickford]

You must expand your comfort zone. The larger your comfort zone, the more that you're comfortable, and confident with.

There was a day when I was very uncomfortable writing a purchase offer on a $100,000 house, today I can write them in the millions without worrying about a thing.

There was a day when talking to a stranger was scary as heck, today I really enjoy meeting new people.

It just took time, and lots of time out of my former comfort zone.

[Colm OReilly]

Hey,

I've a new(ish) blog on confidence that I believe is quite different from everything out there.

Most confidence boosters seem to be from the outside in. Although there are exceptions - Sarah Malik has a good blog, and Debra Mooreheadhad a recent post on the subject.

If you base your confidence on your victories, success, or outward validation you're always at the mercy of external factors. If, however, you develop your confidence from the inside out - then it's not just an emotional payoff of feeling confident but being confident when the need arises.

I haven't written nearly as much as I'd like to, but I am getting faster at writing my thoughts. I also coach people on this area of their lives as well. And it makes me feel good that I don't just give them a temporary boost but tools for developing lasting confidence.

As far as practical tips go, affirmations are a great way to go for starters.

I think a major problem is that confdience is a very vague term, and people often get bogged down in how to achieve something when their goal is so fuzzy. So here's my definition of confidence.

If you've any questions I'd be more than happy to post my answers,
Colm

[Tohami]

Hi Friends,

Thanks for your contribution.

Let's share more stories. Your story can make a difference in someone's life.

Here is a summary of the practical self-confidence techniques that you've shared so far:

1. (Angela) look for and experience the decisions you made when you were a child, and see how valid they are. Becoming aware of them frees you of their power

2. (RT Wolf) knowing that no matter what happens (or, at least, a lot of stuff happens), you'll know how to deal with it and you'll be ok

3. (Rene Stpierre & Joshbickford) get out of your comfort zone

4. (Colm O'Reilly) Positive affirmation


Keep on sharing your stories.

[dor]

mental rehearsal of whatever makes you nervous - for example if it's public speaking imagining yourself going up to the podium relaxed and people applauding.
I spoke at a public forum in my community and was not prepared and really screwed up...I was worried about speaking the second time. I wrote out a speach and imagined myself speaking cooly - even though i stumbled a couple of times, it was 100% better than the first, and i got several applauses which i did not realize until after i read the public records transcript (this was at a big public hearing in a major US city).

[trekr5]

breathing exercises...It has been researched that when you breathe deeply through the ribs your fear and discomfort lessens
Think of a time when you had a pleasant experience and carry that feeling with you when you need some confidence
RELAX! They can't eat you! They're only people just like you!

[Liara Covert]

Acquiring practice public speaking is a great way to build confidence. I would encourage anyone seeking to build confidence to look on the Internet for a Toastmaster's International group near you. The system offers opportunities to speak for brief periods and also to make longer speeches. Peers encourage you and assist you to improve. Practice enables you to strengthen key skills.

Another thought is to reflect on reasons why you think you may lack self-confidence. If you had a bad experience with a boss or someone else you once knew who criticized you, its useful to learn to see the positive side to that. Once you recognize the good to be found, you'll find new reason to build higher esteem. Remind yourself there's always a positive side.

To date, I've been involved in a variety of businesses and money-making ventures. Experience in sales enabled me to to feel more comfortable talking with people. The more I spoke with people, the more I liked it, the more I did it. I've been told my confidence now comes across. I find that learning more about my fears in general prompts me to confront them. I realize that fear can hold me back, but only if I let it!

[Shamou]

I believe that self-confidence is best developed through public exposure such as public speaking or leadership in social groups…

It can also be developed through emulation/association with people you admire… you don’t even have to know these people… you can simply “mentally” associate with who they are… think of them as being friends or colleagues…

And, finally, by focusing on your successes and viewing your limitations as areas for improvement rather than as character flaws…

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