The magic of 'Being Watched'

[darkw0rker]

Have you ever noticed that when you are being watched you productivity almost triples, your passion starts burning and you become so focused on the task at hand that your environment starts to fade?

Why is that when we are being watched we are much more motivated, passionate and willing to do the work, on the other hand when are left alone it seems that there is no need to rush, not even to get the task done.

I have also noticed that when I am being watched, I have a different feeling. I guess it is like a fear of something, fear of judgment or whatever, but any fear that is, is a very effective fear.

So I have tried to feel 'WATCHED' even when no one is around me. It has helped me almost magically with my procrastination and my motivation.

Tell me about your experience and why that is the case.

[magi13]

It has the psychological feel of wanting not to mess up or embarrass the self or the one watching. ^^, But if you can't handle the pressure it's not something good.

Maybe this depends on a case by case basis. ^^,

[darkw0rker]

You are saying that it is not a good thing?

[magi13]

Originally Posted by darkw0rker

You are saying that it is not a good thing?

I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I'm saying that if it's done correctly, with proper guidance, it's a good thing. ^^, it's like telling someone who doesn't know how to drive, go drive me to the hotel. If he's well instructed, he'll get you there.

That's what i mean by case by case basis.

[edith]

It's not something I'd ever want to admit, but it's so true for me. Maybe it's just something social built into our psyches, a way of ensuring that we're included in the group.

[Ralph]

You're totally right, congratulations for the realization. Stick to it because it really works.

There are two types of people: those motivated externally and those motivated internally. Externally motivated people feel the sense of accomplishment only when others are there to acknowledge their efforts. For those, the sense of being watched is a great motivator.

Thanks and have fun with it

Ralph

[bluedragon]

I too feel the magic of being watched, but the problem is that I begin to "perform", to do things in a ceremonial or try to put on a show. Therefore, I'm less efficient than if I would just "go about my business".

[Trustme]

Maybe the trick is to make yourself accountable - maybe not torwards others but at least to yourself.

[magi13]

May I request a step by step procedure with respect to "being watched" so that we may understand it more. I believe one may have a different experience over the other. Some positive, some negative. If we can make a compilation of ideas with respect to this, maybe we can harness its full potential

[edith]

Originally Posted by magi13

May I request a step by step procedure with respect to "being watched" so that we may understand it more. I believe one may have a different experience over the other. Some positive, some negative. If we can make a compilation of ideas with respect to this, maybe we can harness its full potential

I like that idea.

My first thought is that I have to go to a gym to work out, just not effective at home (for a variety of reasons, not just not being watched). Kind of an obvious choice.

I like when the gym is not too crowded but also not too empty. There's a right balance of energy when there is the right amount of people.

If I'm at the gym, I'll focus and stick to my routine. Push myself more. It's not that I think people are watching me, any more than we all "people-watch" each other, but I want to show that I am serious about my weight-training and that I'm the "real thing" (I'm not there to show-off, nor am I trying to attract men - seen it happen! - but doing it right is important for me to show). I work on form and choosing the right things to do.

It's not performance, tho. I see it as more of my expression to the world about who I am. Why is that important to show to other people? hmmmm A validation about what I'm doing? About what's inside of me? Maybe it's when you put it out there, you need to package it up, so to speak, and tie it up with a little bow.

When I'm by myself, I can be really scattered and easily distracted. When I clean myself up and pull it together to be in front of others, it collects all these loose ends of mine and that feels good. Why I can't do that alone, I don't know. It just doesn't seem to matter then.

Is this what you had in mind for the step-by-step thing?

[magi13]

It does explain the process from your perspective. ^^ yes this is what i was looking for. It gives us something to visualize and use as a model to replicate.

Thanks.

[Cran]

Can't say your observation is true for everyone - it is not true for me.

Whenever I feel watched, I feel just that, observed and ready to be judged. This thought makes me more prone to silly mistakes I wouldn't have made if working alone, unwatched.

Might be a side-effect of being the youngest (both in terms of employment and age) member of our staff that has to listen to everybody's advice of everybody, no matter how stupid it might be

[Eric Roosevelt]

I think this is largely true. Although there are many who can't really overcome that initial shyness associated with being watched.

I also think the ideal condition is when you're more or less unaffected by the presence of others. Of course everyone needs to feel appreciated from time to time, but there's in which internal motivation is healthier. Ideally, we should feel proud of our achievements even when nobody is there to watch.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by darkw0rker

Have you ever noticed that when you are being watched you productivity almost triples, your passion starts burning and you become so focused on the task at hand that your environment starts to fade?

Actually, I have the exact opposite experience. When I'm alone I'm far more effective at any task. I'm able to easily get into a trance-like state and focus monk-like on the task at hand. If I'm being watched by another person, my ability to get into that state is completely destroyed and replaced with anxiety that limits my performance.

[Plays With Life]

^^ I could even call my experience The Magic of Being Alone

[dirtyhive]

First off, hi everyone, I'm new.

Jumping straight into discussion: I think it has a lot to do with how you percieve your 'watcher'. If I'm being watched by my boss and I think she's being critical, I tend to get nervous and screw up. But if a friend is watching me do something and I feel that they admire me for my skill, I tend to be even better at it. I guess the trick is to imagine that everyone who watches you is a big fan and admires your work. Then you can get that sense of effortless efficiency.

[edith]

Originally Posted by dirtyhive

First off, hi everyone, I'm new.

Jumping straight into discussion: I think it has a lot to do with how you percieve your 'watcher'. If I'm being watched by my boss and I think she's being critical, I tend to get nervous and screw up. But if a friend is watching me do something and I feel that they admire me for my skill, I tend to be even better at it. I guess the trick is to imagine that everyone who watches you is a big fan and admires your work. Then you can get that sense of effortless efficiency.

Good point. At the gym I feel pretty confident so the watching is mostly on the plus side. But it wasn't always that way. I definitely had to work up to it. (The trick is to remember that most people at the gym are looking at themselves!)

OTOH, when I was growing up, my mother, love her dearly, always had to know what I was doing...I couldn't just hang out in the house, basically doing nothing, without her checking up on me. Although I understand it a little better now - I have kids of my own - I just couldn't relax. Watching that causes you not to be able to relax can drive you nutty!

Does anybody here ever have the feeling that someone is watching them and then you turn and find someone is?? Or you turn your head involuntarily, or so it seems, and catch someone looking at you? I find that so weird. How does that happen?

[Plays With Life]

Yeah, that's an interesting point. I always know if someone is watching me even before I see them.

Also, I had a similar situation as a child. The watching from my parents was always intrusive, it wasn't appreciative or pleasant for me. So maybe the discomfort is leftovers from that experience.

Strangely enough, if I'm on stage or teaching a class, for example, I relax and am completely comfortable with that. I have kind of the opposite of stage fright - being on stage relaxes me. Go figure.

[seeker5]

To the op, it's called approval seeking, and the source of approval seeking is driven by fear of what others may think of you and the fear you may not be regarded well (or loved) by others.

I guess if you want to be a darkworker driven by fear, then it's a good strategy - but if you don't want to be driven by fear, then it's not.

[Plays With Life]

I think this could be similar to the "accountability" exercise. You know, the one where you tell your friend what your going to do, then call them afterwards and tell them whether you did it or not. Maybe that's seeking approval (yuk), and maybe sometimes it's just a reminder to yourself.

[magi13]

This can also be a positive experience, ^^Instead of being watched = fear, you're being watched by someone who you respect, who supports you in real life.

[edith]

Originally Posted by magi13

This can also be a positive experience, ^^Instead of being watched = fear, you're being watched by someone who you respect, who supports you in real life.

I think the 'social' in us is so strong that we can't help but want the approval of others, the visibility. It's part of our nature. I'm think of Robert Sapolsky's work studying baboons. There's a lot of posturing in the whole social scheme. And no baboon wants to be alone.

What makes us different than baboons or other animals, though, is that we are aware of these needs and can work with them. Sometimes we like to be watched, other times we go behind the bushes and...? j/k

I think there is a privacy element, too - and a recognition that other people are separate from us and sometimes we need to back off. People who are controlling watch in a 'bad' way; other people can watch with admiration and appreciation for the person separate from them.

[thaiduytrinh]

Originally Posted by edith

Does anybody here ever have the feeling that someone is watching them and then you turn and find someone is?? Or you turn your head involuntarily, or so it seems, and catch someone looking at you? I find that so weird. How does that happen?

I do experience that but I think it is mere coincidence. I am less likely to feel that when I'm in a crowded room. The state of being in the room with few people triggers the feeling of being unsafe and being watched. It is also likely for others to look at you since there are not much people around.

Going back to the original topic, from my personal experience, I've got motivated in some cases but demotivated in the others.
For example, while jogging with my friends, I seldom gave up in the middle of the way and frequently ended up hitting the target which I had loudly told my friend the day before. Being mindful of being watched, I was burning the ship to help me easily force out negative thoughts as soon as they came into my mind.
On the other hand, being watched forces us to run exactly on the our pre-defined track to the target goal, which might turn out to be a long way to go. We will tend to be safe in the way of performing the task instead of considering possible shortcuts. If involved in a creative task, I think being watched would be more a nuisance.

Of course, above are cases when we are physically watched by someone else. If you simply visualize that you are being watched, in fact by yourself, you basically take responsibility and accountability of what you are doing. And I agree with Eric that this internal motivation is healthier since it is independent of the environment you are in. More importantly, you can adjust your level of criticality, which determines whether it is a fear or a motivation. Like magi12 said, thinking of someone who are there to support, feedback and help you along the way would definitely help.

[Froztwolf]

For me it differs by task. I prefer to exercise with groups of people as then I know they will nudge me if I'm doing something incorrectly or of I'm starting to go easy on myself.

Butt when doing more cerebral tasks I'd rather have my final results checked than someone watching over me the whole time. Knowing that I will have to explain my work to someone really helps in making it clear and concise from the start.

[Plays With Life]

That's true about the exercise situations. When I've taken yoga and martial arts classes, I've really appreciated when there was a teacher who can give me those little corrections or nudges.

[vMike]

It could be an addition to keep your motivation up, but don't depend entirely on outside sources for motivation, try to use and leverage them instead.