Immersion Method and relationships

[pyrogen]

The question is, does anyone have trouble with immersion methods interfering with their relationships? I've had trouble with it unmooring nearly every intimate relationship I'm in, when I've tried to do "immersion" method. The partner never tolerates it. Then again, I haven't really been in a relationship that lasted beyond two years, and got into the "comfortable/reliable" stage. The immersion thing is part of why.

Decoupling my income from my time didn't help. I was with a man for two years who paid all the bills and had a good job, I had plenty of time to do "my thing" and still time left over to be with him and take care of stuff that needed to be done. The immersion still was a problem - he liked my "obsessions" at first, and fell in love with my intensity about "my stuff", but then got annoyed with them the longer we were together. I was just too intense in various ways for him.

I've only been able to "immerse" while being single. I LOVE immersing. I immerse in everything I attempt. When I lost my virginity, I read every manual there was and treated it like another art form. I've set out to master every job I've ever tried to do, and when I'm in school I'm really in my "flow", provided I can take all my classes in the same subject and don't have to split my mind between three different topics.

I feel like I'm cut off from my natural way of being when someone doesn't want me to immerse. I need to be free to follow my instincts, impulses and interests.

Has anyone else had this issue? I'm sometimes feeling like relationships are a major hindrance to my growth and that I should probably be single until I reach a place where I'm in a "growth plateau" (the rate of expansion/growth has topped out for a while). By the way, I also have the issue with relationships that I feel like I very quickly outgrow people... after a year it's like we're no longer even on the same planet.

I'm 35 and would like some stability!! I'm a woman and have all the usual needs/wants women have! I STILL want relationships as much as the average person! Sometimes I wonder if a poly partner might be a better pick for me - they could have their primary partner and I could have my primary partner which in my case isn't a person, but is my immersion.

As an ADHD person with selective hyperfocus, I tend to totally immerse *naturally* - I get really hot on something I want to learn and go full gonzo into it for a while. What takes effort for other people to do is actually quite easy for me. I've learned to do my job somewhat on "autopilot" while another part of my brain is still in immersion mode, too, provided it's a job that itself does not require immersion (I left computers for this very reason) in something I'm not interested in. It looks like multitasking, but what it is, is that I can autopilot a lot of tasks and have them run in the background the way that antivirus software runs in the background while you run your other programs in front.

I got with someone this time who had Asperger's, another neurodiversity that causes immersion, and hoped he would understand the issue better than my neurotypical partners had, but still have issues with immersion in relationships. Just because he immerses doesn't mean he can handle that I do. He needs someone to handle the "daily stuff" while he's immersing.

[RRR]

My solution is to spend time with what I am immersed with. When I fall in love I immerse with that person. When I fall in love with a subject I immerse with the topic. I almost always do this to the detriment of other activities. Its not uncommon for me to sacrifice sleep, eating, socializing, in pursuit of a new fascinating subject.

What is the problem exactly? Examples would be very helpful. Two years with a single person sounds pretty darn stable to me. I understand you may be stressful on a single person, I think have a tribe of support would be a much better option. It sounds to me you are already leaning towards going poly.

I have never had a stable sexual relationship. One thing I've found is that some people may want to immerse in a relationship for the sake of immersing in a relationship. When I've done that I find myself pretty unsatisfied beyond a couple weeks. I get immersed in the sexuality, we have a lot of sex, and then I realize we don't share the same passions, I don't feel stimulated mentally, I move on to a more interesting topic. Often once I feel I am spending too much time with people I lash out, project, or feel strongly they are wasting my time. Once I get rid of relationships I can go back to my studies (Don't follow my method. It sucks)

However, I have had stable and wonderfully meaningful platonic relationships where we were both immersed in certain topics (DMT, OBEs, Astral Projection, Personal Growth).. The relationships where people shared my passions were intense. I felt compelled to understand and connect with these people, they shared my passions, that instantly made them very attractive.

I imagine a life where I could study and work on my passion all the time, with people who were equally passionate, and then be able to take breaks, give massages, cuddle, sex, and get to know the people who shared my passion would be very rewarding. Being able to sit down and discuss the intricate nature of specific topics with people you also share a close emotional bond to is amaaazing.

(Things I've immersed with in the past marked with I's)
My dream: A piece of farmland that is self-sustaining(I), permacultured (I), has a polyamorous group (I), grows magic mushrooms and DMT (I), relating to eachother very affectionately (I), discussing and practicing OBEs, Lucid Dreaming, Astral Projection, ESP (I), and having the freedom to grow and find new wonderful things to be passionate about.