Getting over Shyness?

[Librose]

I've been quiet my whole life and it is really getting in the way of my life. I got a new job where I am selling products and I have to talk to people. The problem is I have to finish training. What I mean by training is that I have to talk in front of my boss. How do I get over it? I don't want to quit but I am terrified of presenting in front of him.

[fionamydear]

even ur boss is also a human being, u r not going to do any ilegal r any objectionable thing in front of him,just go ahead...

[Unrul3r]

One thing that helped me in a similar situations, is accepting that the situation may blow up (usually it doesn't) and lose my job.

From my experience people (in this case, your boss) usually are more compaxionate towards those things.

Even if it blows up its nothing serious, what the hell, there are more jobs out there.

Cheers !

[JustinPopovic]

Embrace the feeling of fear. Don't worry about eliminating it. When you are trying to get rid of it, you are giving energy to the feeling.

Fear is normal and natural when you are doing something you are not accustomed to doing. Work on being ok with the physical sensations of fear and just keep going. The more you speak in front of your boss and customers, the more natural it will become and the more the fear will subside.

Watch this video by Michael Duckett YouTube - Secret to Overcoming Fear

Hope that helps
Justin

[gluey]

Originally Posted by Librose

I've been quiet my whole life and it is really getting in the way of my life. I got a new job where I am selling products and I have to talk to people. The problem is I have to finish training. What I mean by training is that I have to talk in front of my boss. How do I get over it? I don't want to quit but I am terrified of presenting in front of him.

Pretend YOU are the boss and that you are training HIM!
most shy people I've met and read about are actually just afraid of their own smarts!

[magi13]

Try this way of thinking. This is for you, not your boss, you're doing everything for yourself and you have to try. Achieve things for you alone and that's the only person who you should try to impress.

^,^

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Librose

I am terrified of presenting in front of him.

What will happen if you do? What, specifically, are you afraid will happen when you talk to him?

[ArthurHung]

Figure out a strategy that isn't so perfect, to execute (but you consider it good for your current abilities) and execute it knowing you will make a few little errors.

Give yourself permission to fail and you'll be more relaxed and confident while you are doing the presentation.

[magi13]

Originally Posted by ArthurHung

Figure out a strategy that isn't so perfect, to execute (but you consider it good for your current abilities) and execute it knowing you will make a few little errors.

Give yourself permission to fail and you'll be more relaxed and confident while you are doing the presentation.

i like this point of view. ^^ being a perfectionist myself it's really difficult to be faced with failure

[RT Wolf]

Fear often means "stop". But you can sometimes ignore it and push through. Also, follow Angela's advice. It has done me really well, and I wrote abuot my following it in my signature, the 'I'm broke and homeless, now what?" link.

[Librose]

Originally Posted by Angela

What will happen if you do? What, specifically, are you afraid will happen when you talk to him?

I am afraid of making mistakes and what he will think of me when I do.

[lifetimelearner]

I am and will always be an introvert-
only now it does not bother me

I found that my shyness was either of two things-

I was afraid of judgement

or

I just did not have anything to offer so I stayed quiet


I have learned over the years that even though I was criticised for being shy
that I did not have to follow the pack I could be my own person




we all make mistakes
if he is a 'good' boss he will not berate you for you mistakes -
he will help you



"A man's errors are his portals of discovery"- James Joyce

[ssandra]

Hi,

i have been in the exact same situation (being very shy, having to sell something infront of my boss and / or trainers)

What I have done is 1. really think about what i am feeling
I was afraid that what they would think of me. But then I really challanged myself with questions like:

what is the worst that can happen?
How bad would that really be.
Would I be any worse off than I am at this moment?
If i was in his situation and somebody shy would present infront of me, how would I feel?
what would i think if they made a mistake?

The most important thing is that you believe you can do it.

You can even say it to yourself in the mirror everyday, "I can do this presentation, I am good at what I do and I will succeed!"

If you repeat that often enough it will give you confidence.

Good luck!

ps... maybe you should think twice about a career in sales... Sales is for social people
I am shy and although I overcame my shyness, i still didn´t like talking to people, so eventually I quit.. (a month ago).

[Swede]

You could visualize the situation. Playing it like a video for you inner mind. Then you can 'experience' it before doing so in reality.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Librose

I am afraid of making mistakes and what he will think of me when I do.

Okay. What might he think of you if you were to make a mistake, and what would it mean about you if he were to think that?

(by the way, did you notice that you said "when" you do? You really give your unconscious a powerful message when you use language that way -- you might want to consider shifting your words around a little, to support yourself in getting where you want to get to.)

[Librose]

Originally Posted by Angela

Okay. What might he think of you if you were to make a mistake, and what would it mean about you if he were to think that?

(by the way, did you notice that you said "when" you do? You really give your unconscious a powerful message when you use language that way -- you might want to consider shifting your words around a little, to support yourself in getting where you want to get to.)

If I were to make a mistake he might think I may not be the right candidate to do the job. I realize everyone make mistakes but I don't know why I feel this way?

I realize now that I used "when", I should have used "if". "When" is implying that I expect to make a mistake.

p.s. Thank you to everyone who replied I wasn't expecting this many replies.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Librose

If I were to make a mistake he might think I may not be the right candidate to do the job. I realize everyone make mistakes but I don't know why I feel this way?

Maybe you can get yourself to be totally ok with failing big and not getting the job? Maybe you can picture it happening, and being ok with it and having another great option. Then, once you've let go of that fear, you can play full on gusto and do your best, knowing it doesn't matter if you fail. In my own experience, once I remove that fear of failing by being able to fully accept the consequences of failing, then I tend to actually be able to perform much much better as I have nothing holding me back anymore.

[Angela]

I agree with seeker5 -- can you adjust your framing of this so that you could deal with the worst that could happen -- not getting the job?

If the guy feels that you are not the right candidate for the job if you make a mistake, then he's probably right, isn't he? If you got a job working for someone who cannot tolerate mistakes, that might be a pretty awful job, I think -- one not worth having.

More likely is that he expects a mistake or two from a trainee. A flawless performance is probably pretty rare, and it does not indicate a flawless candidate. My guess is that he's looking for other qualities in your presentation. Can you imagine what those qualities might be? Are they qualities that you are willing to generate for yourself? Is there someone who has already got the job who might be available for coaching you?

I'd like to suggest you shift your focus from what you don't want (not to get hired) to what you do want (what is it that you do want? More than just getting hired, I think, right? Like: excellence, or learning new skill, or having a breakthrough in communication?)

Shift your focus.

[ilrein]

Originally Posted by Swede

You could visualize the situation. Playing it like a video for you inner mind. Then you can 'experience' it before doing so in reality.

Solid suggestion, you should consider applying this one.

On the other hand,

there will be no answer here that will help you. Sorry =(

It took you many experiences to build up your beliefs to their present intensity, such as "I'm shy" which is reinforced everyday, by simply not being social. If you were REALLY serious about this, then you know that there is only one real way to overcome social anxiety. Talk to people. Talk to lots of people.

Say hi to the first person you see in the morning. Say hi to the first person you see on the street. Say hi to the person you sit beside on the bus/subway.

TALK TO PEOPLE! Make a GOAL. If you have say, a week before training, you can initiate conversation with at least 50 strangers by then. Think of what that will do for your shyness. Once again, if your SERIOUS about this, then stop asking HOW, and just TACKLE it.

[fastliketurtle]

Embrace the feeling of fear. Don't worry about eliminating it. When you are trying to get rid of it, you are giving energy to the feeling.

Fear is normal and natural when you are doing something you are not accustomed to doing. Work on being ok with the physical sensations of fear and just keep going. The more you speak in front of your boss and customers, the more natural it will become and the more the fear will subside.

Maybe you can picture it happening, and being ok with it

Talk to people. Talk to lots of people.

These are my favorite pieces of advise so far...

I think the key is going to be to "expect to suck" know that you will suck, embrace/accept/be ok with the fact that you will suck, now go out and practice sucking over and over and over... You'll find yourself sucking less and less after each attempt...

[Kura Ookami]

Look at the worst that can happen and the best that can happen. You'll find that you can handle whatever happens, but face your fears. If you face your fears they lose a lot of their power over you.

What's the worst that can happen? Some ideas. Your boss could absolutely hate your presentation and make fun of you in front of all your colleages(sp?) because your presentation was just that terrible. Additionally your boss could fire you so you won't get a second chance to do better next time.

Now what's the best that can happen? You could do a perfect presentation and your boss will praise you and you'll get a promotion because your presentation was just that good.