a difficult work colleague advice

[Carly]

Hi all,

I need some advice on how to deal with a difficult work colleague. He is of an older generation and I have tried persistently to show him respect however my patience is wearing thin and I am not sure how to handle him anymore. It has got to the stage where he is personally affecting my well-being and me.

I have recently started a new job and the main part of my role is to integrate this persons department into the company fold. I am very aware that he has grown this part of the company on his own (with one other individual who reports to him) and has made healthy profits, which deserves respect. He has also developed the current product range and built a small empire without major input or guidance. The down part is that he has pretty much been able to do what he likes without supervision for a long period of time.

I think the difficulty is we both come from different areas of expertise, my own is marketing and product management; to which I was employed to do. His area is I suppose technical however he thinks it is everything. This man is due to retire in around 2 years but I would like some advice on dealing with him now.

He is a very insecure man, unable to take any kind of suggestion from me at the time but in public he promotes my ideas as his own. He also persistently seems to think that we are playing a competitive game – he has to win at all costs in everything. My superiors have spoken to him (pre-Christmas) regarding his role – which is now only Salesman for the UK – but still he seems to want to control everything. To some extent I sometimes look at how he interacts with people and he is very superior and puts people down – like a bullying tactic…

I am not alone in the difficulty with dealing with him all of my colleagues seem to have the utmost respect for me with the way that I look to be coping...

Is there any way I can deal with this myself without involving my superiors again?

With many thanks in advance,
Caroline
:-)

[Annabelle]

Possibly he feels threatened by you. He is old, he´s going to retire soon, and here you come, young and fresh and smart. Of course he feels you are a menace. Hopefully, it will be possible to establish some sort of relationship with him in which he feels respected and valued, and then, maybe, things will improve. Or maybe he really is a jerk. Good luck.

[Carly]

Thank you Annabelle :-)

I do fear that I need all the luck I can get... haha :-)

I would like to be able to relate to him as I have tried everything I can think of thus resorting to advice :-)

Have a good evening!
Carly
:-)

[rawxstasy]

To some extent I sometimes look at how he interacts with people and he is very superior and puts people down – like a bullying tactic

He is insecure. So he tries to make himself feel superior in order to compensate.

If you haven't already done this, tell him you recognize and respect that he has done alot for the company. Then remind him of his role that was laid out by his supervisors and that it appears he is trying to continue in his old role.

Also I would bring up that you've noticed that he doesn't want to take your suggestions in private but you see him using your suggestions as his own ideas.

It seems he is used to making people feel "less than" and you need to call him on his behavior. Not easy. See him as a small frightened child - which by the way he is acting, he really is. Don't back down from him even if he tries to "escalate" by raising his voice etc. These are scare tactics. When you can say you have tried everything you possibly could - then go to your superiors again.

Hope this helps!

Carol