I am stuck

[Smarky]

I am stuck. I am confused about being stuck. I am frustrated with it, sometimes angry. It gets to the point I am confused about being confused.

My own personal development journey as driven me to the place I am now. Somewhat more wise and thoughtful but completely stuck. In some cases just completely helpless and hopeless.

I got to the point where I had lots of smart sounding advice and stuff to say to people. Everyone I knew swallowed it up, they loved it. Now i've moved past that. I've gotten bored of that. I don't even know what half of it means anymore, or the point of it is.

I've lost my ability to define things so much. I don't understand most people that are doing so. What is this? What is that? *shrugs* I don't know. It's just, 'this' and 'that'. Nothing else.

With it I just seem to be so overwhelmed and yet so blank that I've forgotten how to do stuff, some of the stuff I have achieved, if you asked me to do it now, I just couldn't do it. It would be a huge struggle. I don't have the focus. I don't know how to get things done, or get them done at a good level. I threat over them. And I can't figure out what is required to achieve it.

It's even gone to my relationships with people. I don't know what to say or to do. I go for days without speaking. I know it hurts people that are close to me, but I just don't know what I am meant to say or do or whatever. I just don't know what it all means, what it all counts for. What i should be doing.

I am totally sucking right now. I know this.

The things i say I want to achieve are just not happening, they are the same things I have wanted for the past couple of years. I don't know how to manage them. I don't know how to become the person I want to become, I don't know how to define that person correctly or even explain what I am trying to say right now.

I've 'worked' on this with most spare moments i've had, i've thought about it, i've written it down, i've read stuff for a large period of time. It's left me disillusioned.

I've written myself mission statements, manifestos, values, rules, guidelines, over and over, revising them, making them better sounding etc then I got to the point I read half of it recently and thought, hmm. It sounds good. I'm sure if i could be that, it would be nice. But reading it just makes me tired and i don't know how to constantly remind myself and focus on all this stuff, it's just a bunch of nice sounding theory. So I got rid of all of that.

But I am still stuck. It bothers me. I've always thought of a fancy new idea or system that I could use to drive me forward and be excited by that, no matter what. Now I just don't know. I have noticed I am sleeping a lot lately, just to make it all shut up and go away.

[stayfly]

Originally Posted by Smarky

I am stuck. I am confused about being stuck. I am frustrated with it, sometimes angry. It gets to the point I am confused about being confused.

My own personal development journey as driven me to the place I am now. Somewhat more wise and thoughtful but completely stuck. In some cases just completely helpless and hopeless.

I got to the point where I had lots of smart sounding advice and stuff to say to people. Everyone I knew swallowed it up, they loved it. Now i've moved past that. I've gotten bored of that. I don't even know what half of it means anymore, or the point of it is.

I've lost my ability to define things so much. I don't understand most people that are doing so. What is this? What is that? *shrugs* I don't know. It's just, 'this' and 'that'. Nothing else.

With it I just seem to be so overwhelmed and yet so blank that I've forgotten how to do stuff, some of the stuff I have achieved, if you asked me to do it now, I just couldn't do it. It would be a huge struggle. I don't have the focus. I don't know how to get things done, or get them done at a good level. I threat over them. And I can't figure out what is required to achieve it.

It's even gone to my relationships with people. I don't know what to say or to do. I go for days without speaking. I know it hurts people that are close to me, but I just don't know what I am meant to say or do or whatever. I just don't know what it all means, what it all counts for. What i should be doing.

I am totally sucking right now. I know this.

The things i say I want to achieve are just not happening, they are the same things I have wanted for the past couple of years. I don't know how to manage them. I don't know how to become the person I want to become, I don't know how to define that person correctly or even explain what I am trying to say right now.

I've 'worked' on this with most spare moments i've had, i've thought about it, i've written it down, i've read stuff for a large period of time. It's left me disillusioned.

I've written myself mission statements, manifestos, values, rules, guidelines, over and over, revising them, making them better sounding etc then I got to the point I read half of it recently and thought, hmm. It sounds good. I'm sure if i could be that, it would be nice. But reading it just makes me tired and i don't know how to constantly remind myself and focus on all this stuff, it's just a bunch of nice sounding theory. So I got rid of all of that.

But I am still stuck. It bothers me. I've always thought of a fancy new idea or system that I could use to drive me forward and be excited by that, no matter what. Now I just don't know. I have noticed I am sleeping a lot lately, just to make it all shut up and go away.

you're obviously frustrated right now

frustration is a signal that what you're currently doing isn't working

what you need to do is to try some new strategies

frustration can be exciting because it means you are just around the corner to success and all you need is an adjustment in your approach

what exactly are your main goals? what other emotions aren't being satisfied at the moment? post your responses here and I'll try and offer some helpful advice

[Smarky]

Originally Posted by stayfly

you're obviously frustrated right now

frustration is a signal that what you're currently doing isn't working

what you need to do is to try some new strategies

frustration can be exciting because it means you are just around the corner to success and all you need is an adjustment in your approach

what exactly are your main goals? what other emotions aren't being satisfied at the moment? post your responses here and I'll try and offer some helpful advice

Hmm I've always felt recently that i'm on some kinda x step program that I don't know what it is. But I'm at the point where right now, everything just feels hopeless, like the last step before things start really getting better. About a year and a half ago, I was at the step where everything started to fall away and everything was 'I don't know', which allowed me to build everything again from scratch.

What are my main goals? Hmm I don't define it exactly like that. I think the issue is deeper. There is like this place in my head and that is where I want to get to. It's a much more all round picture than a matter of simple goals and tasks.

But i should state that my ultimate goal is to create things, to be creative. To create really good stuff, I really want to focus my life around that. That creative process. I really wanna throw my whole life into that. Like that is what counts for me, or else it is just a waste of time. I have "Goal: Live happy, create insanely great things" scribbled down somewhere.

I also have this, which is something I have revised to this point, it's kinda a mission statement/purpose that really resonatates with me:

I create things.
I create insanely great things that express, enhance and explore our extraordinary human journey.

I do what makes me happy.
Pleasure is the guiding force in my life. I do the things that are most intreasting and fun to me.

I try to make the world better.
I want to add something to the world. Leave it somehow better than before I came.

To have it written down so clearly is still something that is new to me. I'm still getting integrating that into my life. But that in essence says what i've been trying to say for a long time.

i have a lot of different ideas, projects, tasks or I guess as you put it 'goals'

Those right now would range from getting more fit and healthy, working on a website with a friend, sorting out a better living environment, learning and becoming an awesome guitar player and furthering my design skills.

I have a lot of different things I want to do and achieve, although i've realized I can't do it all at once, so those would be the things I would deem as the start of the road, the next steps to the bigger stuff.

But right now i'm stuck with trying to figure out systems to do stuff, to manage everything, the right mindsets to be etc, where I need to get to enable all of this to happen. I don't wanna just leave it up to chance. I need that kind fire and that kinda idea that is gonna set it all a light!

[Smarky]

Also of note, I don't seem to have much clarity. At the moment I am seeing things from both sides and not being able to make the choice or the decision. I don't have that fire that knows exactly what I want and then to go get it. Because I'm just not clear on it enough.

With people, I keep a reasonable distance, because I'm worried about hurting them. I don't know how to deal with people, how they fit in with all of this and I really don't want to get them mixed up in it either!

[magi13]

Originally Posted by Smarky

I am stuck. I am confused about being stuck. I am frustrated with it, sometimes angry. It gets to the point I am confused about being confused.

My own personal development journey as driven me to the place I am now. Somewhat more wise and thoughtful but completely stuck. In some cases just completely helpless and hopeless.

I got to the point where I had lots of smart sounding advice and stuff to say to people. Everyone I knew swallowed it up, they loved it. Now i've moved past that. I've gotten bored of that. I don't even know what half of it means anymore, or the point of it is.

I've lost my ability to define things so much. I don't understand most people that are doing so. What is this? What is that? *shrugs* I don't know. It's just, 'this' and 'that'. Nothing else.

With it I just seem to be so overwhelmed and yet so blank that I've forgotten how to do stuff, some of the stuff I have achieved, if you asked me to do it now, I just couldn't do it. It would be a huge struggle. I don't have the focus. I don't know how to get things done, or get them done at a good level. I threat over them. And I can't figure out what is required to achieve it.

It's even gone to my relationships with people. I don't know what to say or to do. I go for days without speaking. I know it hurts people that are close to me, but I just don't know what I am meant to say or do or whatever. I just don't know what it all means, what it all counts for. What i should be doing.

I am totally sucking right now. I know this.

The things i say I want to achieve are just not happening, they are the same things I have wanted for the past couple of years. I don't know how to manage them. I don't know how to become the person I want to become, I don't know how to define that person correctly or even explain what I am trying to say right now.

I've 'worked' on this with most spare moments i've had, i've thought about it, i've written it down, i've read stuff for a large period of time. It's left me disillusioned.

I've written myself mission statements, manifestos, values, rules, guidelines, over and over, revising them, making them better sounding etc then I got to the point I read half of it recently and thought, hmm. It sounds good. I'm sure if i could be that, it would be nice. But reading it just makes me tired and i don't know how to constantly remind myself and focus on all this stuff, it's just a bunch of nice sounding theory. So I got rid of all of that.

But I am still stuck. It bothers me. I've always thought of a fancy new idea or system that I could use to drive me forward and be excited by that, no matter what. Now I just don't know. I have noticed I am sleeping a lot lately, just to make it all shut up and go away.

I know how you feel. I've been in that condition before.

Repeat this to yourself. Yes I can.

Think of a goal, just one. The steps to achieve that is you have to desire what you want to do, then search the method to apply it.

In all your actions practice consciousness. That's being observant and breath deep, slow and steady without making sounds.

Goal = Desire + Action*Focus

You can do it. ^^

[stayfly]

from your replies, what I'm sensing is that your frustration is being caused by fear. you know you want to achieve great things and to be happy however you are currently fearful to commit to the things that will satisfy this.

right now you are stuck. you want something but can't quite get yourself to move towards it. your frustration is screaming to you "what you are doing right now isn't working! please try something else!"

to overcome this fear, stop for a moment and evaluate if the fear is justified. you'll probably find that largely it is not justified however their may be some things that do need some additional research to reassure yourself that each project you are working on has a real chance of success.

once you have decided that your fear is laregly unjustified and not real, you should them commit 100% towards your projects and begin taking massive action towards completing them successfully.

by doing that, you will regain your confidence, overcome your fears and satisfy yours wants and needs reagrdless of the outcome of the projects.

commiting to and taking action towards your goals and desires tells yourself "I trust myself. I'm in charge of my life. I'm a good and worthwhile person"

I hope this helps. best of luck and let me know if you have any further questions or comments.

[Smarky]

Hmm sometimes I am sensing a fear perhaps too. To me hesitation is fear and I certainly hesitating a lot.

However I'm not really sure what this fear is, or what it would be?

I guess if you pushed me hard enough about it, I wouldn't have an exactly clear answer but I might say something like:

There are some people I look up too, I admire, I would like to be like them and they are doing the stuff I would like. But they just seem to be in a much better place than I am. When they say stuff, I'm like wow, they are right! I'm not so much like that. I need to find those things. The things that will seperate me or else i'm just me, normal. Not much of anything. I won't be able to create stuff like that. I am not deserving, because I don't know the right actions and the mindsets. I can work on stuff, but I need to know I am working on the RIGHt stuff. The stuff that will really make the difference.

That's really all I can say.

[stayfly]

it sounds to me like you at some level feel inadequte. this may be causing you to not commit to certain goals and projects and as your fear you might fail.

reframe your situation and realize that success and wisdom come from experience and learning from success AND failure

to overcome this, keep it simple, commit to a project and take action towards eachiving it. this will prove to yourself that you are worthwhile and any feeling of inadequecy will fall away. it will also provide valuable learning experiences that will serve you well.

[Smarky]

My biggest fear is simply to have done nothing good, to have meant nothing, made no difference at all.

I don't know, I guess I have taken some things a little too much, like too focused on wanting to do great things, instead of actually the thing that needs doing itself.

I don't know. I seem to be stalled with a lot of stuff, which really goes against who I am and the headspace I want to be in. Perhaps that is why I get frustrated.

I'm not really into the mainstream, I'm into Rock'n'roll and all that kinda stuff and this simply is not like that. I should just really have this big desire and just really go for it, no regrets, but instead I just don't know, I have no clairty, I don't understand stuff, so I stall.

I guess a lot of it is fear, but I don't really know how to deal with it, because it doesn't manifest itself in terms of 'i'm scared of this', it's not really that clear. It's more putting me in the state where I need to keep figuring stuff out cause I need the right way forward, i need to know what to do.

*sigh*

[ndpistonfan]

Smarky,

One of my best friends in life, Handsome Dan (that's his stage name), and you sounded very similar. Maybe there are parallels. I'll let you decide for yourself:

Handsome Dan and I moved to Nashville, TN from the Detroit area. Dan is a very talented musician. He's a combo of Bob Dylan, John Fogerty with a little soul thrown in. I call his music "countrified Soul". In the late 90's-early 00's as some of you may know, there were two huge acts that came out our area whom he knew, Eminem and The White Stripes. He would compare himself to them and feel lacking. Only 99.999995% percent of musicians out there could potentially feel this way. For months he despaired that he was only playing local coffeehouses and small venues, while they were playing to huge stadiums and famous venues. "You're not Eminem or Jack White, you're Handsome Dan!" I'd tell him. Finally he heard what I was saying to him and got out of his senseless funk. We moved to Nashville and, while he's not famous, he's having fun and getting his stuff out there.

I'm sure what you're going through is very real. We all question ourselves from time-to-time (I suspect it's related the constant negative pull of our society in general, but I digress). Please do yourself a service and quit comparing yourself to others. You are you. You are on your journey. You're doing the best you can with what you have. If not, explore why, like you're doing, and try to fix it (I suspect you're doing that too). For a minute I'll stop and wish I was Steve Pavlina with my blog, or to be ridiculous, Tony Robbins, motivating thousands of people at a live seminar. Well guess what, I'm Randy W. Hall. I'm getting better one day at a time. If you keep going, you will too! That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

[Smarky]

Originally Posted by ndpistonfan

Smarky,

One of my best friends in life, Handsome Dan (that's his stage name), and you sounded very similar. Maybe there are parallels. I'll let you decide for yourself:

Handsome Dan and I moved to Nashville, TN from the Detroit area. Dan is a very talented musician. He's a combo of Bob Dylan, John Fogerty with a little soul thrown in. I call his music "countrified Soul". In the late 90's-early 00's as some of you may know, there were two huge acts that came out our area whom he knew, Eminem and The White Stripes. He would compare himself to them and feel lacking. Only 99.999995% percent of musicians out there could potentially feel this way. For months he despaired that he was only playing local coffeehouses and small venues, while they were playing to huge stadiums and famous venues. "You're not Eminem or Jack White, you're Handsome Dan!" I'd tell him. Finally he heard what I was saying to him and got out of his senseless funk. We moved to Nashville and, while he's not famous, he's having fun and getting his stuff out there.

I'm sure what you're going through is very real. We all question ourselves from time-to-time (I suspect it's related the constant negative pull of our society in general, but I digress). Please do yourself a service and quit comparing yourself to others. You are you. You are on your journey. You're doing the best you can with what you have. If not, explore why, like you're doing, and try to fix it (I suspect you're doing that too). For a minute I'll stop and wish I was Steve Pavlina with my blog, or to be ridiculous, Tony Robbins, motivating thousands of people at a live seminar. Well guess what, I'm Randy W. Hall. I'm getting better one day at a time. If you keep going, you will too! That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Thank you.

I do just want to be me. I think I'm looking to judge myself by my own standards of being 'great', it doesn't have to be the million selling Rockstar.

I am not so much worried about what other people think about it, I want to create something that I know in my heart is great. I've had that desire since a young kid, watching Disney movies.

I admire these people and just wish I had there mindset and abilities, not to the point of being a copy, 100% want to do my own thing and not be exactly them. Just want to be better than this. And do better.

[The Cloud]

Reminds me of me . I think that you're stuck in your feelings. I bet that you're waiting to feel good or confident, or to come to some grand understanding, before you do anything. From my own experience, that just becomes a useless circle of wasted time.

Maybe you won't ever be happy. Maybe you'll never understand. Maybe you'll never feel good. Forget about all that crap. It's not important. You know what to do, so do it. Don't wait for useless feelings to make you feel good about it. Just do what you know that you're going to do.

I won't lie, it's gonna hurt. It will not feel like the butterflies and sunshine that you're waiting for right now. But it's better than being a slave to how you feel. Just accept that you're going to be stressed and afraid and in pain, and do it anyways. Feel bad because you screwed up? Who cares? Go ahead, feel bad, but don't let it stop you from moving on. It hurts, but I guarantee that it hurts a whole hell of a lot less than the broken cycle that you're riding right now.

[ndpistonfan]

Smarky,

I think I understand. I gotta ask: how old are you? The reason I ask is I'm 33 and have felt many of the feelings you are going through. Not exactly like you, because we're different in many ways, but similar. Great is subjective. I bet if you ask someone like Eddie Vedder if the albums that he's made with Pearl Jam that have sold 200,000 mean less to him than the ones that sold 10+ million he'd disagree, except in a monetary sense (He'll be able to live off of 'Ten', 'Vs.' and 'Vitalogy' for the rest of his life). Point being, when you're an artist, or a creator (writer is what I am), we all know when something resonates. If you keep chipping away at the stone the best way you know how, something great will happen. The funny thing about greatness is it usually comes when you are not consciously seeking it. It starts out as a small spark and eventually turns into a big flame. Just realize, this feeling of frustration, of being stuck, will pass. This too shall pass. And most importantly: KEEP GOING!

[magi13]

Originally Posted by ndpistonfan

Smarky,

I think I understand. I gotta ask: how old are you? The reason I ask is I'm 33 and have felt many of the feelings you are going through. Not exactly like you, because we're different in many ways, but similar. Great is subjective. I bet if you ask someone like Eddie Vedder if the albums that he's made with Pearl Jam that have sold 200,000 mean less to him than the ones that sold 10+ million he'd disagree, except in a monetary sense (He'll be able to live off of 'Ten', 'Vs.' and 'Vitalogy' for the rest of his life). Point being, when you're an artist, or a creator (writer is what I am), we all know when something resonates. If you keep chipping away at the stone the best way you know how, something great will happen. The funny thing about greatness is it usually comes when you are not consciously seeking it. It starts out as a small spark and eventually turns into a big flame. Just realize, this feeling of frustration, of being stuck, will pass. This too shall pass. And most importantly: KEEP GOING!

^,^ I so agree with this one.
Keep moving forward.

When scared, but you know it's the only way, try. Once that first step is taken, you'll realize it is not something to be feared. ^^

[Smarky]

Originally Posted by ndpistonfan

Smarky,

I think I understand. I gotta ask: how old are you?

I am 25

[magi13]

Originally Posted by Smarky

I am 25

Your older than I am. ^^,

Life is a cycle, you can control the result of that cycle. (chaos math)

result = a + b <-- this will always be cycling depending on a and b

now if you found what factors result to a + result you can always use the same factors in your life.

Result = desire (positive/ moving forward/ consciousness etc.) + action (method or technique you use to achieve things).

Try to figure those factors in your life and maximize them, if you find the factors you are currently using are the negative ones, replace them with a positive one.

The world is a series of events. ^^ They say it's impossible to predict the future, it's not. (that's why people don't do chaos mathematics because they are held back by their religion.)

[Smarky]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Reminds me of me . I think that you're stuck in your feelings. I bet that you're waiting to feel good or confident, or to come to some grand understanding, before you do anything. From my own experience, that just becomes a useless circle of wasted time.

Yea. I guess what I am waiting for is the understanding. So I can say, this is it, this is what i've got to do and then i can just go do that and keep doing that, knowing it's the thing i need to do that will get me to where i want to be!!

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Smarky

Yea. I guess what I am waiting for is the understanding. So I can say, this is it, this is what i've got to do and then i can just go do that and keep doing that, knowing it's the thing i need to do that will get me to where i want to be!!

what don't you understand? if you want to play music - guess what? you have to practice - a lot! creative pursuits in general work out with people who just create lots or material. not everything is a gem and they just keep outputting. there are not that many mysteries to what to do that you can't understand it. you are finding all these objections to exercise being a procrastinator. maybe you already know what the steps are, you have understanding but don't want to put in the work. 99% perspiration, you know? you seem to have this thinking that if you get the "right" mind set everything will be honky dory and require no work. You may be adverse to putting in the work because you can't find joy in doing what you know and understand are the requirements to production. you can't find the joy because you think work isn't needed for the goals. like you have a goal, see the work, don't like work and get confused. the work needs to be approached and there is a way to find joy in it - but only if you do it. there is no joy in not doing the work that it requires to achieve a goal. like if you are in a band and you don't learn songs - what kind of band would that be? once some songs are learned, the joy comes and then the connect to further learning as a joyful step can be there.

[Smarky]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

what don't you understand? if you want to play music - guess what? you have to practice - a lot! creative pursuits in general work out with people who just create lots or material. not everything is a gem and they just keep outputting. there are not that many mysteries to what to do that you can't understand it. you are finding all these objections to exercise being a procrastinator. maybe you already know what the steps are, you have understanding but don't want to put in the work. 99% perspiration, you know? you seem to have this thinking that if you get the "right" mind set everything will be honky dory and require no work. You may be adverse to putting in the work because you can't find joy in doing what you know and understand are the requirements to production. you can't find the joy because you think work isn't needed for the goals. like you have a goal, see the work, don't like work and get confused. the work needs to be approached and there is a way to find joy in it - but only if you do it. there is no joy in not doing the work that it requires to achieve a goal. like if you are in a band and you don't learn songs - what kind of band would that be? once some songs are learned, the joy comes and then the connect to further learning as a joyful step can be there.

Hmm I guess. A lot of the stuff I am doing, i'm prob doing completely the wrong way around. I'm trying to figure out the systems how to do it etc, without just actually doing it and letting the systems come from that. I'm trying to find the wisdom without doing the stuff that will allow me to gain the knowledge and my own understanding.

I'm going to have a little review of everything tonight, look at all the different things I want to do and figure out what I can do about it.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Smarky

Hmm I guess. A lot of the stuff I am doing, i'm prob doing completely the wrong way around. I'm trying to figure out the systems how to do it etc,

What are "systems" of how to do it? Are you maybe stuck in thinking there has to be a system to get something going?

without just actually doing it and letting the systems come from that. I'm trying to find the wisdom without doing the stuff that will allow me to gain the knowledge and my own understanding.

I'm not sure people do things knowing completely exactly all the knowledge and understanding needed to do things. Probably exactly the opposite is the case. Like if you were to learn a physical skill, like skiing - does one try to think it all out and then hit the slopes as an expert? no, they have to go out and point their skis down the mountain.

I'm going to have a little review of everything tonight, look at all the different things I want to do and figure out what I can do about it.

It's a nice problem to have too many interests. but also that can make one feel like there's too much and then go into overwhelm and ditch it all. divide and conquer. do not try to figure it out too much or you will spend your life planing what to do and not do anything.

life is what happens while you are making other plans.

[Smarky]

Originally Posted by wolfgang

What are "systems" of how to do it? Are you maybe stuck in thinking there has to be a system to get something going?

I'm not sure people do things knowing completely exactly all the knowledge and understanding needed to do things. Probably exactly the opposite is the case. Like if you were to learn a physical skill, like skiing - does one try to think it all out and then hit the slopes as an expert? no, they have to go out and point their skis down the mountain.

I guess I was doing fine until I discovered personal development and all the other stuff like it online. That was when I was at my best anyway, before all that.

But when I discovered it, I would listen to this stuff and be like, wow! that sounds good! it's right! and it would put me into thinking mode.

I guess I just heard all this stuff from all different sources it really put me into thinking mode rather than doing.

What I have been looking for are those cool things that those people where talking about, like I need to have that kinda thing for myself in order to do something worthwhile, to do anything good.

In fact I would listen to all the 'experts', read lots of articles and really looking for that tip, that thing they would say, so I could have it, so I could learn. then I can say, this is exactly the mindset I need and how I need to be. Then from there, all I would have to do is follow it and work my ass off and i would get there. But I never found that thing that quite satisfied it. That was clear enough. That I really could feel was right.

I've spent more time on that the last couple of years than any of the projects and things i want to achieve, eek! Although a lot of that thinking has at least given me some hard fought over ideas in my head. If i can turn all this into action, I'm sure I will still come out ahead, providing I put in a lot of work.

I guess that's also why I kinda feel like I don't know how to do anything good anymore. Because I don't have that answer. Because I believe that I need to have that answer in order for it to be so, rather than just doing it. I guess it's a trap I've gotten stuck in.

Perhaps partly out of fear, that I'm just not going to be able to pull it off on my own, that I'm not good enough. Perhaps maybe a bunch of other mental stuff going on too. I don't know, i'm kinda stuck in it, so it's hard to look at it from an outsiders perspective.

Speaking here, some things now make sense, I would always get frustrated why other people wouldn't understand. Like why they are saying 'why haven't you done it yet?', 'What systems? What things?', 'What are you spending all your time doing then if you haven't done it yet?'. Like what some people have posted in forums when I've mentioned this problem, often questions like 'Well what is it your trying to achieve?" because I hadn't set out specific things to them, because I felt that was beyond the point. I was looking for that 'thing'.

If I set out individual things that I want to achive, people would just be like, 'well do x', 'do y', what is the next step do that? What can you do tomorrow towards that? Do that! and to me that would just make me angry. WHY WHERE THEY NOT GETTING THE POINT!?

Anyway thank you for everyones clarity on the issue so far, when it's clear I didn't have any myself!

[stayfly]

if you're looking for a winning mindset, a snart thing you can do is model someone already receiving the results you desire in each area of your life.

i.e. for health, find someone (in person or books etc.) who has the level of health and fitness you desire and find out their thoughts, beliefs, and strategy in their area of expertise and replicate it.

that is basically what all personal development experts do anyway. they model other people (or in some cases themselves) and re present it to readers/listeners so they can understand it and (hopefully) achieve it.

you may want to look further into NLP which is basically all about studying and replicating excellence. Tony Robbins presents NLP very well in his books and they could really help you a lot. have you read/heard any of his stuff before? what other PD experts do you follow?

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Smarky

Yea. I guess what I am waiting for is the understanding. So I can say, this is it, this is what i've got to do and then i can just go do that and keep doing that, knowing it's the thing i need to do that will get me to where i want to be!!

But you already know what to do. What you want to do, what you think you should do, that is the right thing to do. The anxiety and fear and confusion you feel when you try doesn't make that any less true. Maybe you think that those are indicators of you being wrong. But I bet they aren't. I bet that, if you did what you know you want to do and ignored those feelings, you would know that you're doing the right thing.

[wolfgang]

Originally Posted by Smarky

I guess I was doing fine until I discovered personal development and all the other stuff like it online. That was when I was at my best anyway, before all that.

But when I discovered it, I would listen to this stuff and be like, wow! that sounds good! it's right! and it would put me into thinking mode.

maybe that's perfection thinking. that if PD tells you this is the best way to do it and if you can't figure out how that is, you don't think you are going to be successful.

I once had a book called: Amazon.com: Stop Improving Yourself and Start Living: Roberta Jean Bryant: Books that I then never read all the way through. being a self improvement junkie myself at times I've had to just stop doing all this stuff other people tell me makes things work right and go live some more.

What I have been looking for are those cool things that those people where talking about, like I need to have that kinda thing for myself in order to do something worthwhile, to do anything good.

In fact I would listen to all the 'experts', read lots of articles and really looking for that tip, that thing they would say, so I could have it, so I could learn. then I can say, this is exactly the mindset I need and how I need to be. Then from there, all I would have to do is follow it and work my ass off and i would get there. But I never found that thing that quite satisfied it. That was clear enough. That I really could feel was right.

I recall your earlier post says you don't want to just be like everyone else in the creative world - then trying to follow someone else's way might cause being like everyone else.

I've spent more time on that the last couple of years than any of the projects and things i want to achieve, eek! Although a lot of that thinking has at least given me some hard fought over ideas in my head. If i can turn all this into action, I'm sure I will still come out ahead, providing I put in a lot of work.

I guess that's also why I kinda feel like I don't know how to do anything good anymore. Because I don't have that answer. Because I believe that I need to have that answer in order for it to be so, rather than just doing it. I guess it's a trap I've gotten stuck in.

all the self improvement ideas are backfiring on you. They are telling you that you need this certain mind set to be effective and then you conclude you don't have this special mind set and therefore don't work out your goals. maybe.

Perhaps partly out of fear, that I'm just not going to be able to pull it off on my own, that I'm not good enough. Perhaps maybe a bunch of other mental stuff going on too. I don't know, i'm kinda stuck in it, so it's hard to look at it from an outsiders perspective.

well, to say you need to pull it off alone is the other extreme that is too difficult too, I think. mentors or looking for motivation from other's success is probably part of the equation. It may not be fear but holding a belief that it has to be done exactly right or don't do it at all.

Speaking here, some things now make sense, I would always get frustrated why other people wouldn't understand. Like why they are saying 'why haven't you done it yet?', 'What systems? What things?', 'What are you spending all your time doing then if you haven't done it yet?'. Like what some people have posted in forums when I've mentioned this problem, often questions like 'Well what is it your trying to achieve?" because I hadn't set out specific things to them, because I felt that was beyond the point. I was looking for that 'thing'.

If I set out individual things that I want to achive, people would just be like, 'well do x', 'do y', what is the next step do that? What can you do tomorrow towards that? Do that! and to me that would just make me angry. WHY WHERE THEY NOT GETTING THE POINT!?

Anyway thank you for everyones clarity on the issue so far, when it's clear I didn't have any myself!

It almost sounds like you just haven't decided what to go for. and the reason you haven't decided is because of all the PD stuff telling you it has to be done a certain way to be effective or you are worried about being effective or want to optimize what you set out to do, but then can't set a goal because you don't think you have the "system" to really do anything. something like that. I mean, it sounds like you know how to get things done - just now you haven't really decided what to do. and sometimes people don't have to really decide what to do, they can start doing things and adjust along the way. Like decide enough to start taking steps and then decide again in the middle of things if you want to keep going in that direction.

[Smarky]

Thank you WolfGang,

What I have decided to do is to commit to three major projects and commit to seeing them through, I have stuck them up on my wall. This way if i feel like 'i don't understand' or stuck, they are right there, what i have to do is those three things. My problem was never finding the next step to complete those things, my problem was looking for the answer!

Yesterday I had my most clear and productive day in what I can remember and I worked on my main project more than I have so far this year. So i was really happy with that. I think I shall leave the idea of 'personal development' a little for now and just focus on doing things. I think perhaps it has taken me as far as it can for now, the rest has to come from me.

I intend to spend plenty of time exploring myself and ideas, but not within the same framework as before.

[The Cloud]

Rock on.

[stayfly]

Originally Posted by Smarky

Thank you WolfGang,

What I have decided to do is to commit to three major projects and commit to seeing them through, I have stuck them up on my wall. This way if i feel like 'i don't understand' or stuck, they are right there, what i have to do is those three things. My problem was never finding the next step to complete those things, my problem was looking for the answer!

Yesterday I had my most clear and productive day in what I can remember and I worked on my main project more than I have so far this year. So i was really happy with that. I think I shall leave the idea of 'personal development' a little for now and just focus on doing things. I think perhaps it has taken me as far as it can for now, the rest has to come from me.

I intend to spend plenty of time exploring myself and ideas, but not within the same framework as before.

nice one

out of interest, what 3 projects did you commit to?

[jbsmith]

Great to see that you are now committed to projects because the first thing I thought of when reading your original post is that the wall that you were hitting for the last 1.5 years is how to take all of the knowledge about "What" you should be doing (setting goals, finding your values, staying motivated, be productive, etc...) and translating that into a "next-level-down" action plan that makes sense in your life.

In fact, this is where we all struggle the most...how do we translate lofty goals like "I want to leave this world better than it was before I got here..." or "I want to live in line with my creativity".

That still requires another level of analysis and action to FIND OUT what are our creative passions? It could be paintaing, animation (as Walt Disney), music, designing websites or graphic design, programming, etc....

When I help people to uncover the substantial THINGS that they should be focusing on for their lives to be in line with their values, beliefs and desires - I use meditation, introspection, some exercises to discover past activities that have brought that passion out in you AND action to test them ensuring you really are congruent with these actions.

This is what happened to me about 8-years ago when I gave up a very high 6-figure salary doing someting I was good at, but wasn't happy with for an alternate profession that led me into my own business.

I started with the creativity side, then figured out how can I make a living with this and finally moved to "how can I help other people realize their passion and let THEM make a living with it".

Yes, sometimes it's a long journey, but the rewards are sweet!

Jeff

[wolfgang]

nice to hear something has shifted for you, Smarky

[Smarky]

Hmm so i've come back to read this thread, because it is one of my favorites in terms of responses that i've had about 'issues'.

I'm totally back in that wrong headspace area. I was doing good, but then I had to stop for a few days cause I had to go to work. And now when finishing that and being back at home for a few days to do the stuff I find is important. I'm stuck again!

It doesn't help that I'm in a fairly dark place right now, I want to sleep a lot (and do!) and just kinda want to be shut way in my room and not bothered by anyone. I dunno. I just don't see the point for so much, I don't understand anything anymore, I am fairly blank with a lot of things, I care a lot less about stuff too.

Socially, well i'm not wanting to be social at all, I don't know what to say, what would the point be of anything I have to say anyway, or if I have anything of any worth to contribute. I mean, don't ask me, hellz if I know anything.

This dumbass machine, is annoying me, I'm not even sure how to break from it and be anything but another cog within it. Not even sure if that would have any value or matter in the end anyway. Perhaps the sooner dumbass humanity destroys itself, the better.

I just need to be somebody, sometimes, ya know? I have this blurry perception of how I want things to be, I don't know how to define it, because I don't know how to get there. I just want to be better than this, I want to be awesome, I want to do awesome things. Not all this nonsense. I don't know if I'm worth that though, cause I don't know how to be that or what it would take. Because despite all this personal development, nobody is teaching that, all they are teaching is a bunch of BS! Grrr.