How to stay confident?!

[pyrogen]

Hi folks.

Question for ya -

How can I stay confident when I have quirks that others are always pointing out to me?

I have an odd learning style, I am forgetful, and I have quirks that make me seem "ditzy" to a lot of people.

I would make a really good sitcom character - the minefield I navigate every day... even just getting into the car I'm likely to drop things, and opening my handbag, usually results in same handbag being dropped and things spilling out. I make people laugh, both with my sense of humor and with the fact that they laugh AT me! I deal with it by laughing at myself and having self-deprecating humor but the thing is, eventually "why are you ___ nobody else does that" wears on me.

I'm ok at athletic pursuits, go figure, it's in everyday life that I'm clumsy and awkward! I'm smart in school, it's trying to do everyday things that's a problem.

People usually comment things like, "That's strange", "That's really weird, nobody else does that, what's your problem". I come away feeling bad about myself, feeling dumb, et cetera.

These are unimportant quirks. They are things like, I work as a caregiver andＩget the "order" in which tasks are done, mixed up between my different clients. My clients always point out how odd this is. My partner gets frustrated with me when I am trying to help him with household repair, I seem to always mess up the instructions.

Also, in class when I ask questions, I get looked at like I'm stupid, and teachers tell me I ask stupid questions. Obviously I'm not a dummy because I'm an A/B student in these same classes.

I seem to have issues with skills on a practical level (having to do "practical" type tasks) but have been a wizard at brain-oriented jobs I've had. I'm also good when I have to take over a project and delegate stuff, be a leader, et cetera. And I do well at "smart" tasks that involve analysis.

Where I constantly get pointed out, is in everyday practical type of tasks. I tend to skip steps or miss things, or get things mixed up. It's not even important - life isn't going to rise and fall based on whether or not I am good at parallel parking or whether or not I remember Client A is dressed arms first and Client B is dressed head first.

The problem is, how do I stay confident about myself when people always point out my quirks?

How can I keep positively affirming myself when I get negative affirmations from other people all the time?

[The Cloud]

Don't worry about whether you're better or worse, and affirmations will cease to matter. The only way to escape from negative affirmations is to escape from positive ones as well.

[lifetimelearner]

screw them


I strongly believe we are all born with specific and unique DNA

so you and I may be horrible at parallel parking but we may be able to perceive that a bell is out of tune
it's like a sensitivity we have in perceiving reality

or we may be clumsy but highly intellectual


my own mother thinks she gave birth to an alien because I am so different from my sisters -and not in a good way in her eyes

when you relate your' story ' and find others like you (like me)
you will hopefully stop feeling bad about yourself

and some teachers are just idiots on an ego trip

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

The problem is, how do I stay confident about myself when people always point out my quirks?

How can I keep positively affirming myself when I get negative affirmations from other people all the time?

Maybe you're just wired a little differently. There's nothing wrong with that. Just accept that about yourself and carry on. Don't make a big deal about it and others probably won't either. They say Einstein couldn't make change when he got on the bus. He was so used to dealing with complex problems that he couldn't get the simple stuff. In fact, they thought he was mentally slow when he was young.

[David365]

Self confidence is variable. A highly talented sports person (or team) can show a lack of confidence after a string of poor performances. However, from what you have said it appears your problem is more a lack of self esteem, undermined by the negativity of those around you.

In British Universities they seem very quick to offer psychological type tests to help identify students who have learning/developmental difficulties that are holding them back. To our surprise (and hers) our eldest daughter was diagnosed as dyslexic at University; likewise someone I interviewed (and appointed) this week. We have a friend whose child's dyspraxia is marked by clumsiness.

If you are able to access help to see if there is any reason behind your problems, knowing why can help you understand and its an easier way of confronting others prejudice. However, even if you cannot go this route or its unproductive, its important you learn to accept yourself, to love yourself as you are.

If you were confined to a wheelchair or only 4 foot in height, there would be restrictions on what you could do. But people wouldn't laugh at you in this derogatory (it sounds) way. And if they did laugh at you, you wouldn't think it funny.

Use your own positive affirmations to remind yourself of what you can do, what you are good at. I'm sure there are many things you can do better than me, and vice versa - we all have strengths. If you must dwell on weaknesses, work out how you can use them to your advantage.

The bottom line is, does it matter what you look like? As I describe in this post, there are some things we have to learn to live with and accept as part of ourselves. If people laugh or question your "quirkiness", tell them its as much you as your gender, height or hair/skin color - would they question that?

[SimonaRich]

If you keep thinking about yourself this way, than you will keep being this way.You should change your thinking to a more positive one. This will diminish the negative self talk and eventually it will dissapear. Then you will gain self-confidence.

[Jarrod]

Confidence is more a matter of accepting yourself and being happy with who you are. If you can do that you need not worry about what others think. And you should stop worrying about things you 'might' do wrong.

Everybody has different abilities, just relax throughout your day. A busy mind is more than enough to cause fumbles and errors in mundane. Feel the task at hand.

Oh and smile

[David365]

Just read this quote that summarizes my post above:-

“Its not what happens to us that counts, its how we respond.” — Unknown

[sk8joyful]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

The only way to escape from negative affirmations
is to escape from positive ones as well.

You wrote an entire thread, afraid of "connecting" - but
yet you're dispensing advice to other people.

[sk8joyful]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

Hi folks.

I'm ok at athletic pursuits, go figure, it's in everyday life that I'm clumsy and awkward! I'm smart in school.

People usually comment things like, "That's strange",
"That's really weird, nobody else does that, what's your problem".
I come away feeling bad about myself, feeling dumb, et cetera.

But have been a wizard at brain-oriented jobs I've had.
I'm also good when I have to take over a project and delegate stuff, be a leader, et cetera.
And I do well at "smart" tasks that involve analysis.
The problem is, how do I stay confident about myself when people always point out my quirks?

How can I keep positively affirming myself when I get negative affirmations from other people all the time?

No matter how many fools put you down, Always believe in yourself GOD sure does!

Have you explored additional... Career-opportunities?

You might also wanna explore other friends, who DO Appreciate... your talents & skills...

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by sk8joyful

You wrote an entire thread, afraid of "connecting" - but
yet you're dispensing advice to other people.

Words aren't bullets. If I'm wrong, then I'll either be ignored or pyrogen will learn a valuable lesson.

[bbdream8]

I believe it is down to a matter of insecurity and confidence. Keep a journal and record down your success and refer to it consistently, that will help to remind yourself that you are great and also build up your self esteem. I wrote an article on dealing with insecurity, hope it helps.

Dealing with insecurity

Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger

[magi13]

Originally Posted by bbdream8

I believe it is down to a matter of insecurity and confidence. Keep a journal and record down your success and refer to it consistently, that will help to remind yourself that you are great and also build up your self esteem. I wrote an article on dealing with insecurity, hope it helps.

Dealing with insecurity

Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger

Sweet, I really like this idea. Keeping a constant reminder of your achievement can really boost you up.

^,^

[Ralph]

In order to stay confident you need to stop beating yourself up internally for the mistakes. You got to start to truly believe in the bottom of your heart that it is OK to be who you are. Other people around you will pick up on that belief and follow


Ask yourself - what does it take for you to beat yourself up? What are the rules you set for yourself? Identify them and write them down.

That's right! You CREATED those rules. If you wanted it bad enough, you could change them. Write down new rules for what would it take for you to beat yourself up, admit that you made the mistake and that it sucks.

Got it? Last step - get leverage on yourself. Think of all the negative feelings you get from following your current set of rules. Think of all the positive states you would experience by following your new set, in which it is virtually impossible for you to feel bad and awkward about the mistakes you make.


Perhaps beating yourself up isn't the core problem, but now that you recognize the pattern, you can apply it to any cause of problem, you know best what it is!

[jbsmith]

Congratulations! You are different...have you ever thought that perhaps YOU are the special one and everyone else who mocks you or critisizes you is actually AFRAID that you are better than them? That their self-confidence is likely just as fragile - or even more so - that's why they must critisize others, to make themselves feel superior?

Research some of the most successful people of all-time and you'll notice they were also different, quirky - marching to the tune of a different drummer.

Work on being YOU - the more true you are to the real you, the happier and more effective you will be in life.

The more you try to be someone you are not - to satisfy those around you, the worse you will feel and the less you will accomplish.

Jeff

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by jbsmith

The more you try to be someone you are not - to satisfy those around you, the worse you will feel and the less you will accomplish.

Jeff

exactly -it's wasted time and energy !!!

trust me there are people that will like you for you -it's a big world

[thirial]

in the presence of self esteem these quirks that make you feel insecure become endearing eccentricities that people know and love about you.

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by thirial

in the presence of self esteem these quirks that make you feel insecure become endearing eccentricities that people know and love about you.

good point

[sk8joyful]

Originally Posted by magi13

Sweet, I really like this idea.
Keeping a constant reminder of your achievements can really boost you up.

Another booster is rehearsing successful mind-states...
like:
Full as in thankful , peaceful, joyful, thoughtful, beautiful, careful, changeful, cheerful, colorful, delightful, faithful, fruitful, healthful, helpful, hopeful, meaningful, playful, purposeful, resourceful, respectful & soulful; & also
less as in sometimes companionless, harmless, & ageless...

The more we practice these, the more we will feel good & self-confident...

[pyrogen]

Originally Posted by magi13

Sweet, I really like this idea. Keeping a constant reminder of your achievement can really boost you up.

^,^

Thanks, to you and everyone else - reminding myself of the "big things" I get right helps me feel better about all the little stuff. That I do so well in my classes, am such a good delegater/organizer/manager of others, take over on things so well and get them done, and am creative, and seem to be able to pick up physical things I set out to do. Reminding self of that helps me feel better about all the "little stuff" I flub all day long (leaving the house w/o keys, parallel parking, being clumsy, etc).

Question I have though - how come I am really clumsy in day to day movement, hurt myself all the time and feel like I'm not connected with my body all the time. But when I'm running/swimming/playing sports with people I am NOT clumsy?
Why is this? It's weird.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Originally Posted by sk8joyful

You wrote an entire thread, afraid of "connecting" - but
yet you're dispensing advice to other people.

Not that he needs me at his defense since he's unruffled in true Cloud fashion, but The Cloud is a long time contributor who has helped me personally as I am sure he's done for others and who's perspective I even look for on a lot of the posts here. If only those who had everything figured out could post, then none of us would be here.

@Pyrogen - I am not sure if I have any mind-blowing advice for you, but what I've been doing lately in situations where I'm trying to improve is ask myself a simple question: "How would a person act in this situation." So, you could ask yourself how a self-confident person would act, respond, go through life and then you take on doing as much of it as you can. I find it appaling that teachers have told you you ask stupid questions!

Good luck.

PS I'm clumsy in the mundane, but do well at sports as well. I wonder if different parts of the brain....ah I don't know...

[David365]

pyrogen - this doesn't answer all the points you raised, but you may find this article interesting.

[mulbrich]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

People usually comment things like, "That's strange", "That's really weird, nobody else does that, what's your problem". I come away feeling bad about myself, feeling dumb, et cetera.

These people that your around sound like they don't know how to accept you for who you are and you should distance yourself from them. If a friend asked me those questions I'd want to reevaluate our relationship.

Originally Posted by pyrogen

Also, in class when I ask questions, I get looked at like I'm stupid, and teachers tell me I ask stupid questions. Obviously I'm not a dummy because I'm an A/B student in these same classes.

Questions are good to ask no matter how *stupid* they are. I've never personally had a teacher that told me this, usually teachers say to ask any questions, no matter how stupid they may seem. I don't think I could respect a teacher who would say I asked stupid questions!

[fionamydear]

*according to body language experts ,our body language communicates conveys non verbal messages to people so work on your body language.
*according to a study if we act like something that is not true initially will turn to be real afterwards ex if u are extremely upset but u act u r feeling very good and smile gradually u feel high,
so if u feel u r not confident just behave that u r confident for weeks ,for few months , "say to urself iam confident now a days".
*u told u r very good when it comes to brainy work so pour some light on that ,u r the real genius then , people who look confident are most of the time blank heads .
*dont make a list of all those bad experiences ,and keep that history record with u ,just throw it out of ur mind.
*may be with whom u had bad experiences lack patience and may be they are short tempered ,its their problem not urs .......

[hearfromnowhere]

People who are afraid of their own quirks will make stupid comments to someone who is trying to be genuine. It's unfortunate but it happens. People pick on me at work for my accent and other things. It is annoying and has worked against my confidence from time to time. In the past if it has gotten too bad I have simply asked those people to stop saying crap like that to me.

It very well can destroy ones confidence to have people say negative things about you.

As for me, If I'm tired of someone razzing me about something I usually turn the table and give them a little dose of their own medicine.

Your clumsiness could be caused by your own frustration as to how you see yourself. I hope you can feel connected to yourself because at the end of the day only you know who you are as only I know who I am.

Confidence is knowing who you are. Next time someone speaks negatively toward you just look at them and know you are better and you don't care what they say. When it gets to you try to find some time to yourself and relax and spend time away from those people. If you have to be around them judge them as they judge you. I'm not saying be rude but don't be afraid to stand your ground. So many people mistake patience for weakness. That's something I never understand. Anyhow, Be well!

[fionamydear]

well said hearfromnowhere,
u also judge them proygen.......

[MattKing]

I get the same quite a lot. People i don't even hardly know or have spoke to might point out about "how one eye is looking there, and the other one is in a different direction" or even if it's something like a pimple on me. It's stupid and petty things most of the time but personally, i just put it down to their own insecurities and completely ignore it.

If you feel strong positive beliefs deep down about yourself, you won't care about the irrelevant things

[ssandra]

Don´t worry about the questions that other people think are stupid.

It just means that they were not thinking about it and they would not have thought about thinking about it. Who makes that stupid? You or them??


Maybe the sport and normal things have to do with over analysing things? When you are doing day to day things you let yourself overanalyse things and it gets to complicated and you miss steps or mess up.

When you are doing sports, your whole being is concentrated on that sport, on doing it right and you are analysing how to do it better/faster etc. Therefore you are good at that.

[simonsta]

I wonder if you believe what's being said by your critics? If you had dismissed them outright and didn't believe it, their comments wouldn't damage your confidence.

Either find a way to reassure yourself that they're wrong...

... or accept what's said and learn - you can either change/improve, or if it's confidence that you need, then identify other strengths of yours and build on those!

Build on strengths. Work around weaknesses.

[Bigpicture]

The best way to live is not to compare yourself to others, be yourself. Strive to be the best that you can be, and what you consider is the best.

You can take what other people say, and you decide what to do with what they have said: take note, bin in, use it as feedback, ignore it. The point is you decide.