best way to pick one path in life?

[Colin Pedicini]

I've been wondering about this a lot lately. I just posted lengthy thoughts about it. It covers relations, social life, academic life, work life, you name it:

http://pgi2009.bloggoing.com/2007/01/04/life-update/

[bollenbach]

Hey, I threw my thoughts into a comment on your page hope you enjoy!

[Conan Stevens]

I'd be nice if you put some of it here

[Colin Pedicini]

The status quo is very rigid…do not plan anything…and despite everyone’s intentions to get to know others better, no such plan can ever be made; it’s almost as if you’re expected to randomly meet at regular intervals. And exactly how is that done? I still tend to live a fairly structured life, although I’ve learned to be more flexible. I don’t mind folks saying they’re busy; it’s when this consistently happens but the next day they have time for relationships, parties, you name it, that I wonder.

I no longer consider myself an introvert. This is not too surprising to anyone who met me after about June ‘06 but may stun anyone who knew me for a significant period of time before that. I get plenty of time alone partly because of my preferences and my classes, also since I find it hard to have a conversation…hence needing to talk more.

New Year’s Resolution: Try and deepen some of the connections I have. All the groups I’m in have little relation to one another so I barely know anybody in more than one context. This is why the time commitments frustrate me–most cases, people always say they’re interested, then don’t follow through…and then they say, “I know” when I express a deeper level of interest. I know that they know and would feel a lot better if they actually followed through. There are some people whom I met the first day that I didn’t see again for thirteen weeks…and they still expected at the second interaction to pick up as if it were yesterday. I’m trying to get connections on a deeper level than shallow surface conversations.

Now you know why those that *DO* follow through earn a lot of brownie points with me almost immediately. (I’ve learned to trust easier.) I consider loyalty a paramount issue.

As far as academics go, that’s another area where things get interesting. I’ve been asked a lot recently whether or not I’d come to any conclusions on the math. After this spring (2007) I’d still be 32 credits shy of the major…so if I stuck with two majors I’d be looking at five years and some summer work–and the more I look at that the more it doesn’t seem attractive, so I’m leaning at dropping the math to a minor whilst keeping the history as it is.

I feel as though I’m being pulled toward math, history, law, and the ministry, all at the same time. I know full well I can’t pursue all four at once…likely two at most while keeping #3 in a very secondary position. At this point it looks like (for my sanity) I’ll keep the history major and drop the math to a minor. As for the ministry, I hadn’t expected it to take off quite like it did. Nor did I anticipate growing support should I choose that as a career…as far as the (forthcoming, I hope) NiteLife speech is concerned, there’s a lot of interest.

I wrote about future directions for that line of work Christmas Day 2006.

All of the above has me afraid of one thing: No one expressing interest coupled with minimal job prospects has me afraid I’ll be spending six (maybe seven?) of seven nights a week this spring trying to find new and innovative ways to occupy my time. I’ve been doing that since ‘96, though, with my previous introversion. I have no desire to fgo through that again, either. I’ve already started praying.

Relationally: things are all over the map. I don’t relate very well to most single guy things (aka parties and watching football) but since as of now I am still officially single I don’t relate all that well to couple-type activities, either. One thing I’ve noticed: I can tell who is in a relationship simply by the level of interaction–in most cases couples completely isolate themselves from the rest of the world. Most relationships I’ve seen do not follow the traditional dating pattern…friends first, then group activities, then one-on-one dates, then romance. I’ve noted that most people, if asked point-blank, “Are you dating X?” will respond that they are not–even if it is factually not true–probably to create the perception they are still available. (The couple will act like they are a couple towards each other in private but not in public. You wouldn’t know someone was dating unless a) they put it online or b) you overheard it in a group conversation while eating.) The prevailing view is to hold off commitment as long as possible. I’m not sure why someone would do that–especially if things are going well.

[January 4, 18:21 insertion] As far as the bureaucracy is concerned…things are not going well. A number of occurences led to the complete disaster that is campus mail services. Don’t get me started trying to ask for help when needed even on the most mundane issues. And it seems that the powers that be have no interest in helping customers. [end insertion]

**It is because of the above that Colin with today’s values at the beginning of ‘07 looks at Colin in April 2005 and wonders, “New Mexico State ended up as your #1 pick how?” If I had to pick today I’d probably end up at a Christian institution. I’m serious.

As of this moment it is no longer certain I will remain at NMSU all the way through May 2009.

The ever-increasing frequency of people who think I’m 26 and working on a master’s also has me wondering if I’m a good fit.