AHA! That's what authority means...

[Erinn]

I hate the phrase an "Aha! moments." But I've finally figured it out. Authority means I make my own decisions. I don't have to follow the crowd. I don't have to make the same decisions my predecessors made. "w00t!" I say. Why not? WHY NOT!, change it up? Who is going to stop me? Not me, anymore!

I've been reading Steve and Erin's blogs since Steve began the raw food diet last January. I've read their articles. I've read the forums. I've even read Steve's book. And finally, tonight as I finished the last page of "Personal Development for Smart People," I understand what Authority means. I mean really understand, not just think I understand. Finally.

I just had to tell someone.

[RT Wolf]

Cheers! Good on ya!

[ggwbach]

self-empowerment is the way.

[Chris Cade]

The real challenge is applying this to your life. When you not only think and feel with authority, but your actions exude authority... your life and the lives of those around you change considerably.

Some people in my life have not liked my sense of authority. It indirectly threatens their own illusion / false sense of authority.

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by Erinn

I hate the phrase an "Aha! moments." But I've finally figured it out. Authority means I make my own decisions. I don't have to follow the crowd. I don't have to make the same decisions my predecessors made. "w00t!" I say. Why not? WHY NOT!, change it up? Who is going to stop me? Not me, anymore!

I've been reading Steve and Erin's blogs since Steve began the raw food diet last January. I've read their articles. I've read the forums. I've even read Steve's book. And finally, tonight as I finished the last page of "Personal Development for Smart People," I understand what Authority means. I mean really understand, not just think I understand. Finally.

I just had to tell someone.

sounds good to me

[Savage]

Awesome!

Of course it's not just about making your own decisions, but also dealing with other people's resistance as you go about implementing your plans.

Dealing with that resistance makes you stronger in the long run, just like resistance training with physical weights. This increases your personal authority over time, so you gradually become the author of the life you want. Depending on the circumstances, it may also build your courage.

For example, by sharing our polyamorous journey publicly, Erin and I are obviously meeting with lots of resistance. As we work through that resistance, we become stronger in our ability to author our lives together, and we polish our decision too because the resistance helps us drop any parts that may not be as authentic as they could be.

So when you start to exercise your authority, don't be afraid of resistance from others because it's actually a good thing. It's there to help you grow stronger.

[bbdream8]

Resistance definitely help us to grow because something in life is nudging us and telling us to take note.

Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger

[Chris Cade]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

we polish our decision too because the resistance helps us drop any parts that may not be as authentic as they could be.

This is worth of entire posts, book chapters, etc on its own. It's easy to fall into a mindset that a sense of authority means we actually know what the heck we're doing all the time. But it doesn't.

Authority just means we take ownership of our life and our decisions. Sometimes, we make poor decisions... sometimes we have incomplete facts - and the resistance others have is sometimes an illumination into those incomplete facts or poor decisions. So in that case, being an authority also means considering that resistance as potentially helpful, and ultimately deciding whether or not to integrate new awareness (based on insights gained from that resistance).

Personal development truly is fascinating because of how everything is so interrelated. It's very easy to become strong in one area, and yet a weakness in another area ends up overshadowing our strengths in ways we can't even anticipate.

But the combination of authenticity and authority really helps see through those things to discover the truth.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by Chris Cade

This is worth of entire posts, book chapters, etc on its own. It's easy to fall into a mindset that a sense of authority means we actually know what the heck we're doing all the time. But it doesn't.

Authority just means we take ownership of our life and our decisions. Sometimes, we make poor decisions... sometimes we have incomplete facts - and the resistance others have is sometimes an illumination into those incomplete facts or poor decisions. So in that case, being an authority also means considering that resistance as potentially helpful, and ultimately deciding whether or not to integrate new awareness (based on insights gained from that resistance).

Personal development truly is fascinating because of how everything is so interrelated. It's very easy to become strong in one area, and yet a weakness in another area ends up overshadowing our strengths in ways we can't even anticipate.

But the combination of authenticity and authority really helps see through those things to discover the truth.

Consider all the feedback Erin and I have been getting about polyamory lately.

When people share resources with us, it gives us more leads to follow. This helps us further develop our authority in this area. For example, people suggest books written by authorities in this field. We can read them and increase our knowledge (alignment with Truth). When we get five people recommending the same book, that's a strong lead. By inviting others to help us, we can calibrate more quickly. We also make new friends who understand what we're going through, which increases our alignment with Love.

Second, experienced polyamorists share advice and encouragement. This helps motivate us to try certain ideas. By taking action we increase our alignment with Power.

Third, when we get negative feedback or constructive criticism, Erin and I can use that to hone our thinking. We might look at a piece of feedback and just roll our eyes -- the person is going off on a diatribe that has little to do with the reality of our situation, or they're just taking stabs in the dark that aren't accurate. Or we might see some feedback that hits on something we hadn't consciously considered. Then Erin and I can talk through it and see if it's an issue for us and decide how to deal with it. This process also increases our authority, bringing us into better alignment with Truth and Power.

When people can't handle our decision and make personal attacks on us, we do our best to simply forgive. This increases our alignment with Oneness. Also, knowing in advance that we're going to be criticized and personally attacked for our choices -- and being able to move forward anyway -- increases our alignment with Courage. The more people attack us, the stronger we become and the greater our capacity grows to forgive and to love and care about people unconditionally.

At the same time, we can respond to some feedback to help other people increase their alignment with Truth, Love, and Power. An encouraging nudge here, a clarification there, a challenge over here. We can plant seeds in people's minds that may not sprout right away, sometimes not for years, but at least the seeds are there and will grow in their own time.

As you can see, this is a very positive process if you guide it consciously.

This is partly why Erin and I can make a public announcement like this, knowing we're going to take flak for it. Far more good than harm comes out of it.

[Majesticzero]

I currently 'think' what Authority means. I haven't got that 'Aha' moment yet but who knows it'll come.

I always try to make my own decisions, regarding what people think about me. But when I make a decision and people make personal attacks on me, I try to convince them of my decision. This leads to just ignoring them often because they don't 'understand' it. Or maybe I just give up to easily.

How do you react when people make personal attacks you?

[Savage]

Originally Posted by Majesticzero

I currently 'think' what Authority means. I haven't got that 'Aha' moment yet but who knows it'll come.

I always try to make my own decisions, regarding what people think about me. But when I make a decision and people make personal attacks on me, I try to convince them of my decision. This leads to just ignoring them often because they don't 'understand' it. Or maybe I just give up to easily.

How do you react when people make personal attacks you?

Personal attacks are reactions that are out of alignment with the principles Truth, Love, and Power.

Personal attacks normally arise (in my life) because I've revealed something that's a problematic issue for the other person, and s/he isn't ready to deal with it yet. I've helped increase their alignment with Truth (at least temporarily), but they don't have the commensurate Power, Courage, and Authority to accept and act on that new Truth. Consequently, they attack me as the messenger as a way of disproving this truth to themselves, so they can feel more comfortable with their current level of Power, Courage, and Authority.

In effect, personal attacks are a lazy response. If you can attack Truth, then you don't have to go the more difficult, but infinitely more rewarding route of developing your Power, Courage, and Authority.

In such cases, I don't back off because that isn't what the person needs. They don't need to disconnect from me and turn away from Truth. Instead, they need to build their Power to be able to handle that new truth. They may also need to build new connections with people to increase their alignment with Love.

Even when people make personal attacks on me, I still care about them. I think about how I can keep nudging them into greater alignment with Truth, Love, and Power. Sometimes I have to play around a bit because different people respond in different ways. Some people actually respond well to gentle teasing/ribbing. Others need a more compassionate response. Basically I try to get the person past the initial attack and to encourage them to see where it's really coming from.

Personal attacks are never personal. They have nothing to do with me. They're simply the person's way of working through their issues.

So there's no need for me to defend myself because I'm not really being attacked. If I don't receive harsh words as some form of attack, then I don't feel defensive. This gives me the freedom to choose an appropriate response (or none at all) to help the other person continue working through their growth challenges.

If I say something that people know and accept is utter nonsense, they don't bother making personal attacks. They simply ignore or dismiss my statements. They know I'm wrong and that's enough. It's only when I'm hitting on some Truth that they feel the need to attack me personally at times because it's a Truth they're unready to face.

Due to the nature of my work, I'll always have to deal with personal attacks. And that's okay. It means that people are working through their issues. It also means I'm being effective at helping people become more conscious.

[Majesticzero]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

Personal attacks are reactions that are out of alignment with the principles Truth, Love, and Power.

Personal attacks normally arise (in my life) because I've revealed something that's a problematic issue for the other person, and s/he isn't ready to deal with it yet. I've helped increase their alignment with Truth (at least temporarily), but they don't have the commensurate Power, Courage, and Authority to accept and act on that new Truth. Consequently, they attack me as the messenger as a way of disproving this truth to themselves, so they can feel more comfortable with their current level of Power, Courage, and Authority.

In effect, personal attacks are a lazy response. If you can attack Truth, then you don't have to go the more difficult, but infinitely more rewarding route of developing your Power, Courage, and Authority.

In such cases, I don't back off because that isn't what the person needs. They don't need to disconnect from me and turn away from Truth. Instead, they need to build their Power to be able to handle that new truth. They may also need to build new connections with people to increase their alignment with Love.

Even when people make personal attacks on me, I still care about them. I think about how I can keep nudging them into greater alignment with Truth, Love, and Power. Sometimes I have to play around a bit because different people respond in different ways. Some people actually respond well to gentle teasing/ribbing. Others need a more compassionate response. Basically I try to get the person past the initial attack and to encourage them to see where it's really coming from.

Personal attacks are never personal. They have nothing to do with me. They're simply the person's way of working through their issues.

So there's no need for me to defend myself because I'm not really being attacked. If I don't receive harsh words as some form of attack, then I don't feel defensive. This gives me the freedom to choose an appropriate response (or none at all) to help the other person continue working through their growth challenges.

If I say something that people know and accept is utter nonsense, they don't bother making personal attacks. They simply ignore or dismiss my statements. They know I'm wrong and that's enough. It's only when I'm hitting on some Truth that they feel the need to attack me personally at times because it's a Truth they're unready to face.

Due to the nature of my work, I'll always have to deal with personal attacks. And that's okay. It means that people are working through their issues. It also means I'm being effective at helping people become more conscious.

This really gives me a different look on 'personal' attacks. I've never thought about it this way. This is probably because I thought about those attacks as personal and I disliked them because they gave me a negative/painfull feeling.

Why this feeling? Because I always get a feeling of doubt. I always thought: "If someone attacks me that must mean that I've made the wrong decision".

This really started me thinking, and already made a lot clear. Thank you very much Steve!


P.S. Do you have an article about this already? I think there are a lot of people who will find this very interesting.

[Savage]

Originally Posted by Majesticzero

P.S. Do you have an article about this already? I think there are a lot of people who will find this very interesting.

You read my mind. I also thought this would make a good article topic because it's an issue for many people. Look for one soon.

[Erinn]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

Personal attacks are never personal. They have nothing to do with me. They're simply the person's way of working through their issues.

This feels true to me, like something I've always known, but never found articulated in words or writing. I'm looking forward to your article on the topic.

Strangely enough, I had just apologized to my husband on New Year's Eve for getting upset when he had close relationships with single women. I used your chapter on relationships as a lead in to that conversation. I even quoted your line that went something like "it's not a commitment, it's a cage."

Then I read your polyamory post that night after the ball had dropped. I wasn't surprised by the idea, but I wasn't ready to accept it until I had heard what Erin had to say. I understand now that you both made the decision and though I'm not ready to adopt that lifestyle myself, I am curious to hear about your experiences.

Good luck! You and Erin are truly making a difference in peoples' lives. This is sure to be a fascinating year!