Fantasy Addiction

[pyrogen]

I've seen surprisingly little writing on this subject, so thought I'd bring it up...

I'm a recovering fantasy addict. I say "recovering" because even though fantasy-related stuff comprises very little of my life at this point, it's easy to get sucked back in whenever I get back with my "old crowd" of fellow fantasy addicts.

I used to spend a whole lot of time playing RPGs, and I was involved in the world of science fiction fandom. Still am to an extent - I'm still a Trekker, and still read s/f - but it isn't my whole life or even a quarter of my life.

One thing I found to be really destructive was that I could get into a space where most of my friends were centered around RPGs, most of our conversations were about RPG related stuff and our characters, and it became like we were gaming even when we weren't actively playing a game. Most of us were not very successful in any part of our lives and the activities we did just took up all of our energy, yet they became addictive and we couldn't quit. I'd think about my characters even when not in-game, and this would be most of what I thought about in my free time.
My mind would be focused on what amounted to mental masturbation even when with my partner or at a job. The friends I met through this were very negative forces, and more invested in fantasy than in personal growth/success.

For the first time I feel a lot of space from the addiction, but i'm aware I could always get sucked back in... when I meet old gaming friends invariably we start talking about our characters and I get triggered to obsess about my characters again.

Now I have a lot of mainstream things I do - exercise, dog-related stuff, the like... I write *fiction* but I'm able to find more balance with this, somehow writing a story/novel is a different mental process from gaming, and it has an eventual end point.

There's some extent to which I still feel different from the rest of society because of having *been* a fantasy addict... I don't know how I would ever explain my past to some people.

I wasted my teens, entire 20s and first part of my 30s being a fantasy addict.

[MagicalRealist]

Originally Posted by pyrogen

I've seen surprisingly little writing on this subject, so thought I'd bring it up...

I'm a recovering fantasy addict....I used to spend a whole lot of time playing RPGs, and I was involved in the world of science fiction fandom.

I went through a period of several years where I was heavily involved in various book and media fandoms before finally breaking away. I didn't play RPGs, but I know exactly what you're talking about.

Most of us were not very successful in any part of our lives and the activities we did just took up all of our energy, yet they became addictive and we couldn't quit....The friends I met through this were very negative forces, and more invested in fantasy than in personal growth/success.

Yes. I can think of a couple of people I knew who were genuinely successful in their jobs, but for the most part fandom was filled with very bright underachievers who used fandom as a substitute for the kinds of lives they longed to lead. I used it like that for a while--I fell into it during a period of great stress, when I didn't know what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go next. I could be "successful" in fandom; other people in it liked my work. But eventually I had to leave; it was a dead end down a dirt road as far as any sort of personal or professional growth was concerned.

For me, the moment of truth came after witnessing some stupid, petty behavior on the part of a fandom acquaintance, and then getting into an argument with someone who was defending it as perfectly okay. That's when I finally asked myself, "Why are you wasting your time, talent, and effort on these people? You know this is a waste of time; why are you still here?"

For the first time I feel a lot of space from the addiction, but i'm aware I could always get sucked back in... when I meet old gaming friends invariably we start talking about our characters and I get triggered to obsess about my characters again.

Keep replacing it with other activities and other friends that help you become who you really want to be. Let more and more time lapse between meeting up with your gaming friends. One day, you'll look at them and it will be like talking to aliens from another planet; you'll wonder how the hell you were ever friends with them in the first place. That's when you'll know you're finally over it. It takes time, but it will happen.

Now I have a lot of mainstream things I do - exercise, dog-related stuff, the like... I write *fiction* but I'm able to find more balance with this, somehow writing a story/novel is a different mental process from gaming, and it has an eventual end point.

Maybe because writing fiction is a solitary activity, that tou have to make yourself do, whereas RPGs are social and it's easy to just go along with other people? And yeah, having an end point no doubt helps, too.

There's some extent to which I still feel different from the rest of society because of having *been* a fantasy addict... I don't know how I would ever explain my past to some people.

Hahaha! I look back, and all I can think is OMG I WAS SUCH A DORK I AM SO EMBARRASSED...

I wasted my teens, entire 20s and first part of my 30s being a fantasy addict.

But you've stopped. You're not stuck in it now. And you never have to be again, if you don't want to.

I knew people (mostly women) in their 40s and 50s who were totally addicted to fandom, and had been in one form or another for most of their adult lives. A few of them were really good writers, and could have had careers writing their own stuff--but instead they were wasting their abilities on fanfiction and online RPGs.

I decided I wasn't going to be like that. You've decided you don't want to be like your gamer friends. And the great thing? We don't have to. We can be anyone we want to be.

Just keep moving forward. It's okay; you'll be fine.

[straysweeper]

I used to play multi-player games and even ran up a huge phone bill playing rpgs over the phone with an old buddy, back as a teenager. It just didn't really fulfill me anymore. Its fun, but when something you do is both effective and fulfilling, and lasting, I get a different feeling. I think this relates to delayed gratification.

[bluedragon]

I used to like playing games a lot but never had an addiction for it. But when I was playing a really good game, and I was in the middle of a campaign (the game had a powerful storyline) it was hard to get myself to stop. I knew I was delaying my other activities, that I wasted time in the sense that I had other more important things to do, but I also knew that playing those games put me in a state of mind that made it hard for me to interact with people, or attend to my other creative tasks. So I would just make the decision to dedicate most of my time (or at least 4-5 hours a day) to finish that game, and then don't start another until I would get my other tasks handled. Luckily, good games that caught my attention didn't come so often.
I now experience something similar with watching movies. I like watching movies a lot, especially the ones that inspire me, even though not in the conventional sense. I am sometimes inspired by an action movie which is not even very appreciated by the general public or critics, and is pretty simple and commercial, but some of the attitudes in the movie, some of the situations, make me think in a different way and give me wonderful feelings. I sometimes watch those movies twice or 3 times, and even weeks or months after, I still look at random scenes from them.
Movies however, as opposed to games, don't keep me hooked, because the eventually end, and the action is resolved. After a good movie, I feel empowered, and very very motivated to start taking care of my own business. The series are the ones that catch me in their net, cause the suspense never stops until the last episode of the last season is over.
I think the key is to finish whatever game you're playing and then go about your business, feeling satisfied that you've completed that game is over and you got that experience out of it.

[Stressless]

Hi pyrogen,

Take charge of your life and use your fantasy as a recreation for occasional playing. If you are around 35 years, you still have a good number of working years left.

Yes, it can be easy to fall back into old patterns, but you need to have discipline not to do so.

[ragtag]

I used to play a lot of RPGs, but don't any more after moving away (literally) from all my RPG friends. We do play sometimes the few times we meet up, but for me it was never fully satisfactory. To make a long story short, I was more interested in exploring ideas, styles and themes through RPGs that are far away from your typical D&D dice rolling game. Games like Prime Time Adventure, that are more about improvisation, acting, story and interesting characters, than stat grinding and rolling dice. I would kind of like to get together a new RPG group where I live now, but I think it would be hard to find one that shares my ideas. That said I was never addicted to RPGs.

Being addicted to fantasy and RPGs is different from many other addictions, because in theory you could make your addiction into a career (it's harder to make smoking or drinking into a career ). Quite a few people make a living from doing fantasy related work. Have you considered this?

[pyrogen]

Okay, weird, I am resurrecting a way, way old thread...

It's my thread, and I'd just like to reflect on where I've gone with this issue.

It's a few months short of two years since I first posted this -

It's strange to realize, but I'm actually less and less associated with the "geek" world over time.

I'm still in two ongoing long-term games, but they don't require a lot of my time. I'm hardly a part of fandom anymore, and my art has stopped revolving around my characters and started to be about other types of themes. I also find myself feeling pretty bored around my "fan" friends for the most part. I've definitely moved into a different life place, and these friends and I don't have the same interests.

I've noticed something about a lot of the geeks I've known... many *only* have geeky interests. Attempting to engage someone who does fan art, in a conversation about art history or a trip to the museum? Pointless. I know few who will ever go to a Toastmaster's meeting, and most would rather RPG about fantastic places than actually travel. It's almost as if being a geek means that you are not interested in anything non-geeky, in a lot of cases.

I guess I'm not a geek anymore.

[Cochonette]

Glad to hear you're not a "geek" anymore, lol!

most would rather RPG about fantastic places than actually travel.

Ugh. My brother was like that last time I checked. He is two years older than me. When I was about to go to college in D.C. (we're from Texas), my mom said she'd drive me up there, but only if he went with us. He was just like, "Why would I want to go to D.C.?" (a place he'd never been; we never traveled places due to money constraints) He was really into games at the time. I think he still plays them, but he seems to finally have started to consider that games might actually be a waste of time (judging by the fact that he posted an article criticizing the addictiveness of games on Facebook).

When I was in middle school, my bro bought this MMORPG game that he, a friend, and I all started playing. We were all immediately obsessed with it. I personally had an online friend I really liked outside the game, and after a few months in the game I one time found myself telling her I wasn't on IM anymore to chat because I was always playing this game. So I acknowledged how it had taken over my life, and also the fact that I kind of hated the game because all the people in it were a bunch of jerks who tried to kill your character and frustrate all your attempts to achieve anything - then I quit. I was like, "No more games. Period."

But having an addictive personality, sometimes I did end up playing other online games, like a couple of text-based ones. I didn't become as obsessed with those ones. But I still hated that I played them... I just had no self-control. However, ever since the 8th grade game craze ended, I couldn't even find card games entertaining when that became a fad... I can't stand games anymore. I did get really sucked into a game one last time when I went back to Texas two years ago, and it was a completely miserable summer. I wanted to program a pedagogic game, but I didn't play any games, so I tried to study them to get ideas - terrible, terrible idea. The game thing will never happen again - I've grown too much and found my true passion in life, and that sort of thing disgusts me far too much. I never play games when people ask me to - board games, card games, anything. And I hate television.

I'm glad to be able to say with confidence that I will never succumb to that level of mindlessness again. I even hate books if I am not learning anything from them, but I am obsessed with reading GOOD books. I have a long, long, ever-growing list of them, and I love it. My housemates all just re-read Harry Potter for their summer reading, though they are intelligent, well-educated people who live their passions - I, for one, wouldn't get through Harry Potter knowing what good books I was putting off. I actually consider myself a "geek" now, never when I played computer games.

[Mahewa]

Hi All,

It is amazing to see how many boys and girls that are hooked on games and as most of you already stated you came out of it with a better knowledge.

I just wanted to remind you that sometimes out of your greatest struggle you can get your biggest rewards. What I mean is that you have got a first hand experience of this addiction that sucked the energy out of your life but you managed to clear the fog and get out of it.

Use this experience to help other game addicted people to wake up and get free of it as well. You will know better than anyone else what it means and everyone will relay to your experience.

Write books or ebooks about it, make seminars, post on blogs etc. Start helping people and you soon have a new job that can be extremely profitable. What better can you do than helping people and help yourself at the same time.

[pyrogen]

Originally Posted by Mahewa

Hi All,

It is amazing to see how many boys and girls that are hooked on games and as most of you already stated you came out of it with a better knowledge.

I just wanted to remind you that sometimes out of your greatest struggle you can get your biggest rewards. What I mean is that you have got a first hand experience of this addiction that sucked the energy out of your life but you managed to clear the fog and get out of it.

Use this experience to help other game addicted people to wake up and get free of it as well. You will know better than anyone else what it means and everyone will relay to your experience.

Write books or ebooks about it, make seminars, post on blogs etc. Start helping people and you soon have a new job that can be extremely profitable. What better can you do than helping people and help yourself at the same time.

I actually wasn't computer game addicted. I've never quite gotten that into computer games. I've enjoyed *working* on them, and may in the future as an artist, but that's a very different mental process for me (I've worked in games in the past, in a different capacity). Seeing something I put so much energy into, come to life... now that's cool.

What I played were pencil & paper tabletop role playing games, such as Advanced Dungeons & Dragons, and the addiction wasn't to any one game. It was to a whole lifestyle that revolved around fantasy life - fantasy and science fiction fandom, conventions, TV shows, costuming, etc.

Basically, a world that sucked up my creative energy, and where my visual art and writing interests will never see the light of day. Many of the people in that world are incredibly talented and bright, but the talent and intelligence stays *locked in that world*.

What was particularly horrifying is the total lack of interest in fitness or PD among many "geeks", and tendency to want to spend one's money on "geeky" things rather than in any form of life advancement.

I think I'm still a *little* into this stuff, but the thing is, I don't know how "little" you can be into it and still connect with those people. I haven't yet met many people who are just a *little* geeky.

[ucqwerty]

It's weird how escaping reality can be an addiction.

I used to have a "procrastination" addiction, which involved me diving deep into fantasies, usually involving video games.

My best advice is to try to spend as much time out of the house as possible if you are trying to slowly ease off your fantasy addiction!

[Chill of Eons]

It's great to see this post. I have had the same problem myself for...ever. It's REALLLLLY damned common I think. And not just in America! Anyway, what it really is exactly is a mental fixation on imaginative works of the human mind, inner false worlds of delightfully shocking drama. Notice that it has to be dramatic, as in it has to have enough conflict and threat of disaster, as well as lots of concealed pasts of characters and events that you know will be revealed over time. It's this constant tantalization of information that is given in carefully paced increments, every so often slipping a twist or revelation that shakes the characters' identities, or something like that. And as the remaining pages decrease, the shockers come out in quicker succession (this is the logical rule every reader expects) until everything is in a state of upset and is sure to be resolved in the favor of one party or another. Argg, I'm going on about this too much, when it's not my objective.

My point is, these mental processes really do hook people, and I find this most unfortunate. In the thrall of such an addiction, in the innumerable moments of intrigue and anticipation (or whatever stronger reactions to certain fictional events and descriptions), the outside world seems a bother. I am tempted to call this insanity, though it would surely be better received to call it lazy selfishness. Because that's what it is.

Now the active process of creating such a work, I do not see as lazy in the least. It takes effort, tons of it, and persistent dedication and patience (not to mention creativity) to produce an intelligent, cohesive and satisfying story, especially a long one. So good for all those who have and do.

On to the topic of fandom. I myself have long been wary of the phenomenon that is fan-friendship. When it's the primary thing you have in common with them, the enjoyment and appreciation of some work of human imagination or another, it's often not a real friendship because, as has been observed, all you talk about is this specific passion that probably does nothing to help you face your fears, and most likely does wonders to keep your fears well alive and growing broader still! So of course it's fine if you spend -some- time with them focusing on this interest, but what help is either person going to be to the other if that's all? If they are spending the majority of their free time engaged in any kind of escapism rather than what their higher self really wants to do, they can do nothing but encourage you to do the exact same thing.

Ok, I've done all the treatise-izing on the topic I care to for the time being. Bottom line: Anyone who expresses an interest in breaking free of some ridiculously enjoyable but totally soul-leeching, disaster-destined addiction, especially that of videogames or mesmerizingly imaginative, breathtakingly immortal fictional drama (of any medium, not just novels of course) since those are the ones I'm most experienced in...then we've got something major in common...something major that MATTERS, and we can help each other. We have to keep each other accountable. But the goal must not be simply to AVOID indulging in the addiction, but to PURSUE that which truly matters to us...now that's scary! Especially to escapists such as ourselves! That's why we need all the help we can get! Let us be thankful that we WANT to break free at all! I appear to be yelling. Oh well.

Last point to make for this post: The tendency toward unproductive escapism is a symptom of being woefully unaware of the intensity of the gratification associated with actual success. So spend more time thinking about JUST how incomparably good it would feel to be doing that which you TRULY want to do, those things which you know would give long-term gratification, but are always so afraid of!

[pyrogen]

Originally Posted by Chill of Eons

It's great to see this post. I have had the same problem myself for...ever. It's REALLLLLY damned common I think. And not just in America! Anyway, what it really is exactly is a mental fixation on imaginative works of the human mind, inner false worlds of delightfully shocking drama. Notice that it has to be dramatic, as in it has to have enough conflict and threat of disaster, as well as lots of concealed pasts of characters and events that you know will be revealed over time. It's this constant tantalization of information that is given in carefully paced increments, every so often slipping a twist or revelation that shakes the characters' identities, or something like that. And as the remaining pages decrease, the shockers come out in quicker succession (this is the logical rule every reader expects) until everything is in a state of upset and is sure to be resolved in the favor of one party or another. Argg, I'm going on about this too much, when it's not my objective.

My point is, these mental processes really do hook people, and I find this most unfortunate. In the thrall of such an addiction, in the innumerable moments of intrigue and anticipation (or whatever stronger reactions to certain fictional events and descriptions), the outside world seems a bother. I am tempted to call this insanity, though it would surely be better received to call it lazy selfishness. Because that's what it is.

Now the active process of creating such a work, I do not see as lazy in the least. It takes effort, tons of it, and persistent dedication and patience (not to mention creativity) to produce an intelligent, cohesive and satisfying story, especially a long one. So good for all those who have and do.

On to the topic of fandom. I myself have long been wary of the phenomenon that is fan-friendship. When it's the primary thing you have in common with them, the enjoyment and appreciation of some work of human imagination or another, it's often not a real friendship because, as has been observed, all you talk about is this specific passion that probably does nothing to help you face your fears, and most likely does wonders to keep your fears well alive and growing broader still! So of course it's fine if you spend -some- time with them focusing on this interest, but what help is either person going to be to the other if that's all? If they are spending the majority of their free time engaged in any kind of escapism rather than what their higher self really wants to do, they can do nothing but encourage you to do the exact same thing.

Ok, I've done all the treatise-izing on the topic I care to for the time being. Bottom line: Anyone who expresses an interest in breaking free of some ridiculously enjoyable but totally soul-leeching, disaster-destined addiction, especially that of videogames or mesmerizingly imaginative, breathtakingly immortal fictional drama (of any medium, not just novels of course) since those are the ones I'm most experienced in...then we've got something major in common...something major that MATTERS, and we can help each other. We have to keep each other accountable. But the goal must not be simply to AVOID indulging in the addiction, but to PURSUE that which truly matters to us...now that's scary! Especially to escapists such as ourselves! That's why we need all the help we can get! Let us be thankful that we WANT to break free at all! I appear to be yelling. Oh well.

Last point to make for this post: The tendency toward unproductive escapism is a symptom of being woefully unaware of the intensity of the gratification associated with actual success. So spend more time thinking about JUST how incomparably good it would feel to be doing that which you TRULY want to do, those things which you know would give long-term gratification, but are always so afraid of!

You gave me a lot to chew on there, so I'll have to get back to you. But, I'll address fan-friendship... I've seen this. You make friends with someone who also has the same addiction, and what happens is that you feed each others' addictions. When I started to pull away from my fantasy immersion gradually (which for me, took place by getting really inspired and motivated by non-fantasy stuff), I discovered that my fan-friends did *not* seem to at all want to do anything non-fan related. Getting one of them to go hiking with me? Next to impossible.

I've had people in my life point out that there seem to be a lot of similarities between the social structures of fans, and the social life of alcoholics. Everything revolves around the addiction.

[Mea]

Interesting how many people think being into fantasy, and geekdom, is a negative thing.

Of course, being addicted to it and escaping reality for hours each day can't have much of a positive affect on your life, but what's wrong with enjoying fantasy and role-playing?

I suppose it is just the same as being a football fanatic, or someone who watches soap operas or a band groupie. Too much attention on one thing isn't good. The thing is, no one labels those people "geek" with the negative connotations attached, and then don't rejoice when they 'get over' their interest in the Eagles or General Hospital or whatever.

As you say :

When I started to pull away from my fantasy immersion gradually (which for me, took place by getting really inspired and motivated by non-fantasy stuff

-- What's the difference?

I love fantasy. I write fantasy and horror fiction and have had some stories published. I wish I had more time to do so. I like role-playing and am involved in online gaming, though not to excess. I do see people who are addicted, however.

I guess my point is that any addiction to a particular subject or action can be negative, but it doesn't have to be. As ragtag said, however, it is possible to make fantasy your career. And there are plenty of people who are "addicted" to law, or police work or writing self-help books and selling them.