please help me with advice regarding my bullying boss..
 

Hi there,

I have worked in a hard target driven environment for the past 14 months, where I have always excelled, until I announced i was pregnant 5 weeks ago! Ever since that my Manager (who remotes manages me from Holland) has been nothing but bullying and intimidating towards me.
He has even included another member of staff in to this witch hunt (who works in the same office as me and this guy has been fibbing and monitoring my movements and performance behind my back, delivering inaccurate info.

I have raised a grievance against the guy in my office as a very damaging email was found about me, that he had written and printed off, leaving in the office diary for all to see! I am awaiting the outcome...

My line manager's behaviour has been very bullyish and he is not letting up at all, I have no idea how to handle him as he is pushing me to the limit and I am worried for my health, as i am pregnant.

Can anyone advise as to what i can do or how to cpe with this behaviour.. so far i have not slept since Monday properly and I am exhausted with it all.

Please help......

Dorris

Maybe he is hoping to get rid of you because of the leave you will get during and after the pregnancy. You will provide zero output during that time. I would ask for a meeting immediately be it face to face or a call to explain what you feel is going on. Provide some examples that you felt are abuse and that to you those are absolutely unacceptable. I have no idea if you can do something about this legally. You are a pregnant woman and im quite sure there is some organisation devoted to this. Take it easy.

You may not want to consider this, but many employers are not thrilled to have pregnant employees. He may be hoping you'll quit.

And who cares his motivation, what matter is what is best for you. Do you really need this kind of stress right now? Maybe it would be best to look for a lower-stress job or save up and quit working outright?

Hi Dorris,

I sympathize with your situation and I think it must be hard for you to be going through all these. If your highest value now is your health, you may consider quitting your job or as what others suggested, take up other jobs that may not be as stressful as your current job and in the same time have an income.

Good luck to you Dorris and I hope that everything turns out fine.

Regards,
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger

Dorris,

Your manager, is this uncharacteristic of him? I mean, has he ever pulled this sort of behavior on you before? What bout your co-worker, is this uncharacteristic of him?

Basically, my advice is to calm yourself. Take some deep breaths. Then go have a gentle conversation. For example:

To your manager: call him on the phone. Talk to him calmly and without anger. Say, hey, I've noticed a change in your behavior towards me that is uncharacteristic of a person with such integrity as you. I mean, I know you, and I know you to be a understanding, professional person. Can you share with me what's on your mind? and then the most important part... listen listen listen.

To your coworker: go to him directly with what he wrote. And ask him, hey, I noticed this and I was told you said this. Can you tell me more about this? Have I done something to earn these comments about me?
And of course... listen listen listen.

All this is provided that you do trust them and that you do have a good relationship with them - meaning, all this stuff is new and started out of no where. If there is some merit to what they are saying about you, own up to it. such as: to your manager: I know I have not been as available to you as much as you would like, and I apologize for that. I think we can solve this issue together. Maybe we could have weekly scheduled meetings with open agendas, that way, we will have an opportunity to communicate more effectively on a regular basis. etc.

Then again, if they truly are just big jerks that are picking on you because you are pregnant, I'd say, leave. No job is worth your well being.

If you have a large company there should be a "vertrouwens persoon" in the netherlands.

Talk to that person to see what they say about what is going on...

If you happen to live in Belgium, go to your union. They will help you as well in those type of situations.

But, first of all; talk to them. Maybe they haven´t realized yet what they are doing? Or that you know what they are doing. Give them a chance to become better persons.

I would not suggest leaving. Why would you let them win? You did nothing to be ashamed about.

There are laws against this, and in the Netherlands they are followed up pretty closely. So you have rights, and you can even go above your boss's head to see what is going on..?

Anyway.. congrats on your pregnancy, and good luck with you boss!