Do relationships hamper your productivity?

[Zenduba]

I was browsing through some of the earlier posts and came across one where somebody was asking if you can be in a meaningful relationship/married and still remain productive?
I have just recently embarked on my pursuit of personal growth & productivity and at the same time there is a beautiful, funny and intelligent woman I'd love to ask out. When starting out in a relationship (or if you are already in one) is it still possible to remain productive? Or should you give up one so you can have the other, at least for the initial stages because when trying something new & you want to be good at it, it needs your undivided attention, right?

[Parthon]

Hell no, have your cake and eat it too.

Go after the woman and also be productive at the same time. If you can't do both then something is way out of balance and you aren't aligned with the correct values. Life should just work, but it can take a lot of effort, but it shouldn't be a struggle.

If you are having trouble going from "either/or" to "and", then you will need to re-evaluate your views. There's no rule anywhere that says you have to be less productive because you are in a relationship, or a rule that says that your relationship has to suffer because you choose to work. Perhaps look into yourself to see why this came up for you at all.

[Jarreddo]

I'd say, without discipline, relationships can mess things up. I'm in the formative stages of building the habits I want, and I've been a lot less social because when other people are around I tend to put socializing over all else, and then my routine gets messed up. Once I'm at a decent level of discipline, though, I see no problem with having a relationship, as long as you set aside time for yourself to do what you gotta do.

[dannielo]

Productivity is not defined by the time you spend working.

If you have a harmonious relationship, it should help with productivity, because it inspires you to achieve more. This of course means being open on what your future plans are, keeping at them, and the other being supportive. And viceversa. If you can't get to this point it might not be a smart mate-choosing decision.

[Daphne Lim]

Hi Zenduba,

Good question. I used to think that relationships need a lot of time to nurture, but am now re-considering that view.

A relationship should add to, not take away from, your life. In the early stages, dating once or twice a week shouldn't eat into your productivity too much. In fact, the change of routine and enjoyment of a night out might even increase your focus when you work.

I'm starting to think that a healthy relationship requires both parties to be equally engaged with life. If you spend a lot of time at work, ideally she should too, or at least spend a lot of time on her own pursuits. It's when one party has too much time on her hands and expects the other to be there for her all the time as well, that the demands on your time will eat into your productivity.

It is also unhealthy to spend too much time on a relationship, I think. I've tried it both ways - glued to the hip, and each having independent lives. I much prefer the latter.

Anyway, with relationships I've realised that there is little point theorizing. Just go with your gut and see where it leads. Life is short and relationships give it meaning, so go for it!

[Kaspian]

Originally Posted by dannielo

Productivity is not defined by the time you spend working.

Exactly.

Originally Posted by dannielo

If you have a harmonious relationship, it should help with productivity, because it inspires you to achieve more.

Yes. That's how my husband sees it, too.

We tend to reinforce each other in a beneficial way—when I'm happy, he's happy, and visa versa. Knowing that we have the love and support of the other person, we both thrive. I'm not talking only about feeling good, either; because we feel good and because we know we have each other's support, we make better decisions, focus more on what's important, etc. Since we're both self-employed, this benefit makes us more effective and productive.

[MariaG]

I'm completely floored by this question.

What is the point of being "productive" if you live your life alone and without pleasure? What is the goal of life if not to be happy while giving & receiving love?

For me, I really don't care if relationships make me less "productive." I care if people I am in relationship with get enrichment from me, and if I get enrichment from them.

That's all that matters.