Help, Have not been productive in months!

[strawbear]

Hello all,

I have come to face the truth and share it here, I have not been productive in over months. I have been going to class and paryting and growing in many many ways but when I am not doing those things I am doing NOTHING. I think this is due mainly because I have long days and I obsess with wanting to fit in physically and wanting a companion/boyfriend.

I start around 10am get home at 7pm usually have dinner with the family at 8pm and just want to do nothing after that. I feel like I deserve time to do nothing because of my long days, but I turn a little time to 5-6 hours.I don't study or do homework like I should. I use to have discipline but I soon lost it when I stopped living with my parents, and it never was self discipline it was mainly to make them happy, and I knew deep down I need to do well in school. Now I am almost done with my studies and dread that I might get a job and use this same mentality, I've had a long day therefore I deserve time to do nothing. I feel like a loser, although I hate labels this is something that would fit this situation. I have no hobbies now a days I obsess with wanting to look like others, because it give me confidence, and wanting a boyfriend or companion.

I have never had goals, my only goal is to get my bachelors but realy when I dig done I have no motivation to keep me going. I just know I need it.

Another very important point to make is that I LOVE doing ‘nothing’ I can go for weeks just being around the house surfing the web eating watching tv maybe hang out with people go out, that would be an ideal life. I am posting this for help because I ‘know’ this is not a healthy life style. Others make goals and LIVE I’m just doing nothing.

Help! How do I break this cycle of doing nothing. By nothing I mean, surfing the web mainly.

[funchy]

What do you do from 10am to 7pm? Are you at home? Or out doing something?

[strawbear]

Originally Posted by funchy

What do you do from 10am to 7pm? Are you at home? Or out doing something?

Go to my university. I usually have 2-3 classes a day. If I'm not in class I'm at the university hanging out with friends, eating lunch, at a meeting or cramming for a test

[NewPath]

when I was younger I stagnated at various periods when I had no real motivation to do anything productive.

Why do you not do your homework at night anymore? does it not interest you? are you happy with what you're taking in school?

If you try and force yourself to do activities that have no real meaning or purpose for you then it can be tough to motivate yourself.

When I found myself doing a whole lot of nothing I would spend a lot of time trying to incorporate new enjoyable or meaningful activities into my life. For example, I volunteered at a homework club, examined the importance and purpose of working on my studies, tried to meet new good quality people, joined a new sports league, etc.

Just change it up to get yourself going! I'm sure most people (like me) go through what you're going through at some point in your life. Also, it seems like you're quite busy during the day, and there's nothing wrong with a little bit of downtime

[viscapes]

We tend to think that in order to do something with our time we need to feel motivated to do so, but in fact action needs to come before motivation. Do something, anything, other than nothing and you will start to feel motivated. Use that to do something else or something more and very quickly you'll build enough momentum to make lasting changes to what you do with your time.

Like anything in life, getting started is always the hard part so bite the bullet, do something to get you going (join a club, start a project of some sort) and eventually it'll become effortless to be busy.

[strawbear]

Originally Posted by NewPath

when I was younger I stagnated at various periods when I had no real motivation to do anything productive.

Why do you not do your homework at night anymore? does it not interest you? are you happy with what you're taking in school?

If you try and force yourself to do activities that have no real meaning or purpose for you then it can be tough to motivate yourself.

When I found myself doing a whole lot of nothing I would spend a lot of time trying to incorporate new enjoyable or meaningful activities into my life. For example, I volunteered at a homework club, examined the importance and purpose of working on my studies, tried to meet new good quality people, joined a new sports league, etc.

Just change it up to get yourself going! I'm sure most people (like me) go through what you're going through at some point in your life. Also, it seems like you're quite busy during the day, and there's nothing wrong with a little bit of downtime

I dont do my homework at night, well because I dont want to. With that decision comes consequences that I do not like, not doing well in the class. I also have a resentment for the educational system, so that is a factor to why I'm not motivated.
Yea downtime is fine, but I over due and can have a whole day on the weekend being me doing nothing other than eating, computering, watching films...
I think you are right that I need to incorporate things in my life to spice it up, like hobbies and stuff..thanks for your response!

[strawbear]

Originally Posted by viscapes

We tend to think that in order to do something with our time we need to feel motivated to do so, but in fact action needs to come before motivation. Do something, anything, other than nothing and you will start to feel motivated. Use that to do something else or something more and very quickly you'll build enough momentum to make lasting changes to what you do with your time.

Like anything in life, getting started is always the hard part so bite the bullet, do something to get you going (join a club, start a project of some sort) and eventually it'll become effortless to be busy.

I like your advice, it's so counterintuitive, but makes a lot of sense. I will try to do this and report back.
Although I am tempted to do things online, like research or write emails and feel like that is motivating but I get trapped by other websites and lose track of time.

[Lauxa]

I recommend taking an honest assessment of your physical condition. It may be that you lack the energy and vitality to pursue your interests. It may not be a case for you, but for me my "laziness" was the story I told myself so I would not have to face the reality of my poor conditioning.

And if you do have the energy and dynamism to pursue your interests -- use it or lose it!

[strawbear]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

I recommend taking an honest assessment of your physical condition. It may be that you lack the energy and vitality to pursue your interests. It may not be a case for you, but for me my "laziness" was the story I told myself so I would not have to face the reality of my poor conditioning.

And if you do have the energy and dynamism to pursue your interests -- use it or lose it!

are you referring to if i'm healthy/fit...I'm not. I am making lists of goals I want to accomplish within differnt time frames, and they all look great, but I HAVE TO WORK FOR THEM...I keep thinking about the goals but realize all I want is the result not the work that goes along with it. I guess I'm just lazy, it's pathetic, I need to change.
How...

[viscapes]

Originally Posted by strawbear

are you referring to if i'm healthy/fit...I'm not. I am making lists of goals I want to accomplish within differnt time frames, and they all look great, but I HAVE TO WORK FOR THEM...I keep thinking about the goals but realize all I want is the result not the work that goes along with it. I guess I'm just lazy, it's pathetic, I need to change.
How...

The ONLY way to do anything is to make yourself WANT to do it. Many of us simply wait until the pain of not doing something outweighs the (perceived) pain of doing it. The best way to get yourself going and to achieve real, lasting change is to give yourself a good enough reason.

The best book I've ever read is "Awaken The Giant Within" by Tony Robbins. Within 2 months of picking up that book I lost 2 stone in weight and had launched my first commercial website. I was able to do that by giving myself big, inspiring reasons for doing it. I sat down and wrote out all the positive consequences of achieving my goal, how it would improve my life and the lives of my family, how it would change me and how I would feel. I then wrote out the consequences of not achieving my goal, how that would affect me and my family and how it would make me feel. Suddenly I had huge, massive, inspiring reasons for achieving my goal and I found that I WANTED to take action every day, it became easy. I'd never felt more motivated in my life.

If you can spend 5 or 10 minutes thinking of all the reasons for achieving your goal and all the consequences of not achieving it, and still not feel motivated to take action, then you've either not given yourself a good enough reason or you've not given yourself a big enough goal.

[Mind Institute]

Originally Posted by viscapes

The ONLY way to do anything is to make yourself WANT to do it. Many of us simply wait until the pain of not doing something outweighs the (perceived) pain of doing it. The best way to get yourself going and to achieve real, lasting change is to give yourself a good enough reason.

If you can spend 5 or 10 minutes thinking of all the reasons for achieving your goal and all the consequences of not achieving it, and still not feel motivated to take action, then you've either not given yourself a good enough reason or you've not given yourself a big enough goal.

Indeed, it is highly important to have a goal to work towards. More than that, to actually experience the feelings of having it and then working towards it. Making good decisions is easy when you are in a good state, and very hard when you are in a bad state.

At the same time, and Tony Robbins would agree, a healthy "pain" motivation can be a good thing for taking the first step. Sometimes, we need to be in touch with both sides, pain and pleasure. In a way, you then are chasing a carrot, while having a white shark behind you. This type of motivation strategy is very powerful, and be very careful with it.

For me, what works best is to first experience the pain to get me moving, and once I am moving, I start experiencing my outcome. That then becomes the sustained motivation to keep going :-)

[viscapes]

Originally Posted by Mind Institute

For me, what works best is to first experience the pain to get me moving, and once I am moving, I start experiencing my outcome. That then becomes the sustained motivation to keep going :-)

That's a very courageous approach, hats off to you!

You're absolutely right, the most powerful motivation is when you have both pleasure and pain pushing and pulling you towards your goal.

I saw a documentary on BBC1 about a year ago where a skeptical journalist was looking into the "self help" phenomenon. He interviewed Tony Robbins and put it to him that he was offering people false hope and setting expectations so high that the majority of his audience would achieve nothing but bitter disappointment and pain. Tony Robbins response was, "great, I hope they do feel pain", and explained that if you don't have enough drive to pull you where you want to go then the push of real pain will get you there instead.

He suggests in "Awaken the Giant Within" that it's not just your own pain you can use to push you but the pain of others too. For example, he suggests joining prisoner visitation schemes, or helping out in homeless shelters, or visiting the elderly in care homes and investing the pleasures and pains from such emotional experiences in motivating you towards your life goals.

That's not something I've tried yet, but I'm starting to think maybe I should.

[Cran]

Strawbear, I can relate. I finished my diploma last month and now I am starting to do research for my doctorate. Means: Only a minium of classes, nobody pushes me to get something done to date x, so I do... nearly nothing. Well, did.

I would recommand a combined approach, all three methods that were already mentioned here:
- Check your health, exercise. I went vegan (no highly processed foods, no sugar, but honey) only a week ago and you wouldn't imagine how much more energized I feel already, I even need less sleep. This does not mean that vegan is the way to go for you, too, but think about it, make improvements.
- Get clear about your goals and of you're on the right track to achieve them. Set apart a day to think about this. And no "I should do xy on this day" - you are planning your life, no excuses! No virtual escapes, either.
- Make a plan depending on your goals, small steps. Small. Very small. Like Steve once wrote, self-discilpine is like a muscle. You have to start small if it isn't developed. Even if small steps mean: Being prepared for one class out of three. One is better than none.
- Hould yourself accountable for your goals. If it is not enough to make a contract with yourself, tell other people about it. Ask them to ask you about your progress. Ask people to do this to whom you would be ashamed to admit failure. Get friends to study with you, if your goals involve the need to study. Leave yourself no excuse.

Btw, that thought about pain sounds very dark-sided to me: Use your anger Luke, use it!
(I love it, but I tend to the darker side of polarization anyway).

[strawbear]

I hope I don't sound stubborn, but I really don't have desires to do my studies or much to any work at all. I would love to just party, eat, look good, go shop, talk to friends, blah blah instead of work! but I always have a nagging feeling when I don't do my work so I eventually do it, this is also due to the fact I'm semi perfectionist. I just want it all with out the work...

more advice please!

[Cran]

Then decide what is more important than you: Party life or the result of the studies you are not doing.

If you decide on party life (that is OK to do if you really want it, the rest is social judgement) then act on it, quit studying, get a job that pays enough for food, rent and drinks (this should be possible without much education and without overworking you mentally or physically, if your excpectations aren't too high).

If you decide on studies, then get your ass up and study.

If your decision didn't bring you anywhere, you didn't decide. You just thought: Ok, I will perhaps do this... if I get around to it... if I have time... tomorrow... maybe.
Then think it over again. And again. And again.

It is ok to enjoy life, especially as a student. And I think many do overestimate the workload required to do good in their studies, or spend too much time on it because they have ineffective work methods.
You should be able to study AND have some fun, maybe that will make your decision easier.
If you think you can't, rethink your idea of fun, rethink your working behavior or change majors, I have heard some aren't manageable without a crazy workload.

Great goals require great action (ok, leave the sugar coat off: HARD WORK).
If you are not willing to put in the hard work, you have to abandon your goals. Dreaming about them will make you unhappier than honestly assessing where you stand and develop alternative plans.

[RT Wolf]

I think the problem is higher level than all that. What are you studying? Why are you doing it? Why are you in school in the first place? Perhaps you're unmotivated cause your classes actually suck. I've gone back and used student testimonials, ratemyprof.com and my school's anti-calendar to find the best professors teaching interesting things and I do my best to take only those courses. This professors make the material come alive, so I'm a lot more motivated to go to class. I also enjoy what I'm learning about, perhaps you do not? Or perhaps you can't see the point of it all.

If you haven't taken time off from school, I'd suggest you do it. Even a 4 month summer isn't enough, it took me over a year off to figure out a solid direction for my lief.

[strawbear]

hello it's me again, i hope someone reads this, and responds...sooo i've figured out, i think i'm a loser i would rather set on my ass surf the web and have quick statisfaction over working towards something, everything my parents told me i was and wanted me not to become...i like just seating around home and being lazy, I LIKE IT and that makes me feel guilty

[shakra]

Originally Posted by strawbear

hello it's me again, i hope someone reads this, and responds...sooo i've figured out, i think i'm a loser i would rather set on my ass surf the web and have quick statisfaction over working towards something, everything my parents told me i was and wanted me not to become...i like just seating around home and being lazy, I LIKE IT and that makes me feel guilty

Yep... I'm feeling that exact same way...

Everything you have said in this thread Strawbeard, I can relate directly to..

I'm back at work today after three blissful days of bumming around the house, surfing the net, cleaning etc.

One thing I know is that I need to start thinking about setting up my own businesses. While my work is kinda rewarding, the thought of coming here kicks my motivation levels back a few notches... so it's being a corporate slave that kills my motivation somewhat...

I have a number of ideas that I know will end up generating income, it's just a matter of stopping the lazy bumming around.. and getting these income streams set up... then I can go back to being a bum!

It's all very well and good to say that.. but I still continue to bum around... I LOVE DOING NOTHING! but for some reason, it always results in a pang of guilt.. as I feel I should be doing something..

For me personally, I think I have identified that:
a) I'm not yet on the path to my dream (resulting in loss of motivation)
b) I'm still figuring out the details of my dream.. and it turns out... I have many.. so I need to work out which to implement, when and in what order.
c) freedom.. I am overcommitted. I offer my self and my services, even though I know I don't have enough time.. this results in me taking these "time-outs" away from work and from my fiancee so that I can recharge my soul. That being said... I cant stop offering to help people...
d) The dream I have requires a substantial sum of cash to get setup.. but I know that I can do a lot with it.. such as increasing my time spent doing charity work (with childrens hospital patients)
e) my spiritual self is developing, but there's so much information to take in, I dont know whether I am coming or going...

phew... heavy... :eek I feel like going home and reading every thread on this forum!

[Brutha]

What do you do when you do nothing?

[strawbear]

hey shakra. glad i'm not the only one loving to bum around, i wish i could find someone a man who would love just to bum it and maybe motivate me to do stuff. ur in a different part phase in life thenme, i'm in college, so i'm looking ahead and kind of freaking out because i will be negative money and cant really bum around, i.e need to work to find a job in this crap economy...

brutha....for me nothing is: surfing the web, chatting, avoiding school work, eating, tv, sometimes drawing/reading...really nothing productive...makes me feel guilty because i feel like i'm not living...

[CaptainStubbs]

I can relate. I was motivated for 2 wks after reading Steve's book, and now I've fallen back into my old slacker self. Maybe some people are just born this way.

Sure I'm burnt out on my job, but I can't switch careers (bills), so I'm stuck.

[shakra]

Well I do some art.. either digital or stencils.. and I make jewellery... so I am pretty much always being productive..

but all the while I am doing these things, I smoke heaps of weed..

so I could go from a very very productive week.. working in my corporate job and coming home and making things til midnight.. but the following week I will just smoke myself to oblivion and sit and watch tv.. or play games on my phone.. stuff like that..

still love to bum around... there's nothing wrong with that.. but if you're feeling guilty, then set aside just one hour of the day where you will be productive.

I stayed home from work this week and cleaned my house.. made me feel great afterwards.. and I was VERY productive.. so when I sat down on my ass... I didnt feel as guilty!

[strawbear]

Originally Posted by shakra

Well I do some art.. either digital or stencils.. and I make jewellery... so I am pretty much always being productive..

but all the while I am doing these things, I smoke heaps of weed..

so I could go from a very very productive week.. working in my corporate job and coming home and making things til midnight.. but the following week I will just smoke myself to oblivion and sit and watch tv.. or play games on my phone.. stuff like that..

still love to bum around... there's nothing wrong with that.. but if you're feeling guilty, then set aside just one hour of the day where you will be productive.

I stayed home from work this week and cleaned my house.. made me feel great afterwards.. and I was VERY productive.. so when I sat down on my ass... I didnt feel as guilty!

wow our defitions of doing nohing are quite different. i would say u are doing somehting with ur time!
sounds like u kinda want to stop smoking, myb that can empower u to be productive.

[shakra]

Originally Posted by strawbear

wow our defitions of doing nohing are quite different. i would say u are doing somehting with ur time!
sounds like u kinda want to stop smoking, myb that can empower u to be productive.

I havent always been this productive... I'm coming from where you are now...

only prob is I bite off more than I can chew... I go from wanting and doing nothing... to wanting and doing everything I can possibly do... now I just need to find the balance between the two..

I'm trying to work out my purpose so I can work towards a goal that will give me some fulfillment

[strawbear]

Originally Posted by shakra

I havent always been this productive... I'm coming from where you are now...

only prob is I bite off more than I can chew... I go from wanting and doing nothing... to wanting and doing everything I can possibly do... now I just need to find the balance between the two..

I'm trying to work out my purpose so I can work towards a goal that will give me some fulfillment

i can relate! that's one of my goals in life to figure out hte balance, i try to ask people how they do it, but they just say eh it's life. but i dont know how to live!
my spurts of motivation are durations of hours tho...now i'm scared to do anything because I have sooo much to do!!
i rather just put it off and do it the last minute, but deep down i want to do a good job and try, but i'm scared

[shakra]

dont be scared strawbear!!

just set yourself one small thing to achieve each week. Set a time to do it by, and commit yourself to it.

Then start to increase this to set yourself an easily achievable target each day... then as you grow used to your new routine of settings goals, doing the task and ticking off the list.. then you will start to feel the load lighten..


PUtting things off til tomorrow only increases the size of the job... you really need to make some commitments to the tasks at hand if you want to get them off your to-do list.

I want you to tell me what your goal for this week is.. and I will check back in a few days and see how your progressing..

xx

[nick pagan]

I get the feeling that there are too many 'shoulds' in your life.

You should study, you shouldn't goof off, you should be ambitious, you shouldn't lack direction etc etc.

Every 'should' in your life becomes an obligation and most obligations are demotivating. They make you feel that you are not living your life for yourself but for your obligations. That becomes a real drag. Especially when you have dozens and dozens of them, then, at every turn, you come across another obligation.

A 'should' in effect says "I must do this, or else I'll get into trouble, or I won't do well." You can undermine some of this impact by re-phrasing it as a 'nice to have' rather than a 'must have' and then get some clarity on the likelihood of the 'must have' occurring.

For example, instead of "I should study hard every night" you can change it to "It would be nice to study diligently every night, but that's unrealistic. It's better to have a balance between relaxation and work.'

In this way you take back control and you set things up to work better on a practical level. If you have too many 'shoulds' or 'musts' in your life then you set yourself up to fail too easily. After a while you give up and do nothing because the rules of your game forbid you to win. If your never going to win then you might as well accept defeat right away and just indulge in distractions.

You might enjoy this article 'Why Distractions Feel So Damned Good'

[strawbear]

Originally Posted by nick pagan

I get the feeling that there are too many 'shoulds' in your life.

You should study, you shouldn't goof off, you should be ambitious, you shouldn't lack direction etc etc.

Every 'should' in your life becomes an obligation and most obligations are demotivating. They make you feel that you are not living your life for yourself but for your obligations. That becomes a real drag. Especially when you have dozens and dozens of them, then, at every turn, you come across another obligation.

A 'should' in effect says "I must do this, or else I'll get into trouble, or I won't do well." You can undermine some of this impact by re-phrasing it as a 'nice to have' rather than a 'must have' and then get some clarity on the likelihood of the 'must have' occurring.

For example, instead of "I should study hard every night" you can change it to "It would be nice to study diligently every night, but that's unrealistic. It's better to have a balance between relaxation and work.'

In this way you take back control and you set things up to work better on a practical level. If you have too many 'shoulds' or 'musts' in your life then you set yourself up to fail too easily. After a while you give up and do nothing because the rules of your game forbid you to win. If your never going to win then you might as well accept defeat right away and just indulge in distractions.

You might enjoy this article 'Why Distractions Feel So Damned Good'

thanks nick! this article has opened my eyes to another aspect of my problem.
and the things you said before about the 'shoulds' in life, i feel like life is a should! so i feel defeated all the time, when i'm on my computer instead of out, i feel like i should be out with them and it's a viscious cycle...
i undersand everything the article says, and relate a lot, i just have problems starting to change. it's like i have all these habits in grained, and to change them seem impossible and silly.
i am off to a cafe so i will not be disctraced in my room, even though i love staying in my room.

SHAKRA I have so many things to do this week that I can't just make one goal :/ I have to do everything!