How to not put anyone in front of you ?

[prats]

Hi All,

I have this wierd problem. I just put everyone and anyone above me , I just think any new person I met based on their apperance and style that they are superior. And in the course of discussion I feel I am not that bad at all...So then I place myself ahead of them..

I am just so vexed up of these placements in my mind,I read Ekther Tole's "Awakeining to your Lifes purpose" I really liked the idea that everybody is one, there is no Me, I am trying to implement it..

Just wondering ,if any one else is facing this problem, and how are you handling it ?

Thanks in advance.

[funchy]

So are you saying you start out feeling overly insecure when you first meet someone, then overcompensate by using things they might say as reasons why you're superior than everyone you meet?

Why do you feel like others aren't as good as you? Or the bigger questions is why is important one person is 'better' than another? Maybe you'd be better off if you could let go of the concept of 'better' or 'superior' altogether?

What does it mean for one person to be 'better'? Nothing. Who cares who is better. What matters is are these people trustworthy, worthy of your time & friendship, or aligned with your direction in life.

[prats]

Thanks for the reply ! Yes I come from a background where I faced lot of challenges academic wise,may be I am used to ranking myself in the class and hence not leaving the habit in the real world too, although i left classroom about 6 yrs ago

[bbdream8]

Hello Prat,

It seems that the habit is ingrained in you. You can still have the ranking system in you, but this time round, whenever you met someone new, don't judge them. In your mental picture, put them beside you as equal. Being equal is no ranking. Your bad habits will tend to fight back, but keep on going and your new thoughts will conquer them.

Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger

[prats]

Thanks for the reply bbdream8, So I start with not judging them, sounds good, then what as my aquaintance grow with the person how do I handle it ?what should I do if I fee good about the other person, what should I imagine if I find the other person is better than me ?

I met a collegue which I started like that,but later on her incompetancy led me and forced me to think that I am superior.

You see what I am saying, I need help !

[Harmonium]

Originally Posted by prats

Thanks for the reply bbdream8, So I start with not judging them, sounds good, then what as my aquaintance grow with the person how do I handle it ?what should I do if I fee good about the other person, what should I imagine if I find the other person is better than me ?

I met a collegue which I started like that,but later on her incompetancy led me and forced me to think that I am superior.

You see what I am saying, I need help !

Find the flaws in your beliefs concerning what makes a person superior to another, or the belief itself that people have to be judged and organized, especially when it's unconscious, perhaps attempting to consciously dirrect your thoughts more of the time than not with something more productive than ego chatter, that would be a great step in the dirrection it seems like you want to go?

[nick pagan]

Part of your problem is the absolutism with which you interpret these situations. If you consider that you are superior, then that suggests that everything about you is superior, or vice versa. This creates a wholly inaccurate appraisal. No one is entirely superior or inferior in all things all of the time.

Instead of tallying points, you could try thinking in terms of "What can I learn from this person?" when you come across someone with better abilities than you in some areas, or "What can I share with this person?" if you find someone that could benefit from your knowledge and insights and who is open to learning.

Such an attitude takes away the competitive element that seems to be hindering you and replaces it with a cooperative attitude, that just might make your life and the lives of those around just a little bit better.

I think that you will find this article on the problems of absolutism of interest:
How Faulty Logic Causes Havoc In Your Life

Best regards,
Nick

[prats]

Thanks again for the replies ! For the first 25 years of my life I was in my shell and suddenly I was awakened by circumstances in life.

Find the flaws in your beliefs concerning what makes a person superior to another, or the belief itself that people have to be judged and organized, especially when it's unconscious, perhaps attempting to consciously dirrect your thoughts more of the time than not with something more productive than ego chatter, that would be a great step in the dirrection it seems like you want to go?

Yes that is what I am trying to do, digging inside me.Why exactly do I have this false superiority ? I think part of the reason is I rely heavily on others approval and set their approval as targets to achieve. In turn I judge people around me and decide whom I can trust,whose feedback I can live upto. So I categorize people,if they are superior by my standards I can take feedback from them, live upto their expectations, Believe it or not but my attitude goes so nasty that if I feel that the other person is inferior to my standard on a particular issue I dont even like listening to that person.. This is what I understood of myself.

The good news is I have atleast became aware of my situation.

Part of your problem is the absolutism with which you interpret these situations. If you consider that you are superior, then that suggests that everything about you is superior, or vice versa. This creates a wholly inaccurate appraisal. No one is entirely superior or inferior in all things all of the time.

Nick, I dont go absolute ,for example I respect my husband but he is not very clean, so when comes to cleanliness I dont like to hear any advice from him, because I feel he is not upto my mark so that takes away all his rights to correct me in that matter..

But as you say, yes at times it gets overbearing and consumes me.

Such an attitude takes away the competitive element that seems to be hindering you and replaces it with a cooperative attitude, that just might make your life and the lives of those around just a little bit better.

I agree, but you know in this competitive world you are either being constantly judged by others or you yourself are constanly judging others

[Jarrod]

You don't need to think about this one.

If you see thoughts of superiority or inferiority in your mind throw them away they are rather useless. Keep discarding them everytime you see them and you will improve.

[Foresta Gump]

I'll take that as good advice Thank you

[Foresta Gump]

Originally Posted by prats

Hi All,

I have this wierd problem. I just put everyone and anyone above me , I just think any new person I met based on their apperance and style that they are superior. And in the course of discussion I feel I am not that bad at all...So then I place myself ahead of them..

I am just so vexed up of these placements in my mind,I read Ekther Tole's "Awakeining to your Lifes purpose" I really liked the idea that everybody is one, there is no Me, I am trying to implement it..

Just wondering ,if any one else is facing this problem, and how are you handling it ?

Thanks in advance.

"I have this weird problem"

It's not a weird problem at all really, you're being the best person you can be if you really think about it. I see you as being smart, smart enough to see that people are not above you but you let them think they are. You're a smart person, I see this clearly. I've done this very same thing for a long time, but I've come to realize it's about having the ability to listen to others and let them speak, it becomes obvious to me their need to talk, so I listen.

And I've learned that it's important to speak of their interests, as to let others know you're interested in what they have to say. Then comes the time when you just want to talk too and have people listening to you also, not all people like to listen, thats why writing is a great option.

Take Care, and know in your heart and mind that you're a good person, the way God intended for you to be.

And one more thing before I sign off, your purpose in life is for you to discover, one hint I'll give you is 'be your own best friend' know thyself!

In other words learn who you are, the key word here is ACCEPT yourself, and you will progress greatly.

Foresta Gump

P.S. Reading is good, keep it up!

[Foresta Gump]

Prats

I have a question for you, do you feel confident in yourself?

Being confident in yourself is superior to inferior complex.

But, humanly speaking no human is superior to another human being, otherwise, they would be alien to some level.

What do you think Prats, are thoughts superior to other thoughts, or are they only different?

There are way smarter people then others, but nothing beats intelligence!

Intelligence leads the educated, and to be educated is not necessarily to be influential, but to be influential is definately to be educated.

Have I impressed you Prats, yes, I believe I have, that's because I am an influential writer, and being influential is better than thinking of oneself as being superior to another. I know first hand what it feels like to feel superior to everyone, but I've allowed myself to grow from that state of mind, to a more reasonal indisputable way of thinking.

An indisputable thought is superior to any mediocre-minded thought, it's our thoughts which our superior, not anything else.

An indisputable thought is just that, it is a politically correct thought, and anyone trying to oppose an indisputable thought ends up looking like an ass.

Foresta Gump