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| Personal Effectiveness Goals, productivity, time management, motivation, self-discipline, overcoming procrastination, habits, organizing, problem-solving, decision-making, intelligence |
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| | #1 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,975
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So I didn't get the job that I had my heart set on and had worked extremely hard to get. I have no job, I have no money, I have tons of bills and now I'm burned out. I'm sick of looking for a job, but I need one ASAP. I have another option: A friend of mine has invited me to stay with him in Memphis, TN. He said he will support me in terms of rent, sharing his car, and paying for food. He said then I could just look for a job down there and take classes at a local school towards a career. We could even be together, which would provide emotional support. Problem: I have a boyfriend here in DC. I don't want to break up with him. If I moved 15 hours away to Memphis, to live with a boy, that would definitely be breaking up. My mom thinks I should dump my boyfriend. He's a waiter and is content to remain a waiter for the long haul. He's also a little cold, emotionally distant, and selfish. He lived with me and my mom for months rent-free, shared her car, didn't give her a dime, and had the nerve to get into fights with me, use the word ♥♥♥♥♥ which I hate, and then when he moved out he didn't even say bye to my mom or thank her. He also doesn't call me often. He never holds me or puts his arms around me. When we lie in bed together he gets annoyed if I try to get him to hold me because he says he's trying to sleep. He said he's not a "mushy guy" even though he used to complain that his ex-girlfriends were too cold. He's also very cheap. He can't afford to take me to fancy restaurants or even fill up my gas tank when he uses the car. Oh yeah and we haven't had sex in months and when we do it totally sucks. Thing is, I love him for HIM, and I don't want to break up with him. Also: I'm ALREADY living rent-free, sharing a car, being supported in terms of food, and looking for a job. The only difference would be that I'd be living in Memphis and no longer living at home with my mom. I would have to leave my boyfriend and friends behind. And I don't know if the job market is that great in Memphis. But: my friend has more money than my mom and would probably be willing to help me more, like help me get my hair done until I can afford to chip in. Maybe the job market is less competitive in Memphis. I also think the move out of my mom's house and into a different setting might boost my morale. |
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| | #2 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,090
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CroMagna, I must say your current boyfriend doesn't sound that enticing. Quote:
The situation itself sounds like a good opportunity as long as you're not doing it for the wrong reasons. It could be an adventure and a chance to see and try new things. All the best to you! | |
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| | #3 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,975
| This other guy is my best friend. He's sweet and caring. I'm amazed at his willingness to support me economically and have me share his car for as long as I need to. He is extremely intelligent. He never loses his temper, EVER. I don't like his politics, but I think he's a cool guy.
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| | #4 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,090
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Wow CroMagna! What more could you ask for? I'd be outa there pronto!!!!! It sounds like such an adventure. Cheers! |
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| | #5 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 727
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| | #8 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,975
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Well, I just met with my boyfriend and things became nightmarish. When I mentioned Memphis, he blew the whole thing off like "fine, go." He acted completely cold and Nazi-like. I was crying and he was like "this isn't working, I'm not in love with you. I can't pretend any longer." I called him a loser and he took it completely personally, saying "don't ever speak to me again." We talked things through. He said he loves me and wants me to continue to be in his life. But only as friends. He said "you wanna know the truth? I have herpes." He said that's why he stopped having sex with me, because he doesn't want me to catch it. He said he's been cold because of the emotional turmoil this revelation has caused. He never cheated, it was lying dormant. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone or date anyone, he just wants to be alone. I don't know if I believe him. I feel like he's hiding something. Why didn't it appear on his lips? What is he trying to protect me from? I just feel like I can never trust or love another person again... |
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| | #9 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,090
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CroMagna, It's too bad about how things went with your now ex-boyfriend. I would have guessed that he wouldn't be particularly supportive of your move. Don't let that stop you though. You will always encounter obstacles on the way to achieving your goals and they are meant to strengthen you and your resolve. If he does indeed have herpes, that's too bad. It may be true. Regardless, it sounds like he is having a rough time in life himself. It's obvious he's unable to be supportive and wish you the best. Don't get caught up second guessing him, his motives or 'what if'. Do what's best for you. Also, don't block yourself off from experiencing love and trust in the future. Life isn't perfect, people aren't perfect. You will find obstacles and difficulties along the way so don't give up at the first sign of trouble. All the best! |
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| | #10 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 727
| Quote:
A bit of advice: Memphis has a very distinct class divide. Being well-spoken and articulate gets a person pretty far. This is especially true in law offices here in town, many of which are hiring for the next few months (until students get out of class, at which point their need for support staff dissipates). Worst case scenario, there are usually jobs in restaurants or bars here in town that can help you scrape by. You have my condolences for the bad turn your situation took. Ms. Hereford's advice is pretty spot on, and you'd do well to follow it. Just don't stop looking toward your future. When you're going through hell, keep going. | |
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| | #11 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,975
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Well it turns out he definitely has herpes. I agree that I should stop second-guessing him. Because a part of me wonders, what if he had it this ENTIRE TIME and didn't tell me? His mom said he's had it for quite a while and has even been taking meds. I feel bad for him though. I still love him. I'm glad it wasn't me, it wasn't that I was getting on his nerves or gaining weight or something. He said I've gotta stop beating up on myself. He still wants to be friends. In fact he wants to hang out today. I will give him his space and let him be cold and distant. I will respect myself enough not to seek out affection and to establish boundaries. His mom said I should go see the doctor. He said I have nothing to worry about, that if I had contracted herpes, I would have symptoms by now. What do you guys think? |
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| | #12 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,090
| Quote:
As far as your boyfriend goes, give him space and be as supportive as you can. He's obviously going through tough times. At the same time do what's right for you too. You can be both compassionate and follow your own path. | |
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| | #13 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,975
| Quote:
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| | #14 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 7
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wow i rarely ever post but cromagna made me so angry with her nievness that I logged in.the herpes he has is probably genetal that why u dont see it on his lips or he could have it on the inside of his mouth. Getting tested is worthless .There is no test for herpes.U wont know u have it til u get sores.Thats it. waste of time toots. and that guy u may move in with IS IN LOVE WITH U ....dont u get it??? best friend bs! he offered all that to you .......cuz hes been dying for this oppurtunity since he met you...DONT U GET IT?HOW NIEVE ARE YOU???WAKE UP SISTER. |
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| | #15 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Perth, Australia
Posts: 1,532
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Sorry mchenrycruiser, but Whoa! Negativity alert! In other news, you can get a blood test for the herpes simplex virus. See your doctor. The more you know. CroMagna: Your best friend probably, definately likes you "that way", but also has heaps of respect for you. If you haven't had a talk about what he thinks of you, and what your long term friendship plans are, then you should do that before you more in, besides that, GO FOR IT! The possible upsides are huge, you could meet new friends, have a new great relationship, discover so much more about yourself, find the career of your dreams, just about anything. Even if things go badly, you could move back again and pick up where you left off. The upside is staggering, and the way everything is coming together, it's an opportunity for you. You never know what could happen. |
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| | #16 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,975
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Herpes can be detected from a simple blood test...doesn't that mean he knew it all along? From day one this guy knew he had herpes...Can you catch it from someone if he doesn't have an outbreak while you're having sex? This Memphis trip definitely seems like the chance of a lifetime...I know I'm sick of job hunting. I have one more job interview coming up. If I don't get that job I'll probably be packing my bags |
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| | #18 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 7
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the blood test can be very inaccurate and is not a good test. LOL that u guys think u can argue with a medical student. There IS NO TEST FOR HERPES. I REPEAT...THERE IS NO TEST FOR HERES. That "blood test" could say you dont have it.......then you can have an outbreak.. I REPEAT, ITS NOT AN ACCURATE TEST. and if he had it and u had sex......most likely u caught it babydoll....... |
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| | #19 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 727
| Quote:
Oh, and for those who aren't med students but may be reading this: blood tests are highly effective. Also, though exact figures aren't certain, the chance of transmitting genital herpes has been estimated at 10% per year, but unfortunately it is closer to 30% for male to female transmission. | |
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| | #20 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Perth, Australia
Posts: 1,532
| Quote:
Unfortunately your post(s) don't ring with truth. You could be a medical student, but I doubt it. Every medical test has some inherent level of accuracy, that's why there are often many different tests for diseases. Some give false positives, some give false negatives and some give both. There is a test, it might not be accurate, but it exists. She might not be completely certain after the tests, but it's still worth getting. Also, what's with the capital letters? Seriously! :P | |
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| | #22 (permalink) | |
| Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Singapore
Posts: 49
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A change might be good for you. Putting the distance of space and time between you and this relationship will help you to see it more clearly for what it was and wasn't. All the best with your move to Memphis! | |
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| | #23 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 727
| I wouldn't forget about the herpes issue altogether. Have a doctor or local clinic run the blood work so that you have some certainty. But definitely focus on your upcoming trip. This city is a very cool place to be, and it is a city where a person can really work their way up. Not to mention that you can hear amazing blues any day of the week. It holds serious opportunity for people to grow, and I think you'll make the most of this bold new adventure.
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| | #24 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 170
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Cro.. Though I don't know your BF, by the sounds of it, he doesn't sound like the kind of person I'd recommend for any lady I know. Whether or not you move to Memphis, don't feel stuck in a relationship if it isn't helping you to become a better person. Don't settle for anything else than someone who brings out the best in you. I'm sorry to hear that your job didn't work out, but don't give up hope. Remember that we're really in a horrible time in terms of the global economy. Memphis might be interesting. If you don't like it, you can always come back right? Hope it all works out for you. Let us know how it goes. |
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| | #26 (permalink) | |
| Family Member Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,975
| Quote:
Right now I'm cleaning my room and making a list of stuff to pack. Very excited! | |
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| | #28 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 15
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CroMagna, Firs I want to congratulate you on putting yourself on the line here. That bein' said You need to step up and never, ever let your current boyfriend treat you or your mother that way again. I say this from experience. I'm a 35 year old man. In my youth I treated woman less then I should have. I realized that I was doing it out of control and self esteem issues. However, as I grew as a person.. I started to attract a better class of woman. I realized that if I wanted a "10" Lady in my life I HAD to treat them with respect and that they wouldn't settle for anything less. I can only hope you begin to see the Powerful, Lovely, Beautiful Lady in yourself and never again allow a man to treat any other way. The next time he uses the B word or threaten you or your mother in anyway .. give hm one chance to appologize and the... Do him and yourself a favor and call the police. Yep... make him accountable in some way. I wish you the best of luck in all that you do |
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