One Last Attempt
I have been a regular reader of Steve's blogs since the last 8 months & I have recently signed up in this forum.
My life has been nothing but a failure. I have tried practicing PD techniques & tried to overcome my short failings, but failed miserably more than 2 dozen times. I don't know where my career is drifting. My relationships are faltering & soon my life will also be a financial mess. Mid-life crisis is staring at me & I don't know if I will ever be able to set my life right on track.
I have found some sincerity & truth in Steve's articles. So I have bought his book now. I have given myself time till the next 3 months. If this too doesn't work for me then I will commit suicide.
Three months really isn't long enough to do much. Why not give yourself three years? Or 13 years for that matter?
I have found in my life given time, things change and you find yourself in a better place. However, that change is what tends to drive you crazy if you resist. Continue with PD techniques. When you look back on this time, in the future you may see why things happened in your life. To set such a short amount of time and expect the universe to work within that time frame is not likely to happen for you. Read more about setting up intentions. Read Erin's Blog on suicide, before you make that choice.
I'll send my blessing to you today.
The thing I am most concerned right now is my Career. My life itself is like a piece of wood thrown here & there in a flowing river. I have spent my career in denial. I started out as a sales person without an iota of interest in sales. I switched over to IT & I am in this field for over 10 years now withaout any passion for my work. I pretend I know everything in my field but I am a big zero.
Whenever I sincerly sit to think what are my strengths, skills, talents or plus points I simply go blank. This is getting on my nerves now. Will I ever do the work I love? I don't even know what I like/love. Please help
Well I only know of a handfull of people who love there job. I don't love my job. It's what pays my bills. If I won the lotto I would not work another day doing what I do. At this point in my life I do what ever job is available. I guess the olny difference in you and me is I continue with the hope. There is a payday at the end of the path. If money was not a issue, then I would be fishing camping sking traveling and and lots more. I think the key to this is be happy where you are (being gratefull for what you have) and ask for more and see it as already comming and you will be content. Have you tried the "purpose exercize" to help you figure out what you may like to do?
Another thing that bothers me from your post is this:
connoisuer, sorry if Iam too rude here. But I really want you to think over what you have written. As Steve said in some of his articles, Personal Development is not easy as you think now. You need to really work hard to achieve your goals. You need to consistently practice the PD techniques you learnt to your life.
Also,another thing is that three months is really not enough to get the results you want from that book.You need to spend some more time. (Personally I haven't bought the book, but anyway, I do feel it is good to read). Apply all the techniques you learnt whenever possible. Even though you failed more than 2 dozen times, you must consistently do the things that you decided to do until you achieve your aim.Since you failed more than a dozen times, ask yourself what you have learnt from these experiences.Keep them in your mind and implement them in your next trial.Make a list of plans on how to do the tasks. Then find out what works best for you.
I know these things can be easily said than to do. But the fact is you need to do these things in order to succeed.
This is one of my favourite quote from the book,"100 action principles"
Hope this helps you.
There are already some good ideas suggested.
I think the problem may be in you expectations of work. You may be expecting if you get just the right job at just the right company, it'll change how you feel about work. The reality is you can't wait your whole life for the right change in job; the change must come from within.
Maybe you are feeling unfulfilled on a deep personal level and it's easier to blame it on work or age? What is it you feel like you're missing? What do you think you'd need to be happy?
Read these, they might help:
How To Find the Light When You’re Drowning in the Dark
The Spiritual Consequences of Suicide
And maybe this one too: How do you recover after an emotional setback?
The Path to Purpose
Thanks for showing your concerns Dan, Erin, machoman, funchy & Freddie. I have never had this situation earlier where so many people heard & responded to my voice. I will make a new beggining. I feel it would be wise not to set a date or set a longer time frame for achieving my goals as suggested by Dan.
Career wise I don't need a job which only pays my bills...I want to contribute something(don't know what) back to someone(don't know who) so that I leave my mark here in this world. I think I will hold on to my job & parallely look out for work which I really like. There were times I feel that since I do not have any special skills or talents why not put all my money on luck(lotto sort of thing). Is it OK(I will need your advice here). My son is growing up & I can't afford to put more money on gaining skills at this age of 35. You know higher education for my son would be so much expensive.
Yesterday I read a few pages on Princilpe of Power in Steve's book. I think the 1st thing I need to do is to take responsibilty for all areas of my life.
But you know what- I fear failure to such an extent. Tomorrow my son should not say that I haven't done much for him(hope you can understand my feelings). What would happen if I lose all my money pursuing PD & losing even what I have.
But still all your feedback has given me that ray of hope. I will read the articles mentioned by Erin & inputs by machoman(though at this stage I still feel powerless)
If you decide for yourself that you have a deadline for finding purpose in life. Then I suggest quitting your job and just explore the world. Especially if you're in a job that occupies your mind all day. If you still want income get a job that requires no use of your brain.
Start focusing on your physical health and spend time meditating. Search for new experiences until something kickstarts your emotions. Find the thing that makes you jump out of bed in the morning with anticipation.
I do believe part of the problem is that we live in such a globalized, huge, impersonal type society. It's hard to make a difference big enough to be noticed by alot of people unless you're a celebrity already. One thing to think about is making a difference locally. Maybe you won't end up with formal recognition or on the tv news, but a worker in a soup kitchen, social services program, animal shelter, or counselor *IS* very important to each person they serve.
I, too, felt empty working for the dehumanizing corporate machine. I am so much happier now : I ended up working for a very small business where everyone knows everyone else and nobody is treated like a number. We treat each other with respect. I can call the owner any time, and he'll listen to me. So one suggestion might be to try a job in a smaller workplace where the people there all value & care about each other?
My other solution was to let myself be drawn to a cause. In my case, one of my passions is the human-animal connection. I let fate bring me into becoming one of the people who formed a 501c3 horse rescue & education program. I continue to serve on their Board of Directors unpaid. Many days my dayjob is boring, but I feel like I am making a difference when I do things for the horse program. For example, we're set up to provide really low-cost horses to therapeutic riding programs (which in turn help handicapped and autistic people). I'll never be on TV news or change the entire world, but I am changing the "world" for those in my community.
The funny thing is that I didn't just wake up one day knowing what "my cause" really was. I just stopped trying so hard, and I let it develop around me. You can't keep waiting for the "right" opportunity and afraid to the things that are around you. Try a few things. See what piques your interest.
I don't believe you should be having to deal with both a mid-life crisis and panicking about paying for a child's college eventually. In the worst case scenario, he will take out student loans. It's more important that you focus on your own issues right now.
By the way, you are already leaving your mark on the world: you have a child you care a lot about. To him, you are the world.
Personal Development is not about spending money.
It's about taking action.
I would recommend that you start a gratitude journal. Every day, before you go to sleep, write down 3 things that you are grateful or happy about that happened that day.
Suicide, hmm, too bad you can not do a 30 day trial of that.
I do not want to ridicule anybody, Connoisuer, but this reminds me a a person I knew.
He had gone bad and out of luck. Out of serious luck. His life was like wearing clothes lined with spikes in the inside.
Committed suicide 3 times and......................
failed even in that. (those curve balls life trows at you, he!)
So just stay and hang out with us. Do small meaningless things and make a cartwheel every day for fun.
I haven't read Steve's book (yet), but looking over his blog posts in the past couple of months I imagine it might be a bit, um, hard to swallow, if you haven't been following him. In that case, I recommend Neil Fiore's Awaken Your Strongest Self as a very practical book.
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