There are so many flaws to fix. Unsure as to where to start?

[Neophyte]

Hi. I’ve had some problems with personal development that I'm going to work on for the next couple of months; I've attempted three 30 day challenges but I think I need your insight because I think this path could be longer and harder than I thought and I don't think I can do this alone :[

My procrastination habit causes problems in my life. I delay things that make me feel uncomfortable (either it's not clear, or I succumb to self-doubt). I guess if the task at hand is not immediately solvable, or if the solution is not in sight when I first begin the task, I get nervous and doubt my ability to do it. I'm not very patient either. I don’t like to commit to something either because it feels like I'm trapping myself and depriving myself, and would rather choose instant gratification. If I have a choice between completing an important task, and going on an internet forum/youtube, I’ll choose the latter. I think I need to develop my self-discipline further…I’m not exactly sure how, though, or where to start.

My procrastination problem worsened during my senior year of high school (I'm a college freshman). It's gotten to the point where I start so late, that it doesn't get done altogether. I don't complete tasks early anymore. I lose a lot of time through my forum /youtube/facebook/videogames addiction. I’ve gone from the type of person who gets things done to someone who doesn’t try to fix something until it’s far too late. I don’t devote enough time to my own personal growth; My time is spent on procrastination and school work.

I'm also a very negative person when it comes to myself. It doesn't appear in conversation or when I'm in your company. I joke around, generally have a good time, but I have low self-esteem. This comes from my experiences at school, with my friends, and with my siblings. I was teased a lot growing up, and instead of standing up for myself, I generally played along. It wasn't until I got to college that I realized that things didn’t have to be that way. =]

I have trouble with follow-through. I’ve tried combating my procrastination habit through keeping a prioritized to do list, but I don’t stick to it or execute the items on it. I’ve tried goal setting, but I don’t think that I’ve done it properly. I don’t think that I commit to things because I have trouble following through on something one hundred percent. I generally have the attitude that if I can do it later, I will. Doing things early feels unnatural. I don’t fully commit to making the change, so I guess nothing happens. I’m distracted easily, but I joined so that these habits don’t stay. I think I may be trying to change too much at once

Anyway, I came here looking for some support when it comes to personal development and to be amongst people who could help keep me on this path. I’m also here for constructive criticism =]

So I guess my questions would be:
How do I start?

I'm thinking of going on a 30 day challenge where I stay away from forums, youtube, videogames, and just check my facebook for 10 min a day at a specific time. (Maybe spend only 20 min. a day on this forum just focusing on this topic?)

How do I develop my time management skills? I'm thinking of spending my time focusing on developing my patience and ability to follow-through through keeping a prioritized to-do list:
To-Do Lists from Mind Tools - Learn how to plan your time intelligently. FREE template!. I'd write it at 10:30PM. and through goal setting.

How do I set goals? Do I make a list of goals that I would like to accomplish and then plan completely, 1 goal at a time, or do I make a general statement and then use the SMART model?

How do I increase my self-esteem? As for my self-esteem, I think I'll keep my focus off of dating and any possible relationship prospect and look at why I'm so negative about myself. I like to write, so maybe I could spend more time writing and get other hobbies.

How do I balance keeping a to-do list, goal setting, and avoiding forums/videogames/etc? It feels like I'd be attempting three 30 day challenges at once, and I feel intimidated.

Thanks for your time and help

[SandeeHier]

I SO don't have "The Answer" but I am looking forward to learning from the responses you get!

In the meantime, one thing that works for me is not completely giving up the things you do that "waste time" like the Facebook, etc., but USING it as a "reward" for doing the things I am supposed to do. Specifically, if you spend 20 minutes writing your resume, you can go onto Facebook for 10 minutes. And set a timer and really allow yourself those 10 minutes. I think I read this advice on ZenHabits.net where you will find lots more good advice. Good luck!

[Liveformx64]

You will find that when looking at your life from a performance, or holistic mindset most flaws are like leafy branches all connected to the same main branch. You could spend all year nipping little branches off, or you can head back towards the core more, and get rid of many bad habits at once.

Hence the term "nip it in the bud"

What I am getting at is don't get too caught up in the small details, but focus on the main core of Mind, Body, and Spirit.

Think of it this way. You are house, and right now you are on a sandy foundation. But you are motivated and want to add on, and grow. But with that Sandy foundation, every level you add becomes more and more of a hazard. But instead if you take your time, build that foundation out of Cement then you can build onto yourself as much as you want with little grief.

I think the best place to start is with your diet. Eliminate every chemical possible from your diet, eat organic and raw unprocessed as much as possible. I dare you to eat 100% natural for a month. The clarity you will get just from ridding the mind of the chemicals we consume each day will put your self improvement efforts into hyper-drive.

[inquiringmind4u]

Originally Posted by Neophyte

How do I increase my self-esteem?

Hi Neophyte,

I thought it might be more helpful to you if I answered one of your questions with a specific explanation instead of trying to address all the items you asked about, as this one answer applies to everything you asked.

Here's the one and only way to increase your self-esteem:

Stop thinking about yourself!

That's it! It really is.

The only reason you have low self-esteem is because you are thinking about yourself instead of participating directly with the moment as it unfolds.

More accurately, in the moment of some social situation, you have no choice but to frantically think, "Who am I supposed to be in this moment? How should I act? Who should I be

It seems like our mind is doing this to protect us. But in reality, the very questioning about who we're supposed to be in the moment is the only thing that creates that terrible sense of insecurity... and that then gives rise to the whole idea of "increasing my self-esteem."

The key here is that presently your own mind is forced into asking these questions on its own... there's no choice at all but to ask, "Am I going to be OK in this moment?"

By the way, this is the dynamic behind social anxiety disorder as well.

Your mind is forced into unnatural self-considerations... thoughts about you and your image and whether or not you are "measuring up."

Are you ready for this: We are not on this earth to think about ourselves. We are here to transcend who and what we are moment-to-moment.

See, when you boil it down, the real issue is that you don't have command of your own attention. Anything at all can come along and steal it from you.

For example, let's say you're with a group of friends and you say something stupid. There is no need whatsoever to drop into self-punishing thoughts about how stupid that was. But that's what we all do. The fact is, we can *literally* walk away from that stupid comment and not be the least bit phased by it.

But you can only do this when you are in command of your own attention... when you have the choice what will and what will not inhabit your mind.

When you begin to reclaim your attention (and doing so is a far, far, FAR greater power than my description could ever possibly convey), the whole issue of self-esteem disappears. There no longer is any need to bolster your "self" because your own mind is no longer ganging up on you to diminish it!

By the way... notice how this explanation also explains why it's so difficult for you to follow-through on setting and keeping goals.... or on being disciplined enough to maintain a TODO list.

Your attention is always being pulled off of what you are doing and getting placed onto something else without your permission. It just happens. There's a much deeper reason what this happens, but suffice it to say, you can begin regaining your power by reclaiming your attention.

There are countless ways to work on this. Here are two:

1) The next time you have a task to do, a homework assignment to work on, or a project to complete, go ahead and start on it early knowing full-well that it's going to feel unnatural, just as you alluded to in your post. The reason it feels unnatural to start early on a project is because you are "undefined" when you start a task early. You're free of the familiar feeling of conflict that you have become addicted to -- the conflict that you feel when you are pressed to get something done on time. Procrastination has turned into the epidemic in our lives because people actual value the sense of conflict it sends them through.

When you start a project early, there's no conflict. There's nothing pressing in on me. And you know what? When I don't have something pressing in on me, I don't really know who to be! In that moment all I am is a man or a woman working. I have no definite sense of identity that I can identify in the moment. Stay right there in that undefined place and continue working.

Know that your attention is going to clamor and fight to pull you away into a distraction, a video game, a YouTube video, etc., etc..... anything it can so that it can get a strong, surging thrill. Refuse it by carrying with you the realization that it is natural for this unnatural feeling to be passing through you because you have begun the work of reclaiming your attention.

2) When you are conversing with a friend, practice giving up any concern at all for what you have to say. What I mean is, while your friend is talking, set aside anything inside of you that what's to hurry up and make it's own point. We all know what this is like..., our friend says something and it reminds us of something else really interesting (to ourselves!) that we simply must share! And so we actually drop out of listening and are just waiting for our friend to stop so we can step up on stage and take over the spotlight.

Experiment with giving your friend your full attention, and trust that a reply to what he or she is saying will come naturally BECAUSE OF what that person is saying. There is no need at all for you to hold the next brilliant remark and wait for the right time to let it loose!

You will find yourself with a new kind of ease in your conversations that you never knew was possible.

You will also make the shocking discovery that what you have called conversation up to this point hasn't been true conversation at all.

And incidentally, your friends will find you more interesting because you will be one of the few people who gives them the space to be who they are.

Experiment with these two exercises and they will help you in all other aspects of your life.

[inquiringmind4u]

Just posting again because I forgot to subscribe to the thread and have no idea how to do so any other way!

[bbdream8]

Originally Posted by Neophyte

Hi. I’ve had some problems with personal development that I'm going to work on for the next couple of months; I've attempted three 30 day challenges but I think I need your insight because I think this path could be longer and harder than I thought and I don't think I can do this alone :[

My procrastination habit causes problems in my life. I delay things that make me feel uncomfortable (either it's not clear, or I succumb to self-doubt). I guess if the task at hand is not immediately solvable, or if the solution is not in sight when I first begin the task, I get nervous and doubt my ability to do it. I'm not very patient either. I don’t like to commit to something either because it feels like I'm trapping myself and depriving myself, and would rather choose instant gratification. If I have a choice between completing an important task, and going on an internet forum/youtube, I’ll choose the latter. I think I need to develop my self-discipline further…I’m not exactly sure how, though, or where to start.

My procrastination problem worsened during my senior year of high school (I'm a college freshman). It's gotten to the point where I start so late, that it doesn't get done altogether. I don't complete tasks early anymore. I lose a lot of time through my forum /youtube/facebook/videogames addiction. I’ve gone from the type of person who gets things done to someone who doesn’t try to fix something until it’s far too late. I don’t devote enough time to my own personal growth; My time is spent on procrastination and school work.

I'm also a very negative person when it comes to myself. It doesn't appear in conversation or when I'm in your company. I joke around, generally have a good time, but I have low self-esteem. This comes from my experiences at school, with my friends, and with my siblings. I was teased a lot growing up, and instead of standing up for myself, I generally played along. It wasn't until I got to college that I realized that things didn’t have to be that way. =]

I have trouble with follow-through. I’ve tried combating my procrastination habit through keeping a prioritized to do list, but I don’t stick to it or execute the items on it. I’ve tried goal setting, but I don’t think that I’ve done it properly. I don’t think that I commit to things because I have trouble following through on something one hundred percent. I generally have the attitude that if I can do it later, I will. Doing things early feels unnatural. I don’t fully commit to making the change, so I guess nothing happens. I’m distracted easily, but I joined so that these habits don’t stay. I think I may be trying to change too much at once

Anyway, I came here looking for some support when it comes to personal development and to be amongst people who could help keep me on this path. I’m also here for constructive criticism =]

So I guess my questions would be:
How do I start?

I'm thinking of going on a 30 day challenge where I stay away from forums, youtube, videogames, and just check my facebook for 10 min a day at a specific time. (Maybe spend only 20 min. a day on this forum just focusing on this topic?)

How do I develop my time management skills? I'm thinking of spending my time focusing on developing my patience and ability to follow-through through keeping a prioritized to-do list:
To-Do Lists from Mind Tools - Learn how to plan your time intelligently. FREE template!. I'd write it at 10:30PM. and through goal setting.

How do I set goals? Do I make a list of goals that I would like to accomplish and then plan completely, 1 goal at a time, or do I make a general statement and then use the SMART model?

How do I increase my self-esteem? As for my self-esteem, I think I'll keep my focus off of dating and any possible relationship prospect and look at why I'm so negative about myself. I like to write, so maybe I could spend more time writing and get other hobbies.

How do I balance keeping a to-do list, goal setting, and avoiding forums/videogames/etc? It feels like I'd be attempting three 30 day challenges at once, and I feel intimidated.

Thanks for your time and help

Wow Neophyte, you got a great long list there. I suggest you take one step at a time to slowly tackle your problems, each and every one of them.

You can read this article on breaking down your goals. I have written an article on dealing with insecurity you can read that too.

Get yourself a book call First Thing First by Stephen R.Covey. His ideas on time management would be great for you.

Hope that helps.

Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger

[Lauxa]

Great post, inquiringmind, lots of good advise!

When you read through the PD literature, you'll find that being mindful and increasing awareness are some common themes. The reason is that you get what you focus on, so you have to control your focus and continuously bring it back to what you want. The problem is that the ego resists and puts up the illusion that you can't focus on what you want. For me, Negative affirmations has been a great trick to get around my ego.

Here's an idea for your procrastination. Set an amount of time that you will work each week on school work. Then announce that you will pay $15/hour for each hour of work that you do not accomplish. Give the money to your parents or donate it to a charity. I have seen several people become quite motivated by this incentive.

[Neophyte]

Thanks for the advice everyone! I hadn't thought about my attention and where I place my focus..., baby steps, negative affirmations, focusing on the mind, body, spirit, zenhabits or listening to someone 100% like that!

I'll respond more in detail in a couple of days...right now I have to study for midterms.

(sidenote:my school has a center that helps students with their academic skills. I think I'll go tomorrow so I can get an idea of how to improve that aspect of my life too )

[Neophyte]

Originally Posted by SandeeHier

I SO don't have "The Answer" but I am looking forward to learning from the responses you get!

In the meantime, one thing that works for me is not completely giving up the things you do that "waste time" like the Facebook, etc., but USING it as a "reward" for doing the things I am supposed to do. Specifically, if you spend 20 minutes writing your resume, you can go onto Facebook for 10 minutes. And set a timer and really allow yourself those 10 minutes. I think I read this advice on ZenHabits.net where you will find lots more good advice. Good luck!

Thanks! Hmm…it sounds like you’re describing the time boxing technique. I start my work 30 minutes at a time, and then reward myself with facebook or videogames. The problem is I don’t limit how long I go on facebook or play videogames. I stop doing those things when I get tired, and this could be a reason I lose so much time.
From now on, I’m using a timer for rewards and really doing it. I guess I’ll give up the 30 day challenge where I stay away from those things and instead use them as rewards, with time limits.

btw, I've bookmarked zen habits and look forward to reading the articles on the site

Originally Posted by Liveformx64

You will find that when looking at your life from a performance, or holistic mindset most flaws are like leafy branches all connected to the same main branch. You could spend all year nipping little branches off, or you can head back towards the core more, and get rid of many bad habits at once.

Hence the term "nip it in the bud"

What I am getting at is don't get too caught up in the small details, but focus on the main core of Mind, Body, and Spirit.

Think of it this way. You are house, and right now you are on a sandy foundation. But you are motivated and want to add on, and grow. But with that Sandy foundation, every level you add becomes more and more of a hazard. But instead if you take your time, build that foundation out of Cement then you can build onto yourself as much as you want with little grief.

I think the best place to start is with your diet. Eliminate every chemical possible from your diet, eat organic and raw unprocessed as much as possible. I dare you to eat 100% natural for a month. The clarity you will get just from ridding the mind of the chemicals we consume each day will put your self improvement efforts into hyper-drive.

Strengthening my core and foundation. How does one master the mind, body, and spirit? I’ll give it a shot. I have a friend who eats really healthy who could help me keep on track when I try to eat organic and raw. (My current diet consists of orange juice, sandwiches, chicken burgers, fries, and yogurt. There’s more but that’s what I generally eat.) I’ll research eating raw and organic; I have some doubt it will stick, but I’ll give that diet a shot for 30 days (I’m also not very good at being consistent, but I hope this forum and my friend will help me be consistent).

As for the spirit, I think I’ll meditate for 15 minutes a day. Reflect on my day.

As for mastering the mind…I have no clue. I’m guessing that this means replacing limiting beliefs with empowering ones. Perhaps clarifying my values. I’ll definitely use the insights that I read in a chapter of First things First.

Originally Posted by inquiringmind4u

Hi Neophyte,

I thought it might be more helpful to you if I answered one of your questions with a specific explanation instead of trying to address all the items you asked about, as this one answer applies to everything you asked.

Here's the one and only way to increase your self-esteem:

Stop thinking about yourself!

That's it! It really is.

The only reason you have low self-esteem is because you are thinking about yourself instead of participating directly with the moment as it unfolds.

More accurately, in the moment of some social situation, you have no choice but to frantically think, "Who am I supposed to be in this moment? How should I act? Who should I be

It seems like our mind is doing this to protect us. But in reality, the very questioning about who we're supposed to be in the moment is the only thing that creates that terrible sense of insecurity... and that then gives rise to the whole idea of "increasing my self-esteem."

The key here is that presently your own mind is forced into asking these questions on its own... there's no choice at all but to ask, "Am I going to be OK in this moment?"

By the way, this is the dynamic behind social anxiety disorder as well.

Your mind is forced into unnatural self-considerations... thoughts about you and your image and whether or not you are "measuring up."

Are you ready for this: We are not on this earth to think about ourselves. We are here to transcend who and what we are moment-to-moment.

See, when you boil it down, the real issue is that you don't have command of your own attention. Anything at all can come along and steal it from you.

For example, let's say you're with a group of friends and you say something stupid. There is no need whatsoever to drop into self-punishing thoughts about how stupid that was. But that's what we all do. The fact is, we can *literally* walk away from that stupid comment and not be the least bit phased by it.

But you can only do this when you are in command of your own attention... when you have the choice what will and what will not inhabit your mind.

When you begin to reclaim your attention (and doing so is a far, far, FAR greater power than my description could ever possibly convey), the whole issue of self-esteem disappears. There no longer is any need to bolster your "self" because your own mind is no longer ganging up on you to diminish it!

By the way... notice how this explanation also explains why it's so difficult for you to follow-through on setting and keeping goals.... or on being disciplined enough to maintain a TODO list.

Your attention is always being pulled off of what you are doing and getting placed onto something else without your permission. It just happens. There's a much deeper reason what this happens, but suffice it to say, you can begin regaining your power by reclaiming your attention.

There are countless ways to work on this. Here are two:

1) The next time you have a task to do, a homework assignment to work on, or a project to complete, go ahead and start on it early knowing full-well that it's going to feel unnatural, just as you alluded to in your post. The reason it feels unnatural to start early on a project is because you are "undefined" when you start a task early. You're free of the familiar feeling of conflict that you have become addicted to -- the conflict that you feel when you are pressed to get something done on time. Procrastination has turned into the epidemic in our lives because people actual value the sense of conflict it sends them through.

When you start a project early, there's no conflict. There's nothing pressing in on me. And you know what? When I don't have something pressing in on me, I don't really know who to be! In that moment all I am is a man or a woman working. I have no definite sense of identity that I can identify in the moment. Stay right there in that undefined place and continue working.

Know that your attention is going to clamor and fight to pull you away into a distraction, a video game, a YouTube video, etc., etc..... anything it can so that it can get a strong, surging thrill. Refuse it by carrying with you the realization that it is natural for this unnatural feeling to be passing through you because you have begun the work of reclaiming your attention.

2) When you are conversing with a friend, practice giving up any concern at all for what you have to say. What I mean is, while your friend is talking, set aside anything inside of you that what's to hurry up and make it's own point. We all know what this is like..., our friend says something and it reminds us of something else really interesting (to ourselves!) that we simply must share! And so we actually drop out of listening and are just waiting for our friend to stop so we can step up on stage and take over the spotlight.

Experiment with giving your friend your full attention, and trust that a reply to what he or she is saying will come naturally BECAUSE OF what that person is saying. There is no need at all for you to hold the next brilliant remark and wait for the right time to let it loose!

You will find yourself with a new kind of ease in your conversations that you never knew was possible.

You will also make the shocking discovery that what you have called conversation up to this point hasn't been true conversation at all.

And incidentally, your friends will find you more interesting because you will be one of the few people who gives them the space to be who they are.

Experiment with these two exercises and they will help you in all other aspects of your life.

…Interesting alternative to thinking about myself. I do want to transcend who I am at the present moment. That insight about not having control of my own attention surprised me because it’s true, even though I didn’t realize it. I think this is a key reason as to why I have trouble following through on things, especially if I have the chance to do them in advance. I’m accepting that it’s going to feel unnatural for a while, and I’ll focus more on where my attention goes.

Number 2 is scary o_o What you described has been how I interact with others for a long time. I’ll experiment and do it though. I'm willing to try it.

[Neophyte]

Originally Posted by bbdream8

Wow Neophyte, you got a great long list there. I suggest you take one step at a time to slowly tackle your problems, each and every one of them.

You can read this article on breaking down your goals. I have written an article on dealing with insecurity you can read that too.

Get yourself a book call First Thing First by Stephen R.Covey. His ideas on time management would be great for you.

Hope that helps.

Cheers
Vincent
Personal Development Blogger

I bought the book yesterday =] I’m excited; the book so far has given me an important insight: I’m an urgency addict. I’ve read the first 64 pages and I like it. I think that your approach to goal setting would definitely help me when I try it. I tend to set too many goals at once and bounce from planning one goal to another. I really like Covey's analogy of nurturing and investing in a garden, which is much better than letting weed patch grow on its own.

The insecurity article reminded me of a flaw: I fear social situations. I fear being teased and rejected. I think the hardest part will be finding someone I trust and telling them about the challenges that I face. Recording my successes and failures feels like a good idea. I think I will list my strengths, my weaknesses, ask others about my strengths and weaknesses so that I can see stuff that I don’t want to admit to myself, and then research and create an action plan in order to address them.

I also think that I’ll buy “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. When I first looked at it, I thought that it would be manipulative, but after reading a summary, I saw that it had ideas like ”be a good listener” or “Show respect for the other person's opinions.”

Originally Posted by Lauxa

Great post, inquiringmind, lots of good advise!

When you read through the PD literature, you'll find that being mindful and increasing awareness are some common themes. The reason is that you get what you focus on, so you have to control your focus and continuously bring it back to what you want. The problem is that the ego resists and puts up the illusion that you can't focus on what you want. For me, [url]http://www.stevepavlina.com/forums/intention-manifestation/21094-negative-affirmations.html[/url ] has been a great trick to get around my ego.

Here's an idea for your procrastination. Set an amount of time that you will work each week on school work. Then announce that you will pay $15/hour for each hour of work that you do not accomplish. Give the money to your parents or donate it to a charity. I have seen several people become quite motivated by this incentive.

Yeah, I do feel that my ego puts up that illusion =/. The topic of negative affirmations stirs a lot of interest in me because it seems counter-intuitive. I’ve tried it in the last couple of days and I’ll do it some more.
Reading the posts in your thread, I noticed that the way you construct the thought is a key part of negative affirmations. I’ll experiment with it and good luck with your experiment =D

I’ll do that. I don’t know who’ll I’ll announce it to, but I’ll try. I don’t have a lot of money, so I'm scared that I might run out of it; this might result in me giving up the approach, but I'll do it anyway. Who knows? I could end up a better student.

[inquiringmind4u]

Originally Posted by Neophyte

That insight about not having control of my own attention surprised me because it’s true, even though I didn’t realize it. I think this is a key reason as to why I have trouble following through on things, especially if I have the chance to do them in advance. I’m accepting that it’s going to feel unnatural for a while, and I’ll focus more on where my attention goes.

Neophyte,

I would highly recommend you take a look at this post all about Procrastination:

Perfectionism/Procrastination/Paralysis

Tim

[PetraPortland]

Originally Posted by Neophyte

How do I start?

Hi Neophyte - in regards to your question 'How do I start?' I appreciate you may be feeling overwhelmed.

I recommend choosing one goal to start with. The completion of this particular goal would be far-reaching & have a ton of positive effects on other areas of your life.

Once this goal is complete you can move on to another. Slowly, slowy. For me just starting with one goal made me feel I was doing something constructive. Just doing one thing, motivated me to move onto the next thing... Good luck, Petra X

[Neophyte]

Timeboxing I'm aware of timeboxing, but I decide that I'll just timebox later, or that I don't commit for the full 30 minutes, because I get distracted. Disappointing =/

Improving my diet Progress has been small. I've eaten more salads and don't drink soda anymore. I overwhelm myself thinking that I'll have to research hours on end just to understand what's nutritious to eat. I talked to my friend and he offered support, but he's also a busy person. I will set small goals, such as going without fries and fried food for the following week, then the next week, and so on.

On starting things early and procrastination I haven't done much. It's much easier to do nothing. I do value the conflict, because deep down inside, I believe that I'm going to fail at college. I'm the type of person who doesn't do things until I'm in a hole and I have dig myself out of it; I guess it's saving myself from my hole when I feel most productive. This fate feels inevitable. I've identified with this role.

Inquiringmind, I normally would have turned a blind eye and not typed what I just have, but I see how the certainty that this gives me gives me the freedom to mess around and play without feeling guilty. The problem is that nagging voice that things don't have to be this way, and that they could be better. I overwhelm myself to avoid changing myself or attempting anything that I don't normally do. It's a way of avoiding failure.

[Neophyte]

On small steps and time-management I went to a center and got advice, but I've yet to cut my tasks into pieces. Taking things 1 step at a time is what I want to do, but I put it off. I delayed it. I guess I avoid doing new things because I'm afraid of how others will perceive me, or I feel that I have to do what others suggest, or else I won't be liked. But I'll do the baby steps

Covey's book is very interesting so far: I'm on page 102 and currently trying the quadrant planning for the week

On negative affirmations I forgot about them Sorry. I procrastinated on setting a schedule because I feel I have to make it perfect. I haven't put in the time. I didn't schedule, so I didn't announce. I'm making one after typing this post.

[Neophyte]

Originally Posted by PetraPortland

Hi Neophyte - in regards to your question 'How do I start?' I appreciate you may be feeling overwhelmed.

I recommend choosing one goal to start with. The completion of this particular goal would be far-reaching & have a ton of positive effects on other areas of your life.

Once this goal is complete you can move on to another. Slowly, slowy. For me just starting with one goal made me feel I was doing something constructive. Just doing one thing, motivated me to move onto the next thing... Good luck, Petra X

Okay. The way I interpreted your advice was that I should work on one goal at a time, in this case the 30 day challenge where I expel the chemicals that I normally consume from my body. I'd like to. I will.

[inquiringmind4u]

Originally Posted by Neophyte

I'm the type of person who doesn't do things until I'm in a hole and I have dig myself out of it; I guess it's saving myself from my hole when I feel most productive....{snip}... I overwhelm myself to avoid changing myself or attempting anything that I don't normally do. It's a way of avoiding failure.

Neophyte -- that's it precisely. And you could also change that bolded phrase to zero in even closer on the real issue:

I guess it's saving myself from my hole when I feel most important

By and large -- people would rather be a stopped "somebody" and feel themselves as important and special by reflecting on how much they have to do, then to be the "nobody" they must agree to be in order to be productive.

It's so counter-intuitive... and yet so obviously true: To be productive I must be willing to be a nobody... undefined... unnoticed.

[Franciz]

Hey man, I've read your stuff and I can honestly understand how your feeling.

Try this.
I am okay. I don't have problems, I only need to improve some areas of my life because I want to. I want these ________ because I desire them, period! I don't apologize for my desires. When I want something I go for it. School, pfft, EAZY! Homework, what a joke! I finish my homework in 5 seconds. Why do I have to be stared at by women all the time like they want to eat me?I'm not a sex object!... or am I? (insert giggle) Okay fine! you girls can look but touching is prohibited. Man, I can't wait to go to school because I can't wait to learn everything that I'm suppose to be learning today. I ought to be teaching my class instead because I'm smarter than my professor. I cant wait to work out as well. My biceps are throbbing with excitement! I can't wait to show my sexy abs for the summer. Hot babes here I come! Man, Im so pumped up! and its only ____ in the morning. OKay, lets see what do I have to do first. (Read the list of things you have to do for the day) Sweet, I'll relax after I'm done with this stuff. Peace!! (give yourself a high five or whatever)

You don't have a problem man. Hurry up and start posting your accomplishments already. I challenge you to a habit development battle. Let's see who can develop the most habits. Aight, peace out!
By the way, i wrote this assuming that your a guy.

-Franciz

[Neophyte]

Originally Posted by inquiringmind4u

Neophyte -- that's it precisely. And you could also change that bolded phrase to zero in even closer on the real issue:

I guess it's saving myself from my hole when I feel most important

By and large -- people would rather be a stopped "somebody" and feel themselves as important and special by reflecting on how much they have to do, then to be the "nobody" they must agree to be in order to be productive.

It's so counter-intuitive... and yet so obviously true: To be productive I must be willing to be a nobody... undefined... unnoticed.

I think you're right! It is when I feel most important. I'm negative about myself but I think that what you wrote is true. It's time to experiment. I think that I'm going to write my goals and add dates and such.

On a deeper level, I feel that I'm negative about myself and my life because of the type of life that I lead. Procrastination feels like a symptom of the larger challenge: fixing and enriching my life. The problem is that this won't be easy, the path of least resistance is staying all talk with little action. I've read Covey's book some more and a lot of what he writes makes sense.



On the 30 challenge: I caved. I was stressing out and felt annoyed and told myself that I'll have fries and a burger just this once, and I did this 3 times last week. My main worry is that I won't eat all the nutrients that I need, so I'm going to research nutritious food articles on the web. Also, I think that finding another way to deal with stress would be good. Any ideas?

On having one goal:
So I'll make my long term goal to graduate from college in 4 years, and work on that a piece at a time. I'll research to see what I need to do to get what I want...hmm...perhaps an hour a week?

On small steps and time management I followed through about half of my schedule since my last post and didn't really follow it the second time around =/. But, I've got to stay positive. It was at least a step up from what I normally do I've learned what I need to do for next time. I haven't cut the major long term goals into pieces yet, but I have for assignments that were immediately in front of me, like essays. Small progress

On negative affirmations: I used them to help me focus on my school work, but I think I may need to use them more in order to have a better effect. I recently read an article on the law of attraction and have recently started trying to visualize a better me so that might help as well.

On starting things early and procrastination I've met deadlines as opposed to starting too late to do something, but I still feel that I have to put more time and effort into this before I have productive habits that I can rely on.

Sidenote; my thoughts: I'm improving slowly. Before I wanted a quick fix with as little time as possible devoted to my growth. I don't think that I wanted to pay a cost for change. Now I think that I do, and I may need to wait and stick with it more until I get the results that I want. I'm also planning on updating this thread weekly. I'll report my progress =]

[Neophyte]

Originally Posted by Franciz

Hey man, I've read your stuff and I can honestly understand how your feeling.

Try this.
I am okay. I don't have problems, I only need to improve some areas of my life because I want to. I want these ________ because I desire them, period! I don't apologize for my desires. When I want something I go for it. School, pfft, EAZY! Homework, what a joke! I finish my homework in 5 seconds. Why do I have to be stared at by women all the time like they want to eat me?I'm not a sex object!... or am I? (insert giggle) Okay fine! you girls can look but touching is prohibited. Man, I can't wait to go to school because I can't wait to learn everything that I'm suppose to be learning today. I ought to be teaching my class instead because I'm smarter than my professor. I cant wait to work out as well. My biceps are throbbing with excitement! I can't wait to show my sexy abs for the summer. Hot babes here I come! Man, Im so pumped up! and its only ____ in the morning. OKay, lets see what do I have to do first. (Read the list of things you have to do for the day) Sweet, I'll relax after I'm done with this stuff. Peace!! (give yourself a high five or whatever)

You don't have a problem man. Hurry up and start posting your accomplishments already. I challenge you to a habit development battle. Let's see who can develop the most habits. Aight, peace out!
By the way, i wrote this assuming that your a guy.

-Franciz

Yes, I'm a guy and that sounds pretty cool. I'm attempting that.

[Neophyte]

From my Christmas break and new years festivities.

If this post ends up being too long, I'll just post a summary in the end for those who are busy.

Okay, so the progress I've made so far.

I'm on page 210 in my First things first book and have practiced the process he outlines, I'm having trouble plugging in my goals because I feel that I have to plan them out 100% before putting it in my schedule.

I also picked up Anthony Robbins' Awaken the Giant Within and am on page 424. His ideas, (past does not equal the future, this too will pass, and God's delays are not God's denials, to state a few) have helped me not dwell on my past mistakes too much, and I've been in social situations, so I bought Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People and this has helped my interactions with people

I've recently started working out on a more consistent basis. I feel that I need a plan and better diet to get to the weight that I want to reach, and have joined bodybuilding.com

Okay, so a trend that I've noticed is that I say I will do things later on, and then forget about them. I'm writing these things down on my weekly planner.

Also, I think that inquiringmind's post is still true. I do feel most important when digging myself out of my own personal hole. Feeling overwhelmed does give me a strong, surging identity. However, I made a promise to myself that I was going to do what should get done in order to reach my goals.

I'm going to post weekly about my progress. I'm doing it every Sunday.

Franciz, did you work on your habits? I didn't as much as I'd like, so I guess you won this round

The negative affirmations help me focus, eating more healthily has cleared up my mind (I haven't done it consistently though =/) and cutting goals up make them feel more manageable.

Thanks everyone! I'm off to work on my school work (which I should devote more time to , rather than spending my time on distractions)
Summary:

• Bought Awaken the Giant Within
• Read more of Stephen Covey's book
• Started working out more consistently
• Now writing things down on planner
• Feel that inquiringmind's post still true
• Going to make myself feel more important and more of a worthwhile person through community service and leaving my computer, thus being more active

[stayfly]

Originally Posted by Neophyte

From my Christmas break and new years festivities.

If this post ends up being too long, I'll just post a summary in the end for those who are busy.

Okay, so the progress I've made so far.

I'm on page 210 in my First things first book and have practiced the process he outlines, I'm having trouble plugging in my goals because I feel that I have to plan them out 100% before putting it in my schedule.

I also picked up Anthony Robbins' Awaken the Giant Within and am on page 424. His ideas, (past does not equal the future, this too will pass, and God's delays are not God's denials, to state a few) have helped me not dwell on my past mistakes too much, and I've been in social situations, so I bought Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People and this has helped my interactions with people

I've recently started working out on a more consistent basis. I feel that I need a plan and better diet to get to the weight that I want to reach, and have joined bodybuilding.com

Okay, so a trend that I've noticed is that I say I will do things later on, and then forget about them. I'm writing these things down on my weekly planner.

Also, I think that inquiringmind's post is still true. I do feel most important when digging myself out of my own personal hole. Feeling overwhelmed does give me a strong, surging identity. However, I made a promise to myself that I was going to do what should get done in order to reach my goals.

I'm going to post weekly about my progress. I'm doing it every Sunday.

Franciz, did you work on your habits? I didn't as much as I'd like, so I guess you won this round

The negative affirmations help me focus, eating more healthily has cleared up my mind (I haven't done it consistently though =/) and cutting goals up make them feel more manageable.

Thanks everyone! I'm off to work on my school work (which I should devote more time to , rather than spending my time on distractions)
Summary:

• Bought Awaken the Giant Within
• Read more of Stephen Covey's book
• Started working out more consistently
• Now writing things down on planner
• Feel that inquiringmind's post still true
• Going to make myself feel more important and more of a worthwhile person through community service and leaving my computer, thus being more active

congrats on your progress, it sounds like things are coming together for you

I've studied most/all of the best time management systems so if you have any questions feel free to ask. I REALLY like "Do It Tomorrow" by Mark Forster and highly recommend that and "Getting Things Done" by David Allen too.

"Awaken The Giant Within" is a powerful book and can lead to powerful results if you use some of the information in that book.

I see that you have a strong interest in personal development, time management, health, study etc. Do you have a clear set of goals for 2009 for each of these areas?

[Neophyte]

Originally Posted by stayfly

congrats on your progress, it sounds like things are coming together for you

I've studied most/all of the best time management systems so if you have any questions feel free to ask. I REALLY like "Do It Tomorrow" by Mark Forster and highly recommend that and "Getting Things Done" by David Allen too.

"Awaken The Giant Within" is a powerful book and can lead to powerful results if you use some of the information in that book.

I see that you have a strong interest in personal development, time management, health, study etc. Do you have a clear set of goals for 2009 for each of these areas?

Thanks =]. Improving my life is something that I've been interested in for quite a while, and I want to improve rather than improve "later." =/ I'll look into both of those books; I've read a couple of previews and they look interesting.

I'm going to test the information, and I'll try to get support from this forum. It's a way of holding myself accountable

No, I don't. My goals in these areas are obscure, I've read about goals but planning them and following through on them is something that I'm not proficient in yet. I guess that's a place where I should start.

[stayfly]

Originally Posted by Neophyte

Thanks =]. Improving my life is something that I've been interested in for quite a while, and I want to improve rather than improve "later." =/ I'll look into both of those books; I've read a couple of previews and they look interesting.

I'm going to test the information, and I'll try to get support from this forum. It's a way of holding myself accountable

No, I don't. My goals in these areas are obscure, I've read about goals but planning them and following through on them is something that I'm not proficient in yet. I guess that's a place where I should start.

goal setting and achieving is an area I'm very strong in and I can help guide you through the process if you like (it's easy once you know how).

let me know if you're interested

[Neophyte]

Originally Posted by stayfly

goal setting and achieving is an area I'm very strong in and I can help guide you through the process if you like (it's easy once you know how).

let me know if you're interested

I am definitely interested. The current way that I approach this is through the SMART model, but my effort fizzles after that. How do you goal set and achieve effectively?

[stayfly]

Originally Posted by Neophyte

I am definitely interested. The current way that I approach this is through the SMART model, but my effort fizzles after that. How do you goal set and achieve effectively?

the SMART system is good and I recommend it but you need more. try approaching goal setting like this;

1. WHAT?
exactly what is your goal? use the SMART principles here to help make the goal be in an achievable format

2. WHY?
what are your reasons for wanting to achieve this goal? how will it improve your life? how will achieving it make you feel? this is crucial. try and come up with three strong reasons

3. HOW?
what is your plan to achieve the goal? what steps need to be taken? what sub goals need to be achieved? try and keep it to 5 or less steps if possible

try it with a goal and post it here and I'll offer some feedback to and help you get it as good as possible

[Neophyte]

So this is what I came up with

..........

Goal: To Write a 4 page essay by Monday
Specific:I am to read the handouts given to me by my professor, brainstorm ideas and write a thesis statement. Then, I will outline my main points for this essay, and open up a word document. I will then write the first draft, 1 page at a time. Finally, I will print the paper.
Measurable:I will read the 3 handouts, brainstorm 4 ideas, and write 1 thesis statement. I will write one outline with 6 main points. I will open up 1 word document and then write 1 page of an essay. I will print it once.
Attainable:yes
Realistic:yes
Time: 6 hours

In 6 hours, I am to read the 3 handouts given to me by my professor, brainstorm 4 ideas and write 1 thesis statement. Then, I will outline 6 points for this essay, and open up a word document. I will write 1 page of this essay until I complete the first draft. Then I will print it once.

To read 3 handouts
S:I am to read the 3 hand outs given to me by my professor. I will go to my folder and pick up the readings. I will go to a quiet place with a highlighter and pencil.
M:3 handouts by the professor.
A:Yes
R:Yes
T:35 minutes

I am to read the 3 hand outs given to me by my professor. I will go to my folder, and pick up the readings. I will go to a quiet place with a highlighter and pencil and read for 35 minutes

I will prepare for the essay
S:I will get my notebook and brainstorm ideas with a pencil. I will look at these ideas and form a thesis statement. Based on this thesis statement and the brainstorm I will write an outline of about 6 points.
Mne notebook, 1 pencil, one thesis statement, and 1 outline
A:Yes
R:Yes
T:40 minutes

In 40 minutes I will get my notebook, brainstorm 6 ideas with a pencil, and look at these ideas and form 1 thesis statement. Based on this thesis statement and the brainstorm I will write an outline of about 6 points.
I will write 1 page of the essay.

S:I will get my notes together and go to a study spot. I will open up a word document and, based on my notes, write 1 page of the essay.
M:I will write 1 page of the essay.
A:yes
R:Yes
T:1 hour
In 1 hour, I will get my notes together and go to a study spot. I will open up a word document and based on my notes, write 1 page of the essay.
In 1 hour, I will get my notes together and go to a study spot. I will open up a word document and based on my notes, write 1 page of the essay.
In 1 hour, I will get my notes together and go to a study spot. I will open up a word document and based on my notes, write 1 page of the essay.
In 1 hour, I will get my notes together and go to a study spot. I will open up a word document and based on my notes, write 1 page of the essay.



Why?
• My academic skills will go up and I will feel better having been productive
• I will practice skills that would help me handle larger papers
• I will be on the road to maximizing my academic potential

The final product:
In 6 hours, I am to read the 3 handouts given to me by my professor, brainstorm 4 ideas and write 1 thesis statement. Then, I will outline 6 points for this essay, and open up a word document. I will write 1 page of this essay until I complete the first draft. Then I will print it once.
^
lll
In 1 hour, I will write 1 page of the essay.
In 1 hour, I will write 1 page of the essay.
In 1 hour, I will write 1 page of the essay.
In 1 hour, I will get my notes together and go to a study spot. I will open up a word document and based on my notes, write 1 page of the essay
^
lll
In 40 minutes I will get my notebook, brainstorm 6 ideas with a pencil, and look at these ideas and form 1 thesis statement. Based on this thesis statement and the brainstorm I will write an outline of about 6 points.
I will write 1 page of the essay.
^
lll
I am to read the 3 hand outs given to me by my professor. I will go to my folder, and pick up the readings. I will go to a quiet place with a highlighter and pencil and read for 35 minutes

....

That's what a typical goal of mines looks like. Do you have any suggestions?

[stayfly]

^^^^^

there's some really good stuff here but it is a bit too rigid for my liking. simplify it a bit and give it more flexibility, otherwise the many rigid conditions may be come overwhelming and may give more chances of failure buy setting too many conditions. try using the SMART principle more as just a guideline, i.e. once you've written what your goal is, check it against SMART briefly e.g. is it Specific? yes is is Measurable? yes etc.

here's how I would present your goal;


WHAT?
Write a 4 page essay by Monday

NOTE: I'd probably include the specific topic of the essay in the what as your goal isn't to write "a" essay, it's to write the essay on a particular topic that is due soon

WHY?
• My academic skills will go up and I will feel better having been productive
• I will practice skills that would help me handle larger papers
• I will be on the road to maximizing my academic potential

NOTE: these are good, you might also want to add some feeling to them like;

- it will feel great to get my essay done and out of the way without having to rush it
- if I rush it or hand it in late my essay eill be much poorer, I will feel horrible and will most likely get bad marks

HOW?
1. read the handouts and brainstorm the main ideas and thesis statement
2. write first draft of the essay, read through it and find areas to improve
3. write second draft of essay, read through it and find final areas of improvement
4. have 1 hour break to exercise and/or do something fun
5. write third and final draft of the essay
6. hand in essay on Monday
7. celebrate completing a great essay by taking a classmate out for a milkshake and enjoy each others conversation and company


see how it's more simplified and more flexible? it's much easier to create and much easier to implement this way.

the next step would be, if necessary, to schedule it so you take the appropriate actions when needed. in this case it isn't necessary as the essay is due very soon however if it was an essay due in a month you could maybe schedule something like "start essay" in two weeks from now or something similar (read "Getting Things Done" or "Do It Tomorrow" for more insight into scheduling future actions effectively)

please let me know if this was helpful and if you have any other questions please ask.

you might also want to use the same format and set some more goals as well. try and include some fun goals and some health goals along with personal development, study, wealth goals etc. so you have a good balance of goals and don't focus too much on just one area of your life.

[Neophyte]

Originally Posted by stayfly

^^^^^

there's some really good stuff here but it is a bit too rigid for my liking. simplify it a bit and give it more flexibility, otherwise the many rigid conditions may be come overwhelming and may give more chances of failure buy setting too many conditions. try using the SMART principle more as just a guideline, i.e. once you've written what your goal is, check it against SMART briefly e.g. is it Specific? yes is is Measurable? yes etc.

here's how I would present your goal;


WHAT?
Write a 4 page essay by Monday

NOTE: I'd probably include the specific topic of the essay in the what as your goal isn't to write "a" essay, it's to write the essay on a particular topic that is due soon

WHY?
• My academic skills will go up and I will feel better having been productive
• I will practice skills that would help me handle larger papers
• I will be on the road to maximizing my academic potential

NOTE: these are good, you might also want to add some feeling to them like;

- it will feel great to get my essay done and out of the way without having to rush it
- if I rush it or hand it in late my essay eill be much poorer, I will feel horrible and will most likely get bad marks

HOW?
1. read the handouts and brainstorm the main ideas and thesis statement
2. write first draft of the essay, read through it and find areas to improve
3. write second draft of essay, read through it and find final areas of improvement
4. have 1 hour break to exercise and/or do something fun
5. write third and final draft of the essay
6. hand in essay on Monday
7. celebrate completing a great essay by taking a classmate out for a milkshake and enjoy each others conversation and company


see how it's more simplified and more flexible? it's much easier to create and much easier to implement this way.

the next step would be, if necessary, to schedule it so you take the appropriate actions when needed. in this case it isn't necessary as the essay is due very soon however if it was an essay due in a month you could maybe schedule something like "start essay" in two weeks from now or something similar (read "Getting Things Done" or "Do It Tomorrow" for more insight into scheduling future actions effectively)

please let me know if this was helpful and if you have any other questions please ask.

you might also want to use the same format and set some more goals as well. try and include some fun goals and some health goals along with personal development, study, wealth goals etc. so you have a good balance of goals and don't focus too much on just one area of your life.

Fun goals and health goals. I usually only set goals when accomplishing obligations, and I hadn't thought about scheduling fun things to do, or being more flexible. I'm not a very balanced person (I usually go from procrastination to school mode; I mainly focus on these two things.)

Thanks a lot I'm going to try it and post the results

[stayfly]

Originally Posted by Neophyte

Fun goals and health goals. I usually only set goals when accomplishing obligations, and I hadn't thought about scheduling fun things to do, or being more flexible. I'm not a very balanced person (I usually go from procrastination to school mode; I mainly focus on these two things.)

Thanks a lot I'm going to try it and post the results

excellent. maybe some balance in your life is one of the keys to making your life better. it's hard to enjoy life or to feel fulfilled without balance.

please do post your new goals and I'll offer some more feedback and suggestions. if possible, post one goal in each of the following areas;

1. health
2. study
3. personal development
4. fun
5. contribution

and maybe even a "friends and family" or "romance" goal

[philipnet]

My procrastination habit causes problems in my life. I delay things that make me feel uncomfortable (either it's not clear, or I succumb to self-doubt). I guess if the task at hand is not immediately solvable, or if the solution is not in sight when I first begin the task, I get nervous and doubt my ability to do it. I'm not very patient either. I don’t like to commit to something either because it feels like I'm trapping myself and depriving myself, and would rather choose instant gratification. If I have a choice between completing an important task, and going on an internet forum/youtube, I’ll choose the latter. I think I need to develop my self-discipline further…I’m not exactly sure how, though, or where to start.

Amen!

I am right there with you with this problem.
It sucks, and yet I'm still stuck with it


I believe that I'm not as bad with this as I have been, in fact it's been the last two weeks where I've seen an significant improvement.

As I see it, there one key areas one can take to start getting to grips with this:
1) Notice your behaviour when you do procrastinate.
What do you typically do when you procrastinate?
Check your email, logon to Facebook, YouTube, whatever?

2) Then notice how you feel just before you start these actions
Are you feeling low, depressed, stumped, anxious, irritated, whatever?

Procrastination isn't the problem.
It your attempt at a solution ;-) !
(That's a quote I got from Neil Fiore's Conquering Procrastination product: Conquering Procrastination by Neil Fiore )

The way I see it is that I need to watch out for when I do feel down and do something positive about it.
Ideally, I want to reach a stage where if I do feel down, I can mentally bounce myself back up; ergo, the procrastination habit I had is never re-initiated.

My current tactics at resolving my procrastination habit is to use some sort of natural mood booster as a preventative measure, and preferably something that works with the concious mind and other than concious mind.
I usually use a Paraliminal, ThinkRightNow or hypnosis program.


P.S.
If you are still unsure as to where to start, my suggestion would be on your indecision