How to overcome fear & take action?

[theSeeker]

Hi Folks,
Really need your help & insight on this.

I'm a 23 year old guy, working in application software development.

After much introspection & a little action i've realised the reason behind
my procrastination & putting very little efforts in all of my endeavours.
It's a deep-rooted fear that i'm not good enough (or at least not as good as
i imagine myself to be). Procrastination is a stalling tactic that allows me to avoid facing this fear.

I had made myself comfortable inside the shell afforded me by this(as in "I'm able to do quite well with very little effort, so IF i were to put in a lot more effort, I would certainly produce superb results. ")

But i've understood the fallacy here (if i could do much better, then what's stopping me ?? especially since the status quo is completely dissatisfying). It's the fear... what if there is only a slight improvement despite giving it my all? i don't put in my best because i'm afraid of finding out how good (or bad ) i actually am. I don't want to know my limits.
Much of this fear is because of childhood experiences (of disappointment, not measuring upto parental expectations, my own expectations)
... i've learnt this much & i can't go on like this... so fed up... life feels so hollow, unfulfilling & false .

i'm ready to confront & overcome this fear (especially because i want to contribute so i need to resolve this & get my act together otherwise i might waste it all)

But how do i break free? It's almost like there are 2 ppl inside me ( i hear a voice say "What makes you think you are good enough to do this/ try this?"
whenever i try to break status quo... that's why despite strong intentions, repeated trials, i've made little tangible progress)
Each time i try & dont succeed, i feel dishonest & worse.
Out of sheer exasperation, i'm taking really tiny baby steps now & feel that i'm making some progress towards applying myself. But it feels dreadfully slow, i fear at this pace it might take me a lifetime to change & i might never be able to contribute as best as i can).

Thnx a lot for reading this long post.
Please help me out.
Any good suggestions/strategies for beating this fear are welcome.

I really want to change . Be the best i can be, live life to the fullest & contribute to the greatest good of all.

[simonsta]

Hello theSeeker! I see this lots... my role at work covers the management and leadership of IT teams, including application development. I tend to see fear ruling developers a lot, but maybe not any more than a lot of IT people.

The 'funny' thing about letting fear rule is that the behaviors of fear are actually the things that will bring you down. For example, I see IT developers who don't share knowledge in fear that they will be replaced. But this behavior creates issues in capacity of the team, so although painful for their employer, it is likely that they will be replaced anyway because of the problems this causes. If these developers were to openly share their knowledge, they would add lots of value and be in a strong position to develop and mentor other developers.

It is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and to be blunt... STOP IT.

If you were to do the things you fear, you'll almost always come out of it far better off.

[Dannyboy1]

When Edison was asked why he kept up the folly of trying to invent the light bulb after so many failures, he responded -

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

And my favorite one that I've applied many times in my life -

"Leap and the net will appear!"

[kencav]

Hi Seeker...you are not alone. I and many others have been there. You are fortunate to be questioning yourself at a young age. I on the other hand was very complacent for many years, primarily due to fears, confidence etc.

Recently, I have found Echart Tolle's books and others with similar perspectives on the mind and ego (that voice in our heads), have helped create an awareness in myself that lets me look at those thoughts and fears in a new way and is empowering. As Tolle calls it and his first book...the power of now.

Ken

[Zoomey]

I have found that it takes much more energy to hold onto fear than it does to take action to dissipate it. Facing your fear actually takes less energy than you think once you break it down into smaller pieces. You are taking baby steps - chipping away at the fear. I have found this is the best way to approach fear. Everybody feels this kind of fear in some way or another - some are just better at hiding it than others. Know that you are not alone and that just the fact that you are acknowledging this issue is a huge step toward your personal development.

[eruso]

"Feel the fear and do it anyway".

Great quote, great book.

[dannielo]

Fear is only energy in disguise. It's a sign you are venturing into realms which you are not familiar with. You need to learn to use it into your favor.

Originally Posted by theSeeker

Out of sheer exasperation, i'm taking really tiny baby steps now & feel that i'm making some progress towards applying myself. But it feels dreadfully slow, i fear at this pace it might take me a lifetime to change & i might never be able to contribute as best as i can).

This doesn't work. The best way to rise yourself to the level of confidence you desire is to jump there, with no steps in between. You have to assume the level of confidence you want, imagine what this feels like in actions and, and then just be that person. No working up courage or baby steps.

How Steve says in the recent article How to raise your financial vibration:

Growth tends to occur in quantum leaps. It’s unusual to experience steady linear growth for an extended period of time. What seems like linear growth is often just a form of stagnation.

[andyf1702]

What is it you want to do?

Maybe you could post it as a goal on this site and other people will encourage and help you achieve it

Andy

[theSeeker]

Wow! Each response was invigorating, egging me on. Usually prone to strong mood swings, but for the past few days, i feel very centred & balanced... strange but feels great!

Thnx Zoomey. It was reassuring to know that there are others who feel similarly... and it encourages me to look at the positives & keep fighting!

Thank you, Simonsta for raising a valid point there. People act often out of insecurity only to jeopardise themselves.

Dannyboy1 & eruso, yours words really pepped me up!

kencav, is the eckhart book really gonna help me out ?
I need your opinion on this.
i've actually accumulated many books written by several authors over the past 6 years, but i've managed to completely read only a few. There was an initial emotional rush (when i could identify strongly with the author's descriptions, feel energised by the tone of their writings) but that soon dissipated with weariness from reading more of the same stuff, with little concrete to work on, act on. I'm at stage where i just want to take action & improve! i feel it's high-time!

[theSeeker]

Originally Posted by dannielo

Fear is only energy in disguise. It's a sign you are venturing into realms which you are not familiar with. You need to learn to use it into your favor.


This doesn't work. The best way to rise yourself to the level of confidence you desire is to jump there, with no steps in between. You have to assume the level of confidence you want, imagine what this feels like in actions and, and then just be that person. No working up courage or baby steps.

How Steve says in the recent article How to raise your financial vibration:

dannielo, your post lit up a fire inside me. It surprises me that despite reading so much of Steve's blog, this message hadn't struck me earlier.
You're right, the much accepted method of gradually working at your fears is at best a short-term way to fight dissapointment, frustration at no being able to take the plunge. Sooner or later, we need to go for it!

In fact, that's why i was never happy with it, it felt too slow... only a lack of confidence was stopping me. But things seem much better now.

I wrote the GRE today, and scored 1460. Even though i could have done better, i feel quite happy. Stopped focusing on negative stuff, & cut out the over-analysis (as in "should have done better by preparing well & putting in at least a few weeks of effort for the GRE").
I always used to analyse as objectively as possible & in this case it would
even make some sense considering that i put in just about a 12 hrs of prep.
But i realised today that this kind of thinking is so self-defeating.
1460 is a good score, and i feel quite happy with it!
Gonna take the plunge soon!!!

I feel that this is a big change for me.
I feel more positive than i've been in more than 3 years.

[kencav]

Originally Posted by theSeeker

kencav, is the eckhart book really gonna help me out ?
I need your opinion on this.
i've actually accumulated many books written by several authors over the past 6 years, but i've managed to completely read only a few. There was an initial emotional rush (when i could identify strongly with the author's descriptions, feel energised by the tone of their writings) but that soon dissipated with weariness from reading more of the same stuff, with little concrete to work on, act on. I'm at stage where i just want to take action & improve! i feel it's high-time!

Well it is helping me...I have a different perspective on living my life. It is about living in the now. Sounds simple, but takes practice and awareness. And I am certainly a work in progress! Tolle helps define what this really means...becoming more conscious of how our thoughts and emotions get in the way of our ability to live.

Tolle didn't invent this concept...it has been written about for hundreds of years. But he has resonated with many people I think, because it is not coming from a religious viewpoint, though he does reference God, Buddhism, scriptures, and others...plus he has had Oprah's influence

I listened to the Power of Now and am now reading A New Earth. I hear what your saying about other self-help books, but for me it has resonated.

Best
Ken

[dondope]

1. Think of a situation that you are afraid of. You have to be very specific about it. Like "I’m afraid to ask my boss for a raise."
2. Imagine the worst outcome possible. I mean the very worst outcome. ("Ex: You would be fired because you dared to ask for a raise and you could never get a job again.") What are the real chances for that outcome? Almost zero I guess.
3. Imagine a possible failure. A real one. What could you learn from it? Would your life change dramatically if you would fail? What would be the experience for you?
4. Ask yourself the following question: Which is more painful? The FEAR to act or having every day the same FRUSTRATION if you don’t act.
5. Imagine the best outcome. See yourself coming out successful from the situation. Close your eyes and imagine how would you look like, how would your environment look like and how would you feel inside.
6. Burn the bridge behind you and TAKE ACTION! You have to do something, which makes it impossible for you to turn back. You have to face your fear. ("Ex: Tell your boss that you want a private meeting with him.")

I found this on killyourfear.com