Crossroad in life -advice appreciated

[Vincentc]

I read this forums regularly and there are good advices here. Could use one right now:

All my life I believe in striking my own path, usually I am clear where to go next, but right now not so much. I am in my mid twenties now and am running my own 1 man business off of my pad. 4 years ago after graduating from college I was "forced" into my family business (can't say no to dad). They paid me $3000/month. Yes, the money was ok, but I had to make sacrifice and decline a job offer from a prestigious company that paid $5000/month so I can work for the fam. But, most of all, life was horrible, I eat too much, got lazy, and get yelled at. Plus, I hate things handed down to me, like some trust fund baby.

So after one year I just left. Took all the money saved up and strike it on my own. On that day, I told myself "I will sacrifice everything to make a thriving business better than my parents'". So, I was determined. I work 16 hrs days for countless days, I don't see friends often, and my weekends are my weedays and my weedays are overtimed. Basically work is the centerpiece of my life. Life still sucked socially, but at least it was a life I choose.

In the beginning I made $10,000 a year when still employed with my family. That first year when I left I blew it to $100,000 a year. This year, another year later, I will hit $300,000 - the milestone over my parents' biz.

At this point, I reconciled with my parents but I am feeling lonely/empty in life. I have worked so hard by myself making this goal possible that I forgot how it's like be around close friends again. I don't date much, never too good around girls, I'm not bad either. I wonder if there a reason to work like a slave again next year.

What I want right now is to be in a rich social circle, be around other financially minded people, have fun again during the weekends, and most importantly, date more with intelligent attractive women. I want a lifestyle somewhat like that HBO series "Entourage" - where every week can be a new adventure. It's easier for me with financial since I got a knack for business, discipline, and numbers. However, the rest could use some work. All I know is I need a lifestyle change, but I have no idea where to begin.

Thanks for listening.

[shiguldo]

First of all congratulations to your success!

I'm in the late 20's and still way behind. I have a dilemna of my own but I can easily ask you a few key question.

1. Do you have free time now that you make a nice living?
2. Do you need to spend all your time to maintain this or can you afford to run it while freeing up a lot of time?
3. I'd try looking at your area for seminars/circles that applies to your interest. Those would probably attract intelligent people with similar financial situation. For example, go to a financial seminar. Also expand to as much social clubs if you can.

4. As for girls, you may have a better chance meeting one if you socialize more from #3 activities.

[Vincentc]

Thanks for the response.

Originally Posted by shiguldo

1. Do you have free time now that you make a nice living?

I'm project based. So yes and no. When I got a project, no, or it's hard to. But my current project is ending soon, so yes, I can get some free time in. After September, I can probably stop working until December 2008, but being in front of a computer is a problem that I can't escape. When I got work, its great. When I don't, I fool around.

Originally Posted by shiguldo

2. Do you need to spend all your time to maintain this or can you afford to run it while freeing up a lot of time?

I've hired contractors to take some workload off. That's the only way I can free my time. Sometimes I get days where I only need to put in 2-4 hrs, but I don't know what to do with the other 14.

Originally Posted by shiguldo

3. I'd try looking at your area for seminars/circles that applies to your interest. Those would probably attract intelligent people with similar financial situation. For example, go to a financial seminar. Also expand to as much social clubs if you can.

One thing that I've heard great things about is Toastmasters. I have yet to go to one. The other ones I've been to were moreso motivation-financial seminars or "business" meetups. Not to bring down those participants but the people I meet there are perpetual day dreamers; they got big ideas, sometimes too big for them to handle, but don't put in the effort or the right effort with a solid game plan. I've seen people talk of an idea today will talk the same idea 6 months from now. As for social clubs, haven't tried them yet.

[Peek]

Woow, you showed everybody in your family your balls, didn't you. ( I like that, probably we are the same in this, hihi)
Well, then show them now, you can do that without working that hard, or that much.
I like the 4 hour work week, by Mr Ferriss.

See what is useful for you. See your business from another perspective and find some nice things to do too.

Create fun,
Peek

[powersurge]

Congrats on your business success!

Originally Posted by Vincentc

What I want right now is to be in a rich social circle, be around other financially minded people, have fun again during the weekends, and most importantly, date more with intelligent attractive women...

I think you can simply begin with creating a list of all different places you could meet the people you would like to meet

* seminars, social clubs (thanks, shiguldo!), conferences
* dating websites & speed dating events
* yoga classes...

I'm sure if you look into that, you will end up with a long-long list

At the same time, to get a clearer understanding of your desires, you may want to try this quick idea.

Find a quiet place where you won't be disturbed for 20-30 minutes.
Take a few deep breaths.
Relax...

Fast forward 3 years from now.
What do you see?
Where do you live? What does your place look like?
How do you feel? How do you look?
It's a weekend, what do you want to do today?
See where it takes you...

Hope this helps.

[sbdiane]

Don't fall into workaholism. Life is for enjoying yourself too. That means getting away from the computer and from all that striving. Doing something for love and not just to spite someone else or prove something.

[Vincentc]

Peek:
I did read Tim Ferriss' "4 hr workweek". I like his ideas - it works for most people but it's not suited for everyone, like me.

Powersurge:
That's an interesting take on looking into the future, I am 15 minutes away from the beautiful ocean and sparkling sand; should be perfect. To be honest, it's out of my comfort zone to think/plan ahead. I live for the moment, putting faith on what I do now is the right path for the future. The future cannot be seen, but 2 years from now, looking back, it should all make sense. As Steve Jobs said "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future."

Sbdiane:
I am good at what I do and I can love it if it doesn't burn me out first. You know, no matter how much they love their sports, even professional athletes need to take a break some time.

[Kaspian]

What activities do you like doing? Join a club, take a class, go to a gym, etc.

Some thoughts off the top of my head:
Rock climbing - is there a rock climbing gym or organization?
Kayaking - is there a kayaking club?
Tennis or other sport - club or league?
Building model airplanes or something similar - club or class?
Learning languages - class or group to practice speaking?
Hiking - could you take a guided or organized hike? hiking club?
Cooking - take a class?

... and so on

[Vincentc]

Originally Posted by Kaspian

What activities do you like doing? Join a club, take a class, go to a gym, etc.

Some thoughts off the top of my head:
Rock climbing - is there a rock climbing gym or organization?
Kayaking - is there a kayaking club?
Tennis or other sport - club or league?
Building model airplanes or something similar - club or class?
Learning languages - class or group to practice speaking?
Hiking - could you take a guided or organized hike? hiking club?
Cooking - take a class?

... and so on

Personal trainer half a year ago, ever since then I went to the gym regularly. Also used to swim, once had a nice apartment near a large outdoor heated pool. Cardio boxing from time to time, and Ashtanga yoga rarely.

I work out to keep my body fit, which helps keep my mind active. I don't really meet people in class, only time we do is within the context of those classes.

As for other classes, cooking, learning a new language, to me, they are distractions. It's finding time to fill in the void without really taking care of main problem - in my case, having a rich social life and working less and enjoying more out of it.

[Kaspian]

If you've drifted away from the people you used to be friends with, either you reconnect with them or you meet new people - meeting people is one of the first steps to building a rich social life.

My point is that you can meet people while doing things you enjoy.

For example, my brother goes to the rock climbing gym 2-3 times per week. When he's there, he talks to people. Maybe he and this other guy are figuring out how to successfully complete a particular climb, so they discuss it as they attempt it. By the time they've finished, they've exchanged names. Maybe next time they're both there, they swap email addresses or phone numbers. Soon, the guy mentions that a group of them are getting together for a beer after climbing and invites my brother to come along.... and so on. Not only that, but several of the girls he has dated over the last couple years he met rock climbing.

[Vincentc]

Thank you all for your feedback. Last week, I have reflected what all of you have said this is the plan I have come up with so far:

1. I will start anew and travel to China, where the dollar can stretch 5+ times more. By '09 I should be able to save up $70-$100k in capital from the last two years of working.

2. Expand business and hire young, smart, employees who know how to have fun. Three reasons to take this route:
a. I can create a culture and fun social life from work
b. Expand the business by taking on more projects
c. Limit work to 9-to-5 and not the whole day

3. Hire a personal assistant to plan my day and fill my weekends (and some weeknights) with engaging events (business mixers, art shows, charity events, etc)

4. Hire a personal chef to prepare me healthy food and a personal trainer to keep me fit. I'll also meet with a mandarin teacher to further my language training. My PA will be responsible for fitting them well into my schedule

5. From time to time, invite my friends to visit China where we'll further explore the city


Feedback is welcomed.