Negative Motivation?

[BenMo]

Hello! I have been a reader of Steve's articles for a while, but this is my first post in the forums.

Almost all success coaches recommend that you should motivate yourself positively, by stating and visualizing your goals. So if you want to be healthier, you should say "I am healthy".

I have tried this, and it has worked to some degree, however I can't help but notice that in my life the biggest motivators have actually been negative. "I don't want to be a fat slob", for instance. When I think these negative motivating thoughts, I almost always feel a surge of energy and get the job done.

However, I've never embraced negative motivation fully, making it into a system, because I've afraid it would have adverse long term affects on me, like anxiety, result-orientation, etc. In short, I'm afraid it would eat away at my soul.

Does anyone have thoughts on this? Dare I turn to the dark side?

[SonoranBob]

Originally Posted by BenMo

However, I've never embraced negative motivation fully, making it into a system, because I've afraid it would have adverse long term affects on me, like anxiety, result-orientation, etc. In short, I'm afraid it would eat away at my soul.

Does anyone have thoughts on this? Dare I turn to the dark side?

I'm a believer in "whatever works". Personally, some things work better for me approached positively, others, negatively. I think it's highly individual and can be quite a mix of things.

For example, from the age of about 25 to 45 I gradually bulked up from around 200 lbs to 270 lbs. Part of this was a mental block against exercise. As a kid I had been tormented by jocks and did not want to be like them. My wife was helpful to me here, encouraging me to take up regular exercise and that doing so was not going to magically turn me into an a__hole. Put like that, it made sense. I felt bizarre going to the gym the first few times, but I got over it. Once I broke through, I made real progress. Eventually, over a period of years, I went down to my ideal weight.

That's an example of removing a negative or irrational belief (all people who exercise are jerks) and replacing it with a positive belief (I can be fit and still respect myself).

On the other hand, as I began to lose weight, I got a real education in how shallow and superficial people often are. I had never noticed anyone judging or rejecting me because of my weight, but as I lost weight I found my clients cutting me more slack, respecting me more. A lot more. My friends began to be warmer towards me. I remember thinking, "this is crazy, I'm exactly the same person I've always been, and people are treating me better because my waistline is smaller?!" But you know, now that I have enjoyed the social benefits for several years, I have another motivation for staying this way: I don't want people to treat me like crap.

That's an example of removing a positive belief (people like me for who I am) and replacing it with a negative belief (I need to maintain my weight or people will judge me for superficial reasons). Has this eaten away at my soul? I don't think so. It's just a more realistic view of people and reality. It's a loss of innocence. But I am not bitter about it, I just recognize that corpulence is a distraction that a lot of people can't handle and get past, and avoiding that is a great way to grease the wheels of commerce, so to speak.

Everything in life is about balance. I'd say that if something motivates you to be more effective while not making you angry, bitter, or fearful, then whether it's a positive or negative motivation isn't terribly relevant.

--Bob

[bus9hy]

You could say 'I don't want to be a flat slob' as a positive statement too. My understanding is that negativity is when you don't think you can accomplish your goals. Perhaps this negative motivator is more easier to visualise which is why it works.

[ar81]

Originally Posted by BenMo

However, I've never embraced negative motivation fully, making it into a system, because I've afraid it would have adverse long term affects on me, like anxiety, result-orientation, etc. In short, I'm afraid it would eat away at my soul.

Does anyone have thoughts on this? Dare I turn to the dark side?

You gave it the wrong name.
It is not negative motivation.

It is being a rebel...
I am somehow of a rebel, and that's how I achieved the impossible in the past, when people said something was impossible.

[Ilya]

Motivation is a force that helps us to do something that we wouldn't do without this force. And motivation comes in two versions - a stick and a carrot.
One is something we dislike more than we dislike our intended action.
Another is something that we like more than we like not doing our intended action.
So negative and positive motivation is really relative to the emotion we have towards our intended action. And we can play with words to make both options sound nice or nasty.

By itself the way you motivate yourself does not matter. There are a lot of success stories of the people who feared something and therefore took to action. If you believe that you should use one way of motivating yourself and not another - feel free. In that case you will have to learn how to make both motivation mechanisms to work with the same efficiency. Meanwhile, I guess, there is no use to put off the things that need doing.

[ar81]

Originally Posted by Ilya

There are a lot of success stories of the people who feared something and therefore took to action.

Hitler made germans to fear and that caused people to go to war.
Goering in his trial in 1946 said something like "the best a peasant can get from war is to come back in one piece, but leaders command a country, and it is just a matter of making people to feel threatened and to name pacifists as antipatriots to go to war."

Our fear is a drive that we need to handle carefully, or we could hurt others.

[SonoranBob]

Originally Posted by bus9hy

You could say 'I don't want to be a flat slob' as a positive statement too. My understanding is that negativity is when you don't think you can accomplish your goals. Perhaps this negative motivator is more easier to visualise which is why it works.

Some of the LOA people would say that "I don't want to be a fat slob" would attract fat to you. They believe that what you focus on, positive or negative, is what you attract. That your subconscious is undiscerning about negation. I don't really buy this, but there are those who would say "I don't want to be a fat slob" would be Bad, and "I want to be slim and attractive" would be Good.

As I said, though, the avoidance of a negative is every bit as motivating in some circumstances as the achievement of a positive ... sometimes more so. If it spurs positive action, it will tend to have a positive outcome.

--Bob

[Nautilus73]

There is one advantage over positive motivation compared to negative one. When you make progress you move away from the thing that negatively motivates you but you move torward something that positively motivates you.

Think about it. A picture of yourself massively overweight might be a good motivation to lose weight and get fit. Up until the point where you are as overweight as everyone else around you. But you are not there yet. At this point a picture of an athlete you find motivating might be a better choice.

[daredevil83]

You've made a little mistake - you've mixed two different issues.

The first is a motivation: like Ilya said, there is a carrot or a stick. For one person carrot is more attractive, for another the stick is something that really matters.

The second is setting a goal.
Please tell me which animal isn't a horse.
Or tell me, how it is to not reading this post now.
Or how it is to not riding a bike on Tuesday.

Was it hard a little for you to answer my questions?
Did you noticed that indicate on something that isn't something another or on lack of sth may be little hard?
(I hope it's clear:-) I'm sorry for my grammar)

So, even if you setting a goal like "I don't want to be a fat slob" you probably think about how the thin & nice people look or behave - so your goal is rather "i want to be thin (or sth)".
Or you hasn't any goal - maybe misty vision - which is equal to the lack of goal.
If you have a vision in mind of you as a fat slobe, you actually visualise something that you want to avoid (a stick), but it isn't your goal. The goal is always positive.

[rimmy]

Hi Guys,

Thanks for sharing your posts! I feel inspiration is divine guidance and motivation is imparted directly if this lacks quality then it for sure it will hamper the hopes of many their lives.Everyone must try to take up positive motivation.Anyways guys keep posting such interesting topics.