No golden middle for me? I'm slowly killing myself

[Vasilisa]

Hi! I have a big, big problem, concerning work. I either take it easy, enjoy myself and walk idle or I work myself almost to death. If I start working I can't stop. I work 12-14 hours a day, sleep 5-6 hours, come to almost complete exaustion, do not see my son much. Is it some kind of obsessiveness or something? Sometimes I do unnessessary stuff - just keep working out of anxiety not to do enough and etc.
I'm loosing my sleep because of being overworked and anxious.
It seems to me if I don't work twice more hours than I'm paid for ,I feel I don't deserve my salary.
Even if I stay home, I will do everything to make my day exausting and overly busy.
I look at some of my friends - they are less busy, work less than I do, but have more money and much happier and healthier than me (and more accomplished).
I want to learn to be the same way, but I don't know how.
In my mind I have a deeply engrained believe that everything which comes to me, comes with great sweat and tears.
On the other hand I believe I'm physically fragile, not strong.
Does it mean for me that in order to achieve anything I have to destroy my physical body with hard labor, not enough sleep, stress, etc.?
How can I change that? Because I am really ready.
How can I achieve more results but remain healthy and calm and have some time for my personal life?

[uberinquisitive]

Originally Posted by Vasilisa

In my mind I have a deeply engrained believe that everything which comes to me, comes with great sweat and tears.

On the other hand I believe I'm physically fragile, not strong.

I am a huge fan of EFT, TAT and BSFF (done together).

I collapsed a lifetime of perfectionism...resistance to moderate health habits...all in about a month. I still do "touch up" sessions, but I am much more balanced today. It's been about...4-6 months.

I suggest you spend about 2-3 sessions (1 hour each) with a master EFT practitioner.

I suggest holding the TAT pose for 20 minutes every night about the above issues.

And finally - I suggest you use BSFF phrases whenever you are out in public and can't tap or hold the pose.

I wouldn't be surprised if your above 2 limiting beliefs collapsed within 3 months using this combo.

[Angela]

All your beliefs are are thoughts you keep thinking.

"Deeply ingrained" belief means you think that thought a lot.

You've been practicing so diligently believing "nothing comes to me without great sweat and tears" and "I am physically fragile" and "I have a big, big problem." Trying not to think thoughts that you've been habitually thinking is like trying not to think about a zebra.

You are so ready -- now what? Turn towards what you want! Let go of your focus on what you don't want. Deliberately think thoughts that feel good when you think them, and the more you practice doing that, the less room there will be in your head for the ones that feel bad when you think them. And the less resonant the bad-feeling ones will feel.

So, what would good feeling thoughts look like for you? Maybe it would sound something like: "I have the power to deliberately guide my thoughts, and that power feels great, every time I use it. I enjoy my work, and I love it so much that sometimes I forget how much I love my life outside my work, and that makes me laugh! I love my child, and I love to have fun, and I love the feeling of getting stronger and stronger as I do more and more exercise and eat healthy foods more and more. It feels so wonderful to recognize that I have the power to choose when I've done enough work and it's time to switch to playing with my child or to go work out. It's so much fun to realize that only I get to choose, no one else can choose for me, what my next right action is! And it's so much fun to be generous with myself and realize that, like everyone else, I am not only deserving of infinite joy, abundance, and power -- I actually AM infinite joy, abundance, and power, and what a delight my life is as I reveal that infinite joy, abundance, and power of who I really am to myself, a little at a time, in the perfect time. I am excited as I watch things get better and better."

Whatever it is, if you want to change how your life is occuring for you, change your story!

And as Uberinquisitive mentioned TAT -- I've been trying that lately an am amazed and delighted at how instantly effective it has been. I've been using it on some physical tension and growing power, and I'm looking forward to using it on any discomfort that's emotional that comes up. (Thanks for reminding me about that, Uber!)

[Liveformx64]

The 4-Hour Workweek and Timothy Ferriss

The book helped me break the connection between hours worked and true productivity / results. I think this book may be step 2 in your process of overcoming "workaholism" but I think it could be of value to you.

[Vasilisa]

Thank you for recommendations. I'm looking at the material you wrote about.
4 hour work week sounds incredible but is it realistic? But I'll read it anyway.
Angela, sometimes our subconsious mind drags us back to old ways. I tried so many times to change different sides of my life, but usually something comes up and brings me back to where I was.
I'll try EFT and TAT. I actually already started working on EFT.
My main problem might be - very low self-esteem and absence of respect for myself. No matter what I achieve and how much I do it doesn't help me to feel more value. But if I fail - I remember it and stay angry with myself for a lo-o-ong time. I try not to, but it stays with me deep down.
With people... It seems like most of them are more important for me than myself. Anybody else's opinion counts, but my own. If I want to make a decision, first thing I'll do - to consider if it' appropriate and if other people will like it.

[AO1]

Originally Posted by uberinquisitive

I am a huge fan of EFT, TAT and BSFF (done together).

I collapsed a lifetime of perfectionism...resistance to moderate health habits...all in about a month. I still do "touch up" sessions, but I am much more balanced today. It's been about...4-6 months.

I suggest you spend about 2-3 sessions (1 hour each) with a master EFT practitioner.

I suggest holding the TAT pose for 20 minutes every night about the above issues.

And finally - I suggest you use BSFF phrases whenever you are out in public and can't tap or hold the pose.

I wouldn't be surprised if your above 2 limiting beliefs collapsed within 3 months using this combo.

Could you please expand on these acronyms?

[jtracy]

You sound like me. I don't know whether you have heard of Taylor Hartman's book "the Color Code" but I'm guessing you would be a Blue, as I am. Blue people worry about everything. They have a strong work ethic and try twice as hard as anyone else. They are completely loyal, deeply committed perfectionists. I can certainly relate to sometimes doing unnessessary stuff just keep working out of anxiety that you haven't done enough. I do that too.

What you need to do is to change your mindset. You need to remember that frantic activity doesn't always create the best results. Try to realize is that there will always be enough time to get the important things done. An idea to keep in mind is that if you get the most important things done first, the other things will just fit into place around them, but if you do all those other things first, there will be no room for the important ones. Prioritization of tasks is important.

You need to remember that one of those important tasks is time for quiet reflection, and another is time for spontaneous play. You need time to rest and rejeuvanate yourself so that you can perform your work better when you get back to it. Quiet time also allows you to reflect on whether you are doing the best things in the best way to accomplish your tasks. Those things are really important. It may help to visualize yourself getting everything that's important done well and feeling proud of it. Focus on doing what you enjoy and do well today, and don't worry about the future. If you do the right things today, the future will be bright.

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by Vasilisa

Hi! <snip>
It seems to me if I don't work twice more hours than I'm paid for ,I feel I don't deserve my salary.
<snip>
I look at some of my friends - they are less busy, work less than I do, but have more money and much happier and healthier than me (and more accomplished).
I want to learn to be the same way, but I don't know how.
In my mind I have a deeply engrained believe that everything which comes to me, comes with great sweat and tears.
On the other hand I believe I'm physically fragile, not strong.
<snip>
My main problem might be - very low self-esteem and absence of respect for myself. No matter what I achieve and how much I do it doesn't help me to feel more value. But if I fail - I remember it and stay angry with myself for a lo-o-ong time. I try not to, but it stays with me deep down.
With people... It seems like most of them are more important for me than myself. Anybody else's opinion counts, but my own. If I want to make a decision, first thing I'll do - to consider if it' appropriate and if other people will like it.

Hi Vasilisa,

I've highlighted what I heard as the major points of your post: You work hard, because you don't feel like you deserve what you get, and you don't believe you even deserve what you have. You have little self worth and there's a deep sense of lack that runs throughout your whole life.

There might be other symptoms: No matter how much you earn there's never enough, there's always debt, bills and problems occuring and one financial crisis after another. You may also frequent second-hand, thrift stores and garage sales, any place where really cheap used items are available. And lastly: There's something you want to accomplish, but you are just unsure whether or not you can, even though you really really want to!

This is actually caused by a limiting belief that we all have about ourselves. Most of us gain it when we are about 3-4 and it stays with us our whole lives, and we all have different ways of "dealing" with it. It's never actually really dealt with though, it's just a bandaid fix that allows us to hide it until another day.

The only really way to fix it is to delve into the issue and dig up the major reason why you have the belief. What kind of worthless/undeserving undercurrent has been running your life until now? Why is it that when you were so young that you started believing that you were undeserving and worthless? Is this belief actually REAL, does it actually exist in reality, or is it something you made up about yourself and your life? Are you actually inherently worthless? If so, where? Do you have a worthless gland? :P

Start with those questions, but unfortunately this isn't an issue that can be solved with one forum post. Does anyone else know where more information can be found on this kind of exercise?

I do know however that after you uncover the truth behind the belief and dig it out, roots and all, underneath you WILL discover that you really are inherently valuable and deserving. That deep down you are a person of worth that has something to give the world, and that the world would be a little poorer without you in it. Then you can relax a little, graciously accept that which will come into your life and start focusing on what matters instead of what doesn't.

[Vasilisa]

Parthon, everything you've written is true. The whole thing is that once I start working on the issue it goes deeper and deeper and appears to interweave with all areas of my life.
I don't think this issue appeared when I was 3-4 (though who knows? I don't remember much from that time of my life), but probably somewhere around teen years. I had a couple traumas. I tried to deal with them with the help of a specialist, but matters got actualy worse during that time.
I became more tense and fearful than ever before and it was escalating until I stopped going to him. Then I returned to my usual self-consious, but stable self.
I try to make friends with every brave, outgoing person I like. I try to learn from them and adjust their way of thinking and behaving for myself, but it helps temporarily.
I already tried to let issue be, just leaving it alone and to be what I am. But it's so self-destructive in the matter of overworking and lack of sleep and catering to other people too much, that here I am again, asking somebody to give me some kind of information which will help me to deal with it.
JTracy, I will definitely look at the book "The color code".
Thank you.

Any help counts. Who knows may be the next book I read and follow will be the one which will help to ease my issues?

[Parthon]

Yeah, this kind of problem is what I've heard called the "context of your life". The underlying patterns that seem to run your life when you aren't paying attention, until you realise you have no control over them. The reason why they are affecting you so badly is because they are hidden, and the first thing that needs to be done is to reveal it.

The questions you can ask yourselves would start with these:
What kind of worthless/undeserving undercurrent has been running your life until now?

Why is it that when you were so young that you started believing that you were undeserving and worthless?

Is this belief actually REAL, does it actually exist in reality, or is it something you made up about yourself and your life?

Are you actually inherently worthless?

If so, where?

Do you have a worthless gland? :P

Remember the earliest time you first felt you were worthless, or the first time you had a negative thought about yourself, what was happening?

I don't need the answers, the questions are to open up some insights into the hidden background of your life. Share what insights you get though.

[Vasilisa]

Parthon, of course I understand I'm worthy and good enough to get some benefits from life, but when the specific situation comes which needs standing up for myself or asking for more then all my old feelings come back.
I'm not confident and I'm afraid to be confident and please myself, give myself some rest, etc., because then people will not like me, and I'll loose my friends and job.
For when it started. Well... I remember that very well. It was a specific relationship with my parents when I was a teenager, which brought all this.
I remember how it started, how developed, what I was feeling - everything. But it doesnt' help much. The feelings stay with me.

[uberinquisitive]

Originally Posted by AO1

Could you please expand on these acronyms?

EFT = Emotional Freedom Technique


TAT = Tapas Accupressure Technique

BSFF = Be Set Free Fast