Wait? There are more interesting things than work? - A 30 day trial

[Breezy]

If meaning is measured in a number of words, then this is going to be one hell of a meaningful post

Last week, despite the fact that 90% of the office were on vacation and another 9% were sitting in the office chit-chatting, due to a total lack of work, I was "lucky" enough to land with an urgent project. Do to this turn of events I ended up with at least 10 hour work days, which, when you add in travel time, lunch time, making dinner at home and preparing for work in the morning, didn't leave any time to anything but sleeping, if even that. So for an entire week I was stuck in a work-sleep-work cycle with occasional breaks for bad quality food.

Yet these things happen, especially in my field of expertise, the scary thing came as a realization somewhere around 19.00 on one of the evenings. The official work day ended already 2 hours ago and I was accepting additional voluntary work to help out the project manager. At that moment I captured a thought in my head: "Well, I've got nothing better to do anyway, might as well do something useful...."

....and that was a scary moment!

Can't say it was a surprise, rather the acknowledgement of the reality was terrifying - I, at the pleasant age of 22, had nothing better to do than work, even worse, I always considered the job itself rather tedious. The most boring thing in my life became the most exciting, simply because there was nothing else.

Let me tell you how this came into being. Roughly 6 years ago I was the usual teenager, playing PC, doing some occasional sports and hanging out with my friends, life just happened around me, and I really didn't mind.

A few years later I realised that I would like to achieve something more, more money, a good career, perfect diploma, independence etc. So I began a lot of self-critical thinking, reviewing everything about my life and coming to a conclusion that it sucked. I then set up goals to accomplish, failed many times and a few months of self-critical thinking later, came to a conclusion that I sucked.

In the given process I continually stepped on and over myself and finally accomplished what I wanted, independence, a good job, a near perfect diploma, yet in the process I lost everything that was fun and what I got in return wasn't that exciting -> a boring routine of work and chores of the independant life. As a bonus the universe added the "God I hate everything, it's boring, pointless, annoying" attitude.

Not happy with the situation I decided to change again and add a bit of flare to my life. I began by looking for a meaning of life, a goal that would motivate me and actually make getting up in the morning a happy experience. As you might have guessed this didn't happen, and how could it, the attitude I got is able to make everything look like worthless ♥♥♥♥♥.

I got stuck in the following cycle:

Presuppostitions

a) Presuppostition 1 - I have to have a meaning in life and achieve it no matter what
b) Presuppostition 2 - In order to enjoy activity X it has to have a purpose and contribute to my meaning of life.

Decision making in everyday life

Question - Do I want to do X (Go to a party, hang out with friends, exercise, go to the movies, read, go on a date, insert any other activity here)?

Decision process - Compare activity X to the meaning of life -> no meaning of life present -> activity X is not enjoyable since it doesn't contribute to the meaning of life.

Answer - Do not engage in activity X

Looks like a computer doesn't it? The result of this "program" running for years ranged from cutting off my friends to stop eating regularly. The only thing that passed this "program" was work, since I had to pay rent.

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Now I have understood that at this pace I shall never find a meaning of life and just go through my days in hibernate mode, I have to take at least some action and damn the consequence and damn the fact that they don't contribute to anything.

I have many things I do not like in my life at the moment, but I need a lot of motivation to accomplish any of them, so at first I just want to enjoy life and then the motivation to accomplish bigger things will come.

The problem -> I am bloody bored and tired of seeing life drift by
The goal -> To have fun and enjoy life
The solution -> Meet new people and do something exciting every day.

The 30 Day Trial

For the next 30 days I will try to live the life I always wanted and never experienced, despite the fact that I had all the means to do so (another scary realisation )

For the next 30 days I will do the following, daily:

a) In the last year I dabbled a bit (a very little bit) in pick-up, read some theory, did a few approaches, had a few first dates, but then usually the "program", described above, kicked in and I simply didn't answer any calls or deleted the numbers I had gotten in the field (genius, I know) - Get 3 telephone numbers each day

b) Lately my physical well-being has suffered, sleeping irregular hours, eating only once a day and bad quality food etc -> Eat three healthy meals a day, sleep 7 hours a day.

c) I need positive emotions and experiences, something to recharge my will to breathe and live -> Do something enjoyable, new, exciting or something I was afraid of each day. (These cannot be repeated, with one exception, later on that during the trial)

d) Sports -> currently considering this, will finalise in the evening.

e) Log the trial each day online, in this thread.

Trial starts on the 14th

Let's see how this goes, my worst enemy will be my apathy

Feedback is welcome, especially on how to keep up the motivation, mine is known to come in loops, with the low tides destroying everything accomplished on the high notes.

[wolverine]

I like the sound of this! I think that not everything in life can have a profound meaning; some things are worth doing just because they are fun, or healthy or anything.

What do you think is the meaning of life? Why? Then, what is the meaning of your life? Have you considered that your life may not be the same as 'life in general' and may in fact just be there for the fun of it? Why can't you contribute to whatever you value while having fun? (These don't have to simultaneous if you can't figure out an activity that does so.)

Also, don't beat yourself up if you miss a few things here and there. You've got lofty goals here; if you have a few days where you don't eat healthy at every single meal, then cut yourself some slack and don't give up because you're human! I've been focusing on eating healthy for the last year and yet I still sometimes am stumped or just can't be bothered with making or finding (to buy) a healthy meal. So long as the majority of the time I fit within my goals, it's good.

Good luck! Looking forward to seeing how this goes.


Wolverine

[Breezy]

Thank you for reminding me about cutting myself some slack, I forgot to mention that I am a perfectionist and that it can really poison even the best of accomplishments, just because 99% is not as good as 100%.

As for the meaning of life questions, I decided to put them away into a dusty drawer for a long time, I just had enough of it.

I am currently thinking about sports, I used to go to the gym, but this requires eating a lot and becomes annoying, so I am thinking about swimming and just eating healthy. Gym and perfectionism just don't go together.

Thank you for the reply.

I forgot to mention, if you guys/gals have any ideas about fun, unusual and challenging things to do, then feel free to suggest, after such a long hibernating time my imagination isn't the best.

[Kaspian]

Originally Posted by Breezy

I forgot to mention, if you guys/gals have any ideas about fun, unusual and challenging things to do, then feel free to suggest, after such a long hibernating time my imagination isn't the best.

rock climbing
kayaking
canoeing
hiking
knitting
drawing
painting
sculpting
de-junking
playing Frisbee
learning a language
learning a musical instrument
dancing
yoga
riding a bike
roller skating/roller blading
cooking
taking an acting class

[Lauxa]

It sounds like what you are lacking is fun. I am in the similar situation, but a few more years down the line with so many responsibilities (2 young kids) and can't often do the activities that suggest "fun" to me.

I have been working on using negative affirmations to help me change my attitudes (read here for my theory on this). The last few days I had been working with "cheerful" but realized that I don't really want to go to cheerful because I associate that with somewhat annoying, chirrupy, Pollyanna, and a few other negative things. I have just decided that the next thing I will try is "fun". I will use the negative affirmation "I am not fun" to open up my imagination and bring forth ways of being that are more fun.

Really I think fun is an attitude, not a thing you do but a way you are. You can bring your fun attitude to your job or you can take it on a date, but just changing what you do won't necessarily change who you are being.

I'm not saying NOT to do these things you are setting out as goals, just that it seems like a rather stressful way to try to align with "fun".

[Peek]

Hey Breezy,

You ventilate some good insights here. And I have to admit from my own experience that if there are no Fun-Vibes to your goals then one day it will make you painful.

Don't blame your old goals too much, they got you were you are now. Be thankful for them and welcome the new.
Some people wake up to this call when they are in their fifties.

So let fun be your guide and the purpose of not hurting others but helping to make them laugh.

(Breezy is a good name for this purpose too.)

Giddy up,

Peek

[PVince81]

Hi Breezy,

I also had this type of insight two years ago as I was working a complete week over time for an urgent project. On my way home I felt like drunk, as if I had worked too much (workaholic?), and felt like at this moment the only thing happening in my life was my job.

Unlike you it didn't push me to change, because after that week I didn't have to work that much. So I just had that insight, then forgot it again.
Now I am "stuck" in the same kind of routine again and also willing to do something for a change, baby step by baby step.

Good luck for your challenge!

Vincent

[Bleicke]

Hi,

While I think it's a good idea to try out new stuff, all that at once might be too much. You'll need a really strong discipline to stick to it.

Why not try one at a time? Also, try not to "get 3 numbers" in pick-up. Try going out every day (be it a club or hanging at the mall talking to chicks) and HAVING FUN! Just do 1 hour of dedicated "pick-up" each day and try having fun with it. Having fun is the most important part of pick-up, anyway.

Unless you have huge willpower, I'd split this challenge into several ones and start with an easy one (healthy meals for example). For more tips and my success (and failure) with the 30 day challenges, see How to successfully do Anything: The 30-Day-Challenge | Bleicke.com.

Good luck!