How to overcome shyness?

[machoman]

I have this nagging problem. How do I overcome this? Let me tell about myself about this matter :
I find it difficult to talk with someone comfortably. Every body says that I am a silent boy or a good boy. But I do not seem to make many friends because of this shyness. I think, for the past 4 years, was a shy person. I read a lot of books which is what I only do. Whenever everybody is enjoying their time,like talking and having a fun time with themselves, I find myself reading self improvement books in a hope improving myself.Another problem is that I only read these books and not applying the suggesions learnt from these books.Another instance occured when I went to an amusement park with my friends. I felt myself very very uncomfortable playing with them. Because of water.I don't know why I fear water. They like playing in the deeper levels of water. But I was afraid to play with them and as a result I sat on a chair watching them playing. Maybe I was the only one that day not playing in water in that amusement park.This instance make me feeling guilt because everybody enjoys their life and I am always alone.I have no confidence in my abilities. I am not very bright in academics. I score a little above average in my high school. This also made me disappointing. I tell myself I am a useless person. There are also many students in my class who are not very good in grades but they live their life to the fullest by having friends. I also find it guilty because they atleast enjoy their life inspite of poor grades. I was a sort of person who without any good grades in my school and without any friends.Is this happening to me because of this shyness?

Is there anyway I can overcome shyness?
How can I make friends?Please anyone suggest any practical methods.I would be grateful if you did.

[joelyle]

see yourself in the other person. also, concentrate on loving yourself and to seperate yourself from what believe is you (grades, etc). Meditate/stop the stream of thinking. Concentrate on being part of the fabric of life and not as a sepearate entity. Pay attention to your feelings vs. your thoughts.
Read: I Am That Nisargaddata

take heart in that as you move in positive direction: the benefits for you and everyone you contact: will change dramatically.

[Jarrod]

What makes you shy(and related things) is the thoughts and emotions that occur in each moment.

First you need to really see these as they happen so you can stay separate from them.

I wrote some stuff about this a bit back: Overcoming Shyness using Warrior Techniques | Self Development at Warrior Development

By getting separate and working on the thoughts/feelings you will start to learn a lot more about what you really are. This is a very practical exploration.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by machoman

Is there anyway I can overcome shyness?
How can I make friends?Please anyone suggest any practical methods.I would be grateful if you did.

Landmark Forum & Advanced Course is how I did it.

[mrsmith]

Originally Posted by machoman

I have this nagging problem. How do I overcome this? Let me tell about myself about this matter :
I find it difficult to talk with someone comfortably. Every body says that I am a silent boy or a good boy. But I do not seem to make many friends because of this shyness. I think, for the past 4 years, was a shy person. I read a lot of books which is what I only do. Whenever everybody is enjoying their time,like talking and having a fun time with themselves, I find myself reading self improvement books in a hope improving myself.Another problem is that I only read these books and not applying the suggesions learnt from these books.Another instance occured when I went to an amusement park with my friends. I felt myself very very uncomfortable playing with them. Because of water.I don't know why I fear water. They like playing in the deeper levels of water. But I was afraid to play with them and as a result I sat on a chair watching them playing. Maybe I was the only one that day not playing in water in that amusement park.This instance make me feeling guilt because everybody enjoys their life and I am always alone.I have no confidence in my abilities. I am not very bright in academics. I score a little above average in my high school. This also made me disappointing. I tell myself I am a useless person. There are also many students in my class who are not very good in grades but they live their life to the fullest by having friends. I also find it guilty because they atleast enjoy their life inspite of poor grades. I was a sort of person who without any good grades in my school and without any friends.Is this happening to me because of this shyness?

Is there anyway I can overcome shyness?
How can I make friends?Please anyone suggest any practical methods.I would be grateful if you did.

It's been proven time and time again (especially in America) that you don't have to be exceptionally bright to live a good life. It doesn't necessarily mean you're not smart because you're not knocking it out of the park in school either. School isn't for everyone.

There's really only one way to get over being shy or nervous. All the suggestions in the books you read won't help anything until you take some action! You have to face your fear head on. If I where you I'd forget about what I "used to be" in school and start being who I "want to be" going forward.

Making friends with people is simple...talk to the ones you want to befriend. People aren't likely to cast you off as long as you can carry a decent conversation. You seem like a very nice person. People like having nice guys around.

Once you learn to take action and the things you want you'll be fine.

[AlexG]

I wrote about this few days ago. I hope this helps.

Ten Practical Ways to Overcome Shyness

It will take time. As long as you take a step to overcoming it each day you'll be fine.

[pianoperformer]

Believe me I've been there. It doesn't sound necessarily like a problem of being shy, but of confidence and self-worth. It concerns me you say that you have told yourself you are useless. Believe me you are not!

I was there when I was in middle school and high school. It even got to bouts of self-harm. You don't want it to get that bad (hopefully it's not already). You are fine just the way you are. If you are unhappy about something, feel free to take steps to change it, but realize it does not define you.

Saying that, perhaps try to develop a little more boldness. Interject yourself into social situations if you can. It can be harder to do this in high school because people have fallen into their little cliques, but maybe try joining clubs or something that can be fun for you and help you to meet others as well.

I don't know if any of this will work. I was an outcast all throughout high school, and couldn't seem to change it. Once I got to college, though, it was a clean slate and I made sure that didn't happen again..

If you can't, though, that's all right. Throw yourself into something else that you enjoy. Self-improvement books are OK, but can only go so far, especially if you don't apply the advice, and they quickly become redundant. Maybe find something you are really interested in, and throw yourself into it with vigor, while still trying to get good grades in school. Just being engaged in some way in something you are interested in will really boost your confidence and make you feel happier.

[simonsta]

Hi Machoman! One trick I know works (because I and several others I coach have been successful with) is to be an actor of yourself. Sounds corny... sounds cheesy... but if you considered yourself an actor playing yourself you can put yourself on a stage and behave in ways you wouldn't normally do, such as being more friendly or gregarious.
BTW actors can be very shy. Also people who have speech impediments are sometimes asked to 'sing' what they want to say because, apparently, it removes the impediment.
You always have to be yourself though, but be a more embelished self!

[Bleicke]

Try looking into pickup. They basically focus around removing shyness, or approach anxiety, as they call it. But don't get tangled up in theory - get a good practical 3-month-plan or something and execute it. Nothing worse than paralysis by analysis.

[newmark]

Try joining some clubs which teach or practice something you are interested in. This is old advice, but it works for many people, including me many years ago.
You say you aren't good at school, but I think it is much too soon to form any conclusion. When you are feeling more confident you can think about this in a more balanced way. If you lack confidence this will show up in all areas of your life, including the academic. Remember that most things can be trained, including intelligence and interpersonal skills.
Put some of the advice you are reading into practice.
As was said above, there is no fast way to cure shyness, but there is a way.

[stompjared]

I was pretty shy before I started working in tech support, on the phone all the time. Starting out, I'd be nervous about dealing with strangers and would stammer and sound something like Milton from Office Space (minus the desire to burn the place down). I think once you're exposed to people constantly, and venture outside your comfort zone, that will be your new comfort zone, and you'll be more inclined to initiate conversation and change into an extrovert.

In a nutshell, push yourself to say "hello" to a stranger, as I garuantee you they won't bite. Like all skills, it will take practise and persistance.

[machoman]

Thanks everyone. So many people giving me suggessions and I am extremely happy that there IS a possibility that I can overcome shyness. I will try all of the advice you people gave me. THANKS A LOT!