Pursuing goals you cannot measure?

[metamorph]

How can you pursue goals you cannot or almost not measure? I listened a lot to Tony Robbins and Brian Tracy among others and all stress the importance of defining goals specifically. To be absolutely precise about what you want, to write them down and to review them. They stress goals have to be so specifically defined that you can measure them. OK, so weight-loss, working-out and making money are clear to me, but how do I measure these goals:
1) to develop unshakable self-esteem
2) to develop immense passion, or unconditional compassion
3) to develop unconditional faith in myself

etc.

Hope this makes sense.

[StellaBlue]

Originally Posted by metamorph

How can you pursue goals you cannot or almost not measure? I listened a lot to Tony Robbins and Brian Tracy among others and all stress the importance of defining goals specifically. To be absolutely precise about what you want, to write them down and to review them. They stress goals have to be so specifically defined that you can measure them. OK, so weight-loss, working-out and making money are clear to me, but how do I measure these goals:
1) to develop unshakable self-esteem
2) to develop immense passion, or unconditional compassion
3) to develop unconditional faith in myself

etc.

Hope this makes sense.

Maybe you need to look for something you can measure that results from achieving these goals. For example, what do you want to accomplish by having unshakable self-esteem? How will you act? What will be different from how you are now? Think of a situation that you will be able to handle differently once you have met this goal so that you know you are there and can measure it.

[Angela]

Think of a signpost that you would recognize, so that you're sure you are being self-esteem, or passion, or faith. Try thinking of these signposts as just fun signs that point to your real desire, which is the way of being, and celebrate the little signposts without stress. You can't lose.

Self-esteem -- "I am speaking in front of a group of at least 100 people on a topic I'm passionate about, by August 15, 2008."

Passion -- "I wake up satisfied that I am generating passion for at least two aspects of the coming day, every day in August."

Faith -- "I practice letting go of negative thought patterns, and generating at least ten positive thoughts about myself each day in August."

Or whatever inspires you, that you'll know you've accomplished it (or you'll know you haven't, and that's just feedback, and you can adjust your aim), and it has a deadline.

[MattSuwak]

My own method works well, I've seen, in myself and others.

I set immeasureable goals because by saying "I'll run 100 miles straight", and you really work towards it, you will carry yourself further than by saying "I'll run 10 miles straight".

In that same vein I also set sign posts as Angela said. That way I know I'm on track and I can see the awesome progress that I've made. So if you wanted to have an immeasurable amount of self-esteem, give yourself those sign posts. Make little goals inbetween that and the huge one so you are making victories and you can see the work you've done.

[Jarrod]

Originally Posted by metamorph

1) to develop unshakable self-esteem
2) to develop immense passion, or unconditional compassion
3) to develop unconditional faith in myself

You have a moment to moment measure. Do I have unshakable self-esteem now?

These are subjective goals so you will have subjective measures.

You would do well to analyse what is stops me from having unconditional faith in myself and self-esteem.

[seeker5]

Maybe you can assign a level where you feel you are, from 1-10 with 1 being worst and 10 being best.

Where do you feel you are right now on each goal?

Where do you want to be at on each goal?

[Zenduba]

Originally Posted by Angela

Think of a signpost that you would recognize, so that you're sure you are being self-esteem, or passion, or faith. Try thinking of these signposts as just fun signs that point to your real desire, which is the way of being, and celebrate the little signposts without stress. You can't lose.

Self-esteem -- "I am speaking in front of a group of at least 100 people on a topic I'm passionate about, by August 15, 2008."

Passion -- "I wake up satisfied that I am generating passion for at least two aspects of the coming day, every day in August."

Faith -- "I practice letting go of negative thought patterns, and generating at least ten positive thoughts about myself each day in August."

Or whatever inspires you, that you'll know you've accomplished it (or you'll know you haven't, and that's just feedback, and you can adjust your aim), and it has a deadline.

I agr

[Zenduba]

Originally Posted by Zenduba

I agr

I agree with Angela, whatever goal you make must ultimately be broken down into some kind of daily action. It's not so much the attainment of the goal as much as what you learn while you're trying to accomplish it. I think Steve wrote about this in Self Help Junkies, all immeasurable must ultimately yield some kind of measurable result as a by-product.

[Nicketas]

Originally Posted by metamorph

How can you pursue goals you cannot or almost not measure? I listened a lot to Tony Robbins and Brian Tracy among others and all stress the importance of defining goals specifically. To be absolutely precise about what you want, to write them down and to review them. They stress goals have to be so specifically defined that you can measure them. OK, so weight-loss, working-out and making money are clear to me, but how do I measure these goals:
1) to develop unshakable self-esteem
2) to develop immense passion, or unconditional compassion
3) to develop unconditional faith in myself

etc.

Hope this makes sense.

You measure these goals by talking to the man who measures them daily
Psychologist Dr. Paul Dobransky wrote an ebook called MindOS: The Operating System of the Human Mind which diagrams self esteem, emotion, everything about the mind. It took him 20 years and 15,000 patients to research and build.

He has a free ebook & newsletter at the link in my sig. You can also email him personally.

I know that sounds kind of sales-pitchy but lets face it: You needed to measure your room and I've got the yard stick. I may as well hand it to you

[metamorph]

Thanks,everyone.

Angela, I like the sign-posts
Jarrod, yes this is very interesting: I guess self-esteem, happiness and such are volatile and change every second. Thus, it is really a matter of re-assessing your self-esteem or level of happiness any moment. So, in contrast to money, weight and job position which do not change every moment (unless you binge or spend money , your emotional states are in constant flow. So my goals really should be to have constant, unconditional self-esteem etc. But if it is a moment-to-moment decision, then Angela's sign-post method might not work so well, or not?

[Angela]

Ways of being fluctuate; they ebb and flow. To be "constant" means that you're not giving yourself the freedom to grow -- unless it's "constant growth."

That includes money, weight and job position, too, by the way. Who you are being in regards to money, weight or job can transform in an instant, and your experience of life in that area will transform when that happens. For instance, one moment you can be being "I am a big fat hog" and then use deliberate thought to change your experience in a split-second to "I am grateful to my incredibly powerful, healthy body and am generously supporting that power and vitality by feeding and exercising it well." Two entirely different lives.

If you tailor your signposts to an empowering possibility rather than to a disempowering one (like, "I don't want to be a big fat hog"), if you are moving towards what you want rather than away from what you don't, you are building momentum, you are on an upwards spiral. It doesn't matter if you fluctuate when you are on an upward spiral -- that's just part of the ride.

And in each new moment you get to choose again -- "Am I on an upward spiral?" and you don't have to be disempowered if your desired outcome is not "constant." You are simply making the best choice for yourself in this moment, and this one. One moment, one step, over and over again, and then you can look back and see how far you've come.

[metamorph]

Originally Posted by Angela

Ways of being fluctuate; they ebb and flow. To be "constant" means that you're not giving yourself the freedom to grow -- unless it's "constant growth."

That includes money, weight and job position, too, by the way. Who you are being in regards to money, weight or job can transform in an instant, and your experience of life in that area will transform when that happens. For instance, one moment you can be being "I am a big fat hog" and then use deliberate thought to change your experience in a split-second to "I am grateful to my incredibly powerful, healthy body and am generously supporting that power and vitality by feeding and exercising it well." Two entirely different lives.

If you tailor your signposts to an empowering possibility rather than to a disempowering one (like, "I don't want to be a big fat hog"), if you are moving towards what you want rather than away from what you don't, you are building momentum, you are on an upwards spiral. It doesn't matter if you fluctuate when you are on an upward spiral -- that's just part of the ride.

And in each new moment you get to choose again -- "Am I on an upward spiral?" and you don't have to be disempowered if your desired outcome is not "constant." You are simply making the best choice for yourself in this moment, and this one. One moment, one step, over and over again, and then you can look back and see how far you've come.

Thanks! Nathaniel Branden says all psychological states fluctuate and thus when he talks about high self-esteem, he refers to "high on average". This is a really great insight for me and you are right about letting fluctuations happen.

The one concern I have with the sign posts: let us say I do this talk in front of an audience about something I care about. I will feel great and my self-esteem will be high at that point, but unlike money and weight emotional states are volatile. So 1 hour later or the next day, my self-esteem might be rock bottom because of whatever might happen or because I might be tired and irritated. So with emotional states you cannot build-up an account. You have to always fight to maintain it. Like breathing: if I take a deep breath now, it will supply me with oxygen, but if I stop breathing, then this oxygen now wont help me 1 hour from now... Does this make sense?

[Angela]

Metamorph, I think your question is asked out of being run by an old pain belief, one that does not want to die. When you think about being confident and self-esteemish, your habitual negative thought pattern kicks in and says, "oh, no you don't! You might feel better for a little while, but you're going to believe me in the end!" The stinkin' little gremlin will not go away easy.

The more you practice your inspiring new possibility, and practice letting go of the old belief that doesn't serve you anymore, the more you kill off that little gremlin -- the easier it gets. It's an upward slant. And it's also possible to have a sudden breakthrough -- that's what I do in my coaching.

Meanwhile, you might want to look and make sure "self-esteem" inspires you. You might find a way of being that inspires you more.

[metamorph]

Originally Posted by Angela

Metamorph, I think your question is asked out of being run by an old pain belief, one that does not want to die. When you think about being confident and self-esteemish, your habitual negative thought pattern kicks in and says, "oh, no you don't! You might feel better for a little while, but you're going to believe me in the end!" The stinkin' little gremlin will not go away easy.

The more you practice your inspiring new possibility, and practice letting go of the old belief that doesn't serve you anymore, the more you kill off that little gremlin -- the easier it gets. It's an upward slant. And it's also possible to have a sudden breakthrough -- that's what I do in my coaching.

Meanwhile, you might want to look and make sure "self-esteem" inspires you. You might find a way of being that inspires you more.

I am not fixed on self-esteem as a principle, but I am committed to taking accountability for my life and emotional states. I understand from your posts that you are too (?). And this accountability means that I aim at not letting my emotional states to be at the mercy of random events. (don't know if we are going off topic here

[Angela]

Originally Posted by metamorph

I aim at not letting my emotional states to be at the mercy of random events.

You don't want your emotional states to be at the effect of external circumstance, is that right? You want to be cause in the matter of how you feel. (My upcoming website is based on that principle: www.feelgoodonpurpose.com -- due August 14!). So yes, I am also committed to being 100% responsible for generating my emotional state, and who I am being.

One thing I've found is it's easier to go towards what you want than to get away from what you don't -- so if you were to turn towards a way of being that would inspire you, what would that be? What would you be Being if you were right on target with your self-esteem and living a life you're in love with?

[Jarrod]

Originally Posted by metamorph

Thanks,everyone.

Angela, I like the sign-posts
Jarrod, yes this is very interesting: I guess self-esteem, happiness and such are volatile and change every second. Thus, it is really a matter of re-assessing your self-esteem or level of happiness any moment. So, in contrast to money, weight and job position which do not change every moment (unless you binge or spend money , your emotional states are in constant flow. So my goals really should be to have constant, unconditional self-esteem etc. But if it is a moment-to-moment decision, then Angela's sign-post method might not work so well, or not?

Angela method is valid.

It all depends on your precise definition of each attribute.

Personally I don't define signposts. Lifes events provide me with all the challenges I need to gauge my progress.

I guess you could say I have a model of correct behavior, and that is non-reactionary. I pass or fail depending on whether I act or react.

[metamorph]

Originally Posted by Jarrod

Angela method is valid.

It all depends on your precise definition of each attribute.

Personally I don't define signposts. Lifes events provide me with all the challenges I need to gauge my progress.

I guess you could say I have a model of correct behavior, and that is non-reactionary. I pass or fail depending on whether I act or react.

I have a similar code of conduct: emotions, values and attitudes I have for myself as de facto and unconditional. Like listening, respect and compassion. They are nothing people need to earn from me, because I live them for myself independant of external factors (at least I am committed to do so). This is a way to give myself tremendous inspiration, drive and love. So although these conducts might involve other people or are directed at other people, they are ultimately for myself.

[metamorph]

Originally Posted by Angela

What would you be Being if you were right on target with your self-esteem and living a life you're in love with?

Yes, I know what I want to be, but how do I know where the maximum of these unmeasurable goals are. Let us say I want to really be passionate about life. Where is the 10 on a scale of 1-10. I might never have felt a 10 in my whole life (although I got myself so passionate about life recently during my "morning hour" that I literally had extra heart beats, so I guess this will qualify as "11"). But when it comes to other emotions it might not be so easy to assess the intensity.

[Angela]

There is always measuring not on a minimum/maximum scale, but rather on an "Am I expanding, or am I not expanding?" scale. That way, even the sky's not the limit.

Like weight loss, expanding might involve a step backwards before 2 steps forward, so you don't want to weigh yourself twice a day -- you've got to give yourself a little freedom, generosity, and forgiveness.