In Need of Decision Advise..

[ghfever]

Hey guys. I'm having a dilemma here. I don't really feel like posting my life story, but I really need some advice and some of you are older and certainly smarter and more experienced so. Here goes nothing.

I got thrown out at the age 16. I moved into my own apartment and survived for a while, barely. So I decided about 8 months ago to get a roommate. We're locked into a lease for 6 more months. Sounds peachy keen, right? No.

My roommate quit her job almost 2 months ago now, and i've been trying to maintain the house and bills on just my paycheck alone and it's not working out anymore. We were threatened with eviction but have till Friday to pay up. I get paid on Friday.

Now keep in mind that if I pay rent with this paycheck, then rent is due again on the first of August. Right around when I get another paycheck. Which, again, we won't have the money to pay for. Let alone all the backed up bills. Electric, Cable, Credit Cards, Gas, Food, etc. etc.

So I guess what i'm trying to ask is what do you all think I should do? My Grandfather would love it if I came and moved in with him. He lives a few states away, so it wouldn't be the most ideal situation. The man is also VERY controlling and i'm used to being very independent, you know? He wants everything to go HIS way. He'll expect a job, exercise, etc. Well I have goals to be an at-home worker, and I don't think he'll go for that.

If I moved in with him it would be permanently. At least for a few years so I could build a savings and get college done with. We've attempted to live together before and it hasn't worked because he is too demanding and wants everything done his way, and i'm to rebellious (according to him). I don't consider myself rebellious, I just consider myself independent. I have my own goals, and my own schedules to get things done.

Okay, i'm starting to ramble, so i'm going to cut myself off. I guess i'm just asking for some advice on what I should do? Continue to try and struggle on my own or face the music and live with my Grandfather?

On one last note, if things DIDN'T work out with my Grandfather, i'd be really, really screwed. He's a last option kinda deal. So. Keep that in mind.

Thanks in advance to any responses.

[Angela]

Two things:

1) If you do choose to move in with Grandpa (how will you continue at the same college and live a few states away, by the way?), it would be a great chance for you to have breakthrough in an area in which you're currently powerless. It could be a training ground for you in setting boundaries (ahead of time!), in generating love and freedom for yourself and for gramps; in seeing what's possible via interdependence; in powerfully letting go of what you don't need while generating what works.

2) If you decide that the price of living with Grandpa is too high, then you have a different opportunity for breakthrough -- in nurturing and discovering resources you are not currently aware of; in recognizing a third, unknown alternative; in problem-solving and real independence. You have mentioned how independence is so important to you that living with grampa would be a pain in the butt, so now you have the chance to generate real independence and brilliant creativity.

Oh, wait, there's a third:

3) If you choose to not choose (which is a choice, of course), you get to have a breakthrough in well-being in sink-or-swim mode, which can be really great and effective! Maybe a little uncomfortable. But that's what your college years are for, discomfort!

Best wishes to you.

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by ghfever

Hey guys. I'm having a dilemma here. I don't really feel like posting my life story, but I really need some advice and some of you are older and certainly smarter and more experienced so. Here goes nothing.

I got thrown out at the age 16. I moved into my own apartment and survived for a while, barely. So I decided about 8 months ago to get a roommate. We're locked into a lease for 6 more months. Sounds peachy keen, right? No.

My roommate quit her job almost 2 months ago now, and i've been trying to maintain the house and bills on just my paycheck alone and it's not working out anymore. We were threatened with eviction but have till Friday to pay up. I get paid on Friday.

Now keep in mind that if I pay rent with this paycheck, then rent is due again on the first of August. Right around when I get another paycheck. Which, again, we won't have the money to pay for. Let alone all the backed up bills. Electric, Cable, Credit Cards, Gas, Food, etc. etc.

So I guess what i'm trying to ask is what do you all think I should do? My Grandfather would love it if I came and moved in with him. He lives a few states away, so it wouldn't be the most ideal situation. The man is also VERY controlling and i'm used to being very independent, you know? He wants everything to go HIS way. He'll expect a job, exercise, etc. Well I have goals to be an at-home worker, and I don't think he'll go for that.

If I moved in with him it would be permanently. At least for a few years so I could build a savings and get college done with. We've attempted to live together before and it hasn't worked because he is too demanding and wants everything done his way, and i'm to rebellious (according to him). I don't consider myself rebellious, I just consider myself independent. I have my own goals, and my own schedules to get things done.

Okay, i'm starting to ramble, so i'm going to cut myself off. I guess i'm just asking for some advice on what I should do? Continue to try and struggle on my own or face the music and live with my Grandfather?

On one last note, if things DIDN'T work out with my Grandfather, i'd be really, really screwed. He's a last option kinda deal. So. Keep that in mind.

Thanks in advance to any responses.

I'm not sure where you are, but unless they actually serve you with an eviction notice, they cannot evict you. Don't believe them. All you have to do is prove you are living there (mail or bank statement) and they have to take you to court to get you out. I was in a situation where I was paying a roomate and he was gambling all the money away. The landlord tried to throw me out in the middle of a blizzard (literally a blizzard). I went to court and the lawyer tried to get me to settle before I went in and I said no. She said I was going to get screwed if I went in to the judge, but I knew my rights. The judge gave me as much time as I needed to move out and I didn't have to pay rent. Don't be bullied out onto the street. You have rights. That said, definitely dump the roomate and get a new one or look for roomate wanted ads in the paper, on craigslist.org, or on bus stops around your area. Good luck!

[ghfever]

Originally Posted by Angela

Two things:

1) If you do choose to move in with Grandpa (how will you continue at the same college and live a few states away, by the way?), it would be a great chance for you to have breakthrough in an area in which you're currently powerless. It could be a training ground for you in setting boundaries (ahead of time!), in generating love and freedom for yourself and for gramps; in seeing what's possible via interdependence; in powerfully letting go of what you don't need while generating what works.

2) If you decide that the price of living with Grandpa is too high, then you have a different opportunity for breakthrough -- in nurturing and discovering resources you are not currently aware of; in recognizing a third, unknown alternative; in problem-solving and real independence. You have mentioned how independence is so important to you that living with grampa would be a pain in the butt, so now you have the chance to generate real independence and brilliant creativity.

Oh, wait, there's a third:

3) If you choose to not choose (which is a choice, of course), you get to have a breakthrough in well-being in sink-or-swim mode, which can be really great and effective! Maybe a little uncomfortable. But that's what your college years are for, discomfort!

Best wishes to you.

Angela, you always have the best advice. I just spoke with my Grandfather and he's fine with me coming down and working on building myself as a person. He expects me to get at least a part-time job, but I could deal with that while trying to build something for myself online and at home.

Also. I haven't started college yet, I start this September. So i'd hope to find another school quick enough that I could still start this Fall, if not i'd have to wait for Spring classes.

I really want to build something for myself here on the internet. I want a fansite with loyal fans that I can talk to about personal issues as well as my niche. I want to be able to interact on a daily basis. Steve Pavlina is a great idol of mine.

Sigh. Angela, I need to just PM you from now on vs. starting a thread. You're always on the ball. Thank you so much!

[Angela]

Thanks! Who knows, maybe Grandpa will end up getting involved in your projects. I smell a book deal -- "Blogging with Grandpa!"

p.s... I really envy you. I wish I had my grandpa's around so I could ask them questions I didn't know to ask while they were still alive. One grandpa was in the Navy and married and unknowingly impregnated a young Nicaraguan woman, then his ship left port and his wife died soon after. He went back to Arkansas and began a new family. The Nicaraguan woman's baby grew up to be my mother, who spent her whole adult life searching for her father. Eventually she became a naturalized citizen, and then miraculously found her dad (and a brand-new wonderful sister, too!) and discovered she had been a U.S. citizen all along.

The other grandpa had some pretty wild adventures in Deadwood and as a railroad engineer, and was the funniest man who ever lived, in a very Mark Twain sort of way. Both of these guys could have filled volumes with their adventures and wit and huge personalities. Not to be written by me, though; I was too young and stupid to ask them the questions I would ask them now.

I hope you think to ask your grandpa the right questions. Of course you will -- you're a crime scene detective!

[ghfever]

Soon to be CST.

I'm going to get all the advice I can from him, and I hope that it all works out

[ghfever]

Well scratch option number one Angela. I just spoke with him and I am expected to work a full time job, and when i'm not working i'm expected to do productive things, such as excersise, eat healthy, go out, etc. He's not willing to comprimise and they'll be no computer OR internet in his house, "it's a waste of life".

Guess it's sink or swim. And the way money and things are looking right now, i'll be sinking.

[Angela]

That's great -- it sounds like he made your decision easier.

You won't sink, you will swim, I know you well enough to see that. Have you read Steve's latest post about love money?

[ghfever]

He certainly limited my decisions.

I guess i'm going to get another apartment. My only question is should I do this alone, or invite my current roommate?

She's a great person, one of my best friends, we relate so well. I just NEED her to know that she has to work. She needs to find a job before I'll agree to move in with her. But I don't know how to convey that without starting a fight or angst.


PS > You just beat me to that other post and I told you I replied to you over here and you beat me here! Argh! Speedy

[Angela]

That is hilarious! Your Grandpa tells you that you have to get a job if you want to live with him, and you tell this other person she has to get a job if she wants to live with you. You and Grandpa are Mirror Buddies!

So, how would you have preferred Grandpa to have handled the You Situation? Should he have just allowed you to move in without getting a job, and maybe even given you money from time to time? Paid for most stuff? Or should he have trusted you to come up with half the expenses, even though you're not employed? Maybe it would have been best for him to tell you that he doesn't think it's in both of your best interests to move in together, and for the sake of your relationship it's time to part ways, living space wise.

You are so lucky! To have this incredible mirror-gazing experience going on. I so hope you appreciate the humor in it.

[ghfever]

No no no, you misunderstood. I know that I have to get a job. Everyone needs a steady income to survive. But he is saying during my spare time i'm to do what he wishes. May that be excersise, talk, go out. He's calling all the shots. They'll be no internet in my house, the internet is a bad thing.

I'm sorry. I'm an adult now. I've been an adult since I was thrown out at 16 and made it then. He didn't help then. I'm not having him tell me when I need to exersise or go out of the house, and i'm certainly not letting him dictate me going online. I have real dreams and aspire to do things online. And he's not going to stop that.

No, but back to the point. I know I need a job or a reliable source of income. And I told him i'd pay for bills, for him to set the limits. And he went into his i'm in control mode, and I won't tolerate that.