What could I do?

[Rose of Cairo]

I'm sorry I guess this is going to be a pity party post. It'd be better to go straight to bed, I'm very tired right now, and probably not in the appropriate mood to talk about such things. But......

Since I went through my "I'm useless" process, I don't worry so much about my purpose anymore. I still cannot define it precisely, but I know it's about creating harmony in some way. When I say harmony I mean something I explained here:
And I believe I'm useless

I also realized that no matter what I do, I am already expressing who I am and fulfilling my purpose in everything I do, so I don't feel that I have to do anything special about it anymore.

Still, I'd like to do something meaningful with my time. And I don't know what. There are so many possible ways to express my message, but which one could I choose? I don't know what I want. I don't know what to do.

I know I've got many talents, there are people who would love to have my skills. And I don't do anything with these resources. I'm not living up to my potential. I'm a bit surprised at my own complete lack of ambition.

Maybe it's because I don't see why on earth I should put a lot of time and effort into something, as there are many other things that are just as pleasurable and meaningful, and I cannot do all of them. Plus, I'm already happy like it is now, so why want more? And I also have a feeling that everything I could do is somewhat meaningless.

But I don't really feel fulfilled this way.

Sorry, I know this is weird, I could just do anything, I just have to pick one thing... I guess nobody can help me with this decision. But I'd love to hear your input, as a way of procrastinating

No but seriously, would you help me find something that would be worth the effort and that I would be willing to do for real?

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

I also have a feeling that everything I could do is somewhat meaningless.

Nothing except showing yourself and the people you meet and the animals you encounter that you love them, which I think you already do a pretty good job of already.

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

No but seriously, would you help me find something that would be worth the effort and that I would be willing to do for real?

I think you should be a dream advocate. That's like a life coach, but more important.

[Angela]

Still, I'd like to do something meaningful with my time. And I don't know what. There are so many possible ways to express my message, but which one could I choose? I don't know what I want. I don't know what to do.

As problems go, Rose, that's a pretty luxurious one. You're in such an enviable position, to be mulling over the myriad ways you can choose to make a difference in the world, knowing that you are born to make a difference, powerful, strong, capable and loving. You can't really make a mistake, you know. And you are already making a difference for lots of people -- must I drop a building on you for you to *get* that? "oh, but no, it's not enough, I must do more, I am not satisfied! oh! oh! oh!"

I love this problem, and I love you. You are playing a big, big BIG game.

...and please don't make the mistake again of thinking this is a compliment.

[Mags]

Rose, I'm so grateful to you for posting your thoughts and processes here. They mirror my own in so many ways, and I'm finding reading your words and those of others so helpful!

Since replying to your thread on "being useless", discussing the idea of flow, I've been reflecting on this more in my own life. What I really love is when life just flows, when it feels all easy and effortless (even though I may be working hard at something). And for me, flow is all about Source energy flowing through me into the world... so flow is essentially a combination of all those good things like love and joy and abundance.

Like you, I've often become stuck on the "but what can I do?" question. As a scanner myself, there are so many things to pick from, each as attractive as the other, i.e. nothing really stands out for me as containing more significance or meaning than anything else. BUT, while thinking about flow, I realised that even though I'm not clear on what activities/projects I want to do, I am actually very clear on what energy I want to allow and create in my life.

So... for now, I'm trying an experiment, which is to stop trying to figure out what to do, and to focus on "going with the flow" as it were! In other words, I'm really listening to my energy and evaluating activities based on whether they feel like they would allow flow. And then doing whichever seems to promote flow the most. I'm being open to whatever that results in, whether it be writing, or dancing, or knitting...

In a sense, this is similar to the idea of focusing on being rather than doing, figuring out the energy behind what you want. But somehow, for me, adding in the concept of flow to this and really feeling the energy gives it a different angle for me.

I also let go (or at least am trying to let go!) of the idea that I have to make a difference in this world. I was finding that I felt/feel a lot of pressure when I think about what to do in terms of this, almost like I have a debt to the world that needs to be fulfilled. Yet, maybe the best I can offer the world (at least at the moment) is to be a conduit for Source energy to flow in. Maybe me dancing in my bedroom in the middle of the day because that feels like it promotes flow is not a conventional way of helping the world (say, versus doing charity work), but maybe the good vibes that I'm allowing through change the world in ways that I don't know about?! Maybe, next week, doing charity work will be what promotes flow and also conforms to a more traditional way of helping the world... I don't know... I'm trying not to judge myself and what I'm doing at the moment!

Anyway, just some more for you to think about... hope it helps!

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

Nothing except showing yourself and the people you meet and the animals you encounter that you love them, which I think you already do a pretty good job of already.

Thanks Dan That's basically what I do now, not much more. I do fun things I'm interested in, take care of the cat, go for walks in the city and gently respond to strangers who talk to me on the street, or play with a dog, then I come home and sit down and think of all the people I love out there, or write a nice email when I have some time left... And that's it.

I think you should be a dream advocate. That's like a life coach, but more important.

What's a dream advocate??

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Angela

You can't really make a mistake, you know.

Yes I know, that's the problem! Everything's equivalent, so how to choose??

And you are already making a difference for lots of people -- must I drop a building on you for you to *get* that?

Hehe, no, not necessary...

"oh, but no, it's not enough, I must do more, I am not satisfied! oh! oh! oh!"

True. I'm reading A New Earth at the moment. Tolle says wanting "more" is the ego. ok... and I know many people would love to have the kind of relaxed life I'm having. But yes, I'm not satisfied with it.

Edit: it's not "I must do more" it's "I want to do more"!

[theknightwhosaysni-NI]

Write an e-book about how to be natural, spontaneous and not caring about what people think in everyday conversations.
It's something I'd personnaly like to pick up from you.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Mags

Rose, I'm so grateful to you for posting your thoughts and processes here. They mirror my own in so many ways, and I'm finding reading your words and those of others so helpful!

Thanks Mags I find reading your words and those of others very helpful too...

And for me, flow is all about Source energy flowing through me into the world...

Absolutely! For me too, "channeling Love from Source into the World" is how I defined it. Although I'm not sure "Love" is the right word, but I don't care, I know what I mean.

I thank you for this flow idea. I still call it Harmony but it's a flow indeed, not a static thing.

nothing really stands out for me as containing more significance or meaning than anything else.

Exactly! I know a few things I could do to express my flow/harmony message, but which one to choose, and why? And I know I won't be committed to it very long, so... it kinda doesn't make sense.

In other words, I'm really listening to my energy and evaluating activities based on whether they feel like they would allow flow. And then doing whichever seems to promote flow the most. I'm being open to whatever that results in, whether it be writing, or dancing, or knitting...

That's a good idea, I'm going to listen inside of myself whenever I do something, and ask myself how much I feel flow/harmony.

Till now I've asked myself which activity expresses flow/harmony most accurately (from an outside, intellectual viewpoint, like dancing tango expresses it better than selling cheese), or which one allows me to create it for others best. Maybe I should ask myself what makes ME feel most harmonious and flowing? Good idea!

On the other hand, I think just everything can be done in a way that expresses flow and harmony. Does it really depend on the activity, or more on our mindset?

I also let go (or at least am trying to let go!) of the idea that I have to make a difference in this world.

That's great!

I'm feeling such a relief since my "I'm useless" thread, because I now feel free to contribute or not. Plus, peacefully sitting in my living room already is making a difference. I believe that we are all connected, and that the way I feel and think has some influence on others, even if I don't talk to them at all. So when I sit around and feel good, this contributes to the well-being of all others too. I'm useful even when I don't do anything

maybe the best I can offer the world (at least at the moment) is to be a conduit for Source energy to flow in. Maybe me dancing in my bedroom in the middle of the day because that feels like it promotes flow is not a conventional way of helping the world (say, versus doing charity work), but maybe the good vibes that I'm allowing through change the world in ways that I don't know about?!

Yes, absolutely, very well said! I really believe it to be this way, and I believe your good vibes do change the world in some way.

I just think this is not the best I'm able to do. However, I kinda sorta guess that choosing one thing to do just is impossible for me, because of my scanner nature. On the other hand, I'm having so much energy since I went raw, this energy just needs to go somewhere! I can't spend my whole life merely hugging my friends, playing with animals and writing a casual email. I'd explode. But what to do??? (and we're back to the question )

[Lauxa]

Well, you could brainstorm a list of 100 things that you could do with your skills that would be related to creating harmony in some way. Then see if any of them appeal to you. If none of these projects seem "right", but some of them appeal to you more than others, you can look for common themes and use these to generate more ideas.

Even if you "know" you are not going to follow through on this project, starting it could still provide you with valuable experience. You will figure out why the project ultimately did not appeal to you which might be useful for picking your next project and you will also gain skills that could be helpful to you on future projects. So don't let yourself be discouraged before you even begin!

[Lanya]

Just an idea, but:

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Then go into it as deeply as possible. Doesn't matter if it doesn't seem to appeal to you the most, or it's not the most convenient, just do it for the sake of doing it. Maybe after a year of doing it, you'll have a better idea of what you really want to do.

[Dan.Linehan]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

What's a dream advocate??

Someone who helps people pursue their dreams. I think you'd be good at that.

[BenThere]

Hi Rose.

I don't see why on earth I should put a lot of time and effort into something, as there are many other things that are just as pleasurable and meaningful, and I cannot do all of them.

I believe in Victor Frankl's interpretation of the meaning of life.

He taught that life does not have just one meaning.
Its meaning is different from person to person.
More importantly, meaning is different from moment to moment.

We create the meaning of our lives in each moment.

In every moment, there is always...
someone or something to love
...or
some work that needs to be done
...or
if all else has been taken away from us, our right to choose our own attitude in the face of ultimate existential emptiness.

"Man's search for meaning" is a profound book, and I recommend it to anyone struggling with the potential for meaning in their life and work.

[Mags]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

I thank you for this flow idea. I still call it Harmony but it's a flow indeed, not a static thing.

We're definitely talking about the same thing! When you first said "harmony", I had the impression of something static. It's probably because, being a Libra (with it's representative symbol of the scales), I've always tended to put harmony together with the idea of balance ("balance and harmony") which for me is a more static state of equilibrium. But now I see it more like harmony in music, which has movement to it. Thanks to you, I see harmony differently now!

Till now I've asked myself which activity expresses flow/harmony most accurately (from an outside, intellectual viewpoint, like dancing tango expresses it better than selling cheese), or which one allows me to create it for others best. Maybe I should ask myself what makes ME feel most harmonious and flowing? Good idea!

On the other hand, I think just everything can be done in a way that expresses flow and harmony. Does it really depend on the activity, or more on our mindset?

Ooh, good point and good question! I'm in the process of changing the way I look at activities. I've always associated writing with flow, for example. As a result, when I'd want to create flow, I'd sit down to write, but often just end up frustrated as the words wouldn't come and I didn't really understand why. Now I realise that the act of writing, for me, doesn't so much create flow as it is an outcome of flow. In other words, when I'm in the flow, then writing happens. No flow equals writers block. When there's no flow, then it's best for me to do something else that will start up the flow again and then sit down to write. I think every activity can be an expression of flow, but that we can't use an activity to force flow to happen.

I just think this is not the best I'm able to do. However, I kinda sorta guess that choosing one thing to do just is impossible for me, because of my scanner nature. On the other hand, I'm having so much energy since I went raw, this energy just needs to go somewhere! I can't spend my whole life merely hugging my friends, playing with animals and writing a casual email. I'd explode. But what to do??? (and we're back to the question )

Oh, Rose, this made me giggle... what to do indeed?! Maybe instead of picking one thing, you could pick two, three or even four and do them in rotation? Maybe then, you'll know in the back of your mind that focusing on X for the next hour or two is ok because after than you can do Y and so you're not depriving yourself in any way? And even if you start X and are not enjoying it, feeling any harmony/flow, then move on to the next thing, even if it's only ten minutes later.

Having said that, I know very well that as a scanner your answer may still be that it's difficult to pick even three or four things out of the myriad of opportunities out there! One of my own "problems" is that I always feel my list of things that I want to do is incomplete, in the sense that there are only so many things in life that I've had exposure to and know about to include on my list, and maybe flow would be best expressed through activities that I haven't even yet encountered... I almost want to include the entire world on my list . I want to sample everything!

I'm trying to deal with this by focusing on the energies that I want in my life, and surrendering the rest to the universe for now... I'm going to let it bring me experiences that match the energies I want to express, and that will open up further opportunities and experiences, which will let me further refine what I want to do and experience... I'll keep you posted as to how that's working for me (and if you have any further ideas or find something that works for you, I'll be glad to hear them!).

[jbsmith]

Hmmm...sounds rather simple to me, expand what you already are enjoying and finding satisfying.

What I mean by that is take the same ability to brighten people's day on your street and move that online so you can touch hundreds of thousands more people than in your local environment.

In a way, you can do that through forums like this one, but perhaps you want to start your own membership site where you share an experience, thought, observation, or tip with a group of followers a few times each week.

You could do it for free if you are purely in this to expand your touch, or you could charge a small fee to cover the cost of getting the word out, or you could actually turn this into a career where you help people and earn a better living - lots of options.

Jeff

[The Cloud]

Haha, I know exactly what you're saying. I also have this feeling of knowing what I want to do, but not knowing or even caring about how I want to do it. Steve's article today really hammered it home for me, though. I realized that if I really want to do something, I need to stop being afraid and just do it. Worries about money and bills are just holding me back.

But then what I'm afraid of is that my desire is too transient to turn into something real that I can use to support myself. Like, once I really get into it I'll shift gears and want to do something else. Plus there is the semi-immediate concern of not wanting to screw over my roommate with someone that isn't going to pay their half of the bills. I really wouldn't be worried about it as much if it wasn't for that. I don't know, maybe I'm not ready to accept abundance into my life. I just don't want to hurt anybody trying.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

I don't know, maybe I'm not ready to accept abundance into my life. I just don't want to hurt anybody trying.

Accepting abundance = Hurting people

Gosh, where did THAT equation come from? Is that older than the current roommate situation?

[Calimero]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

I'm sorry I guess this is going to be a pity party post. It'd be better to go straight to bed, I'm very tired right now, and probably not in the appropriate mood to talk about such things. But......


No but seriously, would you help me find something that would be worth the effort and that I would be willing to do for real?

I would say if you are tired it would be worth the effort to go to bed for real.
To go to bed when you are tired is not useless or meaningless.
You get some rest and recharge your batteries and tomorrow there is another day and you will surely know what to do when you wake up again.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Calimero

You get some rest and recharge your batteries and tomorrow there is another day and you will surely know what to do when you wake up again.

I wasn't asking what to do with my evening, I was asking what to do with my life. I for sure don't know that when I wake up in the morning. I've asked myself this questions for something like 29 years, so going to be earlier or later once won't make a big difference!

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

Haha, I know exactly what you're saying. I also have this feeling of knowing what I want to do, but not knowing or even caring about how I want to do it. Steve's article today really hammered it home for me, though. I realized that if I really want to do something, I need to stop being afraid and just do it. Worries about money and bills are just holding me back.

That's true!

However my problem is exactly the other way around: I couldn't care less about money issues, but I don't know what I want to do to save my life!

[Calimero]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

I wasn't asking what to do with my evening, I was asking what to do with my life. I for sure don't know that when I wake up in the morning. I've asked myself this questions for something like 29 years, so going to be earlier or later once won't make a big difference!

No of course you won't know after one night of sleep what you do have with the rest of your life.
But usually when we are tired we won't find the answer neither.
What I wanted to say is that it can wait till tomorrow if you are really very tired. And if you wake up you can start or continue your search with new energy.

I am not that long on the forums yet, but did you try that "life purpose" thing?
And is that what gave you the answer that you are useless?

[Calimero]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

That's true!

However my problem is exactly the other way around: I couldn't care less about money issues, but I don't know what I want to do to save my life!

Do you mean that you are like depressed and thinking about suicide?

[lasti]

Just read Steve's latest post

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Calimero

What I wanted to say is that it can wait till tomorrow if you are really very tired. And if you wake up you can start or continue your search with new energy.

You're right about this! But it was yesterday. Today I'm fit

I am not that long on the forums yet, but did you try that "life purpose" thing?
And is that what gave you the answer that you are useless?

Steve's crying method didn't work, but I worked through a few other purpose-finding-methods, like Paul's Passion Project and Andrea's purpose report. The result always was the same as what we said in the "useless" thread: creating harmony/flow in the world.

I cannot define it more precisely for now, but I'm quite clear about this purpose. What I'm not clear about is the medium: what to do exactly, concretely to express this purpose?

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Calimero

Do you mean that you are like depressed and thinking about suicide?

No With "to save my life" I meant that even if it was in order to save my life I couldn't tell what it is that I love. It's a common expression in English, I think (?).

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by lasti

Just read Steve's latest post

Steve's newest post is great, but again the problem is not the money, it's to know what it is that I love in the first place...

Edit: Ah! I take it back! I just saw that Steve's newest post is not the one I thought of. How spot-on

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Angela

Accepting abundance = Hurting people

Gosh, where did THAT equation come from? Is that older than the current roommate situation?

Yes, it is. But I won't hi-jack Rose's thread with my revelations. I'll put it in my Male vs. Female: Compliments and Support thread.

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

That's true!

However my problem is exactly the other way around: I couldn't care less about money issues, but I don't know what I want to do to save my life!

Well, me neither. But I've realized the general direction I want to go, so I know where to start. And once you've started, there is always more path waiting for your feet.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by The Cloud

And once you've started, there is always more path waiting for your feet.

That's very beautifully put!!! Thank you

I decided to start with a few "small" things: my blog. Writing series about a few topics I am particularly attached too, like how to overcome depression, how to quit smoking, and also what Knight suggested in this thread. After I'm done with this, who knows what will happen?

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by theknightwhosaysni-NI

Write an e-book about how to be natural, spontaneous and not caring about what people think in everyday conversations.

ok! you convinced me I'll do it. Maybe it'll be bad as I don't know anything about social skills... but who cares. If it helps only one person I'll consider it to be a success

Originally Posted by Lauxa

So don't let yourself be discouraged before you even begin!

You're so right Lauxa! I usually let myself be discouraged before I even begin, because I know that in two weeks from now I'll have lost interest in this new passion anyway, so I always get a "where's the point?" doubt... But you're right, I can just do some project for two or three weeks and then let it go in peace

Originally Posted by Lanya

just do it for the sake of doing it. Maybe after a year of doing it, you'll have a better idea of what you really want to do.

Doing the same thing for an entire year?? Impossible! And doing it just for the sake of doing it, impossible too! I'd rather die.

Originally Posted by Dan.Linehan

Someone who helps people pursue their dreams. I think you'd be good at that.

Well, in fact I already did that a few times. Then I lost interest

Originally Posted by BenThere

In every moment, there is always...
someone or something to love
...or
some work that needs to be done
...or
if all else has been taken away from us, our right to choose our own attitude in the face of ultimate existential emptiness.

"Man's search for meaning" is a profound book, and I recommend it to anyone struggling with the potential for meaning in their life and work.

Thank you Ben for your insightful post I'll add the book to my enormous To-Read list, and keep what you said in mind.

Thank you all so much for your input!

[coLLege kid07]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

I'm sorry I guess this is going to be a pity party post. It'd be better to go straight to bed, I'm very tired right now, and probably not in the appropriate mood to talk about such things. But......

Since I went through my "I'm useless" process, I don't worry so much about my purpose anymore. I still cannot define it precisely, but I know it's about creating harmony in some way. When I say harmony I mean something I explained here:
And I believe I'm useless

I also realized that no matter what I do, I am already expressing who I am and fulfilling my purpose in everything I do, so I don't feel that I have to do anything special about it anymore.

Still, I'd like to do something meaningful with my time. And I don't know what. There are so many possible ways to express my message, but which one could I choose? I don't know what I want. I don't know what to do.

I know I've got many talents, there are people who would love to have my skills. And I don't do anything with these resources. I'm not living up to my potential. I'm a bit surprised at my own complete lack of ambition.

Maybe it's because I don't see why on earth I should put a lot of time and effort into something, as there are many other things that are just as pleasurable and meaningful, and I cannot do all of them. Plus, I'm already happy like it is now, so why want more? And I also have a feeling that everything I could do is somewhat meaningless.

But I don't really feel fulfilled this way.

Sorry, I know this is weird, I could just do anything, I just have to pick one thing... I guess nobody can help me with this decision. But I'd love to hear your input, as a way of procrastinating

No but seriously, would you help me find something that would be worth the effort and that I would be willing to do for real?

Well I'd say you are already. Posting on these boards and giving your input is a meaningful way to spend your time. Maybe your expectations are way too unrealistic. Just like steve said on his blog post today...there isn't just "one" single thing that fulfills him..there's many. He spends his time between tons of different things, and I choose to do the same. Perhaps your life is out of balance or you're just thinking too hard lol. Anyways good luck with your journey and I'm sure you'll figure it out

[Lanya]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Doing the same thing for an entire year?? Impossible! And doing it just for the sake of doing it, impossible too! I'd rather die.

...like I said, just an idea...*has read Steve's article*