Personal Development: The Core Truth

[Cron]

In my opinion the core truth about personal development is:

To succeed at what you want at some point you will have to do something when you do not feel like doing it. There is no way around this.

There are many personal development materials out there that can give you useful advice, but none of them can make this reality go away. The sooner a person accepts this truth about life the sooner s/he can stop pursuing the next hot system that holds the promise of being the "spoon full of sugar that helps the medicine go down", the magic trick to make something difficult feel appealing. Sooner or later, everybody comes back to the point of having to do something when they don't feel like doing it.

[Steve Pavlina]

I see motivation and self-dscipline as being like two different fuel sources. When motivation is high, work feels like play. Even menial labor can be enjoyable when you're feeling happy and inspired.

When motivation is low, that's when you must rely on self-discipline. Discipline is like a muscle. The more you use it in short bursts, the stronger it gets. But if you overwork it, you'll eventually burn out.

In the long run, motivation/inspiration is the better fuel. It burns clean, can last for weeks at a time if you maintain good momentum, and it's healthy.

The key is that when you notice your motivation is getting low, you can use your self-discipline to rebuild your motivation. This means using your discipline to solve the problems that drag down your motivation.

If you find yourself constantly doing work you hate, disciplining yourself to do more of the same isn't the answer. It's better to use your discipline to get those problems off your plate, so you can restore the motivation to do more important and inspiring things.

[Dave Kaminski]

Originally Posted by Cron

In my opinion the core truth about personal development is:

To succeed at what you want at some point you will have to do something when you do not feel like doing it. There is no way around this.

There are many personal development materials out there that can give you useful advice, but none of them can make this reality go away. The sooner a person accepts this truth about life the sooner s/he can stop pursuing the next hot system that holds the promise of being the "spoon full of sugar that helps the medicine go down", the magic trick to make something difficult feel appealing. Sooner or later, everybody comes back to the point of having to do something when they don't feel like doing it.

I'd have to disagree here, and say that the statement itself is inherently false because once you make the difficult thing appealing, don't you want to do it?

If not, did you really make it appealing?

[Cron]

Steve;

I have to disagree with you. Personal Development literature & media may help a person who needs advice to find the right task for them to do. My feeling is that situation is a small percentage of the situations out there. My opinion is that the bulk of the situations are that people know what the right thing to do is, but they find themselves staring it in the face, not feeling like doing it at a given moment.

Instead of moving on and doing it, they feel that there is something wrong if they don't feel highly motivated every single time they "should" do something. They then go from book to book, cd to cd looking for magic tricks to make doing something feel like fun (at least non-difficult ) all of the time.

They are looking for an anti-avoidance pill.

I don't think such a thing can exist given human nature.

The closest thing to it is action.

Most people wait for wind in their sails. I think that model is inverted. I think doing MAKES motivation. Action blows wind into sales. Action is the pill.

Trouble is, when people are on a couch, scared to approach someone, scared to take a challenge they have to provide the pilot light for that process.

No system will ever take that need away.

Doing something when you don't feel like it.

[Jarrod]

I agree that you have to 'work' even when you don't feel like it.

But one of the top priorities in 'work' is to discover why you don't feel like it. I usually find there is some element of laziness, fear or procrastination going on when I don't feel like working on myself.

[Kazeko]

Steve, what an insight! Thanks!

[Steve Pavlina]

@Cron: I understand what you're saying. 10 years ago I'd have agreed with you.

In the long run, I found that mindset just didn't work for me. It only led to greater unhappiness and frustration. Constantly pushing myself to do work that didn't fulfill me is something I personally tried for many years. It slowly killed my spirit and motivation for living. It made me feel less conscious. I had to leave my consciousness at home when I went to work.

One thing that shifted my focus was to ask myself what I'd do if I only had six months to live. I certainly wouldn't spend that time doing lots of stuff I hate. That got me thinking about how I'd actually want to spend that time. Eventually I figured out I could make a career out of just doing what I enjoy most, which is growing and helping other people grow.

[theknightwhosaysni-NI]

I think Cron is referring to the people who have procrastination problems. When I procrastinate, I always remind myself that motivation follows action and not the other way around, it helps me get started again.

When it's about fulfilling one's life purpose, like being inspired and inspiring others, it's not about procrastination any more. Work is fueled by a completely different motivation, and menial work can definitely be enjoyable.

[MattSuwak]

My brother said it very well.

You can't wait for inspiration or to feel good to do something, you just have to do it even if it sucks and you hate it. He gave an example of climbing a mountain, that you see your goal and it feels great to think of getting there, but you won't if you don't start climbing. Sometimes the climb really sucks and you start to doubt yourself, but then you'll get that glimpse at the mountain top a little bit closer and you remember why you're doing it. That makes it easier for a while until it starts to get to be a pain again.

At some point you aren't going to want to do something, but you have to anyway. If you don't, well, that's just being lazy.

My two cents

[Trezker]

I was just struck by an idea.
Can't you make a training program for self-discipline just like the hundred pushups?

The same layout and all but new values and description of how to exercise with good form.
It would take quite a bit of research to find the right values to put in all the tables so it takes a few dedicated people to work on it.

Who else thinks this idea seems awesome?

[Cron]

Originally Posted by Cron

In my opinion the core truth about personal development is:

To succeed at what you want at some point you will have to do something when you do not feel like doing it. There is no way around this.

There are many personal development materials out there that can give you useful advice, but none of them can make this reality go away. The sooner a person accepts this truth about life the sooner s/he can stop pursuing the next hot system

I just read the comments in this thread so I thought I would quote my original post and add a new comment.

I think the people who disagree with me, like Steve, don't really disagree with me. I think they are taking my point to an extreme and correctly disagreeing with an extreme.

Yes, find a system to help you determine what the right and rewarding things for you to be doing are. What is right and rewarding for you will change over time. Life isn't static, so, yes keep reexamining yourself.

My point is that there comes a point where you have found a good system, found what the right and rewarding things are that you should be doing but even at that point you will still have to face the reality of doing something when you don't feel like doing it.


I think people running away from that fact is what drives a significant part of the sales of the personal development industry. Those people are looking in vain for a magic trick that will always make them feel like doing what they should be doing, right now.

[Angela]

Well, that certainly is one perspective!

[Dannyboy1]

For you, this perspective may be the way you make yourself do things, but it is not the only perspective. Not everyone who succeeds feels like they have to do things they don't like to get what they want. Can you accept that? Some people find a way to like everything that gets them where they want to be. Even if you "dislike" doing something, you can't do it and hate it at the same time. If you did it wouldn't get done right, or at least it wouldn't get done the best it could be done. What really happens is they see something they don't want to do, but they accept it and do it. When you accept it, everything changes because you don't hate it. There's no point in hating something once you've accepted it. People who do things they dislike rarely succeed and are usually miserable. So, maybe it's just your wording that's making people counter your statement?

[Cron]

Originally Posted by Dannyboy1

People who do things they dislike rarely succeed and are usually miserable. So, maybe it's just your wording that's making people counter your statement?

That is a good point about wording. "Dislike" and "hate" are your words, they aren't I actually used. I used the phrase "doing things they don't feel like doing".

Maybe I get strong reactions to my idea, because of the truth value in it?

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by Cron

That is a good point about wording. "Dislike" and "hate" are your words, they are words that I used. I used the phrase "doing things they don't feel like doing".

Maybe I get strong reactions to my idea, because of the truth value in it? People who haven't accepted that there isn't a magic trick for feeling like doing everything they have to do, all the time might feel threatened?

When others vehemently disagree with you, instead of saying "I'm right." in your head say "How can I see what they see to understand them?" My point is, once you accept doing something, you don't think about your "dislike" or "hate" or "don't feel like doing" feelings, you just do it. And you forget about likes and dislikes. It doesn't matter anymore because you've accepted it and don't FEEL that way anymore.

[Cron]

Originally Posted by Dannyboy1

When others vehemently disagree with you, instead of saying "I'm right." in your head say "How can I see what they see to understand them?".

Maybe I already have. If you simply thought I was wrong you wouldn't "vehemently" disagree with me. You might profit by asking yourself if you don't agree with me ( correctly or incorrectly ) at some level, if you feel threatened by that and ask yourself why.

[SandeeHier]

This morning I had to get out of bed early to do something I was really motivated to do. (Believe me, I don't even THINK about getting out of bed early unless I'm pretty motivated! ) Anyway, when the alarm went off, I didn't want to get out of bed. but I did, because sometimes ya just gotta do what you told yourself you would do.

Isn't that kind of what you were saying, Cron? NOT "Okay, I'm going to buckle down and do this job I hate for the next three years," obviously THAT's not helpful, but to push yourself to do the things you know you really want to do.

[Parthon]

I don't think it's a perspective, I think it's one of the fundamental building blocks in the whole pattern of Personal Development. It's not a high level building block though, it's a low level tool, one which people below that line can use to get higher. People who can't push through unease to go after what they want are going to waste away, below their potential. It's not a case of inspiration or laziness, it's just doing the right steps that it takes to succeed.

But: It can only take you so far. If you struggle with procrastination, then it will help you achieve some goals, but it won't solve the problem of having goals that don't align with your true self. It won't solve the problem of the struggle and suffereing caused when you do things you don't like doing. Once you build up the discipline with courage to the point where you are willing to do what it takes, you can take those training wheels off and go for the next jump into Personal Development:

Aligning your goals with your true passion and transmuting your actions into something enjoyable.

If what you are going after is really what you want, then there is no more struggle. You love doing the work because of where it takes you. There's no need to "do something you don't like doing" because everything you do, you love doing, it's aligned with a higher purpose. On top of that, everything that doesn't align with the higher purpose(like doing the washing ), is fully accepted because it's needed to live in order to continue working towards the higher purpose. You can transmute crappy activities into neutral or positive activities because they enable you to live your best and they become the foundation for living a wonderful life.

Yes, discipline to do what it takes is a great start, but it doesn't take you all the way. I also wouldn't say it's the core of personal development either, but it's definately somewhere to begin.

[Dannyboy1]

Originally Posted by Cron

Maybe I already have. If you simply thought I was wrong you wouldn't "vehemently" disagree with me. You might profit by asking yourself if you don't agree with me ( correctly or incorrectly ) at some level, if you feel threatened by that and ask yourself why.

Is it communication at it's best? Could your language have had something in it that caused it rather than just the idea?

[richardxthripp]

I think you believe in necessary evil. Work you don't enjoy is a necessary evil to get to what you want.

This is a limiting believe though, and it will keep you in unenjoyable work if you stick with it. Evil is never necessary. If something is evil, it's not necessary, and if it's truly necessary, it can't possibly be evil.

Change that believe to "you must confront your fears." Because confronting your fears is something you want (and need) to do, even if it feels like you don't.

[Angela]

I don't do anything, ever, anymore that I don't feel like doing. I've never felt more successful, and I'm head over heels in love with my life.

Strangely enough, I do get up in the morning, and my dishes are clean, usually. Not because I give myself a spoon full of sugar to get my dishes done, either. If I have to bribe myself to do something, it's not worth doing. However, I have gotten pretty good at finding the intrinsic joy in life maintenance tasks that I hear others often griping about "having to" do.

[dydde]

Originally Posted by Steve Pavlina

I see motivation and self-dscipline as being like two different fuel sources. When motivation is high, work feels like play. Even menial labor can be enjoyable when you're feeling happy and inspired.

When motivation is low, that's when you must rely on self-discipline. Discipline is like a muscle. The more you use it in short bursts, the stronger it gets. But if you overwork it, you'll eventually burn out.

In the long run, motivation/inspiration is the better fuel. It burns clean, can last for weeks at a time if you maintain good momentum, and it's healthy.

The key is that when you notice your motivation is getting low, you can use your self-discipline to rebuild your motivation. This means using your discipline to solve the problems that drag down your motivation.

If you find yourself constantly doing work you hate, disciplining yourself to do more of the same isn't the answer. It's better to use your discipline to get those problems off your plate, so you can restore the motivation to do more important and inspiring things.

Well if it was that easy. im 22 years old and i have to make a choice what i want to do. nothing wiehn it comes to school inspires me or motivates me, im currently doing math as i write this. And im stuck with this assignment, and every day when i wake up and starts doing the math its not something i enjoy. Its something i just have to do, to become a engineer one day. Engineer is the job i see myself hating the least of all the things out there.

[Parthon]

Dydde: the problem is with the idea of a "career".

Life is my career, I think it should be everyones.

[shivraj]

Core of personal development: is to achieve your dreams and goals and to rise above your previous level in spite of overwhelming odds in the way. For dreamers and achievers motivation is not a problem. If you have crystal clear knowledge of 'who you are' , 'what you want', 'how you would get that'..what else is there? Desires are omnipotent. Care should be taken that these desires should be on the right track...

At the end of life you should never feel that you chased for wrong things in life.
eg. Money, wealth, position, honor doesn't give everlasting happiness and fulfillment.. but paradox is that people are so fond of these things.

[Elrond]

Disagreed.

[dydde]

Originally Posted by Parthon

Dydde: the problem is with the idea of a "career".

Life is my career, I think it should be everyones.

agree to some point, but for me to be happier i think wealth is very important. so i have time and money to travel and do alot of things for myself and my coming family

[Future Enthusiast]

...one might argue the opposite...

to succeed at what you "want," one should only do what they "want" at the time given.

Enjoy,
Jake

[Parthon]

Originally Posted by dydde

agree to some point, but for me to be happier i think wealth is very important. so i have time and money to travel and do alot of things for myself and my coming family

I agree. Wealth won't make you happy, but it can help you do those things that are important to you. As long as you don't make wealth itself important, and as long as you keep in mind why you want the wealth in the first place.

Money isn't everything, but it can open a lot of doors.

[Gambler]

I agree with topic starter, Cron! And I think that is positive message.
The problem with self-improvement is that there is a small part of you that don't want to change, and if you are in front of the task, the struggle within you begins. You feel resistance. And no amount of self-examination or mediation will help you. Because it's risk. You can never be 100 % sure of anything. And being afraid in that moment when you take the action, is not something bad. Change requires suffering. Big change especially. Imagine a life without struggle! Yes it is possible, but, the more you escape from struggle and obstacles, the more sterilized you become. Sterilized from life. Just as those new-age people, with fake smiles, and boring lives.

Even as a young man as I am(27), my experience is that best things and best experiences I got, were due not to some circumstances, but due to my own will and effort, and I always keep them in mind as a reminder for future.