Writing my goals made me feel depressed

[stellabeam]

Hello,

After finding a ton of research on how highly successful people always have written defined goals, I tried it. I tried it over a few years. Had them all over my house, in the car....

If someone knocked on the door, I would quickly run to the fridge and hide all the fridge magnets and the lovely pictures (with written goals) on top of the fridge, before answering the door.

I would write the dates on them - when they would be achieved by. The dates would come and go and instead of something fabulous, I just felt miserable, because i had failed again.

The accumulative effect over time, was that I felt like a complete loser. That I could never have what i wanted. I had really low self esteem and my brand of goal setting was not serving me in the least.

So I stopped writing my goals down.

Instead, I have been focusing on just getting a little bit better in areas of my life that matter. That is all.

Slightly more money all the time, slightly healthier, making baby steps towards getting a social network.

And, I practise the art of ridiculous celebration at "insignificant" growth.

I have had much better results doing it this way. I am ridiculously proud of what I have achieved in the last year. I am a thousand times happier.

Now I am thinking about trying a written clear goal again, but feel scared that I will ruin whatever dream it is.

What are your thoughts?

Stella

[Tigerlilly]

Hm, maybe try a written goal without timeline?

I'm sure of one thing: If you set out writing any goal feeling scared that it won't come true or that in won't come true in time, that's most likely what's gonna happen.

If you are scared of taking on "bigger" stuff( which it isn't really, cause: it's all the small stuff), then you might as well stick with your present way of acchieving until you've gathered more assurance.

What you basically did was to lower your goal enough in your mind so that you were able to crawl under the fences of your fear. Either you conquer your fear or you have to keep on sneaking past your inner defence lines.

And then, I think your present way of acchieving improvement isn't half that bad. After all, if life is getting just a bit better every day in every way that is also bound to make a huge difference in the long run, isn't it?

[Jarrod]

The thoughts and emotions made/make you feel bad, not the goals.

A goal is a concept, an idea, it only has the power you give it. May aswell use the power yourself to be happy now.

[Angela]

I think goals are overrated.

I think that goals are wonderful, fun signposts for measuring how I'm doing in generating an inspiring way of being, but it's the way of being that's valuable, not so much the signpost. I think a lot of people get caught up in thinking that if they reach their goals, then they are a success. But if you reach your goals without generating the way of being that is the desire underlying your goal, what kind of success is that? You look around and wonder, "I've reached my goal, why am I not satisfied and fulfilled?"

What would you be being if you were to reach your goals? What quality or condition would be present in your life, that would really inspire you and light you up? Once you determine that, inspired action and inspired ways of measuring how you're doing in generating it just naturally arise.

[toasterwater]

I would have to agree. When I imagine a very enjoyable life for myself, it includes good times (lots of exciting times including music and thrill) with good friends, (honestly...) a lack of structure, and alot of beer .

Unfortunately, the most important ingredients (the friends, the thrill, the opportunity for a lack of structure, and the beer) of the above scenario are not available for me... and won't be for quite some time. In the mean time, I think I'm persuing this PD thing because I'm hoping it will help me not to hate life (and myself) so much, and it will likely help set me up for a future that looks bright (a future much like the one described above ).

Also, I think it takes my mind off of the fact that my life isn't ideal, and... (wow, I feel like such a loser saying this... lol) that... now that I think about it... I really don't have any friends. Not friends in the form/ availability that I desire.

But anyway, back to the original idea, I like your downplay on goals because there is more to life than all of this... I can't wait till I can experience it again...

[stellabeam]

Originally Posted by Tigerlilly

I'm sure of one thing: If you set out writing any goal feeling scared that it won't come true or that in won't come true in time, that's most likely what's gonna happen.

I

Thanks for those wise words tigerlilly. You are right. I was injecting my goals with a heap of negativity without realising it. How foolish!! Maybe I will practise on something small that I am not attached to just to get the hang of it.

Thanks people for taking the time to comment!

Maybe I will write down a tiny goal, like I will organise a bushwalk with 3 friends within the next month

Stella

[beautyscientist]

Or you could write a 'go to the music shop' goal.

The goal is to go to the music shop. When you get there pick the best bit of music you can find. You come back with the music.

If you never set the goal of going to the shop you will get nothing. But you don't want to go into the music shop and just grab the thing you wanted. You need to find out which one suits you best.

So for instance your goal might be 'get a better job than the one I have now.' You might already have the best job going. You won't know until you have looked.