I take everything way too seriously

[Nomes]

I seriously think there is something wrong with me, be it at work, with friends or at home I tend to take things way too seriously, get tense about it and fret over it and in the end keep on thinking about it, it affects my effectiveness at work and my relationship with friends. I seriously need to lighten up but I just can't

[Jarrod]

I think most people are like that to varying degrees.

How have you tried to 'lighten up'?

It's the thoughts and emotions that are causing you all these problems. So when you catch yourself 'fretting' stop and consider what you are fretting about. Ask yourself if you need to think about it or if there is any point thinking about it. Then let it go. Everytime it comes up let it go. If it persists then tell it that it is unnecessary and let it go.

Slowly start to take control of your mind.

Let us know how it goes.

[Nomes]

I think the problem lies with insecurity, I have noticed that most of the time this fretting comes when it's realted to my job. I have not had a bad review so far but often when someone jokes about work etc I end up taking it seriously and start wondering if my work is upto the mark or not. As I said it all pins down to insecurity I guess. I am insecure about quality of my work, insecure about the fact that I might be put up on a project I am not comfortable with. Often collegues joke about how so an so is not satisfied with my work (well I know that its not true because they don't know) and how I could be sent to a client no one wants to go to.

Thing is I know that the manager is satisfied with my work, else he would have told me himself, and I know that I have not been planned elsewhere but then all of a sudden I start wondering if they know, maybe they found out and then it starts building up into something big (all in my head) before you know it I am on the verge of cracking up just because I have built up a scenario in my head.

It also leads to me worrying about things that have not happened as yet, I know that its good to be prepared but to worry about something that has not happened yet or may not even happen is something I need to let go off, if it happens I will deal with it but the worrying part is I guess worrying :P

I guess as you said I need to let go, then again it keeps on coming back to me.

Another problem that is somewhat related to the ramble above is to do with superstitions, for some reason I am superstitious, so if I see a bad sign then again the same cycle starts I start worrying and I guess when you start worrying and develop a negative mind set you start messing things up and that is precisely what happens, I mess up little things, a goofy worrisome look comes on my face, which clearly shows because a number of people have told me so.

[Jarrod]

You can see how fear is often illogical, I mean it conflicts with what you believe.

For a lot of people fear (including insecurity) is quite strong. Even when you let it go, it keeps coming back, again and again and again.

When I say keep letting it go I don't mean do it a couple of times. I mean everytime a fear thought appears, let it go, hour after day after month after year.

You have to consistently work at it if you really want to break free of it for good. When letting go you can also ask that it be removed from you. Whether you ask yourself or a religious element I don't think it matters. Just ask, trust and let go.

Big fears keep coming back, you have to work on them as well as the little ones. You never have to be afraid so as soon as any fear thought enter your mind remove it.

[clementc82]

Relax man.. Feel good about yourself, feel good about others.

Smile brightens someone's day.

[Cassie]

I see life as a great big unfolding cartoon. Observing us humans and our quirky ways, it's hard not to really. If you have trouble stepping out of your thoughts and away from gnawing worry, try surrounding yourself with people who are exceptionally carefree. If there's someone at work you envy due to their laidback nature, try getting to know them. You may find their energy invigorates and rubs off on you a bit.

[Kate Saltfleet]

One thing that works for me when I find myself becoming over-focused on something is taking a wider view. Steve's podcast about multiple perspectives might be a help.

As a friend of mine always says, in 100 years, who'll give a sh*t?

[nightdiamond]

Hi nomes, .....if I can offer an opinion, I think part of the problem with the jokes and thinking about your quality of work may involve internalizing things.

What I mean by that, is that it is the person's own mind which is generating the negative voices, pictures, incinuations, and coming to its own conclusions without any real evidence from anyone else.

For example, when you talk to someone and they crinkle their nose for a second, a person who internalizes the gesture negatively, might think "he doesn't like me" just from that brief gesture.. the person didn't say 'I don't like you', or did anything outrageous, but that the voice or thought that is coming from the person's head.

In reality, the person crinkled his nose because it itched a lot that day! But the person's own mind created that conclusion, that's how internalization sometimes works...

A good way to counter that is to first recognize when you are internalizing something . Then you can tell yourself to stop it, then remind yourself what you just said here on your post- you are a good worker with no complaints...
After being persistent enough, you can dissolve that habit eventually...

Take care Nomes...