Very Important life lesson; to open or not to open... your mouth!

[Power]

There are always a proper time and place for everything... and this is also so true whenever we speak. There are things that shouldn't be said and there are things that should be said. There are things that should be said now and there are thing that shouldn't be.
Think before we speak... how should we say it and how to deliver it. Often we don't say what we mean and often we don't mean what we say.

Learning to open your mouth and when to keep it shut is not a small issue. It's actually a big deal. It is not limited to one circumstance in your life. It actually affects everypart of your life,.. why? because we are born to communicate everyday and it happens everyday. It is a big aspect in personal development.

We are emotional creatures, emotions over logic in most cases. What are coming out of our mouths? Is it inspirational, developmental or constructive? Or is it demotivational, detrimental, destructive? It not just affect to the people who we come across with but also it also affects us. It is a ripple effect and a wave of effect to how our relationships with others will be like. Do we think about the outcome of what we are saying or going to say.

We could never be leaders to people if we can't communicate with them on a respectable level. A manager complains that he can't control his staff and that the staff hates him. If only the manager can hear/aware what words that comes out of his mouth, then it would not be a surprise.

There are a proper control when we are in an argument or debate with another. Often arguments are not won. Should we be wasting our time to argue with someone who doesn't have a clue of what we are talking about?
Should we then focus of explaining it more clear to them? And once we explained it to the best of our ability to conveyed our concept, should we know and understand when to end an argument or to continue with it?

Sometimes it's best to say little, and little is enough. Sometimes this is not appropriate, but the important lesson is when. When is it appropriate? Sometimes it's best not say nothing at all, when is that approporiate?

I remember one time when I said something I shouldn't have and all hell broke lose. Looking back, I can remember the times that I shouldn't have opened my mouth. I was so stupid for saying certain things. It was out of place and at the wrong time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not simply talking about big arguments, at times I said those things over a coffee get together.
I didn't say it right,... if only I said it differently. Do I regret it?... No, I'm happy that I learned from my mistakes.

Do you remember a time when you opened your mouth when you shouldn't have? Would things have turned out differently if you did say or didn't say?

[Captain Cloudchaser]

In my opinion, people get too hung over words. It's the meanings, the tone, the body language and expression along with the words that actually speak more than the words that are spoken.

I'm not a very effective verbal communicator. I stumble over words, I say things I didn't mean, I can't recall the words I'm trying to say. It's possible that I just haven't practised speaking enough. It's also possible that I'm just a rubbish verbal communicator I find it so easy to articulate what I am trying to say here, in written form, the words flow so effortlessly, I'm amazed that I can't talk like this. But then there are certain pressures when it comes to speaking, especially when one is socially anxious.

I would agree that it is always good to think before speaking, whether that is verbally or not. Emotions can cloud judgement; sometimes I'll feel anger about something, and will want to respond in haste, so I force myself to step back and analyse my feelings and my words, and often I don't feel I need to speak about it at all. But then again, I am the kind of person that doesn't speak very much and finds it hard to express myself; living in fear of words and mistakes would only amplify that, and then no one would hear me speak. Expression is a powerful thing, and at its most raw and beautiful state, sometimes it will offend other people, and I believe those people are responsible to how they react to such words, rather than the person responsible for saying them. Sometimes what we'll say will be incredibly stupid and pointless; but isn't that part of the joy of human interaction?

[Lara]

Originally Posted by Power

Do you remember a time when you opened your mouth when you shouldn't have? Would things have turned out differently if you did say or didn't say?

Pretty much from the time I learned to speak until I was in my mid to late 40's - and once in awhile still - when I am somnambulating.

It is possible things would have turned out differently but we don't know how do we? Does it matter at this moment (I ask myself)? I think not. I am glad to be where I am. I earned it. Here is not a bad place.

When I was about six or seven my Mother, after spanking me vigorously for innocently repeating something rude to a group of neighbors that she'd said about a neighbor who was present told me:

"Your mouth is always going to get you into trouble." or something to that effect.

This was not the last time she spanked me for this. From that day on I was always afraid to speak and when I did speak I had absolutely no confidence in what I was saying and was always fearful when I had to say anything. Eventually I disappeared and Ms. Ego and a band of wild things took my place in me.

Unfortunately, being what I became then had no choice but to live the next 35 years in trouble because of said mouth. A majority of my sorrows, trials and tribulations came as a result of Ms. Ego and her band of wild things speaking (when they could make my body open it's mouth): "my mind", "telling the truth", and "being honest"- as they chose to see it - not to mention thousands of attempts at "just a little white lie" a la Mama. LOL

One day, after many years of intensive self study with some very remarkable men and women, I finally began to see and hear my 'self' quite clearly and slowly, slowly learned how to connect with and speak from my higher self, from my heart and with love and wisdom.

Hard lessons for poor Ms Ego... but I'm oh so glad we experienced them. Life is freer and much easier now and I am able to help others learn to be free in the bargain.

Thanks for the question Power. Good food for thought.

Peace

[coloredflowers]

To express myself is to put myself in the wrong place at the wrong time.

It is an understatement to say that my speech is inadequate. I have trouble expressing what I mean - through body language, voice tone, and such - so the other side receives what I say, and I have crumbled relationships in seconds (maybe less) that way.

Other times, it is just socially awkward between me and anyone else because of my stumbling over words. (I either blurt out passionately or stumble and trip over my mouth - neither good)

I prefer to say nothing at all now.

Once, I freaked out over a cookie (atleast I can laugh about it now...sort of...), and a stream of verbal garbage just spewed from my mouth.
I should have just stayed quiet.

Arent there times that you have something so marvelous to say, but the moment to say it just passes by?

Controlling what I say and how I say it has always been a big issue for me.
Something nice, can turn into something ugly.

And I agree with Captain Cloudchaser that writing comes so much easier than speaking, and the theory that all the communicational issues probably come from a lack of the practice of it.

But on the topic of communication, is the only way to feel less awkward with others by the practice of it? If so, I'm a gonner...

[maxdof]

Habit 5 of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey.
"Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood".

[chickenlittle]

Thank-you to all of you! This is the first topic I have read since I conquered my introduction, And already I feel soo moved by all of your positive outlooks.

[Clint Cora]

This is related to emotional intelligence where unfortunately sometimes we respond to something verbally before really thinking about the consequences of saying certain things. This is also how arguments and conflicts come out as a result of sudden reactions that can be verbal.

I know that for myself, it has been a real learning experience to really control or edit what I say before actually saying things, if I say them at all. It's all part of developing my own emotional intelligence and I would totally encourage others to do the same as the end results include better relationships and fewer regrets.

[mlj]

Unfortunately, for me - this is an area in my life that I haven't mastered yet.

Especially if I am upset, with something that was just said or just happened, I tend to respond angrily without thinking about what the person meant.

I would then think about it later, and kick myself with how I responded.

But on the other hand I am thankful for these situations because I can see for myself how I react to these situations, and learn to improve on them which will make me a better person in the long run.

[rodav]

I am one of those who thinks first before opening my mouth. I've learned to do this because I'm not one to cloak what I want to say in pretty words, I don't have that ability, hence I can offend at times.

However, there is a downside to this think-before-you-talk approach. A lot of times I'm not able to say what I intend to in the very first place. When I have thought it over, I'd just tell myself it's not important, let it go, but deep inside me I wish I had. I guess I just have to find the proper timing.

[Clint Cora]

Originally Posted by mlj

Unfortunately, for me - this is an area in my life that I haven't mastered yet.

Especially if I am upset, with something that was just said or just happened, I tend to respond angrily without thinking about what the person meant.

I would then think about it later, and kick myself with how I responded.

But on the other hand I am thankful for these situations because I can see for myself how I react to these situations, and learn to improve on them which will make me a better person in the long run.

Good for you for recognizing this. It's said that 85% of the population could improve in this area so don't feel bad about it. Take an active position in developing the skills in this area and you will become more successful in ways you can never imagine.

[brendannz]

If success in life = A + B + C
then A is work
B is play, and C is keeping your mouth shut


-Einstein

[strawberryShaker]

Can i just say one thing??

Emotions aren't bad, they are good. Without them we would be monsters. Emotional intelligence is just about controlling that power.

If you suppress it and don't deal with emotions it can be your greatest weakness.