A.A has the best advice anyone will ever need

[freedomclub]

I see a lot of advice on this forums that I think is downright damaging. Maybe I'm not interpreting it correctly but I see people constantly talking about "accepting" things they hate, or being conscious of the "is-ness" of it. You don't HAVE to hate your job. It's YOUR fault. Etc etc. I feel like the Serenity Prayer, from Alcoholics Anonymous, is the best advice I've ever read (I got it at NA).

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

That's it. You don't have to accept everything under the sun. We have the power to change things. SOMETIMES. If you can change something you don't like, do it. The tricky part is knowing the difference.

[Angela]

Freedomclub -- I have never, ever, not even once seen anyone on these forums say: "it's your fault."

The Serenity Prayer is a perfect example (just longer!) of what we're talking about when we talk about surrender and acceptance around here.

[jawillie]

Yes, the serenity prayer is what a lot of people here are saying in some form or another.

I have found a great gift by learning acceptance. It is a powerful thing to accept what is. ISness is all there IS. When you get that, things change drastically, miraculously and beautifully in your world!

With acceptance you are able to change things, but you do so in a much more powerful manner.

For me, I just realize if I am griping, complaining and moaning and groaning, then I am NOT accepting what IS right NOW. As I fight what is right now, I make myself and everyone around me miserable.

BUT... if you are truly accepting what IS, you feel an inner peace even if it isn't something you prefer right now. You can move forward with more clarity and the wisdom to choose something different.

I am probably not making sense, so I will just stop.

Just wanted to say, that I agree with you, in a round about way.

[freedomclub]

Angela, I was wrong to use the words "your fault". I don't see those exact words being used but I see the warped idea being tossed around (particularly on some user blogs) that if you just accept EVERYTHING that it will be OK, as opposed to changing the things you have the power to change. That's the point I wanted to make; thank you for calling my error to my attention.

[Angela]

Well, I love the serenity prayer even though I don't believe there's a god, so thank you very much for making it present here.

[Fullcrum]

When we say to accept things as they are, we accept that they are like that in their current condition, and then have the power to change it without resisting, in our heads, the situation.

It goes something like this:

"I hate my life. I have no friends and no social life."

"Hmm, I don't like. Well, I accept that I have no friends. There. I have no friends right now."

"Now I can go make friends."

NOT

"I hate my life. I have no friends and no social life."

"Damn it, I hate this, I think I should make friends."

*As you're talking to people; this is the internal monologue* "Damn, I have no friends, I wish I'd have made friends before. Why did it take so long for me to make friends?"


You won't be always talking to yourself in your head RESISTING what already IS saying "Why didn't I make friends before? Why am I like this? Why do I have to put so much work into this?" You just do whatever it is that you think makes the best life for you, from wherever you are.



Accepting does not remove the power to change.

Acceptance facilitates change.

[freedomclub]

That's a very valid point. Sometimes it takes a few different wordings to get through but I think you did it for me Fullcrum.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by freedomclub

Angela, I was wrong to use the words "your fault". I don't see those exact words being used but I see the warped idea being tossed around (particularly on some user blogs) that if you just accept EVERYTHING that it will be OK, as opposed to changing the things you have the power to change. That's the point I wanted to make; thank you for calling my error to my attention.

Why would you not accept everything, or at least everything that is anything? Nobody here is preaching stagnation, the acceptance that what is is what always will be. It is acceptance of what is right now that is essential, because you can't get away from it. Now is now, and what is now is, whether you fight it or not. It's acceptance of truth.

There is a huge difference between "I am poor and unhappy right now" and "I have always been and will always be poor and unhappy." The former is the truth of the moment, the latter is mere speculation of the future based on the past. One acceptance, one resignation. You can't lose the battle you don't fight, and you can't win a battle against the present.