Need to find focus.. even through I'm stupid...

[SQUISH]

hello PDSM community!! I'm new here.. have read a lot of great posts.. so I figured I woud join!!

Now.. i wanna throw something out there.. and hope to get some positive vibes coming back my way!!!

I can't focus on my work! I'm a writer and i have a horrible boss who enjoys dishing insults.. her work is great, but I have lost all respect for her because of her personal attacks that I find inappropriate... however, everytime I receive feedback from her (almost always negative.. and insulting) I get off track and feel to stupid to continue.. I have considered leaving the job many times.. but I think its important for my personal development to see the current project through to the end! But, I have to find some coping mechanisms to not feel so stupid everytime she questions .. "Why don't you get it" ...

[munish]

Try to spend 1 hr every day listening to Steve pavlina's pod cast.

[Aiox]

Do the best you can do and feel secure in that.

Could be she's insulting you to compensate for her own issues.

It's not inappropriate to tell her you don't appreciate the personal attack tone of her criticisms. If you do so, do it with a smile and be non-threatening, show that it doesnt perturb you. Something like "I'm puzzled by your need to insult me personally, as it really serves no purpose...". Be prepared for more static, but let it slide with a shrug of indifference.

If she doesnt elicit an emotional response from you, than you're not fueling the situation. It's good verbal Aikido, redirect her negative energy.

A good manager never insults. Her skills are lacking and her comments, if insulting in a personal manner, are totally inappropriate. You could mention this to her supervisor, either formally or just in passing.

Really, you shouldnt have to take any static of this manner from anyone. Criticizing your work is one thing, insults are another.

And breathe when you are around her, dont let her impact your inner balance. Stay on station, stay focused on doing the best you can do. If it's not good enough, time to move on.

[Cassie]

You're not stupid! Welcome. And don't allow your boss to affect you too much. It sounds like she has her panties in a knot.

[Doku]

Originally Posted by SQUISH

I have considered leaving the job many times.. but I think its important for my personal development to see the current project through to the end! But, I have to find some coping mechanisms to not feel so stupid everytime she questions .. "Why don't you get it" ...

"I don't know. Let's go sit down with HR, and see if they can help me understand." Most companies take this kind of harassment VERY seriously.

[Alvin]

Originally Posted by Doku

"I don't know. Let's go sit down with HR, and see if they can help me understand." Most companies take this kind of harassment VERY seriously.

Ditto that. Squish, any environment that constantly puts you down is not a good one.

Here are some points of assertiveness you might find useful:

1) Never show fear, or in your case, that what she says impacts you in a large way.

2) Assert your position. 'You know, I know you are (good intention here) at the same time I would appreciate it if (what you prefer). Thank you.'

3) Never challenge the other person! If you make it into an ego match it can only get worse.

4) Always leave an honorable face-saving way out. I find you can always do this by being polite with a smile.

A caveat: this approach doesn't work with all situations

[Nova]

Originally Posted by SQUISH

but I think its important for my personal development to see the current project through to the end!

I think it is more important for your personal development that you don't put up with this situation. You need to take action. You have multiple options. Confront your boss. Talk to HR and ask to be assigned another boss. Or just quit. The only reason your boss treats you so bad, is because you let her.

[Matthew Shea]

Another option is to discuss this with a co-worker. If she's as insulting as you say she is, everyone else is bound to know her true colors. If you find some companionship on this issue, it'll be easier to deal with. I definitely agree with the others, though, that you need to escape this environment. You're not doing yourself any good by sticking around.

[PhoenixBlossom]

Tomorrow on your way to work, try to recall every positive interaction that you have ever had with your boss. Think about the elements of her personality or skills that you admire and appreciate. If your mind wants to slip into recalling the negatives that you've already posted, try to push it back to the positive.

If that's too much of a stretch, then think about the benefits of working for your company... whatever you do, consider the positive, and expect to have a good day when you arrive. Stay as happy as possible, and see what happens.

Another approach is to consider the qualities of the ideal co-worker and the ideal boss. Then, assume those qualities yourself, and be the person you want to encounter all day.

And above all, have fun with it! Life is good.

Love & Joy