Suggestions on how to stop making mistakes.

[MommyJ]

I make alot of stupid mistakes that I know I shouldn't be making. Some of it is probably that I worry too much about messing up and being perfect. Sometimes I feel it's just that I can't keep up with my brain. I know I need to slow down, but it's really difficult for me to do. It makes me feel like a retard and makes me wonder if I have some kind of mental illness or what not. Looking for some suggestions or advice. I just really don't know where to begin, but it is something that has been bugging me for along time and I believe it to be effecting my relationship with my husband. Are there any mental exercises that I could try, books to read, etc...?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by MommyJ

I make alot of stupid mistakes that I know I shouldn't be making.

If I were you, I would focus not on trying not to make stupid mistakes, but on letting go of your *shoulds*.

You are judging yourself so harshly, yet you are absolutely perfect exactly as you are! There is nothing wrong with you.

And. You are getting some feedback -- (which is a much more empowering term than "stupid mistakes", by the way ) -- and you have the opportunity to make corrections to your course just like everyone. I would suggest that you start by looking at the extremely disempowering language you use on yourself, even just in your post! Ouch! You wouldn't talk to your friend like that, would you, or even a stranger like me, you wouldn't call a "retard", would you?

I reckon you've got some old pain programmed into you -- everybody does. You've made up your mind that you're imperfect or not good enough or worthless. It's hard, because no matter how much someone tells you you're good enough, you won't buy it because you know better. That's because you've been practicing believing your habitual negative thought patterns ever since you were a little kid.

The good news is that they are only thoughts, and you are free to deliberately think new thoughts that work better in living a life you love. Just recognizing what you're doing is a great start!

I recommend The Work of Byron Katie -- she's got a website you can start with: ByronKatie.com: The Official Blog for The Work of Byron Katie, and several great books on questioning the truth of your thoughts. I also highly recommend the Landmark Forum and Advanced Course, for you AND for your husband. Landmark Education: Seminars, Courses & Landmark Forum.

Best wishes to you.

[viscapes]

Hi MommyJ

If you keep telling yourself that you make stupid mistakes all the time then you most likely will.

Think of an occassion when you didn't make a mistake, when you done something so well you looked back on it and thought, "hey, that was me". Think about your mindset during that event. I bet you were confident, carefree, and certainly not thinking, "crap, I might mess this up".

Compare that with a time when you did make a mistake (which we all do). You'll probably find that your mindset on that occassion revolved around not making a mistake.

Try focusing on what it is you want to achieve, not on what you don't want to happen.

As a quick analogy, have you ever found when you were driving a car or riding a bike and you looked in some direction that you found yourself drifting that way? You always drive (or ride) in the direction you're focusing on. Life is same. Focus on where you want to go and what you want to achieve, not on avoiding what you don't want, and you'll find yourself drifting in exactly the direction you want to go.

Hope this helps

Cheers
Paul

[pianoperformer]

Don't worry about making mistakes. Perfection is illusive, especially according to another's standards! Once you stop worrying, then you will probably be all around happier and may not do some of these things anymore.

[MommyJ]

Angela, I would never call any friends a retard or anything like that. I should have used a different word. I just let myself down when I mess up.Those sites you recommended are neat. I wish there were one of those course/seminars closer to me. I'd definitely go, but they are too far and I don't have the $$$ right now.

I do need more confidence in myself. I think I really need to improve my focus as well. I always try to be a positive thinker. I have gotten better at not dwelling on things and moving foward, thanks to my husband. I know, I won't ever be perfect because there is no such thing. I'm just starting to think that I am "accident prone".

[Angela]

Yes, I know you wouldn't use those words out loud. And using them silently to yourself is just as destructive, limiting and insulting as if you said them out loud to another person.

I would prefer it if you would stop being so hard on my friend!

[Lauxa]

What do you mean when you say you feel like you can't keep up with your brain? Here's what I think you mean. You have all these things that you want to get done and so instead of focusing on the task at hand, you are spinning your wheels by keeping on going through the list and trying to make sure you do not forget anything. So here is what I will recommend. Instead of worrying about getting everything done, set an intention to get everything done. For instance, if you know you have to be at an appointment at 10:00, then whenever it comes into your mind say "I intend to be on time to my appointment." Then drop it, and put your complete focus on the task at hand.

You might feel that if you don't keep these things constantly in mind with your worry and anxiety they will not get done, but this is an illusion! Just intend that it gets done and come back to the present and you will have more energy and focus and power to make your intentions come true.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Oooh, yes, Lauxa. Good point.

I find that when I am present to whatever I am doing, rather than trying to keep all five bajillion things I have to do straight in my head, that I get much more done and more effectively as well.

Does that seem familiar, MommyJ? And I am curious as to what kind of things you are talking about and how it's affecting you with your husband (if you would like to share). Maybe there's some more specific advice for your particular situation (and I am quite nosy).

But in all seriousness, The Power of Now is a good book that will tell you what it means to be "present" to the current moment. When you practice that it helps a lot!

[MattFYF]

To me, it really does sound like a self-fulfilling prophecy. You make simple mistakes, which leads you to believe those mistakes 'could have been' avoided, which leads to sloppy work and more mistakes, etc.. So no matter how hard you try, you can't avoid the cycle.

I really like everybody else's suggestions. Take a breath, prepare yourself before you do any kind of task. Note that all failure is a learning experience, and that even if you make a mistake, you can totally do better next time. I notice that when I do a lot of really specific, technical piano practice and I start making a lot of mistakes that I know I shouldn't be making, I fall into the same line of thinking I mentioned above, and the self-fulfilling prophecy starts. When this happens, I take a quick break, clear my head, and try again. Normally everything resolves itself.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

[teenphenom]

As many have said in this thread, view it as feedback. Everything that happens to you is experience and knowledge. Mistakes will happen. That's part of life. Make the best of out them

[selfimprovement]

Originally Posted by MommyJ

I make alot of stupid mistakes that I know I shouldn't be making. Some of it is probably that I worry too much about messing up and being perfect. Sometimes I feel it's just that I can't keep up with my brain. I know I need to slow down, but it's really difficult for me to do. It makes me feel like a retard and makes me wonder if I have some kind of mental illness or what not. Looking for some suggestions or advice. I just really don't know where to begin, but it is something that has been bugging me for along time and I believe it to be effecting my relationship with my husband. Are there any mental exercises that I could try, books to read, etc...?

First thing is to understand that nothing that you do is ever a mistake. You are always, first and foremost, enacting your highest priority. So if you do something that you consider a "mistake", know that you did what you did because you received something from the outcome of what happened. Don't judge yourself or your past outcomes, and stand in the knowing that your past decisions weren't "wrong". They served some purpose and good. If you want to make different decisions, then you have to understand and become conscious of what you are getting out of the current decisions you ARE making.... It could be as simple as keeping yourself in your comfort zone - why would you try anything different if you KNOW you will make a mistake?... or anything else for that matter. Only you know the answer to what you are getting out of your current situation.

Here is a great personal development course that explains it much better than I could and can assist you in discovering that answer, and shows you HOW to do it differently if that is what you want.


Good Luck in your journey to do it differently!

[catmarch]

Wow, I have this same problem, and it even seems to be getting worse. It's almost like I go into some weird fugue state where I CAN'T proof my own work. I look at it and don't see the GLARING mistakes. I do it constantly, and I have done it for a looooong time. I am still searching in vain for some exercise or practice that will help me fix it. I feel your pain!

[QHC]

Every mistake is a learning and growing experience if we learn from it and be better. So don't think of mistakes as negative. The only "stupid" mistakes are those that we didn't learn from, and thus we made those mistakes in vain.

[evelynlim]

You have not only realized that you have made a mistake but you are now "judging" the mistake as something "stupid". Learn that it is your ego's need to judge, blame and criticize. Learn to let go of the harsh judgments and the need to be "perfect". Love yourself

[scotthegeek]

Your being to hard on yourself just my using words stupid, retard and mental illness. The best 3 things to start with is diet exercise and sleep. Do things in short period if you can so you stay fresh. also if you take lots of break its proven that the brain remember the first and last thing you study.

[SuccessTiger]

Originally Posted by Angela

If I were you, I would focus not on trying not to make stupid mistakes, but on letting go of your *shoulds*.

You are judging yourself so harshly, yet you are absolutely perfect exactly as you are! There is nothing wrong with you.

And. You are getting some feedback -- (which is a much more empowering term than "stupid mistakes", by the way ) -- and you have the opportunity to make corrections to your course just like everyone. I would suggest that you start by looking at the extremely disempowering language you use on yourself, even just in your post! Ouch! You wouldn't talk to your friend like that, would you, or even a stranger like me, you wouldn't call a "retard", would you?

I reckon you've got some old pain programmed into you -- everybody does. You've made up your mind that you're imperfect or not good enough or worthless. It's hard, because no matter how much someone tells you you're good enough, you won't buy it because you know better. That's because you've been practicing believing your habitual negative thought patterns ever since you were a little kid.

The good news is that they are only thoughts, and you are free to deliberately think new thoughts that work better in living a life you love. Just recognizing what you're doing is a great start!

I recommend The Work of Byron Katie -- she's got a website you can start with: ByronKatie.com: The Official Blog for The Work of Byron Katie, and several great books on questioning the truth of your thoughts. I also highly recommend the Landmark Forum and Advanced Course, for you AND for your husband. Landmark Education: Seminars, Courses & Landmark Forum.

Best wishes to you.

I like Angela's advice. You are not making mistakes you are just finding ways not to do something.