PUA activity and losing focus

[Vegard_PD]

I am not a native english speaker so I am sorry if my english is bad.

The past year my focus was to seduce women and lose weight. I eventually managed both of these areas of my life, thanks to what I learned from pick up artists as Neil Strauss, Mystery and so on. Now I have got a girlfriend and a somewhat stable relationship, and I am happy with my physical condition.

The problem is that succeeding with women seems to have turned studying into a boring prosess. Before my "PUA time" I was much more interested and motivated studying business administration -- now I feel that I've turned into some kind of woman seducing party animal, basically.

I think I've totally altered my personality, belief system etc. Don't feel that I know myself anymore. At least the old guy is gone.

So I ask for some suggestions: Where do I go from here? Where do I find the old motivation again? Why is it gone?

[Lonewolf]

You are clearly enjoying the new you, so why bother focusing on boring stuff like business administration when you can be off chasing the next bit of skirt? On the other hand, a priest that I used to confess to once said that the best leaders in life are those that are able to switch to different modes according to different conditions eg. being a great playboy when you are in a club, being a great business student when you are in a class etc.
The key is learning to perfect these different modes and to be able to switch and swap them at will....takes control of focus to a new level.

[Hsiang-Lin]

Hi Vegard_PD,

I had a similar experience although I didn't end up with a girlfriend like you did

I got into the PUA stuff hardcore and went out every weekend to the bars to meet girls. I never really felt happy doing it and felt that even if I got a girlfriend this way I would not be satisfied because I felt I wasn't being my best self. My self-esteem was rock bottom while on the surface I appeared very "alpha."

Also, like you, my interest in studies fell dramatically. I went in such a slump that I believed there was no point to do anything in the world and I just kinda lived day to day like a worthless automaton. But one thing that's always kept me going was my interest in physical exercise.

I discovered weightlifting thanks to one of my friends and the more I did it, the more I fell in love with it. And also I was going into my first year of grad. school so I decided it was time to buckle down. I started organizing my life and my health. So I guess it was a multitude of factors that enabled me to find interest in studying again.

I'm going to tell you, it wasn't remotely easy to get to a point where you even want to start studying much less actually study efficiently (which is what I'm working on now).

It's your life and you decide how you want it to go. Ask yourself what is most important to you right now? When I did this, I realized it was my career and ambitions and not girls at the moment. They will come somewhere down the line and I've already accumulated good skillz from sarging so I'm not nervous around them anymore and I'm sure it won't be much of a problem when the time comes. So I consciously decided to drop out of the game and pursue my studies, health, and career actively.

You can balance both. You don't have to drop PUA like I did and just focus on health, studies, etc. There's 24 hours in a day and PLENTY of time to accomplish a lot in that span. Start organizing your priorities and work on them everyday. Then you will feel very balanced and I'm sure it will improve all aspects of your life.

[thef0x]

You need to reassess your purpose.

Look at Steve's blog for material on such and check out his podcast, #15.

[Alvin]

Hi Vegard_PD, welcome to the forums!

People and life changes, why look to the past to regain what you had when you can look forward and aim even higher?

You've gotten more experience and skills from your 'PUA time', now it's time to re-assess and re-plot your direction. What was important before might not be important to who you are now, I know when I was studying computer graphics I used to be a real film nut but now I'm embarking on a writing career.

What are you interested in now (besides being a 'woman seducing party animal'!) and what do you want to be important to you?

[Yoshi]

I believe the skills you've gained being able to talk to women with ease is far more valuable than any skill you will learn in the classroom. It is women that men have most difficulties talking to, and if you have improved this part of your game then you have improved yourself as a business man as well.

One thing about learning to pick up women that most of overlook is that it's not about learning the opener's and the smart comments to throw at them, it's about developing a complete inner game. Inner game is much like what this forum is about, personal development in all aspects of life. If you get your looks together, your confidence right, ultimately your life together and it all comes across naturally with desire and passion than this is what is most attractive to women. So I mean learning to pick up women has helped you develop wide ranging aspects of your life which are skills that can also be applied to school as well. Players with real game don't need to get drunk and party like animals to pick up girls, they can do it in the library, at the grocery store, at the gym, etc.

[Vegard_PD]

Originally Posted by Yoshi

I believe the skills you've gained being able to talk to women with ease is far more valuable than any skill you will learn in the classroom. It is women that men have most difficulties talking to, and if you have improved this part of your game then you have improved yourself as a business man as well.

One thing about learning to pick up women that most of overlook is that it's not about learning the opener's and the smart comments to throw at them, it's about developing a complete inner game. Inner game is much like what this forum is about, personal development in all aspects of life. If you get your looks together, your confidence right, ultimately your life together and it all comes across naturally with desire and passion than this is what is most attractive to women. So I mean learning to pick up women has helped you develop wide ranging aspects of your life which are skills that can also be applied to school as well. Players with real game don't need to get drunk and party like animals to pick up girls, they can do it in the library, at the grocery store, at the gym, etc.

Yes, it's true. I'm not longer afraid of the approach, and my social life have very much improved. But it also have involved a lot of partying, and made some negative changes as well.

I would like to thank you all for your comments. I now see that I have to reasses my purpose and work to improve other areas of my life, whilst consolidating the improvements I've already made.

I've been reading a bit up on Steve Pavlina and found out that:

I want to be a great public speaker, develop my social networking skills, become an early riser, be more effective in a stress-free fashion like David Allen (GTD) teaches us, erase my emotions of quilt, worrying, worrying to succeed, start my own business, learn SpeedReading, finish my MBA, develop my business skills. In addition I will keep my fitness life style skills and success with women.

This will take years, but It's motivating to know that you have so many areas to improve.

[The Protagonist]

IDEAGASMS Free Newsletter Offer Check out the Chakra meditations. That's heavy inner games stuff.. I think it's what you're looking for

read up on it

[Alvin]

Cool Vegard, you know what you want and you're gonna go after it. We'll be right behind ya

[Alexjstrandberg]

(I posted this on another forum but this might help get clarity on why you are losing your motivation, cheers!)

I think most guys just don't know any better or where to get the information to solve their REAL problems.

In the beginning their life is miserable because they aren't honest, have tons of insecurities, fears, doubts all of it. They learn lines and community stuff and "fake" like they dont have those same problems anymore-they do, but they are just hidden.

We begin to feel better about ourselves and we actually get women. After a while a getting women it begins to feel less satisfying. Once you get fed you are no longer hungry.

All the lines and routines are just lies and a script because that isn't really us, we are actors that never hear the director say "cut." We begin to lose our souls in the process.

In addition, the women we are attracting aren't the best women in the world. Community stuff teaches you to put a confident mask but the insecurities are still there. So we attract women who put on a confident mask with an insecurity base. These women are state changing validation junkies and so are pick up artists.

PUA begin to resent and hate women because of the type of women you meet. Not all women in the club are state changing validation junkies but most are. Sleeping with different women every night is good for a while but it eventually leads to a point where it just doesn't do it for you anymore-you strive to wanting more.

God forbid that you develop real feelings for the club girls because those women will make your life a dragon butter filled living hell. After that **** relationship the PUA will resolve to never get on-itis or whatever and sarg like never before to never feel the hurt again. The problem is not onitis, it was that PU lines DONT work for relationships and PU stuff doesnt teach you what you need to know to have a successful, continuous attraction based relationship.

In addition you feel isolated from everyone. You can't really talk with guys about anything other than pickup because its on their minds like a virus. You cant open up to them if you have problems because they will call you a wuss or tell you need to sarg more, isn't always their solution? Sex is great but your solutions will never be found drowning in a sea of *****.

You cant open up to women because these state changing junkies will hate your wussiness. Actually, they just hate anything that reminds them of their own problems that they try to avoid by hitting up the club every weekend or dating guys who will never care about them.

When you begin to lose drive for picking up women most guys dont know what to do so most continue down that road hoping the light at the end of the tunnel will come but that particular path doenst have one. Hopefully it will become a stepping stone to another path.

The biggest fear is going back to the miserable self they were before they learned anything. They know the seduction path is unsatisfying after you have been fed but don't want to drop it because of this fear. Most continue down the path and become more miserable (mystery, Style and a lot of other top PUAs) Some give it up completely and become religious (rick H) trying to find themselves.

It's also an ego thing. Investing that much time into something that doesn't work out is damaging to the ego. Most are stubborn and push on with the path because of how much time they have invested in that path. They don't want to think it was a complete waste of years of their life. It wasn't a waste. Something they needed to do at the time to learn and grow and evolve to the next stage: heart.


and some say **** it and wont let this set them back and search for things that will really make them happy ( Sean, Stephane and that dude from RSD)

The problem is most guys who get into the community dont know there are places like this one and ideagasms and my website. They don't know there is something beyond lines and tricks to get women and be HAPPY with or without them.

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by Yoshi

One thing about learning to pick up women that most of overlook is that it's not about learning the opener's and the smart comments to throw at them, it's about developing a complete inner game. Inner game is much like what this forum is about, personal development in all aspects of life. If you get your looks together, your confidence right, ultimately your life together and it all comes across naturally with desire and passion than this is what is most attractive to women. So I mean learning to pick up women has helped you develop wide ranging aspects of your life which are skills that can also be applied to school as well. Players with real game don't need to get drunk and party like animals to pick up girls, they can do it in the library, at the grocery store, at the gym, etc.

I think this is spot on Yoshi.

Also with deep inner game; I think it's not so much that going after women is the priority; you're changing yourself, or bringing out part of yourself that's already there, but whatever you call it; I think it's something that's transferable and will affect all aspects of your life (in a good way, if doing it right); being good with women, should be just a consequence of this.

[Plato]

Doing anything apart from EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT TO DO is going to suck after the thrill of learning pick-up. Figure out your perfect life-style and go and live it. You can't settle for second best ever again.

[BamBam]

yea I am actually trying to start doing this now...

I have had this debate...part of me feels that this is what I need....that I need to just go out and talk to everyone I can every day because I have a terrible inferiority complex and cannot relax in social situations.

The other part of me feels like its a lot of work and might not even be worth it becuase it is just another thing I feel I need to do...like it will stress me out. But the fact of the matter is taht I have always sucked with women and socializing in general so I need something to get me going.

[Alexjstrandberg]

Bambam,

The way to get over social awkwardness is to find a fear and push through it. Pick fear a day, it could be something small or huge and face it. Pushing past that fear will result in confidence which means less awkward. You know its fear when you feel uncomfortable.

[Ryan24]

Hello Vegard, I got into alot of the PUA stuff a while back and it did increase some areas of my life. From the way you are talking it sounds like you have a little regret about the new person you have become.

This is completely natural. Any major change, especially if it is your first major change, will cause some odd feelings about the past and the future. You used to be interested in business administration, but with experience your view of the world changed and now that may not seem as interesting to you anymore. Thats fine, don't ever let anybody tell you what your interests should be.

The key is that you do find something you like, and seek it out. Remember, its not what you learn, but that you continue to learn and keep going.

- Ryan

[Jamie]

Originally Posted by Alexjstrandberg

Bambam,

The way to get over social awkwardness is to find a fear and push through it. Pick fear a day, it could be something small or huge and face it. Pushing past that fear will result in confidence which means less awkward. You know its fear when you feel uncomfortable.

I made a thread about doing just that. I called it EXPLODING FEAR.

As soon as you sense something you'd like to do, but there's a fear holding you back; go do it straight away. The outcome isn't really important; the thing that counts is that you're training yourself to go through fear.

I did it for a while, maybe a week; and felt good, but have been lax tately; must start it up again, and keep a journal.