Please tell me what my strengths are!

[Rose of Cairo]

Hey you all,

I'm having a few ideas that I'd like to implement and was told by someone I trust that I should work from my strengths in order to do so. I don't really know what my strengths are. There are a few things I can come up with spontaneously, like empathy or learning, but it's all foggy. Would you help me gain clarity about that?

I trust the collective forum intelligence more than some test. You've seen me in all kinds of emotional states and know how I react to things. You know me pretty well in fact, so please tell me what my strengths are according to you

Please feel free to tell me about my weaknesses too, I'm sure this would be just as interesting.

[Angela]

I may be too biased, because I love you so stinkin' much, but here's my off-the-cuff take on your strengths:

Integrity -- you are a person of your word, you are true to yourself and like a junkyard dog in your commitment to what's right. Grrrrr.

Justice -- you are extraordinarily fair-minded. Although sometimes you get caught up in your fiery resolution to what's right, you listen generously even when it's difficult to do so. You are a warrior for the highest good.

Empathy and Intuitive Compassion. You have a deep and abiding sense for when a human needs love and understanding, and you are a profound wellspring for people in need.

Your weakness:

I think (and I might be wrong about this) that you have a sense of "duty" that has been instilled in you since you were very little, and sometimes you put yourself, and even your next right action, second to that "duty." Surprisingly, as strong and powerful and resolute as you are, I think your Achilles' Heel is that sense, and someone could take advantage of it and exploit you. I think that sometimes you are thrown off-balance, and off-values, by the duty thing.

[Christian223]

I dont know you, bit ill try, how about thinking about your weaknesses as strenghts?, say for example, if your ability focus is very weak, you wouldnt say that your concentration is your strenght, but, you could say that you are very alert, that you can notice the slightest of noises (i once heard that ADD persons are like that because of an adaptation, to "warn the tribe of animals that other didnt notice"); you can writte a list of all your weaknesses and just see the positive side of them.

Good luck!, Jesus bless you.

[seeker5]

Ok, here goes, in addition to empathy and learning as you mentioned.

Strengths:

Individualization – understanding people and seeing their connection to other people.

Activator – You love to take action toward your goal and want to get started as soon as possible. You're definitely not stuck in analysis-paralysis. If it's a good idea, you go for it as soon as possible and you figure you'll learn as you take action.

Adaptability – you live for the moment, and you can adapt to new situations very quickly. Something completely new can come up, interrupting all of your plans, and you're OK with it.

Your toughness and strength: Your willingness to vocally stick to what you feel is the truth even in the face of overwhelming opposition to you. Your willingness to come up with brand new ideas (such as round vs angular energy) and flaunt other so-called experts because you truly believe in your ideas. You also don't mind fighting for your ideas and engaging in conflicts with others to prove your ideas.

Your courage and boldness: You don't care what the world thinks or what the recupersions might be, you're going to do it anyway if it's in your heart to do it. (yet, you do this with a lot of warmth and love, not in a "go to hell" manner like some people do, but more like "I send you my love and I'm going to do this even though you might think bad of me if I do.")

Your ability to be both intellectual and emotional at the same time. You can make a decisions based upon your feelings, yet it feels like an intellectual decisions (to an outsider) because you will stick to that decisions despite the temporary emotional turmoil in yourself that results from that decision. Also, despite the fact that you are very emotional, you are also very intellectual at the same time. That is, you're able to really logically think things through and be pretty smart.

Your energy, love, warmth, kindness, enthusiasm, and acceptance for people and animals. Your ability to reach out to people and connect with them on many different levels.

Your openness to experimenting new ideas and new ways of being. Then being willing to disregard them if you don't feel they are workable and they fit you. Or adapting them for a lifetime if they work for you.

Your willingness to completely change your decisions when you see you were wrong, or that you reacted to fear earlier. That is, you're not stuck to "I decided this so I can't go back". Yet, when you truly feel right in a certain decision, you can stick to it no matter what (refer to above on courage and boldness).

Your technical skills with computers.

Your communication skills: You speak four languages fluently, and you communicate both your emotions, and your ideas very well, at least in the two languages I understand. You seem to have a skill at picking up new languages and in expressing yourself.

Weakness:

- Discipline. I'm sure you'll get enough self-discipline to prevent this from being a limitation. Or you'll come up with a system so that you can finish your projects in a timely manner without letting lack of self-discipline get in your way.

Other (I'm not 100% sure on this):

Harmony – You have a large drive to have harmony in relationships and with people, and it is one of your stated purpose in life. This means you want to minimize conflicts and smooth out relations. However, at the same time, above in the section of “Your toughness and strength”, I wanted to write that I sense that you enjoy fighting for your ideas and your views. Others may fight for their ideas and views, but they don't enjoy it. With you I do sense you enjoy fighting for your views and ideas. But in relationships with people, you are driven to have harmony. So on the surface it may seem a contradiction, but I don't think it is.

Maybe part of your enjoyment in fighting for your ideas and view is what you are fighting for will result in greater harmony in people if they adopt your ideas and views.

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

I find your kindness and generosity great strengths. I also think you are very good at looking at things with different perspectives so you can choose the one that fits you best.

[theknightwhosaysni-NI]

Originally Posted by Angela

Integrity -- you are a person of your word, you are true to yourself and like a junkyard dog in your commitment to what's right. Grrrrr.

Originally Posted by seeker5

Your toughness and strength: Your willingness to vocally stick to what you feel is the truth even in the face of overwhelming opposition to you.
[...]
Your courage and boldness: You don't care what the world thinks or what the recupersions might be

Like the two statements above I think that you have the ability to speak as you feel, with great integrity to yourself and regardless of what the world thinks about it. It seems easy for you to tell people about your choices, opinions and feelings.

It seems spontaneous and natural for you to speak in this way (at least that's my impression from reading on the forums & your blog). For instance you can go to a party and tell the people you're a raw foodist and it's not such a big challenge for your comfort zone.
I'd definitely list that as one of your strenght.

As it's something very natural for you (or is it not?) you may not have "backward engineered" exactly how you do that, but it's something I find valuable.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Angela

I think (and I might be wrong about this) that you have a sense of "duty" that has been instilled in you since you were very little, and sometimes you put yourself, and even your next right action, second to that "duty." Surprisingly, as strong and powerful and resolute as you are, I think your Achilles' Heel is that sense, and someone could take advantage of it and exploit you. I think that sometimes you are thrown off-balance, and off-values, by the duty thing.

OUCH

You're talking about more than my inappropriate loyalty to my family, right?

You're right, I can see that. I always feel that I owe others something, especially those who need my help. It's true that this often pushes me off-track, I even disrespect my own priorities ranking because of this all encompassing duty that I feel I have. In fact I feel chronically overwhelmed, guilty, stressed out and "late" because of all the duties that I'm not able to fulfill.

How could I get rid of that?

This forum is impossible! Even when I ask for something as simple as telling me my strengths, you find a way to make me grow! Grrrr

[Christian223]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

OUCH

In fact I feel chronically overwhelmed, guilty, stressed out and "late" because of all the duties that I'm not able to fulfill.

How could I get rid of that?

I felt that way when i started my game development "business". What i did to resolve this (with much success, meaning that i think this is a great solution to feeling overwhelmed) was to focus on one thing at a time and dont let anything else come to my mind. What you need is a shcedule for focusing on one thing at a time based on month/week/day/hour (depending on your needs, i just use days and hours), so that for example, from 1pm to 5pm you work, from 5pm to 9pm you study, and so on. I hope that helps.

Jesus bless you.

[Angela]

Christian, I don't think it's so much a time management issue Rose is facing. More like an emotional debt management issue.

[Ryan24]

Just from your post I can tell your greatest strengths are openness and willingness to get better. Those two things will carry you very far. I look forward in getting to know more about you Rose!

[Rose of Cairo]

Hmmm.... All this is very nice, and very flattering (biased crowd here. I think I'll take a test after all! ) but I don't see how I could implement my ideas going from these strengths.

My project is to build two websites. I truly believe that these websites would be of some value for many people. However, I don't see how I could apply the advice I was given and build the websites using such strengths.

Does someone have an idea? Or is a website just the wrong medium for me?

seeker5's right, I totally lack discipline. I think I have to build discipline if I want to realize my idea. On the other hand, I really hate the idea. It doesn't feel right for me. When I'm truly inspired, work just flows out of me effortlessly without needing discipline.

Maybe I need to feel more peaceful in order to feel inspired, sit down and do it.

I'll reply some more tomorrow, now I want to focus on sleeping

Thank you very much all for your lovely feedback

[Bene]

Maybe you need discipline just to get started. Sort of like turning the ignition in a car and then your flow takes over. Its sort of like conversing with your spirit guides. In the beginning you just have to plow on even though its totally you talking to yourself (or writing) but then higher intelligence takes over. Maybe thats the case with you.

Here and there you might need some discipline but soon you can expect inspiration to take over.

[uberinquisitive]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

My project is to build two websites. I truly believe that these websites would be of some value for many people. However, I don't see how I could apply the advice I was given and build the websites using such strengths.

Does someone have an idea? Or is a website just the wrong medium for me?

Rose, this is such a coincidence! I have decided to create a 2nd website, in conjunction with my first! In fact, I'm thinking of the name now, and I'm probably going to buy the domain name within a day!

Exactly what is the idea?

And - why would a website be the wrong medium (if you're trying to communicate to as many people as possible, a website seems ideal).

What do you think would be a better medium?

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

seeker5's right, I totally lack discipline. I think I have to build discipline if I want to realize my idea. On the other hand, I really hate the idea. It doesn't feel right for me. When I'm truly inspired, work just flows out of me effortlessly without needing discipline.

Discipline is overrated. I consider myself accomplished, and I have zero discipline in anything - except having a good time!

Why don't you tell us your idea, then we can brainstorm ways for you to start implementing a step immediately.

[dancer]

I see your strengths as:

A strong sense of integrity
Intelligent
Language and writing skills
Wisdom
Fearless in trying new things
Open & accepting
Innovative
Creative
Totally lovable

I share your self-discipline issue. For my current projects, my game-plan is to create daily to-do lists prioritising the not so fun stuff, getting really present and going for it.

[seeker5]

Maybe I need to feel more peaceful in order to feel inspired, sit down and do it.

I don't think you have to be peaceful to be productive or inspired. I've also at times felt very peaceful, and totally lazy, non-productive, and non-inspired.

Originally Posted by uberinquisitive

Discipline is overrated. I consider myself accomplished, and I have zero discipline in anything - except having a good time!

Ah? That would be interesting to hear how you accomplish without discipline.

[JimOfferman]

What you (may) lack in discipline, you more than make up for in resolve.

You shouldn't focus on increasing your discipline, you should put your resolve to work and come up with a plan of attack for your 'mission'. Discipline will come once you know what results you are working for!

Come up with a plan and commit to it! Works for me!*

(*feel free to ask again in a year, when my record-a-song-a-month marathon comes to a close )

[clementc82]

Hmm.. I truly think nobody understands what your strengths are better than yourself.

Something that you find easy to do while others find it difficult to perform.

[uberinquisitive]

Originally Posted by seeker5

Ah? That would be interesting to hear how you accomplish without discipline.

seeker, I think it comes down to knowing your strengths (as Rose is trying to figure out), and leveraging those strengths.

As for Rose, she is a risk-taker. She's not afraid of change.

Therefore, Rose - you don't really need to take a test or ask us about your strengths. You can try something out, and even if it bombs, you can bounce back quickly.

[Rose of Cairo]

AAAAAAHHHHH!!! I think I just got it!

Thank you sooo much everybody for your posts, you all together opened my eyes.

I already have a plan for the websites, that's not the problem. I even have big parts of them already in my head, and I can see what they look like too. The problem was that I was feeling terribly stuck, because I was convinced that I have to develop self-discipline in order to implement my ideas. I thought I would need to sit down every day and work till they're finished. What a horrible idea!

I really hate being disciplined. I feel dead inside when I follow some schedule. Doing something every day bugs the hell out of me. I need to feel inspired in order to do something. When I feel inspired, I can achieve a lot, and even demonstrate a lot of what others call discipline or willpower. But I need to have a fire burning inside in oder to do it. I need my whole life to be my work, not only a scheduled part of it.

Now I can see how to develop these websites while working from my strengths. I feel like some kind of warrrrrior inside. When I see myself as an agent of the Special Harmony Forces and these websites as my next mission, now that's another thing entirely. It's not work, it's WAR. I do feel inspired. I'm looking forward to executing my plan of attack. Hahaaa, tadaaa!

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Ryan24

Just from your post I can tell your greatest strengths are openness and willingness to get better. Those two things will carry you very far. I look forward in getting to know more about you Rose!

Thank you Ryan I see that you're new here. Welcome! I look forward to learning more about you too And I hope you'll like this place, it's so wonderful.

[Playlife]

Hey, Rose, are you trying to force harmony upon us??

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Christian223

I felt that way when i started my game development "business". What i did to resolve this (with much success, meaning that i think this is a great solution to feeling overwhelmed) was to focus on one thing at a time and dont let anything else come to my mind. What you need is a shcedule for focusing on one thing at a time based on month/week/day/hour (depending on your needs, i just use days and hours), so that for example, from 1pm to 5pm you work, from 5pm to 9pm you study, and so on. I hope that helps.

Jesus bless you.

Christian, thank you for taking the time to help me even though we don't know each other much. I feel touched by your attention. May the Force be with you

As you could read above, I really don't think a schedule is an appropriate solution for me. However, you're absolutely right that I need to focus more on one thing at the time. I definitely lack focus, that's so true.

Whenever I'm doing something, I tend to get very nervous and to lack concentration because of thinking about all the other things I would love to do too (that's my enthusiasm and multi-interests...) and also about all the people I think I should be supporting now (that's this emotional debt thing Angela was talking about).

I'll work on increasing my focus, thank you very much for pointing that out.

I'll also work on getting rid of my emotional debt issue, although I don't know how yet.

I'm feeling so thankful towards you guys... Thanks.

[Angela]

I salute you, Special Harmony Force Agent Rose! I hope you do some of your work undercover!

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by Playlife

Hey, Rose, are you trying to force harmony upon us??

By all means. Especially upon you, Playlife. I'll handcuff and torture you until you submit and feel happy and harmonious eventually!

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by theknightwhosaysni-NI

For instance you can go to a party and tell the people you're a raw foodist

I'm not a raw foodist, I'm a raw fooder

As it's something very natural for you (or is it not?) you may not have "backward engineered" exactly how you do that, but it's something I find valuable.

I guess it's something very natural for me and I don't know how I do it. I think the reason for it is that when I was younger, no matter what I said, did or thought, it was always wrong for someone. Nobody just loved me exactly the way I was (not even myself). So at some point I decided that since it's going to be wrong anyway, it's easier to be wrong being myself than to be wrong not being myself. This way at least I can love myself exactly as I am

Maybe I'm wrong about that, but I get a feeling that this is something you think about yourself that you're not able to do it? Do you feel untrue to yourself or too scared to say what you think sometimes? Is that something that's bugging you? I'm sorry if I'm stepping on your feet, just ignore it.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by seeker5

You have a large drive to have harmony in relationships and with people, and it is one of your stated purpose in life. This means you want to minimize conflicts and smooth out relations.

No, I don't agree with this implication.

Harmony, in my book, does NOT mean minimizing conflicts or smoothing out anything. Harmony for me is a vibrational state. Imagine two people taking responsibility for their life and radiating harmonious vibes. They can have conflicts, of course. That's part of the fun. Now imagine two people who are dependent on each other and full of fears. Because of the dependency and fears they may live together in a very smooth relationship and never have any conflicts, but, by God, this is not Harmony. They for sure send out disharmonious vibes.

Maybe we're calling two different things "harmony". For me it's an energy thing, it doesn't mean that people always agree with each other.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

No, I don't agree with this implication.
Harmony, in my book, does NOT mean minimizing conflicts or smoothing out anything. Harmony for me is a vibrational state. Imagine two people taking responsibility for their life and radiating harmonious vibes. They can have conflicts, of course. That's part of the fun. Now imagine two people who are dependent on each other and full of fears. Because of the dependency and fears they may live together in a very smooth relationship and never have any conflicts, but, by God, this is not Harmony. They for sure send out disharmonious vibes.

You and I have a different definition of conflict . To me a conflict isn't simply when you disagree with someone, or when you have different opinions. To me a conflict is when you clash, when you have strong different expectations for something, and it tends to involve a lowering of the energy vibrational match between the two people and a rise of negative feelings toward each person.

So, I think you can disagree, and have different opinions, and still be in harmony with each other. Conflicts, from my definition, instead lowers the harmony between the two people, at least temporarily until the conflict is resolved.

Edit: here is a link to some of the definitions of conflict that I agree with and mean when I talk about conflict.

[theknightwhosaysni-NI]

Originally Posted by Rose of Cairo

Maybe I'm wrong about that, but I get a feeling that this is something you think about yourself that you're not able to do it? Do you feel untrue to yourself or too scared to say what you think sometimes? Is that something that's bugging you? I'm sorry if I'm stepping on your feet, just ignore it.

Yes, this is somtething I think about myself. I am partly unable to "out myself" like I really am. It's not that I feel untrue to myself, but rather that I don't necessarily share it easily with people, and it's bugging me to some extent.
I'm making improvements though, but I know I could go faster.

[m18pak]

I may not have the necessary emotional distance and impartiality to comment on this thread, but I felt like I had to say something. If I remember correctly you Rose are an INFP like me. This is my advice to you, and to myself also.

Your problem is discipline, but it's not that you don't have self-discipline; rather, it's the fact that you refuse to develop self-discipline. You justify this by saying that you need to be inspired.

The idea that you should be inspired before working is a belief. It is an idea that you have accepted as being true, and it is an irrational one.

Life is all about meaningless, dull, dreary, uninspired, deadening, souless grunt work. That's the way it is. Life is not all rainbows and butterflies. Life is not perfect. You're just going to have to grit your teeth and follow the rules of life, even if you don't feel inspired to.

If you demand that you be inspired first before you do any work, then you are going to fail in life.

We idealists want the world to be perfect. We also see ourselves as special (I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this - we see others as being special as well). What this means is that we have a subconscious resistance to doing meaningless grunt work, since it seems degrading and unworthy of our time and energy.

The world is not perfect, and life is not perfect, and to hold the belief that it should be is irrational.

seeker5's right, I totally lack discipline. I think I have to build discipline if I want to realize my idea. On the other hand, I really hate the idea. It doesn't feel right for me. When I'm truly inspired, work just flows out of me effortlessly without needing discipline.

I really hate being disciplined. I feel dead inside when I follow some schedule. Doing something every day bugs the hell out of me. I need to feel inspired in order to do something. When I feel inspired, I can achieve a lot, and even demonstrate a lot of what others call discipline or willpower. But I need to have a fire burning inside in oder to do it. I need my whole life to be my work, not only a scheduled part of it.

You don't need anything. The only things you need are food and water and air. What you're saying is that you believe you should be inspired, that your whole life should be your work, and that you're refusing to be disciplined and follow a schedule because of these beliefs.

There is a little voice inside you that tells you that "you should be inspired before you work". If you want to succeed in life I suggest you stop listening to it.

Anyway, take this how you will. I wrote this for my own benefit as much as for yours. This is something I myself have only just realized, and hopefully I will be able to apply it myself.

Good luck.

[Rose of Cairo]

Originally Posted by seeker5

Conflicts, from my definition, instead lowers the harmony between the two people, at least temporarily until the conflict is resolved.

ok, I get what you mean. I don't like the expression "minimizing conflicts and smoothing out relationships" though. You didn't say so, but to me it kinda sorta sounds like holding back, giving in, not defending one's viewpoint, or even being untrue to oneself just for the sake of avoiding a conflict and doing as if everything's harmonious and fine. That's definitely not something I want to do.

Originally Posted by theknightwhosaysni-NI

I'm making improvements though, but I know I could go faster.

We all could go faster I wish you to be the wonderful person you are

Hey m18pak, you're right, I'm an INFP. Thanks for sharing your insight I don't agree with it, but I'm happy to talk about that with you.

Originally Posted by m18pak

Life is all about meaningless, dull, dreary, uninspired, deadening, souless grunt work. That's the way it is. Life is not all rainbows and butterflies. Life is not perfect. You're just going to have to grit your teeth and follow the rules of life, even if you don't feel inspired to.

I don't have to. If you want to create a life for yourself that's all about meaningless, dull, dreary, uninspired, deadening, souless grunt work, then feel free to do so. I refuse to live in such a world though. I'm going to create a life for myself in which I do some exciting, inspired work that won't feel like work in the first place

Originally Posted by m18pak

If you demand that you be inspired first before you do any work, then you are going to fail in life.

Define failing

It's true that there are things I cannot do this way. So what? There are enough other things I can do this way that are very interesting. How do you measure success and failure?

Originally Posted by m18pak

What this means is that we have a subconscious resistance to doing meaningless grunt work, since it seems degrading and unworthy of our time and energy.

Absolutely, I won't do any meaningless grunt work. I don't see it as "degrading", but it's really unworthy of my time and energy indeed. There are more important things to do in life.

I wish you the very best with your new mindset