The Introvert Disadvantage

[DoOrDoNot]

Hi to everyone on the Steve Pavlina boards!

This may be a really dumb question. But how do you start and maintain a network of contacts? Typical business wisdom is that you must have a large Roledex and work it. What exactly is "working it".

I see people who do "work it" and they know everyone! How do they work these connections? What do they do?

The other interesting thing to note is that almost all are extroverted. I'm an introvert. So I guess I'd rather establish a few close friendships than network like mad accumulating contacts.

Any suggestions on how to improve? Any good books? Web sites? I've found a lot of stuff about mingling for Introverts but nothing on how to really work connections. It would really help my career if I could master this.

Thanks,

[Angela]

Why do you want to have lots of connections? What's your aim?

[DoOrDoNot]

Perhaps it is a cultural thing..but..

If you watch The Big Idea on CNBC, read books about successful people, and through video interviews I conduct with successful people, they all seem to have tremendous contacts and seem to "know everyone" which has helped them to achieve radical success.

Not that this is necessary..but in my specific line of work (which again, I love), it would be a huge help and help me achieve radical success. I read a very inspiring book by Tom Peters titled, the Brand You 50. It essentially says that you should be a brand. And to be a brand, you do a number of things. One critical element he stresses over and over and over again (and uses CAPS to stress its importance) is to assemble a great roledex and "work it"

So..I guess those are the reasons. Thanks!

Jeff

[Sam988]

Originally Posted by Angela

Why do you want to have lots of connections? What's your aim?

Most careers, for the person to advance, you gotta have contacts. He said "typical business wisdom" so i suppose it's something about having a business? A chain of contacts in this case is very very valuable.

[DoOrDoNot]

Bingo - thanks Sam!

[Angela]

Yes, I get that you want to advance in your career. I'm inviting you to look a little more deeply.

What quality or condition -- what value -- would you really have if you had lots of contacts in your rolodex and you were effectively "working" them? What is your real desire here?

The powerful thing about identifying what you really want is that you don't have to wait. You can start generating it right now, and be the Source of what you want for yourself and for others.

In my previous work incarnation, I got calls every single day from guys who were clearly just working their rolodex. It felt very much like they were trying to *get* something -- like I or my boss was a means to their ends. That's not very inspiring. Those guys did not succeed in making real connection. But often there would be people who called and actually generated something -- not necessarily immediate profit, sometimes just relatedness, or fun, or intrigue, or tickets, or an invitation to a party, or .... you get the picture. These are the kind of people that would end up in partnership, even if just a small partnership like the kind I think you're looking for. People who are on your team.

When you identify what you want and what you're willing to be the source of, you are a hot ticket in the business world, baby, whatever kind of Vert you may be.

[DoOrDoNot]

That makes sense. I was reading some other web pages just now and I think I found my "issue". People who are well connected seem to want to help. They want to offer help. They care about the well being of the other person. If not, then they turn into people just trying to get things (like your experience).

Wow...looks like I'll need to change my perception because to a certain extent, sometimes I just don't care (I hate to say it). Sometimes I don't like to help. In fact my forum participation is a clear example. When I join a board it is after I've read lots of threads and gained what I needed from the board. If I have a question, I'll ask and get responses.

Do I respond to others posting and offer suggestions? Do I help them? Nope. Sometimes I do if it is a topic I really am into..but mostly, I get my goods and leave.

Wow - I sound horrible! Perhaps that is my issue. I don't have a lot of contacts because I don't want to help (or have never thought beyond my own nose to offer help).

Perhaps connections are just the result of helping others. The more people you unselfishly help, the more contacts you will have.

My first question was the wrong question. It should have been. How do I care more? How do I change my selfish personality into one that really likes to help others?

[Angela]

Well, you don't have to limit yourself to just "helping" others. There are plenty of things you can generate -- what would inspire you if were generating it?

[DoOrDoNot]

Originally Posted by Angela

Well, you don't have to limit yourself to just "helping" others. There are plenty of things you can generate -- what would inspire you if were generating it?

Angela - I'm not sure I follow. What do I want to generate?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by DoOrDoNot

What do I want to generate?

Yes -- what quality or condition is missing in your life, that if it were present, it would make a difference, and would inspire you?

Your first response was to be a helper -- maybe that is what you really want to generate. The reason I don't think so is because you were not immediately stimulated into inspired action by the idea of being a helper; you asked, "how can I care more? How do I change into someone who wants to help more?" That seems to me to indicate that you're close to inspiration but not quite there yet.

It is very clear that you want to make a difference for people, in addition to advancing your career. And that you would like to have this quality of helping, but you're not exactly inspired by it. Do you think it's worth looking even a little deeper, underneath "being someone who helps"? I find one way to do that is to keep asking myself the question, and uncovering the layers one by one:

What would I really have (what quality, condition or value) if I were someone who helps others?

And keep asking, what would I really have if I had that? Pretty quickly, I think, you'll find the value that lights you up -- your heart's desire in the matter -- the thing that you dearly would love to generate for yourself and for the world.

[jaamkie]

reading all of this it does remind me a bit of myself- definitely an introvert. I think what I would be "generating" would be receptivity- because the thing that tends to make me uncomfortable about approaching others and networking and keeping in contact is the feeling that it would annoy the hell out of me if I were on the receiving end of my approach. While my job for now doesn't necessarily require constant networking (well only the computer type), when I do need to do it, I start by trying to have an attitude of openness and receptivity to others approaching me, try to have a genuine interest in them and whatever they need and can offer me- I first try to develop relationships that come to me- once I have that attitude of receptivity in myself it is much easier to be confident about approaching someone else and expecting receptivity from them to develop rapport.

[jbsmith]

Over multiple careers and in my own businesses I have learned to expand my rolodex and keep up to date with those around me by...

1. Understanding (to the point of keeping notes) what that contact is trying to achieve, key motivators, what their frustrations and desires are so whenever I come across a contact, piece of news, project or other touch point I can contact them and offer the help for free - often they will reciprocate down the road

2. Setting up regular meetings or times to talk so that we get to know each other better and can regularly bounce ideas off of each other

3. Bringing in outside experts that can help me with projects

4. Gather a group of experts I trust that can assess ideas or directions quickly - that I trust to give me good solid analysis

Introverts can do this too...but it does mean learning to accept the importance of regular networking and to operate - at times - outside of your comfort zone, at least in the beginning.

Also - I get many of my contacts as referals. Often a main contact will say "You should speak with..." - make sure you get those names and don't be afraid to ask your main contact to put you in touch kicking off those new relationships more comfortably.

Jeff