I'm over thinking!

[Smarky]

I'm over thinking but I really don't know what I need to do, what the right mindset is, how to do this, how to do that, how to be really great.

I really really really wanna do great things with my life, it's like an obsession. That's fine i think.

But I really don't know how to do that and it's really causing my to spin my wheels and not get anywhere!

i'm always reading these articles, having these thoughts and coming up with these ideas, it never ends, but it never gets me anywhere because really I just become overwhelmed with it and finding the answer which is going to allow me to do these great things and be this great amazing person!!

ekk!

[fwellers]

Originally Posted by Smarky

I'm over thinking but I really don't know what I need to do, what the right mindset is, how to do this, how to do that, how to be really great.

I really really really wanna do great things with my life, it's like an obsession. That's fine i think.

But I really don't know how to do that and it's really causing my to spin my wheels and not get anywhere!

i'm always reading these articles, having these thoughts and coming up with these ideas, it never ends, but it never gets me anywhere because really I just become overwhelmed with it and finding the answer which is going to allow me to do these great things and be this great amazing person!!

ekk!

based on what you've said, and the forum you're saying it on, I would say it would be good for you to not worry so much about what you "will" be, or what you "will do", and instead try and learn how to reel in your thoughts.

Practice some form of meditation , where you can gain some skill in slowing down thoughts and centering on just being. There are tons of books, dvds, online resources etc.. on how to do that.

I've been reading eastern spiritual type books for years and years, but for me, a real catalyst for growth were two books I read by Eckart Tolle "The Power of Now" and "A New Earth". I can't recommend them enough.

[silicon toad2000]

write it down.
When you have so much going through your head it can be difficult to formulate anything. Get these ideas and thoughts out of your head onto some paper.
Start a little book and write down the pro's and con's of your thoughts. Perhaps an analysis of yourself, make a list of your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and obstacles.
I think also the key here would be to limit the time you are spending on this high higher level planning for your life to say half an hour a day or an hour a week or something you find acceptable. Once the time is up you can focus on other things.

[wakeshine]

When I find myself overthinking, it's usually because I'm setting perfection as my goal. I don't want to make a mistake that will cost me (one way or the other), or will make me look bad.

I try to replace my desire for achievement with my desire to learn....and learning means trying different things and figuring out what works and what doesn't. I give myself permission to have fun with it while I stumble through.

[Smarky]

Originally Posted by fwellers

Practice some form of meditation , where you can gain some skill in slowing down thoughts and centering on just being. There are tons of books, dvds, online resources etc.. on how to do that.

I've been reading eastern spiritual type books for years and years, but for me, a real catalyst for growth were two books I read by Eckart Tolle "The Power of Now" and "A New Earth". I can't recommend them enough.

I'm interested in meditation but whenever i do it I either fall asleep or feel tired, so it is not productive at all for me, plus I don't have a quiet enviroment to go to.

The power of now seems like a good book, but it's awfully long for what can be summed up in a few sentances, A new earth I listened to for awhile, but I got bored quickly.

My concern is that my main objective here is to have a kick ass life and create/do great things. I'm worried these things will just turn me into someone who wants to meditate in a cave all day. I'm not looking for just for a calm mind. I just want to get the job done.

In some asspects I wonder if it's like a racing driver swapping his engine out to something quieter so he can have an easier ride!

[Smarky]

Originally Posted by silicon toad2000

write it down.
When you have so much going through your head it can be difficult to formulate anything. Get these ideas and thoughts out of your head onto some paper.
Start a little book and write down the pro's and con's of your thoughts. Perhaps an analysis of yourself, make a list of your strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and obstacles.
I think also the key here would be to limit the time you are spending on this high higher level planning for your life to say half an hour a day or an hour a week or something you find acceptable. Once the time is up you can focus on other things.

Writing them down seems like a good idea, although I would most likely spend most of my days writing things out constantly rather than doing work.

Limiting planning time is a good idea. Although i would really worry that what I was doing was the right thing. I guess i'm just going to have to force myself into things for awhile.

[Smarky]

Originally Posted by wakeshine

When I find myself overthinking, it's usually because I'm setting perfection as my goal. I don't want to make a mistake that will cost me (one way or the other), or will make me look bad.

I try to replace my desire for achievement with my desire to learn....and learning means trying different things and figuring out what works and what doesn't. I give myself permission to have fun with it while I stumble through.

This is true, it's because of my desire to be get things to such a great level, I don't want to be wasting my time on the wrong thing and i wanna get it right or else it's just a waste of time.

Replacing this with an attitude of learning, growing and getting better seems a neat idea. Thanks for the suggestion, although i'm sure i will just have as many thoughts trying to figure out how to improve and become better.

The trouble is I just don't seem to know these things so I spend a lot of time thinking about them!

[PerDev]

I have also the Habit of Overthinking and visualizing things .. I do try to overcome this by begin with Extrovert friends, concentrating on breath..

If anybody have better option do let us know

[fwellers]

Originally Posted by Smarky

I'm interested in meditation but whenever i do it I either fall asleep or feel tired, so it is not productive at all for me, plus I don't have a quiet enviroment to go to.

The power of now seems like a good book, but it's awfully long for what can be summed up in a few sentances, A new earth I listened to for awhile, but I got bored quickly.

My concern is that my main objective here is to have a kick ass life and create/do great things. I'm worried these things will just turn me into someone who wants to meditate in a cave all day. I'm not looking for just for a calm mind. I just want to get the job done.

In some asspects I wonder if it's like a racing driver swapping his engine out to something quieter so he can have an easier ride!

Name one thing that you want to do that is great. Let's deal with one thing at a time. Just say one great thing you wish to do with your life.

[wakeshine]

Originally Posted by Smarky

In some asspects I wonder if it's like a racing driver swapping his engine out to something quieter so he can have an easier ride!

What a great analogy. You seem to have a clear picture of what you want your success looks like and that's going to take you far.

I just watched Speed Racer and it's a movie about a boy who tries and fails many times on his way to success.

His older brother doesn't teach him how to drive by telling him "this is how you drive." He tells him "listen to the car." But Speed himself has to learn how to relate what he hears to what it means.

Every time he crashes, every time he rolls the car, every time he swerves, he gains muscles and instincts that tell him how to be the driver he wants to be.

On a racetrack, it's clear that you are driving toward something (the goal) and what your path is (the track). In life, sometimes we try to drive away from something (our dissatisfaction with our current situation) and just want to get away any way we can.

As a planner, you must be great at laying out your racetrack. Now...you don't have to win the race...just put the pedal to the metal and run one lap! Not happy with the performance? It's ok..you're further ahead now, and you've learned something new.

Your next lap will be even better.

[Smarky]

Originally Posted by fwellers

Name one thing that you want to do that is great. Let's deal with one thing at a time. Just say one great thing you wish to do with your life.

To pick one thing is difficult, although everything is very interconnected. But as you wish.

To be a self employed web designer, who operates and runs my own sites that are the best in the field which make direct income and have income from paying clients, with plenty of big names and awesome projects!

Wakeshine: So what you are saying is to push as hard as possible on one step at a time and I don't have to worry about getting it right because I can go even better next time and even if it's not perfect, i'm one step closer anyway. Is that right?

[Sam988]

Define what you want to do (goal) -> create a plan -> follow it -> see what happens (feedback) -> change/fix whatever isn't working, according to the feedback you received.



I know it's way easier said than done, but in a nutshell that's what we have to do to accomplish things.

[wakeshine]

Originally Posted by Smarky

Wakeshine: So what you are saying is to push as hard as possible on one step at a time and I don't have to worry about getting it right because I can go even better next time and even if it's not perfect, i'm one step closer anyway. Is that right?

I like the way you said this. Yeah, I think this is true. Give yourself permission to experiment, and do small enough parts that you feel comfortable saying "ok, next time I'll try it this way."

And let us know how it's going!

[fwellers]

To be a self employed web designer, who operates and runs my own sites that are the best in the field which make direct income and have income from paying clients, with plenty of big names and awesome projects!

So what's the problem then ? What's stopping you from working toward that goal now ? You say you have a lot more goals, but that one is pretty lofty. Are your other ones needing to be accomplished at the same time ?
If so, name one of those other ones please.

[Smarky]

Originally Posted by fwellers

So what's the problem then ? What's stopping you from working toward that goal now ? You say you have a lot more goals, but that one is pretty lofty. Are your other ones needing to be accomplished at the same time ?
If so, name one of those other ones please.

I want to reach a really good fitness level and lose a lot of weight.

I want to become an excellent guitar player.

I want to have the greatest music collection in the world (Where greatest music is the best possible collection for ME, music is a big part of my world)

I have lots of different ideas and different things I would like to do. a lot of them are linked together.

I'd like to have a 'Rockstar' appearance, to match who I am, some wicked cool tattoo's and pearcings, with an excellent wardrobe to match.

I'd also like to start and run a site focused around music (although I guess this is related to the web design one?)

i'd like to produce a range of graphic design works.

I would like to write things that matter to people, maybe some lyrics or short passages, i've had the idea to set this to some graphic design/music and also publish it online.

I have other ideas for projects and stuff, but those are the main ones.

[wakeshine]

What a cool list of goals.

Now to do this in "laps" you can come up with small tasks on the way to the goals.
- I want to lose five pounds next month
- I want to learn to play a new song this week
- I want to go to one tatoo parlor just to look
- etc etc etc

Each of those is achievable and, more importantly, measurable. "Excellent guitar player" is a goal that is never achieved but always strived for. That may be part of the reason you overthink.

As you do each task, you'll be learning more about your learning style and even defining your goals more clearly than you could do "on paper."

Keep moving forward!

Doug

[Smarky]

I guess what I need is to become better and have a better system for concentrating on what i need to do right now. I tend to look at everything (there is more than I listed here but it is all related to what i have said) from a much bigger picture perspective cause I really wanna do some great stuff and i wanna get it right. I guess my thinking always is concerned with getting to that final step rather than the next. However even if i have the next steps, I'm kinda concerned they are not the right ones!

For example of how things are linked the tattoo's / piercing will come after i have reached my ideal body weight, it's a reward if you like! but also the final piece and the wardrobe after I have got some money from the web work.

I think right now my three majors would be working on sites to reach my main goal, exercise/diet and guitar. Most things then branch out from that, although there are other things to think about consider and maybe work towards a little in the meantime.

[Gayathri]

Originally Posted by Smarky

I guess what I need is to become better and have a better system for concentrating on what i need to do right now. I tend to look at everything (there is more than I listed here but it is all related to what i have said) from a much bigger picture perspective cause I really wanna do some great stuff and i wanna get it right. I guess my thinking always is concerned with getting to that final step rather than the next. However even if i have the next steps, I'm kinda concerned they are not the right ones!

For example of how things are linked the tattoo's / piercing will come after i have reached my ideal body weight, it's a reward if you like! but also the final piece and the wardrobe after I have got some money from the web work.

I think right now my three majors would be working on sites to reach my main goal, exercise/diet and guitar. Most things then branch out from that, although there are other things to think about consider and maybe work towards a little in the meantime.

All of these three are very neat and desirable goals. It is great that you think big - that is a quality essential for success. But, the secret is to Think in Years and Work in Days (that is a phrase I always use with my life coaching clients).

I would advice you to take a book and perform the following exercise. This often works wonders with my clients.

So now that you know you want 3 main things - your own web design business, a great body and excellence in guitar. Write them down in your book. Ideally, it would be best to work on one or two of these for the first three months and then, when success becomes a habit and your time management skills grow, take up the third, forth and other goals progressively. For now let us focus on your career and health goals.

Done? Now, rewrite them as more "specific" goals. Like for example, "I want to run a web design business with x clients, making y amount of profit monthly, by the time I am z years old." "I want to weigh x pounds and exercise for y hours each week." You get the idea. If you need tips of how to write effective goals like these, you can read it in my article on goal setting.

In the next page, break them down to where you want to be by the coming new years' day. Make these goals specific and realistic - like for example "I want to have x clients by 01 Jan, 2009." or "I want to weigh x pounds by 01 Jan, 2009."

Next, write down where you want to be by the first day of the coming month. "I want to have set up my website designing business, read two books on the subject and found a good name for the business by 01 June, 2008." Now mind you, these goals will depend on your own taste and ability.

You guessed the next task - write down where you want to be on the first day of the next week. "I want to have joined website designer forums, and installed necessary software in my machine" could be a good start. Or anything else YOU feel comfortable achieving.

Now you can move to tomorrow morning (or day after tomorrow morning, depending on what time you are reading this) and write down where you want to be. The first day goals should be relatively trivial and easy to accomplish, because you don't want to feel rushed and want to ease in to the flow. Write those down as well.

If you want, you can further break this down to things like "Google out three good web designer forums before lunchtime" or "take my dog for a walk in the evening."

Each day, as you finish your tasks for the day, write them down in your book. If your longterm or shortterm goals change along the way because of some circumstances, do not be afraid to change them! (As long as you are changing them reasonably of course). You could check out my article on procrastination if you want some ideas on getting things done.

Also, you could perhaps get yourself a life coach to keep you motivated and make sure your goals get completed on time. If you would like my coaching services, please PM me or contact me through my website, and we could work something out.

Good luck, and have a blast with your life!

Cheers,
Gayathri.

[fwellers]

I am impressed. good post Gayathri.
That should keep Smarky busy !!

I was just reading his list of goals ( his reply to me ), and I was getting overwhelmed just reading them. That's a hell of a list.

It brings to mind that when I have too many things on my plate, I tend to shut down and not get any of them accomplished. Sometimes you have to forget the big picture and just hunker down to doing one thing. Just take baby steps, and the rest just seems to come in it's time.

[Gayathri]

Thanks fwellers

You are right, we need to focus on one thing at a time when there is just too much to do. Perhaps a prioritized to-do list would come in handy.

[bobo]

Focus is what you need. It´s a thin line between the benefits of thinking and brainstorming and taking action. Action is what you need, but also focus. You can´t do everything. Take a moment and write down the things that appeal to you the most. Pick one and be an expert on that! You can develop the other ones later.
Good luck!

[Smarky]

Ekkk! I had a bit of extremely bad luck over the weekend. A hard drive failed while I was moving stuff to clear up a drive for backup. Worst possible timing.

The result, I lost two months of work, my music collection and all my thoughts and ideas that I had written down.

I was feeling confident and happy with it all and where it was going. But once this happened suddenly it made me feel confused and lost again!

I'm just way off with where I wish to be, I know exactly where I want to be, but I have no idea how I get there, what is the best route and how to ensure I do a really really good job!

[uberinquisitive]

Recently, mercuryrising asked a somewhat similar question. You can read my complete reply here, but I basically quoted Anthony Robbins (thanks, Tuumble, for pointing out such a great quote!):

If you talk about it, it's a dream
If you can see it, it's a vision
But if you schedule it, it's reality.

What stage are you at now? And what will you do to schedule in your goals?

Originally Posted by wakeshine

His older brother doesn't teach him how to drive by telling him "this is how you drive." He tells him "listen to the car." But Speed himself has to learn how to relate what he hears to what it means.

What a great analogy!

Life is about action - feedback. Action - feedback.

Even doing "nothing" is a type of action. And you definitely get feedback!

Originally Posted by Smarky

I want to reach a really good fitness level and lose a lot of weight.

I want to become an excellent guitar player.

I want to have the greatest music collection in the world (Where greatest music is the best possible collection for ME, music is a big part of my world)

I'd like to have a 'Rockstar' appearance, to match who I am, some wicked cool tattoo's and pearcings, with an excellent wardrobe to match.

I'd also like to start and run a site focused around music (although I guess this is related to the web design one?)

i'd like to produce a range of graphic design works.

I would like to write things that matter to people, maybe some lyrics or short passages, i've had the idea to set this to some graphic design/music and also publish it online.

These are great dreams. Now what are you doing to schedule them in?

Right now, it seems you are stuck in perfectionism - you don't want to take decisive action until things are planned out perfectly.

But life is never perfect, partner. Remember, action-feedback.

You may want to look at this blog post by Slade Roberson about making decisions. A cool quote from his blog post:

Sitting on the fence wondering, wringing your hands, evaluating won’t reveal anything — including all the resources the Universe has wrapped up and waiting for you.

Originally Posted by Smarky

The result, I lost two months of work, my music collection and all my thoughts and ideas that I had written down.

I was feeling confident and happy with it all and where it was going. But once this happened suddenly it made me feel confused and lost again!

I'm just way off with where I wish to be, I know exactly where I want to be, but I have no idea how I get there, what is the best route and how to ensure I do a really really good job!

On a practical note: now you've learned to BACK UP EVERYTHING. Get an external hard drive. Back up to a remote server. I use Google Docs.

I have a massive mp3 collection - I have it backed up on an iPod, plus on mp3tunes.com.

I know someone who upgraded his Mac OS, and he lost his entire iPhoto album, including baby pics of his daughter. He hadn't backed anything up, so those pictures are gone forever.

You can always rebuild your music collection. You can't rebuild baby photos.

Seriously, consider it a blessing that you've lost 2 months of work, rather than a lifetime of memories.

On an intuitive note: It seems the universe is sending you a clear message - "Try it another way."

You seem very much in your head now. But so much of what you want to accomplish requires you to be rooted in your body and heart. Music that moves people isn't an intellectual exercise. Becoming physically fit is not meant to be merely a visualization.

I really empathize with you - I am also an artist, and I have so many dreams and goals and aspirations and FEARS.

But, I just went ahead and did stuff, even though I was scared as all hell. And, it's not perfect - but guess what? Life isn't a one-shot deal. You do something, you get feedback, and you improve.

[Smarky]

Originally Posted by uberinquisitive

On a practical note: now you've learned to BACK UP EVERYTHING. Get an external hard drive.

Ironically I was setting up the Back up when the drive failed. I just moved to a new Mac system and in order to use the automated backup system it has (Time machine) I had to format my external drive, so I had to move everything off it temporary. It was at this point the main drive failed. Really really unfortunate timing. My music was backed up on my iPod, but that recently failed and i had to sent that for repair. But anyway.... onto the real matter..

I like the idea of action - feedback. Action - feedback. My thoughts have been similar to this lately. As I have been thinking how Life is messy and messy is okay, I'm kinda am messy, chaos loving type person anyway. It's not straight A to B, you throw yourself forward with constant course correction on the way.

on a scheduling note, I don't like to schedule things too much, I think it locks you into ways of thinking. However I have I guess scheduled "2 hours of exercise every day and one on the weekends" That seems to be going okay. I don't have set times for it though, I do it when I feel like it, in 1 hour slots.

I'm not to sure how everything else works, I'm concerned about having a large list that reads 2 hours of this, 3 hours of this etc.

Originally Posted by uberinquisitive

On an intuitive note:It seems the universe is sending you a clear message - "Try it another way." [/B]

I read Steve's article on making decisions, he suggested that you ask "Is this really me?" in response to everything, I like that idea cause I'm always suggesting to myself and to others it's just important to be your authentic self with everything you do and then it doesn't really matter about everything else. I guess the stuff I had wasn't quite me, it was closer than the stuff I had, but still not quite there.

I think i'm going to look at and rework my mission statement, values, purpose and philosophies. I think they can be reworked with my new ideas and feedbacks. But rather than thinking about this exclusively I intend to be more action oriented about it. Doing exercises, asking myself important questions, writing journals, reading articles etc but perhaps most importantly all the while I'm working on my other projects.

[Smarky]

Just had some thoughts that are interesting. General personal development that I have read about and hear and then try to apply and also a lot of stuff I am doing is really me trying to be someone I'm not. It's like to me trying to make me a cog in a machine. I hate that. I hate that kind of thinking too, people trying to rip everything apart and analyze, define and judge everything.

But to achieve what I want to achieve I seem to have gone into that kinda thinking.

In my personal and more social life, it's not like that so much (Although i'm starting to become that way a little bit and it's having a negative effect! Guess that shows why the other stuff isn't happening for me either huh?)

I'm a rocker at heart. I love that music, that scene that philosophy and ideals. In my social life i just go for it, be completely random, I don't over plan, I just throw myself into it and do whatever. It's a very messy process if you were to stand back and look at it, indeed I think many people look at it and just shake there heads. I'm the rock the hell out kinda guy and then just crash or fall wherever is available =P I've slept in Airports (Although not traveling anywherE), bus stations,t rain stations, shop floors etc, it all doesn't matter. I often end up bruised, hurt or whatever, but I really don't care. It's those "Sensible" "organized" people who follow the lines of normal society that shake there heads and so be it, cause I hate those idiots. That is not me.

In what i'm trying to achieve, I guess I've become a little to much like that and because it's not me, it's not what I want to do, it's causing big problems. I guess I care too much about wanting to do this stuff to leave it to chance, I don't have the faith in just letting go.

It's like all this earlier raiser stuff, I tried that a couple of years ago, and on a different forum, other people where like keep going, do this, do that. You can do it! But jesus, why the hell would I want too? I hate mornings, why would I want to make it longer? I love the night. That's the best time.

The last time I achieved really well was at college. I was top of my class by a large amount. But most teachers hated me. I wasn't doing it the way I was supposed too. I was supposed to answer question 1 before I did question 3. I was supposed to write out this huge action plan on how I was going to achieve it. I was supposed to do this and that and blah, whatever. I wasn't organized at all, I didn't have any fancy system, I just looked at what I needed to do and did it the way I wanted, all with the vision in mind I wanted to finish top of the class. But none of this nonsense.

I guess that's kinda the problem =P

[uberinquisitive]

Originally Posted by Smarky

I'm a rocker at heart. I love that music, that scene that philosophy and ideals...

It's those "Sensible" "organized" people who follow the lines of normal society that shake there heads and so be it, cause I hate those idiots. That is not me.

You may want to watch this YouTube documentary about Blondie.

Basically, it talks about how Blondie achieved success - by bringing polish into punk.

Christ Stein admits that their first two albums were pure punk - undisciplined, riotous. Debbie Harry often didn't bother to sing in tune. They were punk, man. And punks just don't care.

And then, producer extraordinare, Mike Chapman, came into the picture for "Parallel Lines." He said:

Let's play like a real professional group

And the rest is history.

Point: you can be punk and you can be pop. You can be wild and crazy, and you can be organized and sensible. In fact, when you combine the two together - it's f*cking powerful.

Originally Posted by Smarky

However I have I guess scheduled "2 hours of exercise every day and one on the weekends" That seems to be going okay. I don't have set times for it though, I do it when I feel like it, in 1 hour slots.

I'm not to sure how everything else works, I'm concerned about having a large list that reads 2 hours of this, 3 hours of this etc.

Scheduling isn't about being uptight.

I schedule by setting deadlines and milestones. I can't follow a daily schedule.

Originally Posted by Smarky

I like the idea of action - feedback. Action - feedback. My thoughts have been similar to this lately. As I have been thinking how Life is messy and messy is okay, I'm kinda am messy, chaos loving type person anyway. It's not straight A to B, you throw yourself forward with constant course correction on the way.

So, what can you schedule in TODAY to achieve your goals?

You want to start a music-focused website - did you buy the domain name? Get the host? How about web design? You could schedule that in today, and set the milestone "I will have the website up, even if it kinda sucks, by July."

How about your guitar playing? Are you going to schedule in lessons? How about practice time? Jimi Hendrix carried his guitar with him everywhere he went - that's how he became so wickedly good. You can schedule in an hour today. And set a milestone of "I will be able to play Eric Clapton's 'Layla" by September."

Etc. Etc.

[uberinquisitive]

I posted this response of the thread about learning to play guitar - an additional resource for you to become a master at the guitar.

Oh, and here is a YouTube video of Brian Setzer playing "Sleepwalk". He's one of my fave guitarist - I don't play guitar and have never played guitar (I play piano), but watching this makes me almost want to pick one up.

[Smarky]

Intreasting video, although I'm sure that producer dude is very talented, he turns the band into a horrible pop band. But i agree with your intent, organized chaos rather than complete!

Originally Posted by uberinquisitive

So, what can you schedule in TODAY to achieve your goals?

*shrugs* I don't know. I'm taking time over the next few days to clear things out and have a more definate way forward, i'm looking to have that complete so I can go and move forward fully next week.

With guitar it is a little bit of an issue with that, I have to think how I am gonna do it and also fit it in with everything else. It is something I would really love to do but i'm not gonna take lessons for the time being and learn at home. The trouble is finding practice time at home when people are not around and I can practice freely.

[Smarky]

I'm feeling utterly frustrated by all of this.

It could be argued that I was much better off before I started thinking and doing all this personal development stuff. When I was at college I achived what I wanted and it was simple, I never even had to think about it, all i had to do was do the work. Now if i went back, I'm not even sure I could do it again. I would feel too confused and try to figure it out way to much.

I've decided to limit the information I have coming in, it's way more than i've ever had and it's way too much, that's a lot of the problem for me, I've read and heard so much, it's all swelling inside my head and I don't know how to use it, what is the right way etc. If i need information, I will research it and read it as needed rather than having a constant input of stuff.

I'm actually thinking about cutting a lot more out of my life so I can focus more on the essentials, that inclues all the stuff I have written down for myself, fancy mission statements, written purposes, values, etc. It just seems a little much, although i'm not sure how much to cut out and again my usual thinking strikes, what if it's the wrong thing? I need to get it right? Do i get rid of this? Do I make it better? What do i do? I need to get it right! Rawrr!

Goals, mission, values, identity all this stuff is just rawrrr! I need my ass kicked ! I kinda feel like i'm failing at my own life! *shakes head at self*

[Smarky]

You know I once got the chance to talk to someone I greatly admire, one of my heroes if you like. Someone who could be argued as doing the type of thing i would like to (perhaps different careers, but same mindset and creativeness, although I certainly would love to do what he does!!). I asked him some stuff about all of this, thinking he could give me the information that I needed, that he would give me the answer to what i need to do, how I need to be etc.

And he just looked at me with a extremely puzzled face. Then he said (something like this..)

"Creating and making music, isin't a means to an end, music is the end. It's my life. It's just what I do. When we started the band, it was because I wanted to hear a sound that never happened. I got fed up of waiting, so we just did it ourselves. The media and everyone else always wants to pull us apart and label us with something, they want to say we are rap-rock or nu-metal and they want to label everything else too, we just don't do that. That's the media's job. I love music, it is my life, I want to make music, so I do."

I remember being kinda disappointed, I prodded him more, asking for his advice for creative people and he said get your work out there and let others tear it apart, so you can improve and create something better. I was still a little disappointed.

When I was speaking to a friend and she was asking me what I was doing, I was explaining I was writing down all this stuff, all the stuff that mattered to me, what I was gonna do, how I was gonna be, values and all this stuff and she looked at me and said "Why the hell do you need to write this stuff down, it should be in your heart?"

Then another of my friends said to me:

"Words associated with all success and success insight is all a giant pep talk. It's supposed to give you that lift, which obviously is only going to last as long as you allow it to. These speeches and other things you've heard aren't meant to be obsessed over. Anyone who is successful today or in the past didn't spend their time analyzing HOW to become successful, they just went out there and did it and didn't stop until they got somewhere they wanted to be. Only now they can make money by telling you "how to" get successful, which is mainly bull**** because it's different for everyone. How you get to the top is your own business. "

It just seems to me as if it might just be best to make a big change in direction and completely shift and walk away from all of this, it hasn't worked for me and it would most likely free myself much more to work on that which I'm thinking about working on at the moment anyway. Let myself be more natural with it and see where that goes.

Every time I have felt I have this really great system, this excellent new process or all these fancy different ways of thinking, the very day I have gone to start with that, something has gone hugely wrong. Everything to breakups, being thrown out of where I was living and then last week, I didn't get much done, however I felt I had finally cracked it, I had all this stuff written down that told me how to be, what I needed to do etc, I could reffer to it whenever I needed and I had the systems in place, all the nice fancy lines and good sounding stuff. Then my hard drive crashes and I lose it all. Just seems kinda strange and alarming and oddly on time messages from the universe, if you belive in that thing or not, it's not the first time it has seemed extremely freaky to me.