Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

Gabriel.B · #31 (**permalink**) 05-03-2008, 06:03 PM

Kaspian, your inside-out approach makes perfect sense, I'm sure in some ways I've done it the wrong way round. That's what I'm trying to do now though work on my core-beliefs.
But the rest of your questions threw up more an awful lot more questions in me. I've answered them truthfully but am now confused, because a lot of them have nothing to do with beliefs, some of them are just solid fact and I wouldn't know what to do about them, these are the questions that were significant to me.

Are you afraid of failure? -yes
Do you feel guilty about something? -yes
Is there a personal issue you're avoiding? -yes
Is there a relationship or family issue you're avoiding? -yes
Are any of your values in conflict? -yes
Can you get in touch with the part of you that is your most fabulous self—the one you are becoming? -

FEAR:
What can i do about my fears? As far as I'm know, I need to face them to 'resolve' them.

GULIT:
Feeling guilt about things, I'm guessing I have to forgive myself, which I do do for mistakes I've made in the past. What I'm not sure about though is what I should do about the guilt I feel everyday; I feel guilty for any form of consumption or waste, which adds up to quite a lot, so essentially I feel guilty for indirectly supporting the polluting, plunder and 'destruction' of the planet. Another thing I feel guilty about a lot is the fact that I'm doing nothing about changing the current state of the world (which I might have mentioned earlier in the thread) I'm studying an art degree while cooperations and multi-billionaires are moving into their final faze of world-domination and as an entertainer (concept artist) I'm only supporting the distraction of the public to these important events. This may not sound like something to feel guilty about, but it's a real heavy weight on my shoulders.

PROBLEMS:
Of course we all have our fair share of problems, but they are always there. Some of them are resolved along the way while others take their time. As many problems as I may have, most of them don't conflict my goals or values, they are just problems that need to be looked into and solved.

VALUES:
Yes some of my values and actions are in conflict, eg: caring for the planet or the good of humanity, yet indirectly ruining the planet and thereby killing humanity etc, etc (It's an endless chain that branches into many areas)

As for the last question, I'm not quite sure what you mean, like a form of meditation where you meet your future self? (Like Steve has mentioned) or is it something else?

How do you go about raising your beliefs in your self-worth and abilities? I suppose I could do it in the form of affirmations as well?

I'm doing what I need to do to change my beliefs but I'm not sure about the things mentioned above, I'd be thankful for any advice on how to approach these issues.

Kaspian · #32 (**permalink**) 05-12-2008, 06:43 PM

I have been wanting to respond for this for days, but my perspective has shifted so dramatically since I wrote my earlier posts that I needed to let my thoughts and beliefs settle a little just to know what to say... Or maybe it's not necessarily that my beliefs shifted completely as it is that I have a much deeper understanding now, but what a potent transition!

The morning when I wrote my earlier response, my life needed a bigger change than I could admit to myself at the time. (Three cheers for a highly-intuitive and effective counselor.) A major time commitment that my husband and I had made together—we were in the same training program—had to go... now. We both had seen the training as a hugely beneficial thing in our lives, but too much of a good thing is still too much, and even the best of techniques, when eagerly applied to realms of your life where they don't belong, can cause problems.

And so, the fears.

The fear that my husband would feel that me taking care of myself (by leaving the training) would be at the cost of his well-being, because he did not yet understand the problem I had with it, I did not know how to show him how it negatively effected him, and my leaving would probably mean the end of the program. The fear that my husband would decide we were no longer compatible. The fear of telling the director of the training I was done, knowing how much the training means to her, and expecting a verbal attack.

One afternoon-evening I laid down as if to nap and spend most of the next 4 1/2 hours exploring my fears. Adrenaline burned in my body. I did not know ahead of time that they were so deep, so strong, so powerful. And yet, I had useful realizations, and by the time my husband came to tell me that dinner was ready, those fears had less power, and they began to feel like old fears.

There's more to the story, of course, but the short version is that the depth and strength of my fear of the possibility of loosing my husband showed us both the strength and depth of the love I have for him and visa versa. We have given ourselves and each other fuller permission to share our thoughts and feelings, even things that could be seen as negative or critical. Because that sharing comes from a place of love, respect, honor, and compassion, it bonds us, and the bond we feel now dwarfs what we had before.

So, if I had responded earlier, I might have said some things about releasing fear, facing fear, resolving fear, or whatever. Saying the words, "Feel the fear and do it anyway," has so little meaning as just words. It used to mean something like, "I'm somewhat afraid of this, and I don't really know why, but I'm going to do it anyway." And little changed, because that way of thinking is just a way for avoiding the internal work that needs to get done. At the moment, the phrase means, "Fully experience the fear, explore it, investigate it, find the fear underneath the fear, maybe the fear will burn itself out, but maybe not... and then do the thing anyway."

Fear is a signpost, a signal. Read the sign. The sign doesn't say: don't love, don't take the audition, don't set high goals, don't start working on those goals, etc. The sign says: look into this issue so that you can move forward with ease and power.

Kaspian · #33 (**permalink**) 05-12-2008, 07:24 PM

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