Confidence: How do you find it?

[mercuryrising]

If there was something I could change about myself, I would like to be more confident.

I am pretty knowledgeable in different areas, but I have a hard time admitting that to someone. I don't want to come off like I'm bragging.

Or someone will ask me about something and I'll give a non-committed answer, just in case I happen to be wrong.

I was wondering if anyone has any ideas on how I could become more confident.

Thanks

[Real Subliminal]

To quote you:

"Instead of starting with wanting a million dollars, start with
believing you are a millionaire. How does a millionaire think? What
does a millionaire do? The process of learning the millionaire mindset
would come through normal lines of investigation, but eventually your
reality would conform to what you believe."

I truly believe confidence is the same. If you act confident, people will view you confidently, and eventually you really will be confident.

Think of the analogy of the energetic toddler who is full of confidence - his confidence is not ego based (based, on knowledge, success, or achievement etc), but simply based on natural self esteem. A toddler is not afraid of social boundries, not afraid to speak his mind, not afraid to interact socially etc.

As we age then our egos come into play, and we are aware of how other people view us, and our confidence will be shaped more by our egos... to be really confident you need to let go of your ego - not be worried to voice your opinion in fear of if you will be accepted for example.

There does not have to be a reason for confidence, simply value yourself as a human being, speak your mind because what you have to say is worth listening to, walk tall, and act confident, and eventually this behaviour will be second nature to you, you will be "naturally" confident again.

Dan

[maxdof]

Read the Seven Habits of Stephen Covey and apply the first one, Be Proactive.
You can read Neil Strauss too.

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by Real Subliminal

To quote you:

"Instead of starting with wanting a million dollars, start with
believing you are a millionaire. How does a millionaire think? What
does a millionaire do? The process of learning the millionaire mindset
would come through normal lines of investigation, but eventually your
reality would conform to what you believe."

I truly believe confidence is the same. If you act confident, people will view you confidently, and eventually you really will be confident.

Think of the analogy of the energetic toddler who is full of confidence - his confidence is not ego based (based, on knowledge, success, or achievement etc), but simply based on natural self esteem. A toddler is not afraid of social boundries, not afraid to speak his mind, not afraid to interact socially etc.

As we age then our egos come into play, and we are aware of how other people view us, and our confidence will be shaped more by our egos... to be really confident you need to let go of your ego - not be worried to voice your opinion in fear of if you will be accepted for example.

There does not have to be a reason for confidence, simply value yourself as a human being, speak your mind because what you have to say is worth listening to, walk tall, and act confident, and eventually this behaviour will be second nature to you, you will be "naturally" confident again.

Dan

Thanks, Dan. God forbid I take my own medicine

I like your analogy. Perhaps it could be said that the ego is nothing more or less than the conditioning that has been programmed into us by experience/family/society. That would explain why we do not have one from birth (or, at least, not an active one).

Originally Posted by maxdof

Read the Seven Habits of Stephen Covey and apply the first one, Be Proactive.
You can read Neil Strauss too.

Neil Strauss... one of my top ten favorite books of all time. I was just downloading some seduction material. It's been a while since I was into all that. I've been going back to it because it motivated me to become a better person.

Thanks for the suggestion.

[ZHereford]

Hi Mercuryrising,

There is much more to building self-confidence than often meets the eye. I wrote an article on it recently which touches upon some of the points you might want to consider: How To Build Self-Confidence.

I hope it helps!

[vapourmile]

Originally Posted by mercuryrising

If there was something I could change about myself, I would like to be more confident.

I am pretty knowledgeable in different areas, but I have a hard time admitting that to someone. I don't want to come off like I'm bragging.

Or someone will ask me about something and I'll give a non-committed answer, just in case I happen to be wrong.

I was wondering if anyone has any ideas on how I could become more confident.

Thanks

Every time you dare yourself to no longer shy away from the issue and press forward.

[maxdof]

Originally Posted by mercuryrising

Neil Strauss... one of my top ten favorite books of all time. I was just downloading some seduction material. It's been a while since I was into all that. I've been going back to it because it motivated me to become a better person.

Thanks for the suggestion.

I think it will develop my social skills x 1000
Though Neil Strauss, The Game, is more for the story. To apply the stuff, other readings are recommanded.

[maxdof]

Originally Posted by mercuryrising

Or someone will ask me about something and I'll give a non-committed answer, just in case I happen to be wrong.

You can answer by another question that can lead to the answer. You can say,
- "I don't know, but I think Joe does", and call Joe.
- "I don't know and I don't care: why anyone in the world would want to know that???"
- "Maybe it is...", "I'm not sure but...", "If..."

These are the three techniques I use a lot, but the second

I use a lot of "maybe" actually when I know I'm more than 90% right but I want the other people to check by herself, I do that a lot with my subordinates. They know there is 95% chance I'm right, but the decision based of the information is on their hands, they better check! Or ask another question (I actually make them "answer by another question that can lead to the answer") to make me validate when I see they have understood.

If you want to give an answer but you might be wrong, you can say "I might be wrong, but..."

[vitalsparx]

It's actually ok to be wrong about something

Everyone gets it wrong from time to time. We just prefer to let others believe we are right 100% of the time

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by maxdof

I think it will develop my social skills x 1000
Though Neil Strauss, The Game, is more for the story. To apply the stuff, other readings are recommanded.

I thought Swingcat has the best e-book.

I like the Juggler and Zan just because they seem like the kind of guy I could see myself being. Mentors, you might say.

RSD guys are the most motivated people on the planet.

And this guy here blew my mind.

I stopped reading and studying a lot of this stuff after I got a girlfriend. Which is kind of sad because I started to return to old AFC habits. This may have a lot to do with my lack of confidence. hmmm....

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by maxdof

You can answer by another question that can lead to the answer. You can say,
- "I don't know, but I think Joe does", and call Joe.
- "I don't know and I don't care: why anyone in the world would want to know that???"
- "Maybe it is...", "I'm not sure but...", "If..."

These are the three techniques I use a lot, but the second

I have to say, I'm fond of the second. LOL. Thank you for the suggestion.

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by vapourmile

Every time you dare yourself to no longer shy away from the issue and press forward.

You know, I've often thought that if I just kept trying something until I got it right instead of trying to find the right way without trying I would be a lot further along in life. Thanks.

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by ZHereford

Hi Mercuryrising,

There is much more to building self-confidence than often meets the eye. I wrote an article on it recently which touches upon some of the points you might want to consider: How To Build Self-Confidence.

I hope it helps!

Thank you. Very comprehensive site. I like how you have it set up and I'll be back to read some more. I'm not able to get your book at this time, but I clicked on some google things and searched for the word confidence through the search bar. I'm offering my 2 cents, literally.

I came upon the wikipedia page for confidence it begins:

Confidence is generally described as a state of being certain, either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct, or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective given the circumstances.

I immediately thought that it is more important that you are certain of your beliefs than it is what your beliefs actually are. Obviously, if you are going to be certain about it, choosing the right beliefs is paramount. But even the best belief system in the world is fruitless without certainty.

[evelynlim]

Originally Posted by mercuryrising

I don't want to come off like I'm bragging.

I think you won't come off like you're bragging if you present yourself as sharing information. Hence, choice of words, your tone and body language is important.

Originally Posted by mercuryrising

Or someone will ask me about something and I'll give a non-committed answer, just in case I happen to be wrong.

We beat ourselves so much that we now fear making mistakes. Even if you realise you make a mistake, ask yourself what is the worst that can happen? Also, when you do find yourself making one, adopt the perspective that mistakes are really opportunities for you to learn something new.

Evelyn

[ZHereford]

Originally Posted by mercuryrising

Thank you. Very comprehensive site. I like how you have it set up and I'll be back to read some more.

Thanks mercuryrising for reading it and I sincerely hope it gives you something to work with and build on!

[jaideepv1234]

hi,i m Dr.jaideep,just joined this forum,about confidence raising,i m also facing the same problem like u.but earlier it was much more but now a days i m gaining the confidence.i used this affirmation techniques,and tell u it really works.only one needs to be very sinscere about that.just try this out for 15 days very hardly and u will find the very good results.i m sure for that.but dont keep any expextation that it will happened in 1 week.thats all.u need to say ur seelf that u r feeling confident.it must be in state like u have achieved that.like ''i m confident'' dont use word 'no,never'.pls take care.

[hkalchemy]

You have to stop worrying about what other people think. You do your best, you know you are capable, and that's all anyone could ask. If you care too much about other people's opinions, you'll never really be confident.

[Keith]

Originally Posted by mercuryrising

If there was something I could change about myself, I would like to be more confident.
I am pretty knowledgeable in different areas, but I have a hard time admitting that to someone. I don't want to come off like I'm bragging.
Or someone will ask me about something and I'll give a non-committed answer, just in case I happen to be wrong.
I was wondering if anyone has any ideas on how I could become more confident.

IMO confidence may not be the ideal goal. Confidence is related to pride, and we all know what pride leads to.

It sounds like what you really need is to be at peace with the idea that you'll be wrong sometimes. Some people even go beyond that to actually enjoy their mistakes because of what they learn from them (I haven't got that far yet ).

Similarly, sharing knowledge needn't be arrogant. "Ooh, I heard this cool idea the other day that might help with that" isn't self-aggrandisement - it's just offering information you have, not showing off.

[maxdof]

Originally Posted by mercuryrising

I have to say, I'm fond of the second. LOL. Thank you for the suggestion.

Can work being cocky and funny.
Of course you need some confidence, which you will develop in the first habit of the seven habits (Be Proactive)

[maxdof]

Originally Posted by mercuryrising

I thought Swingcat has the best e-book.

I like the Juggler and Zan just because they seem like the kind of guy I could see myself being. Mentors, you might say.

RSD guys are the most motivated people on the planet.

And this guy here blew my mind.

I stopped reading and studying a lot of this stuff after I got a girlfriend. Which is kind of sad because I started to return to old AFC habits. This may have a lot to do with my lack of confidence. hmmm....

We could share about this on a more appropriate forum... or pm me.
Cheers

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by hkalchemy

You have to stop worrying about what other people think. You do your best, you know you are capable, and that's all anyone could ask. If you care too much about other people's opinions, you'll never really be confident.

I was considering the belief, "I don't care what anyone thinks about me." For some people, I think there would be a problem of egotism. I would have a long way to go before I got there.

Thank you for the suggestion and I like your website.

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by Keith