Confidence: How do you find it?

[Rafael Perez]

This is something you share with a lot of people. Lack of self confidence may seem like it is attributed to lack of skills or knowledge but in all honesty does not have anything to do with that.

Your reality is made up of your beliefs. You do not believe yourself to be a self confident person, thus this is your creation. This falls into the realm of "I have no control over how people look at me."

This is something that becomes part of our truth and belief system. But it is not true, in fact it is something that makes you feel down, thus you know it is not in line with who you truly are.

Do not be afraid of coming off as cocky or not knowing something, in fact do not worry about what anyone thinks. Do not try to impress anyone and just be yourself. Become confident in who you are no matter what anyone thinks.

The lack of self confidence goes back to the thought that you are imperfect. This also is a lie we tell ourself. All of us to one degree or another spend to much time living our lives trying to meet others expectations and obligations and fail because it is not in line with our true selves.

We feel like a failure not able to recognize that it was not our intention in the first place. Then we are told that we have failed in some way shape or form by the people in our live growing up.

This becomes our dominant belief.

"I can't seem to do anything right."

You create your own beliefs. You have a choice, take control of your dominant belief and become who you want to be right now.

"I am perfect, I am confident, I am limitless."

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by David365

Can I add, having come across this thread for the first time, that you write and deal with the various suggestions with confidence?!

Confidence isn't a permanent state - how often do you hear sports commentators refer to a player or team losing confidence after a run of bad results.

Its always useful to remind ourselves of what we are good at, our successes. If you have a tendency towards perfectionism you will hear and dwell on the one critical comment and ignore the multitude of praise. Ultimately its like changing any habit - hard work.

My blog is about self confidence, my recent post Dealing with Perfectionism gives more suggestions.

David

Thanks David. I read the article and added you to my rss feeds. I recently have taken up confidence as a central focus on my blog, but I end up talking about meditation. Probably because it's what I'm supposed to talk about. Thanks again.

Originally Posted by Fullcrum

It is a natural and DEFAULT state that arises from deep within us when our connection with reality is strengthened. Quite simply, when we take what is as just what is, without judgement, label, and interpretation, internal peace is a natural consequence.

That is a great definition. I wrote about this myself in this post The Confidence Mindset on my blog.

And thanks for the link. You're right, that is an awesome blog.

Originally Posted by Rafael Perez

You create your own beliefs. You have a choice, take control of your dominant belief and become who you want to be right now.

I think you have written one of the most authentic responses to my question.
And I totally agree with you. Belief is at the heart of the matter.

[moriez]

Originally Posted by mercuryrising

But I don't think that anyone is prevented from becoming confident.

I think what matters most is an attitude of willingness to change. Experience creates tendencies in thinking and behavior, placing arbitrary limits on perception. So I think our characteristics can be changed.

I agree and I hope I didnt give the impression that I think the opposite. My thoughts and opinions are not definite and while rolling along with this thread I make up my mind. I want to clarify that I believe that two things create who we are. Being born with certain characteristics(genetics) and being shaped by upbringing and experience. A third I can add by saying that we have the ability to change. At this very moment I just want to say that its very very hard to change because who we are is so deeply rooted. Thats what I meant with cannot change them too much. Sorry, its hard to express exactly what I mean when my mind is not a 100% made up on the subject. Or any subject

The point I think you are really making is about self-acceptance. I have a tendency to be a perfectionist, that is true. And sometimes I am not-so-confident because whatever the topic is I know is not up to my standards of perfection (including me). There is a difference between being proficient and perfect. Acceptance is something I need to work on. Thanks.

Interesting point you make about it not being to your standards. I can find myself in that. In conversations I have with people I find myself to be quite specific/perfectionist and still thinking about subjects thus not coming across as confident. Lots of "eehhhss" and "hmmmms" that we ourselves or our subconscience might perceive as inconfident?

Originally Posted by Rafael Perez

Do not be afraid of coming off as cocky or not knowing something, in fact do not worry about what anyone thinks. Do not try to impress anyone and just be yourself. Become confident in who you are no matter what anyone thinks.

Thats what I am focusing on at this very moment! I care much too much about what others might think. Thanks for that Rafael.

Btw, great thread. I really enjoy this!

[KevinJohn]

The self confidence you are looking for is a visible manifestation of high self esteem.

Self esteem is the confidence that you are able to be able to cope with the challenges in life. It is not over-confidence that can lead to arrogance or complacency. Self esteem is also the belief that you are worthy of happiness and acceptance by others.

Here are a couple of articles about self esteem that talk more about it.

One of the ways you can improve your self esteem is to use a mixture of visualization and affirmations.

You can visualize situations where you were able to talk about your knowledge and trust yourself to make decisions. Think about how you would feel and what it would mean to you.

As well as visualization, use affirmations to work on your self esteem. Come up with some short, positive statements like "I can make great decisions" or "my opinions are valid" and repeat them regularly, preferably 2 or 3 times a day. You should experiment with affirmations until you find some that you feel are right. Then you'll need to be patient - it can take a few weeks or maybe even longer before they really sink in.

[Jason S]

I always thought of FEAR as a state of mind, and COURAGE is a state of being... and sadness, joy, etc. as emotions that, like mercury in a thermometer, serve to let me know where on that continuum I am in that moment.

As for the relationship between courage and confidence, I liken courage to being willing to maintain course in the face of overwhelming odds, and confidence to being able to keep one's chin up in the face of doubt.

Confidence allows you to keep your chin high... but courage gets you onto the battlefield.

[mercuryrising]

Originally Posted by moriez

I agree and I hope I didnt give the impression that I think the opposite. My thoughts and opinions are not definite and while rolling along with this thread I make up my mind. I want to clarify that I believe that two things create who we are. Being born with certain characteristics(genetics) and being shaped by upbringing and experience. A third I can add by saying that we have the ability to change. At this very moment I just want to say that its very very hard to change because who we are is so deeply rooted. Thats what I meant with cannot change them too much. Sorry, its hard to express exactly what I mean when my mind is not a 100% made up on the subject. Or any subject

I know what you mean. If I were 100% made up on this, I wouldn't have started the thread. LOL.

I've been thinking about how powerful belief really is. There is no other creature on the planet that can change what they believe or can even understand what belief is. Everything we know, do or say is somehow driven by what we believe.

I said somewhere in this thread that confidence is about certainty of belief. When I am uncertain about what I believe, all the power of believing in the first place gets leaked out of my being.

Interesting point you make about it not being to your standards. I can find myself in that. In conversations I have with people I find myself to be quite specific/perfectionist and still thinking about subjects thus not coming across as confident. Lots of "eehhhss" and "hmmmms" that we ourselves or our subconscience might perceive as inconfident?

Something tells me there is merit in being certain even if you are wrong. Might work better than what I've done so far.

[Freelancer]

Originally Posted by mercuryrising

If there was something I could change about myself, I would like to be more confident.

I am pretty knowledgeable in different areas, but I have a hard time admitting that to someone. I don't want to come off like I'm bragging.

Or someone will ask me about something and I'll give a non-committed answer, just in case I happen to be wrong.

I was wondering if anyone has any ideas on how I could become more confident.

Thanks

Do the things you fear.

[PerDev]

We become more confidence by doing things we fear

for doing things we fear we have to use courage (and intelligence)

for courage is somthing we always choose -so we have to choose it by will power and then to make it consistent we have to write all benefits of being courageous

[fwellers]

I look at self confidence as basically just being happy in your own skin.
I find that as I get older, I know myself better, and get more comfortable with who I am ** That is the biggest boost to confidence that I know of. And it happens naturally with age.


** who am I ? ha. big question mark. It may seem that the new learning, awareness, introspection into the spiritutal dimensions of our identity can seem to cause an identity crisis.
But any unsureness that arises doesn't affect the basic self acceptance that comes naturally age.

I'm sure there are ways to accelerate this process, but this post isn't about them.

Thanks for listening.