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11-30-2006, 03:00 PM
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 No Motivation Hey, I'm just posting because it's bothering me that I can't find any Motivation in my life at all. It doesn't matter what I do. If I do my homework or anything in my spare time. Some people might get motivated by the fact that they want to make a lot of money when they're "grown up" or by following they're dreams and I seem to not care at all. It got a little better, especially in school. My grades are up from a bad D to a good B (otherwise I wouldn't graduate) . But I still think I just do it with no purpose in front of it. It's hard to explain how I feel. I just think nothing is worthwhile. Why go through all the trouble of education and working your ass off just to make a decent living when in the end nothing matters because you're going to die anyway. It's really a dilemma. I can't even get motivated for the things I want to do. I know it's sounds crazy. But I read a lot about screenwriting and I would love to write a screenplay (or at least try) but I guess I'm too afraid of failing. I guess that's really my problem. What the hell motivates all of you? Maybe I will try some of that... Arghs. I know my text is not structured. I hate that. But I guess that just expresses how I feel -,- Greetz Kidman      |
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11-30-2006, 03:08 PM
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| I hope people come up with better advice than just 'stop manifesting unmotivation'! 
__________________ -------------------- > Boost your body & brain.  > Erkenntnisse über das Leben (in german). |
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11-30-2006, 03:45 PM
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| Kidman, I was in that state for a while too. For me, it was a highly limiting belief that was holding me back. And that belief was, "Nothing is important. Nothing exists. Everyone is being deluded into grandeur." Follow that with "Who's to say what's right for everyone? Who's to say what the true nature of reality is? Why should I believe what anyone says?" So essentially, I didn't feel like doing anything since nothing was really worth it and even if other people gave me motivational advice I felt they were just deluding themselves. What got me out of it was a subtle, but important twist. I then asked, "Well who's to say that life ISN'T important?" Turn that limiting belief against itself. I was thinking clearly enough to see that even if other people don't know the true nature of reality, how do I know I do? And my answer was this, "I don't!" Therefore, I shouldn't take any of the belief that nothing is worth it to heart. It was a really grueling time for me, fighting every moment and refusing to believe that life is simply just pointless (which at this stage is still a possibility, but not one I give much consideration to). Hope that may shed some insight |
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11-30-2006, 04:32 PM
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| Motivated Hey Kidman, The problem isnīt that you are not motivated, the thing is you are overly motivated. As funny as that sounds, you have to be extremely motivated to do nothing if you are doing nothing. You have a belief or value that thinks that by doing nothing you are better of than doing something. Just like depression takes alot of energy, doing nothing drains you from having energy so itīs a catch 22. You need to work on first off all, not trying to do something, you either do it or you donīt. Either you do nothing or you do something, you donīt try doing something, you start doing it then you stop. So either do something or donīt do it, the word try is just an excuse for you to give up or in some cases not to do it at all. I would think that one of the questions you should be asking is how can I do more? Instead of asking why arenīt I doing more? Chances are that you will get two very different answers depending on which question you ask yourself. Actually that is also one of the things you should work on if you lack motivation. Ask yourself better questions. Asking questions in a negative and unpowering format like "why arenīt I" will give you all the reasons you dont. Asking things like "how can I do" something will empower you, and you will get answers that have a motivation factor built in them. Hope this helps.
__________________ Gudmundur Sigurdarson Author / Coach www.mindformula.com www.mindformulachange.com |
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12-01-2006, 12:00 AM
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For me I kind of looked at it like this: Nothing may indeed matter, but it's either experience all of life until you die, or choose to die prematurely. I can't comprehend why there would be any benefit in choosing the latter. You might as well at least take your time here on this earth and experience what you can because there's no telling what comes after. Sorry to bring up the concept of suicide - clearly that's not the concern here, but I think this decision is fundamental to the issue at hand. So anyway, now you've affirmed your choice to live. Great. Now what? You don't want to deal with school just so you can work your ass off your whole life just so you can afford to sit around at home when retired just so you can... do..what..exactly? But think about the consequeses of the alternatives. You could drop out of school and be poor your whole life and struggle just to obtain basic needs (food, shelter, etc) but I'd imagine that would be rougher than finishing school and working your ass off even if you totally hated your career. What made you get your grades up so you could graduate? You've clearly been motivated enough to do that and you recognize the consequences if you hadn't. I think that's actually good enough for now. You don't necessarily need to have a grand purpose behind it. Your purpose is want to graduate, and your purpose for doing that is because you know life will be better if you do so. Meaningless or not, it will be better. This could be a lengthy discussion, but that's my $0.02. Consider the consequences of doing nothing and that should serve as a minimum amount of motivation to do something. You are young and don't have all the answers. If you don't have a purpose in life, maybe just make your purpose to set yourself up for success when you are older, more mature, and do find your purpose. (e.g. go through the trouble of education and start working your ass off for now. At least you'll have the resources to develop your screenplay when you realize that's indeed what you want to do later in life, for instance.) |
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12-01-2006, 01:03 AM
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Dr. Viktor Frankl believed that meaning was one of the most important things people needed in their lives. (See Man's Search for Meaning for a more detailed discussion.) So when people came to him depressed, he would help them to find a meaning in their lives. One of the questions he would use to help them discover it was, "Why do you not commit suicide?" The answer to that question -- whether it was a book they wanted to write, a child that depended on them, or a belief that they would disappoint someone by dying -- was the meaning to their life. So Greetz, I ask you: Why do you not commit suicide? On another front, you may be just trying to take things in too large a chunk. Could you send me one page from your screenplay? Amanda
__________________ Let me know how I can help you. Amanda Himelein |
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12-01-2006, 01:36 AM
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| EDIT: Wow, sorry for the length here, didn't realize how much I'd written. Well, if you don't know what you're in school for, what the **** are you doing there? Every single day, every action you take is you giving up time of your life that you will NEVER GET BACK. You have to decide what your time is worth and make the intelligent distinction that your time is your life, and if you waste your time, you waste your life. Like Jim Rohn says, failure is a few errors of judgement repeated daily, and wasting time is doing just that. If you take a job for 8$ an hour, you are saying that that hour of your life which you will never get back is worth eight dollars. So why are you in school? If it's high school, you're a minor, suck it up for another year or two, as lacking a high school diploma WILL set you back in the eyes of many people, more so than lacking a college diploma, and if you dropped out you would have to go through lots of messy legal wrangling to be emancipated by the courts, and therefore be largely considered an adult with renting apartments and such. However, make another distinction here- high school is a means to an end, the end being a high school diploma. Don't cheat or do anything immoral like that, but why work for B's if you can settle for C's and still graduate? Rather than pursuing a institutional education that is obviously not engaging you, pursue a PERSONAL education. Remember- profits are better than wages, because profits will make you a fortune while wages will merely make you a living. If you're in college, again, what the **** are you doing? College costs thousands and thousands of dollars, why would you spend all that money, and more than the money, all that TIME working towards such a nebulous goal? A degree on its own is worthless, its a piece of paper. What is your Vision of your future? If it necessitates a degree, by all means get a degree! Otherwise, why would you waste your LIFE on something that's so unnecessary? You say you want to write a screenplay, is this your dream? Is your Vision of yourself five years out being a successful screenwriter? What kinds of people do you see yourself associating with? Where do you live? What city is it in? What kind of furniture is in it? What color are the walls? What kind of knob is on the door to your home? Are there carpets? What kind of a relationship will you have? DEFINE your future down to the SMALLEST detail. Define your future, expand upon it until it is your IDEAL, and then, at that point, the promise will be clear- you will know what you are working towards. Now live into it! Notice that phrasing- LIVE INTO! Don't live into the past, don't live into the present, live into the future! Take inspiration from the future, utilize the promise of tomorrow to accomplish the tasks of today. You say you're afraid of being a screenwriter. Don't be a *****. If you believe you will fail you WILL fail. If you believe you will succeed and you act every day as if success is assured, doing the things that success necessitates, you WILL succeed. Are you a good writer? From your post, it seems you're average at best. If so, practice! Write, write, write, and write some more! Take up a journal, not tomorrow, but today! Make the DECISION, right here, right now, to write in your journal EVERY SINGLE DAY. Don't bitch about your problems, don't whine, don't wax poetic about how no one understands you or how your ex is suuuuuch a bitch or how, like, totally awesome My Chemical Romance is. No, rather, write about the distinctions you made, the accomplishments, the good of the day. Write about the progress you made- this way you will be able to live the accomplishments twice, once when they happen, and a second time when you write them down. Make NO exceptions. I took up my journal two months ago and I haven't missed a single day. It is one of my most important disciplines, the ability to not only have a record of your life, but a way to record all the lessons and distinctions you make htroughout life is invaluable. One day, I went out with some friends and smoked a bit too much, I don't tend to overindulge but this time I went overboard. To me, alchohol just isn't that enjoyable to me, I like to be in control of myself, but I'm a fan of weed. Studying, reading, listening to music, it's all incredible. Re-reading old books always bring out different meanings, usually so obvious you wouldn't think to recognize them sober. Regardless, I'm moderate in my consumption, but this day I god dropped off at my place and I almost immediately went to bed, I was just too stoned to really do anything but feel completely relaxed- which is when you know you went overboard, nothing kills my drive, and when my drive begins to waver, that's when I know I made a mistake, and make sure not to repeat it. But the point here is, even though I was stoned out of my mind, about to pass out in my bed, as I was about to doze off I leapt out of bed. Even in that state, my definiteness of purpose was clear enough, my discipline was ingrained enough into me, that alarm bells rang from every corner of my mind- "You cannot go to bed without writing!". To be sure, reading the entry the next morning, it wasn't exactly the next great American novel, but guess what? I didn't miss a day. Never miss a day, never miss a discipline, never miss an opportunity. Long tangent there. Going back to your post, you say you're worried about death. Why? Death is the destination we all share. You are going to die. You will die. There is no doubt that you will die. Your body will be lowered into the ground and maggots will slowly eat every piece of flesh and there will be nary a bone left. Personally, I don't believe in an after-life. I believe that when I die, I will be dead. However, this isn't depressing. It's beautiful, because it is one of the single greatest motivators in my life. Every morning I ask myself, like Steve Jobs talks about in his Stanford Commencement Speech (look it up on YouTube), "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?". Because, as Steve Jobs says, everything, all external expectation, all pride, all fear of embarassment or failure, these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. You are already naked, there is no reason not to follow your heart. Even after I die, I hope that eventually I will progress enough in my personal development that I will be able to help someone set forth in theirs, help them change their lives for the better, and be a part of that person's life story. And hopefully they will help someone else, and that person will help someone else. That, my friend, that is immortality. The ability to help someone hundreds of years down the line, who you will never meet- that is beautiful. And why live life? Look around you. This is the only chance you have to experience EVERYTHING. You will never have another opportunity. That person walking by? You'll probably never see them again. That cute girl in front of you in line? She'll vanish from your life forever if you don't take the opportunity to speak to her. Look around the world, at all the countries, at all the cultures, at all the sights- don't you want to experience that? Don't you want to see the pyramids? Not only see the pyramids, but stay a week in a suite situated just a few hundred yards from the Pyramids, walk out onto your patio, and look up at those wonders. It's $1500 a night, wouldn't you want to pay that and not bat an eye? Wouldn't that be a wonderful moment? This is getting too long, so I'll wrap up. You will probably be a failure. You will probably live a mediocre life, you will probably succeed at nothing of lasting value. You will probably get a mediocre job, marry a mediocre woman, raise a mediocre family, live in a mediocre house, have a mediocre retirement, and ultimately a mediocre funeral. Most people don't succeed. Most people fail at life. When you tell someone, here, read this book, it will change your life, do you know what most people do? They don't read it. Tell them that this book has made people millionaires, changed lives for the better, it's eight bucks at the local bookstore, or free at the library, go get it! They won't. Tell a hundred people- none of them will. But, tell another, and that hundred and first might. Why 1/101? Who knows? If you tell a group of 50 and only 4 get it, why do those 46 relegate themselves to a life of mediocrity? It's a mystery. But chances are, you will be one of those average people. You won't take any advice, from anyone. Most people here will tell you everyone can succeed, everyone can live an amazing life, and you can do it! I'd agree, but add a big BUT- everyone can, but most won't. You probably won't. But you have an opportunity. You have a shot. You have a chance. At this moment in time, at this point in your life, at the seat you're sitting at, looking into the monitor you're looking at, you can decide to change your life. Right now, your philosophy sucks. Your drive sucks, your ambition sucks, but, most of all, your future sucks. So fix it. Right now. As you read this, turn off your monitor, get out a notebook you have lying around- START YOUR JOURNAL! Write your future- describe your Ideal. This is your Vision of your future, this is what you will live into. Describe it in every detail. Now go onto Amazon.com and order As a Man Thinketh by James Allen, The Richest Man In Babylon by George Clason, Think! And Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, and search out the book Living an Inspired Life and the seminar The Challenge to Succeed, both by Jim Rohn, you'll probably need to order them on eBay. Read them, listen to them- change your health, change your future, change your future. Now and forever. At this moment. You probably won't... but at least at this moment, you have a choice. A choice to succeed or to fail. Last edited by copla : 12-01-2006 at 01:40 AM. |
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12-01-2006, 02:09 AM
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| Greetz, You seem to be mixing possible existential depression with a fear of failure. While I experienced the former as a child (no fun...), I've not much experience with latter keeping me from doing things. While I may fear failure, it simply ensures success, not not doing things. Regardless, addressing these are very different things. I think you need to first get clear on why you're not motivated before trying to accept recommendations on "how to get motivated." Stephen Power-Book Library: Free personal development, success, inspiration and motivational classics Personality and Growth Bookshelf Last edited by stephencp : 12-09-2006 at 11:41 AM. |
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12-01-2006, 02:12 AM
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| Hi Kidman, Maybe you should put aside the search for purpose as such. Instead, I suggest you address the problem of fear you mentioned in your post. In what sense are you afraid to fail? Is it fear of people not liking your work? Or that you may start and not finish it? Or that you cannot make a living from it? You should realize that whatever the answer, it makes no sense to get worried. If the situation is out of your control, it is pointless to care about; if you can control it, go and do something about it. Worrying is not gonna get you closer to the solution. If writing is what you love, but you are afraid or stuck, I suggest you try some freewriting. Write for ten minutes, non-stop and without erasing (forget about spelling or grammar), whatever you have on your mind. If you have nothing to write, repeat a sentence like " I have nothing to write, I have nothing to write....". This is just to get you started. If after the ten minute period you fell like keep going, do it. Do this exercise everyday for at least two weeks (I'll suggest 30 days to install the habit). Once you become loose, you should write with some ideas for your play. A background story, a character description, the message or theme you want to address, etc. The idea is get you writing. Finally, I suggest you read "10 secrets for success and inner peace" by Wayne Dyer. It can light your mood get you moving. Good luck, Pat |
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12-01-2006, 02:23 AM
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| @copla: Nice philosophy, however if it was merely a matter of realising you're going to die, and that right now you're wasting what precious time you have left, then no one would lack motivation or have depression etc, because we all know that! It is common knowledge that we won't live forever. Also, you say that there is no point in getting a degree if you don't know how you will use it. I disagree; college/university is an excellent experience regardless of whether you actually end up using the degree or not. I mean what else would you do with those 3 years? Get a mediocre job and work your way up the ladder, so you can buy a house, a new car etc? If you don't know what road in life you want to take, then it doesn't really matter what road you take, as long as you don't stand there pondering your life away because you can't decide which road to take. As human beings we are not entirely in control of our thouhts - we have emotions and fears etc. So whilst your you only live once so don't have any fears philosophy is a good outlook to have on life, it is unrealistic. If it was that simple personal development wouldn't exist. The truth is most of us don't know what we want, what makes us happy, or why we are doing what we're doing? We are doing the best we can to look for answers, so we can live our lives in the best way possible. At the end of the day, we're all just doing the best we can with what we have. Last edited by Radical : 12-01-2006 at 02:28 AM. |
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12-01-2006, 04:32 AM
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As for a degree, well, that's definitely a completely individual choice, like all things, but from my perspective if you were to work four years for a degree in a field you may or may not wish to pursue a career in, and then run over walking away from the graduation ceremony, would feel like your life had been a success? Would you be happy with what you had accomplished, or would you be left asking yourself why you had waited four years to begin your adult life in earnest? Most people go to college because it's what's expected of them, not because they've decided that it's absolutely necessary to achieve their Ideal and Vision. If you're a doctor, do you need college? Of course! If you're a lawyer do you need college? Undoubtedly. But what about a writer? It seems pretty backwards to suggest to a writer that what they REALLY need to succeed as a writer and improve their skills is to talk about writing in assignments that may or may not benefit them, spend hours and hours in completely unrelated courses, and write to an individual teacher rather than an audience at large. It seems more straightforward to simply write, write about everything, everyone, look for a job in writing, a foot in the door, anything, and in those four years work your ass off and constantly press yoruself to push your **** to the next level. Lots of people I know in college are getting a Real Estate degree, all the while, while they're completing busy work and getting piss drunk, there are plenty of people out there who dived right on in, went to established real estate companies and secured a job by showing that they had great character, and attractive personality, were excited to work hard, and learn everything they could. Same goes for things like loan officers, I had the opportunity of speaking with an individual who at 45 runs a very successful loan and financing business, I asked him what his thoughts were on college degrees- he said he likes them, and it looks good on a resume, but if someone comes in who shows him that they want to work hard and learn everything they can, and seem to have the personality to make it happen, he'll hire them and teach them everything they need to know. And, in his words, no loan officers in his office make under 100k/year, as if they do, they're terrible at their job, and won't hold it very long. As for things like trading stocks and futures, that comes down to practice and a personal education- not a certificate. No one cares about your degree if at the end of the day you're down money while a college drop-out is consistently up, the scorecard is your equity at the end of the day, not how many degrees you've amassed. Obviously, those are just a few professions, but for them, in many cases a degree would be a waste. In those cases, you'd get far more value for that period of your life (which you will never get back!) by actually diving in and working. This, naturally, necessitates having a plan and sticking to it- which requires you to create your Ideal in your mind and make a plan to get there. I think the concept of "If you don't know what road in life you want to take, then it doesn't really matter what road you take, as long as you don't stand there pondering your life away because you can't decide which road to take." is a dangerous one, as you just cannot delay with these things. You can't put off a book like As a Man Thinketh another day, someone tells you it'll change your life as my mentor told me, you better order that book and get to reading! When someone tells me about a book that will change my life, I order it on Amazon with free two-day shipping through Prime, and read it the minute it arrives. I drop all other books I'm reading, because a life-changing book just can't wait. You don't have time to wait. If you put it off until tomorrow, you don't know if it'll happen. You might put it off again, and again. You can't decide to wait until tomorrow to make a plan of action, by then you might already be missing unique opportunities! I mean, there's two philosophies there, the philosophy of action, and the philosophy of procrastination. One leads to success, one to failure. I'm simplifying, but I honestly don't think this stuff is that complicated- you make a plan, you figure out what daily disciplines you need to get there, and you execute day in and day out on those disciplines. As for thoughts, there's two philosophies there as well- one says that through practice, a personal education, journaling, intelligent distinctions, and daily discipline you can utilize your thoughts to better yourself in every way. You control your thoughts, and your thoughts control your actions, your actions control your lot in life. Change your thoughts, change your life... which is, pretty much, the message of As a Man Thinketh. Concerning the end of your post, "At the end of the day, we're all just doing the best we can with what we have", I think that's also a very dangerous philosophy. It's the philosophy of, well, this is all I have now so I'll just have to make do. A far more powerful philosophy is, I'm fed up with my current circumstances so I will fashion new circumstances no matter the cost, I will fulfill the necessary disciplines, I will do everything necessitated to bring about my Ideal and Vision. It is the philosophy that you can do anything, that you can change the world, that you can be the next success story, you can be the next rags to riches stories, you can be a millionaire this time next year, you can change your lot in life, and, most of all, that you, and only you, control your future. You will be somewhere in five years, the question is, where? |
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12-01-2006, 06:05 AM
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| Motivation is the inner creativity you use to paint the canvas of your life. Looking to life to provide you with motivation is like asking the canvas to provide its own creativity. If you want to create a beautiful painting, you must be creative. You must become the Source of the beauty you create. Similarly, if you want your life to be full of drive and action, you must be motivation. You are the Source of all motivation in your reality. It's your job to motivate life. Motivation comes from desire, and desire comes from choice plus will. So to create motivation, make a choice -- any choice -- and then fuel it with the power of your will.
__________________ Steve Pavlina www.StevePavlina.com Pre-order Personal Development for Smart People (shipping Oct 15, 2008) |
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12-01-2006, 11:25 AM
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| copla, I appreciate your point of view and consider it sound, but I'm not sure it's that black and white. It's obviously ideal to have your life "figured out" prior to entering college so you can decide whether it is necessary. You want to be a lawyer - yes, a writer - perhaps not. Many people simply can't be that clear about their purpose at that stage in their life, but even if you convinced me they could (and should) be w/ some introspection, what about the reality that their purpose may change in the future? Say someone wants to be a writer and turns down college because it's not worth it, and by all accounts they become successful. But in the process this person learns about the legal process involved with copyrights and publishing and gets inspired by some people they've worked with and decides they would serve a better purpose as a laywer in the publishing business. Ouch. But they have no education, so they must endure 4 years of college before they can even take their first class in law school. Surely, it goes the other way too - this may not be the best example. The point is, if you either don't have a purpose or expect the chances of it changing are likely, the concept of "If you don't know what road in life you want to take, then it doesn't really matter what road you take, as long as you don't stand there pondering your life away because you can't decide which road to take." is a reasonable one. What's that Lennon quote? "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans" I agree it would be better to have decided upon your plans and begun to implement them, but if you haven't it's not a bad idea to go ahead and just experience life (going to college, in my example) as long as it's in a direction you think would be of benefit in the future. You could waste as much of your life "making plans" (finding your purpose) as much as you could "experiencing life" (just doing something). There's a balance. |
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12-01-2006, 11:57 AM
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12-01-2006, 05:00 PM
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If at this point you don't need college, but at that point you do, why wouldn't you attend college at the point that you actually need it for what you want to do? The reward in that case is high enough to make the risk more stomachable. I couldn't agree more about needing to experience life instead of making plans, but from my perspective, it's the complete opposite- going out into the real world, working every day to fulfill your goals, meeting all the amazing people that come into your life as a result of that, and the freedom that comes with living into your future, the wonderful knowledge that everything you want from life is at your fingertips, THAT is experiencing life. Writing papers and getting shitfaced? Not so much. |
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12-01-2006, 05:23 PM
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| feeling unmotivated vs. just being lazy? Kidman, I'm not accusing you of being lazy, of course, but I find that if I wait for motivation to appear before I start doing something, I'll never get anything done. If you wait around until you "feel like" working on one of your goals, or wait until you are "in the mood" to get your chores done, it won't happen. I find that I have to decide what I want to do, intellectually, and get started. The good emotional feelings start to flow after I get busy, not before. Hope this helps . . . Take care Val |