Overcoming my own resistance

[elliot]

This post is all over the place.. I recently put my resume on a major job website. I don't want to get stuck doing a job that doesn't offer significant growth. At the same time, I really don't feel comfortable doing interviews. I lock up and don't really know how to make myself sound good. On the other hand as a bank teller I talk to people all day and just say different things to break the ice...

One place contacted me to interview for an insurance agent position. Another about becoming a financial services broker / representative. I feel like both of these positions would bore me to death and put me in a position where I would not feel comfortable at all. On the other hand, I'm not getting any younger and I've done jobs that are in many ways beneath me since my first supermarket job in 1999. What do I do?

On a side note, I'm listening to Paul Scheele's Natural Brilliance program to try and break my 'stuck state'. Thanks in advance to anyone who replies to my post, though my last one received no replies. Is it possible that I'm just in an endless loop and others are tired of wasting their time on me? Or am I not really taking the advice others have given me to heart? I've had contact with good people who have given me useful advice but acting on it has been a huge obstacle for me.

I see people who didn't spend 6 years of their life in college who are way better off than I am. Even those with 2 or 4 year degrees lightyears ahead of me in terms of communicating with people, handling stressful situations, making deals and what not. I'm 24 and in fear of having a life of mediocrity.

I get input from my parents about how the Long Island job market is often discriminatory towards minorities by requiring substantial experience and keeping a lot of jobs only available in certain circles. For example if the boss hires his children or another family member with no experience. Then there are people who just have connections to get in through church, community groups, etc.

How do I break through this limiting attitude when I really have no friends that are able to help me here. On the other hand, my stepdad thinks that just because I have a Master's Degree many companies will hire me automatically because I've proven that I am trainable, disciplined, etc.

I see career fairs at different college universities here, thinking about how someone starting out can get an internship that will ultimately lead them to success in their careers and I made the mistake of never trying one or taking the next step. I feel defeated, though I have sparks of inspiration that are sometimes extinguished quickly as I explain to myself why I *don't* have what it takes to make an impact. I feel like someone who had so much potential and has just squandered it all away.

How do I break free?

[RT Wolf]

First, gain clarity about what you do want. Second, figure out why you don't have it already. Third, close the gap.

Grab some basic PD books like Brian Tracy's books and read through Pavlina's older articles baout productivity in general, if you haven't done that already. Those should give you a few of your answers.

Clarity is the key, there is an article about that that pavlina wrote.

Read some of pavlina's career and/or purpose related posts:

Living Congruently

What Should I Do With My Life?

The Medium vs. the Message by Steve Pavlina

Honestly? It sounds like you're really ambivalent about getting a job or a career. For whatever reason you either don't want the job or don't feel like you are good neough/should be doing it, so you sabotage yourself. Find out why. I might be off the mark but you sound like that's the case.

How do you feel about marketing?

[Joely]

Originally Posted by elliot

This post is all over the place.. I recently put my resume on a major job website. I don't want to get stuck doing a job that doesn't offer significant growth. At the same time, I really don't feel comfortable doing interviews. I lock up and don't really know how to make myself sound good. On the other hand as a bank teller I talk to people all day and just say different things to break the ice...

One place contacted me to interview for an insurance agent position. Another about becoming a financial services broker / representative. I feel like both of these positions would bore me to death and put me in a position where I would not feel comfortable at all. On the other hand, I'm not getting any younger and I've done jobs that are in many ways beneath me since my first supermarket job in 1999. What do I do?

On a side note, I'm listening to Paul Scheele's Natural Brilliance program to try and break my 'stuck state'. Thanks in advance to anyone who replies to my post, though my last one received no replies. Is it possible that I'm just in an endless loop and others are tired of wasting their time on me? Or am I not really taking the advice others have given me to heart? I've had contact with good people who have given me useful advice but acting on it has been a huge obstacle for me.

I see people who didn't spend 6 years of their life in college who are way better off than I am. Even those with 2 or 4 year degrees lightyears ahead of me in terms of communicating with people, handling stressful situations, making deals and what not. I'm 24 and in fear of having a life of mediocrity.

I get input from my parents about how the Long Island job market is often discriminatory towards minorities by requiring substantial experience and keeping a lot of jobs only available in certain circles. For example if the boss hires his children or another family member with no experience. Then there are people who just have connections to get in through church, community groups, etc.

How do I break through this limiting attitude when I really have no friends that are able to help me here. On the other hand, my stepdad thinks that just because I have a Master's Degree many companies will hire me automatically because I've proven that I am trainable, disciplined, etc.

I see career fairs at different college universities here, thinking about how someone starting out can get an internship that will ultimately lead them to success in their careers and I made the mistake of never trying one or taking the next step. I feel defeated, though I have sparks of inspiration that are sometimes extinguished quickly as I explain to myself why I *don't* have what it takes to make an impact. I feel like someone who had so much potential and has just squandered it all away.

How do I break free?

It sounds to me as though your fear of success is a lot bigger than your fear of mediocrity. At the moment all your thinking is geared around how other people are more successful, and coming up with lots of reasons why you aren't - there's a lot of self-criticism there so I can see why you're nervous in interviews. If you don't think you're good enough, why should anybody else?

If you know you're resistant, and that you're resistant to taking and using advice you're given, then that's the place you need to start. It's no good continually asking for advice you never plan to take or act on. You need to understand yourself, first, and find out why it is you resist - what, in fact, are you resisting? You talk about having squandered potential but then you also list all the ways you couldn't do the jobs you've been offered. These are very contradictory messages.

If I were you I'd start by working out what you really want to DO with your life. Not just vagaries like "I want to make a difference" or "I want to earn a lot of money", but real, concrete day-to-day how-you-make-a-living answers to that question. What inspires you, what really makes you want to get up in the morning?

At the same time, work out why you're resistant, and what you're resisting. It's amazing how many people you meet who never do anything with their lives claiming a fear of mediocrity or failure, when what they're really scared of is success. I personally like Paul McKenna's books, so have a look into them. Go to the library, explore personal development, but most importantly, get to know you, how you think, and what you really want.

[Zoey Jordan]

I spent a long time focused on building my career, because I placed a lot of value on the job title on my business card. At first that approach worked well for me, but I soon felt like I had no idea what the heck I was doing, how I got where I was, or where I wanted to go.

I started complaining all the time, and found myself spending time with people who hated their jobs too. I absolutely struggled to get out of bed every morning. But hey, I got to brag about what an impressive job title I had. Eek, I felt empty.

It was no wonder that I got laid off, I was practically begging for it, focusing on how much I didn't want to go to work. So then I got scared, and immediately took another job, doing something I hated, and not making the money I wanted. At least before, I might have complained all the time, but I had the title, and the money was great. This time, because I reacted out of fear, sure I would be desolate, broke, broken apart with out a job, I took the very first opportunity I got. So guess how that turned out? Worse.

Ah, but being the bright girl that I am, I learned from that lay off. I looked at it as a blessing, I finally had the freedom to focus on, and figure out, what it was I wanted to do. I might not have had it all figured out, but I was grateful, joyful, excited about the possibilites. And this mental and emotional freedom I gave myself, when I quit worrying about money, it allowed me to figure out what I was truly passionate about and begin pursuing it.

For the first time in years, I had the motivation to pursue my passion, and it fell into place. Truthfully, I attracted it into my life. My point is, I am doing exactly what I love, making plenty of money, and I manifested it. I manifested the other junk I didn't want as well. When I started focusing on what I truly wanted, not what I didn't want, I created it.

So my advice to you is this: stop focusing and thinking about what you don't want. Focus on what you do want. It does work.

[Power]

Have you thought of working for like a charitable organization or an organization that helps the community or people that are in need?

I understand what you are saying, I worked in the financial service and I found it unfulfilling. Helping others or doing something that you know that you are helping people who are in desperate needs uplifts the souls. At times your work actually finds and gives you a different meaning about how you had spent your day.

With your beliefs, and wherever you caught the negative and positive beliefs doesn't matter. Here is a trick; apply for any job you feel you will love. Put aside whether you have the qualifications, experience or background, just go for it and apply. If they don't want you they won't call you. What's the harm in that,... nothing, at least you tried. Someone once said,"If you don't apply you have 0% of getting the job. When you apply and just hand in your resume, you increase your chances."

I once applied for a pretty highly ranked position in a bank (because pay was really high). There was 500 applicants with experiences and qualifications. I, on the other hand had neither. Out of the 500, I made it up to the last round of the interviews . I didn't get the job but that's not the point. If I had my limiting beliefs, I wouldn't have made it that far. I wouldn't had a chance. Since you're prone to certain beliefs, why not adopt this belief: None of your previous beliefs matters. Go to the interview and give them an excellent presentation of yourself.

[dinc]

The question you have to ask yourself is "What kind of job do I want?" Do you want to be a programmer, an independent author, a teacher, an artist, a music video director, or a real estate investor? After you find out what you want to do, all you have to do is go about gaining the knowledge or experience necessary to do it.

In one of Steve Pavlina's blog posts, he says that you should be good enough at something until you're at a level where people are willing to pay you for your services. This is much easier to do than it sounds, and you could make the process as short or as long as you want it to be.

For example, I want to make some money as a free lance programmer, so I'm putting an entire month aside (30 day trial) to learn how to program in several different languages. I'm planning on doing ten hours of work a day, but even at five hours of work, you have 150 hours of programming knowledge behind you!

After thirty days, I'm planning to take on some free lance programming jobs (you can find them on Google) for no charge. If my client is satisfied with my work, I've got a testimonial on my resume. In doing this I can learn a few programming languages, ascertain my skill level, and I can decide if I like programming with virtually no risk to myself.

A few programming languages would look really good on a resume, and I could also honestly say that I'd had programming jobs before. If I have considerable knowledge and experience in a field, a company has absolutely no reason to turn me down.

It's late, and my mind is a little muddled at the moment, but the point is that you can do whatever you want to do, whenever you want to do it. Knowledge about a field is not nearly as hard to acquire as people make it out to be, and if you have knowledge in a field, you're hired!

[elliot]

At the current time, I must decline the suggestion of picking up more books to read. I have engaged in a bad habit of purchasing books, then not reading them to their completion, or reading a book in its entirety and not applying the lessons of that book to my day-to-day life.

On the topic of living congruently...

After reading Steve's posting on this particular topic, I've come to the conclusion that I am not living congruently. At a deep level I feel as though I must live congruently in order to be satisfied and in order to be as effective as possible throughout my life.

The reason why I've attended college for the past six years, is to give me a competitive edge in the marketplace and to demonstrate to myself that I have the ability to become more than I've ever dreamed possible. I believe that on some level have already met some very basic expectations associated with a Masters Degree. On the other hand, when I compare this with external expectations as well as what the typical graduate does it feel as though I am presently at a disadvantage...

My job at the bank doesn't really satisfy me, it is highly repetitive and the notion of flexibility is nonexistent. At the same time, my job is close to my house (15 minute), I have health insurance, the people I work with are fairly cool, and the money that I make is able to cover my basic expenses. Although I do spend 40 hours each week at this particular establishment, the socialization aspect of it combined with it utilizing to invest in new opportunities is a compelling reason to stay at least as far as the short term goes.

I enjoy helping people, while simultaneously helping myself. To be able to do both at a master level would be the equivalent of nirvana to me. For many years there has been a sense of two opposing forces. One force is the need for security which covers all the necessities in life. The other is a very very powerful need to do something thrilling that really gets me going.

Really, this whole notion of living on my own terms goes hand-in-hand with living congruently. People who love what they do are able to integrate those actions into their day to day life and what may seem like work, to them is actually fun.

I believe that seeing people who will have been successful in different areas is one of my mean motivators for purchasing personal development literature. The idea of being that if they can do it why can't I? However, once I get out of the completely idealistic mindset, real life begins to set in. Not everyone can be a superstar and that everyone will be blessed with enormous levels of wealth throughout their lifetime. What's most important is that I live my life in a way that honors those who supported me over the years, serves the greater good, and helps to further the feeling of happiness in both me and those we interact with on a routine basis.

I know of the few people who are actually "living the dream", but they are mainly online and I have not met many of them in person. I have seen systems such as meetup.com and mastermind groups over the years, but question their effectiveness. A bunch of people who are in the same situation doesn't inherently drive a paradigm shift. In fact one should argue that it impedes any kind of major changes or unconventional thinking.

After reading Steve's post and thinking about it further, I haven't been too hot with the job postings I've come across so far because I feel they are out of alignment with who I really am. Nor do I see myself sitting in a boring office all day having to make cold calls, or speaking to total strangers about their investment options. Perhaps I will evolve into someone evil to do these things in time, but at present other options should be explored first.

[RT Wolf]

Good.

One suggestion: instead of buying books, you could try to the library. Books from there have a built-in deadline. It's improtant that YOU feel like reading them, though, don't force yourself to do that. If you liked those posts, you might like this one, too:

How to Make Smart Decisions in Less Than 60 Seconds

Be true to yourself. It may take a while to figure out who "you" are to be true to, but its a worthwhile journey.

[elliot]

Now, my response to the question what should I do with my life?

We live in interesting times. Never before have people been able to share ideas so freely across planet Earth. People have capitalized on this through what we all know as the information each. Writers have been able to spread their message to people everywhere. Businesses are suddenly open to trade in areas they never dreamed possible as long their infrastructure is solid enough to make it so.

The answer to this question will change and evolve over the course of time. However at the present moment March 25, 2008, I believe the answer is as follows:

To foster intellectual growth while contributing value to others and having the flexibility to do what I want when I want.

Some of you may or may not know that I registered for the SiteSell program a few weeks ago when Steve posted the link in his blog. Simply being a member is not enough, it takes an open mind, experimentation, and resourcefulness to be successful with the system.

- Go through the SiteSell program and work like crazy to build some sites that are exciting, generate traffic and drive me to learn everything I possibly can on a focused topic. I learn best when I'm able to utilize multiple senses and the learning process. For example seeing an illustration while hearing someone speak about it and writing down notes on what I'm experiencing at that trick or moment house we retain the information far better than reading it alone.

- Get more sleep. Focus on becoming an early riser, instead of someone who goes to sleep at three or four in the morning and then has to be up for work by 730.

- Push myself. A commitment to lifelong learning, is what separates people at the status quo from those who achieve greatness.

I did have more things on the list, but decided to keep it simple as to not get lost in the process.

[elliot]

Reading this article particularly struck home to me. It seems that I'm still stuck in the medium. What I do to generate money at the current time in many ways is what defines me. This discredits my other accomplishments both personally and professionally.

I am not simply a bank teller. I'm not simply an MBA graduate. I'm not simply a lower middle-class black person living on Long Island. I'm so much more than what I have been willing to give myself credit for. I hold others as my yardstick in the game of life, even if they are not happy with what they do. I have been to focus on the results rather than the journey and what the heart tells the soul. To coin an old saying..."life is a journey, enjoy the ride".

Finding my message...

I offer the unique ability to remain objective in a variety of situations combined with a desire to grow. Very few people I've come across are as into social networking, business, the positive effect of technology on people, and are my age. Though my message is not as clearly defined as I would've cared , what I have now is a building block toward the next step.

During this process, I was drawn to the idea of 'Passionate Information Seeker'. That sort of goes in line with marketing. It interests me to see what makes people buy things and read things about personal finance, yet I'm strongly drawn to the nitty and gritty of Finance. I associate Marketing with Statistics, a subject I absolutely dread.

I realize that the answers won't all come right away, but this is an experiment to just push myself a little bit further and closer to my desired level of expression and individualism.

[elliot]

My fear of success is far greater than my fear of mediocrity. I don't know anyone who is incredibly successful and manages to stay there for an extended period of time. At least in the traditional sense... I'm very self-critical. I'm not sure if it is a lack of pride, or just my body going with its basic instinct. I'll reiterate that the economy right now is weak and many of the postings require years of experience in a specific area. When I worked at the supermarket, for years over 12 friends about how much I hated my job but I never left. It was out of the need for security, but more so fear of the unknown. When I left even with my bachelors degree I was only making about $10 an hour. Even after working in a different grocery store for 18 months and personally vowing to never do that again, I settled in one back just for the convenience since I was a college student and I couldn't find anywhere else to go.

I've had friends make career changes in their life and they tell me about how I too could do it. just close to a month ago I was e-mailing a coworker in a different department back and forth to find out what the open position wouldn't entail... she informed me of some of the basic requirements along with information I had previously found on our internal network them believe I could do the job without too much effort. I wasn't even going to apply for the position because I know I didn't have the experience. Then just a week after the interview, I found out the job went to someone who had worked in the company for less months than I did, but apparently had more experience...Sort of a blow to what little ego I had. It made me feel like I was just wasting my time there, not being as productive as I would have liked.

Though deep down at my core I keep thinking of the reasons why a new job would not be good for me and why would probably get fired after just a couple weeks. Maybe my body / mind is trying to give me warning signs that my conscious mind doesn't get right away.

Oh, I do mean to reply to the other posters here soon. Just haven't gotten to it yet...

[elliot]

This post is in response to Zoey:

First and foremost thank you for your time. Throughout college and in society as a whole people place an enormous amount of importance on the job title. Do something prestigious and the money will follow... life doesn't always work that way. To quote a Beatles song "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans".

Business in general is highly competitive. Employees want top dollar and firms seek maximum profitability. Usually compromises are made somewhere in the middle. There are a lot of people who work jobs that they dislike strongly, yet stick with them simply because the pay is favorable, or they simply like to have a fancy title.

Jack LaLanne mentioned something about this earlier. "Your bank account and your health account are synonymous...the more you put in the more you get out." He's 93, has to be onto something..

At my last job, I got to the point where I constantly was focusing on not wanting to be at work. It got to the point where I almost wish they would fire me. Much of my reluctance now in the job search is due to my desire not to repeat a past experience.

"stop focusing and thinking about what you don't want" This goes back to the Law of attraction. I watched The Secret plenty of times and I read about the Law of attraction plenty more times. There are definitely moments where I forget what I've gone over and need to remind myself what I really do want versus what I don't.

I am inspired by your story in addition to the countless others who have posted in this forum. I have a strong desire to manifest similar positive changes my own life. Perhaps the most difficult part is putting the pieces together.

[elliot]

Originally Posted by Power

Have you thought of working for like a charitable organization or an organization that helps the community or people that are in need?

I understand what you are saying, I worked in the financial service and I found it unfulfilling. Helping others or doing something that you know that you are helping people who are in desperate needs uplifts the souls. At times your work actually finds and gives you a different meaning about how you had spent your day.

With your beliefs, and wherever you caught the negative and positive beliefs doesn't matter. Here is a trick; apply for any job you feel you will love. Put aside whether you have the qualifications, experience or background, just go for it and apply. If they don't want you they won't call you. What's the harm in that,... nothing, at least you tried. Someone once said,"If you don't apply you have 0% of getting the job. When you apply and just hand in your resume, you increase your chances."

I once applied for a pretty highly ranked position in a bank (because pay was really high). There was 500 applicants with experiences and qualifications. I, on the other hand had neither. Out of the 500, I made it up to the last round of the interviews . I didn't get the job but that's not the point. If I had my limiting beliefs, I wouldn't have made it that far. I wouldn't had a chance. Since you're prone to certain beliefs, why not adopt this belief: None of your previous beliefs matters. Go to the interview and give them an excellent presentation of yourself.

Power, power, power, booyah PowerPC Power!!! ::end old mac head talk::

Do charitable organizations pay living wages? I think I'm at the point where I want to take some risk, but also want to make enough to meet my financial responsibilities i.e. pay bills.

That's pretty cool that out of 500 people you are able to make it to the final group. For some reason in my head I picture someone in The Apprentice having very little or no job experience making it to the final four... Then having them say "hey Donald, you realize this would be my first job right..."

You are also correct about the idea of chances. Life itself and any challenge you encounter in life is often about the odds. What school you go to, what kind of upbringing you have, who your friends are, and what distances you from your peers, etc. It's so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day experience and lose track the big picture.

What do you feel gives you the most competitive edge, is it your charisma, your focus on being in the present moment, or just not giving a darn about what anyone says about you?

[elliot]

Next, a response to dinc:

Your viewpoint is somewhat different than the others. However, I definitely see the advantage to having such a mindset. It's sort of like going on a job interview having done your own internship in advance. I believe such an individual who is demonstrated great levels of discipline and motivation will be steps if not leaps ahead of someone who is walking in blind.

I would like to assure you that I'm not giving up on this venture. Really the accountability does not lie with you, it lies with me. I can't give up for my hopes and dreams of being so much more than I've currently demonstrated. The journey may not necessarily be an easy one, but it will be the right one.

I've always been one to be resourceful during times of need and this time it is no different. My greatest challenge has been bouncing around from one topic to another not really knowing what I wanted. In addition, the groups that I feel myself drawn toward have a level of mastery that is leaps and bounds beyond my own. In some ways I feel like a poser in the groups I am a part of whether it be a computer club or a business organization. The people around me possess incredible levels of knowledge in their given specialty, whereas I have no clue.

Despite being resourceful, when I encounter an obstacle along the way I'm very inclined to give up. How do you go about just 'dusting off yourself' and starting anew?

Now I definitely have something to think about :-)

[Power]

Originally Posted by elliot

Do charitable organizations pay living wages? I think I'm at the point where I want to take some risk, but also want to make enough to meet my financial responsibilities i.e. pay bills.

What do you feel gives you the most competitive edge, is it your charisma, your focus on being in the present moment, or just not giving a darn about what anyone says about you?

Here is an example: World Vision is an organization who helps people. They have managers, customer service, field officers, administration, spokesmen, etc... You don't have to risk anything, find a big organization or goverment organization that helps the community and have employees with wages.

The most competitve edge is being prepared for everything. Despite that, when things don't turn your way, you know you have done all you can do. It is a different story when things don't go your way and deep inside you know you didn't give it all you got.
It is a limiting belief that most of us will make assumptions of what people think of us. Most of time (like 99% of the time), we are wrong of what we think people thinks of us. Once you get this out of the way, you will start to project confidence automatically and people will be more relaxed and welcoming of you. Charisma, friendlyness, down to earth, vibrant personality and funny personalities are all subcategory of confidence. Confidence is simply being at a relaxed, calm, carefree state of mind

[maxdof]

Originally Posted by elliot

This post is all over the place.. I recently put my resume on a major job website. I don't want to get stuck doing a job that doesn't offer significant growth. At the same time, I really don't feel comfortable doing interviews. I lock up and don't really know how to make myself sound good. On the other hand as a bank teller I talk to people all day and just say different things to break the ice...

One place contacted me to interview for an insurance agent position. Another about becoming a financial services broker / representative. I feel like both of these positions would bore me to death and put me in a position where I would not feel comfortable at all. On the other hand, I'm not getting any younger and I've done jobs that are in many ways beneath me since my first supermarket job in 1999. What do I do?

On a side note, I'm listening to Paul Scheele's Natural Brilliance program to try and break my 'stuck state'. Thanks in advance to anyone who replies to my post, though my last one received no replies. Is it possible that I'm just in an endless loop and others are tired of wasting their time on me? Or am I not really taking the advice others have given me to heart? I've had contact with good people who have given me useful advice but acting on it has been a huge obstacle for me.

I see people who didn't spend 6 years of their life in college who are way better off than I am. Even those with 2 or 4 year degrees lightyears ahead of me in terms of communicating with people, handling stressful situations, making deals and what not. I'm 24 and in fear of having a life of mediocrity.

I get input from my parents about how the Long Island job market is often discriminatory towards minorities by requiring substantial experience and keeping a lot of jobs only available in certain circles. For example if the boss hires his children or another family member with no experience. Then there are people who just have connections to get in through church, community groups, etc.

How do I break through this limiting attitude when I really have no friends that are able to help me here. On the other hand, my stepdad thinks that just because I have a Master's Degree many companies will hire me automatically because I've proven that I am trainable, disciplined, etc.

I see career fairs at different college universities here, thinking about how someone starting out can get an internship that will ultimately lead them to success in their careers and I made the mistake of never trying one or taking the next step. I feel defeated, though I have sparks of inspiration that are sometimes extinguished quickly as I explain to myself why I *don't* have what it takes to make an impact. I feel like someone who had so much potential and has just squandered it all away.

How do I break free?

Apply the 7habits, the two first will deliver you
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

[Kaspian]

When I thought I wanted to focus on being a professional horn player, get lots of gigs, and win an orchestra audition, I found I had a lot of resistance. I didn't like the gigs I got; when an audition was announced, after thinking, "I *should* do this," the first thoughts in my head were all the reasons why I didn't want to; and I found it hard to motivate myself to practice. Audition preparation was its own form of perfectionist Hell, too. I measured my success on what would impress other people: the number of gigs, whether or not I placed well in an audition, etc.

I believe it was Steve's congruency article that woke me up. My actions didn't match my beliefs. I believed I wanted to be a professional horn player, but on a day to day basis, I didn't behave like one―as in, I didn't practice nearly as much as I should have, and I didn't actively promote myself in order to get more gigs. So I ditched the beliefs that I had to win an orchestra job and get lots of gigs, chose to play horn on my own terms, decided teaching was good enough (even if it's less glamorous), and began to enjoy the whole thing a lot more.

Now that I care much less what other people think, and now that it doesn't matter to me what the job title is (What?? No regular orchestra job?!?), I enjoy myself a lot more. And go figure: now I practice more―not because I "should," but because I want to and because I enjoy it. I turn down gigs I don't want, have fun with the ones I choose to play, and feel less resistance toward auditions. If I am going to take an audition, I do it because I want to, not because I should. Because my self-worth is no longer riding on external measures of success, I can prepare an audition with a much healthier perspective, too.

So―do things on your terms. Choose to care less what other people will think of your job title and salary. If a job appeals to you, go ahead and turn in a resume, even if you're not fully qualified. Worst case is they say "yes, we'll hire you." <grin>

[elliot]

I could have started a separate thread about this, but I have made an important observation today.

I have fallen out of love with the learning process. I've tried to learn a lot of intellectual things, yet given up with them completely after just a few days. Examples include running Linux on my laptop in place of MacOSX, sing, play piano, do basic programming, HTML, Photoshop, running a business.

Earlier today I was at the car dealership service center trying to read the first chapter of 'The Portable MBA in Finance and Accounting' and struggled to keep myself awake during the process. I'm not really sure why, but I seem to have lost my desire / ability to learn complex concepts. For some reason it was easier as a college student, but seems almost impossible now.

In addition, I feel like there is a divide between space and time for me. My days all run together and things like looking up information on something will occupy hours when it should only last minutes. During the week, I get to work, come home and maybe spend time with my partner. Before I know it, time to go to work again. It's not a particularly good position to be in... :/

I'm not sure what the solution is...

[uberinquisitive]

Get out of your comfort zone.

Let's get to the nitty-gritty.

1. There are many more opportunities in Manhattan, especially for an MBA. You need to get out of Long Island.

I've commuted 1hr to work in the city (I live in Jersey). This is not uncommon, and a small price to pay for the diversity of jobs.


2. I suggest you go to a placement agency, like Glocap. They will find you temp, temp-to-perm, or permanent jobs (based upon your preferences).

They will also help you polish your resume and job interview skills.


3. Idealist.org is a great place to find non-profit jobs. As is craigslist.org. Plan to send out 3 resumes a day. Trust me - this is very time-consuming because of cover letters. Don't worry- keep templates and just do it.


4. It takes practice and experience to be good at job interviews. My cousin works in a recruiting agency, and she tells me that most people, including high-level execs, don't know how to do it right.

I highly suggest you learn everything you can about interviewing. A good placement agency will also help you prep.


No more thinking or analyzing. Just do it, even if it's not perfect and even if you make a mistake. Right now, just do something radically different. Thinking about your life goals will come much more naturally when you're out of your safe comfort zone.