Changing My Thoughts, Changing My World

[Joely]

I was tempted to reply to Rick Abelson's post on what I've been doing to change my thoughts to get different results out of my life, but it's part of a bigger process of change that I kick-started on Monday. It was initially going to be a simple 30 day trial challenge using the free download meditation from Paul McKenna's website. Then, during the course of the last five days, it's transformed into something much bigger.

It really began with a massive outpouring of pain I'd been burying for most of my life. I wrote another post somewhere else about being an approval junkie, and for the first time I really felt what it meant to be able to find nothing inside me but an empty void that urgently needed to be filled by other people's love and attention. I could see clearly all my behaviours and how they functioned. I could also feel for the first time all the real pain I'd tried not to for most of my life. I think I spent most of Sunday crying, really crying, and then by Sunday night I had downloaded the meditation and started work: I would give it thirty days and see what happened.

I realise I've been floating in a haze of "this isn't real" and "this can't last". I've made decisions which have challenged the subconscious beliefs I've held for most of my life and it's thrown me into confusion and caused a lot of strife for me. So I decided it was time to take Radical Action and really do something about it all. If I want to really make a difference in the world and change my life, I have to change me, first.

Following the advice of my life coach (subjected to an hour and a half of my depressive thinking on Monday), I wrote out a goal statement and began by saying it to myself every day. I listened to the meditation track three times a day. I hit resistance on Tuesday and it was a very tough day indeed. Then on Wednesday morning I received some excellent advice, which I promptly took, about how I schedule myself and my writing. I realise now that because I wanted to "prove" I was a writer to myself I wrote all hours and felt guilty when I wasn't writing. This needed to change, so I did two important things:

1. Transformed my writing day into a 10-5 schedule. I don't have to write solidly for that entire time, because I would burn out very quickly that way. However, I decided I would get up, prepare myself for my day and then sit down to write at 10am. The effect was quite profound. I began to see writing as a genuine, valid occupation immediately. It was "work", or rather a "profession". At 5pm I stopped writing and I felt very released because it meant I could relax for the rest of the evening. I also felt that I was no longer waiting for something to happen from outside of myself, and that I was creating the environment I want to have as a full time professional writer.

2. I moved my laptop off my couch and now work at my dining room table. If I had the money I'd make an office upstairs in my library but I don't at the moment. This made it even easier to regard writing as something professional rather than just a fun hobby. Life has begun to feel real again. I'm also writing better and more intensely - I've gone back to being able to write at least a chapter a day (about 3500 words). The breaks over weekends has meant that I'm actually looking forward to writing when I start after the weekend, and I'm enjoying doing other things without feeling guilty.

I've also begun to tackle the major limiting beliefs I hold about my life. Rather than attaching myself to them and expressing them as "I think this..." as though its immutable and unchanging, I've detached from them and begun to explore them as though I was studying them almost. As I come across them, I'm using the techniques I already know to release them. These are some of the ways I'm changing my beliefs:

1. Taking ownership of them: they might have been instilled by parents and teachers but they're mine now and only I can deal with them.

2. Going over the past and living in that pain will not change what happened. I'm coming to terms with that and trying to see what happened in a different light - since it happened, there's nothing I can do about it really except move on. I'm employing "So what?" thinking here.

3. Looking at how wedded I am to staying "as I am" and recognising why I do that. I had a belief that I couldn't fundamentally change, just paint over the cracks and hope nobody would see. I'm gradually getting in touch with me, getting to know who I am and what my real self is, so I can build a relationship with that person. That way I don't have to feel as though the positive part of me is dragging this negative lump of a person after her into the life she really wants to live.

4. I'm using a combination of the meditation MP3, Holosync and a few other subliminal messages tools as well as some other techniques I've picked up along the way to help me along.

5. I'm starting to see Amnar and my writing as something of value that can benefit the world, rather than just a private fantasy I play with. I'm finally starting to see myself as a writer, although it's been a gradual, not a single "ping" moment for me.

I could mention other things but this post is getting long so I'll leave it at that. Suffice to say, I'm really diving in to the process of change and working towards making my life what I want it to be.

Thanks for reading if you got this far!

[Angela]

That's so wonderful, Joely. Congratulations for trying on new ways of being! How do you like that download?

[Fullcrum]

This is awesome for ya!

Never run from your pain, but feel it fully and face it. The illusion cannot stand to the light of your presence .

If you like holosync and brain entrainment, why don't you get the Mind WorkStation from Transparent Corp? I've made entrainment sessions far more effective than holosync using it. You make your own sessions - and they're totally cuscomizable. In fact, you can customize so much it blows my mind. You can entrain your own music, make your own sounds, etc. I really love this thing. Linkage to the main page here:

Mind WorkStation

You can get a 15 day trial by clicking "Download now"

You might find it appealing; I sure did!

[Joely]

Originally Posted by Angela

That's so wonderful, Joely. Congratulations for trying on new ways of being! How do you like that download?

I love the download. It had really had a positive effect on me as I've been listening to it about three times a day every day. Now, whenever I start thinking negatively, I automatically stop and think "Is this really helping me?" and that just moves me away from it. Things are really starting to shift for me now. It wouldn't surprise me if the dream I had was a result of what's been going on this week.

I also decided to buy Paul McKenna's new book, "I can make you rich", which is actually more about living a fulfilled life than just making a lot of money. There's a free CD with that so I've been listening to them both. They really do make a difference, and they're lovely to listen to at the same time!

@ Fullcrum:

I'll definitely try it out!

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Joely

I also decided to buy Paul McKenna's new book, "I can make you rich", which is actually more about living a fulfilled life than just making a lot of money.

I ordered that one, too! Also the confidence one. And I just finished the change your life in 7 days book -- I love it! I wonder if the original download contained a post-hypnotic suggestion: "Buy all my books and fall in love with me!"

Because I have fallen head over heels in love with this man. I can't get enough. Danger Man is getting suspicious.

[Joely]

Originally Posted by Angela

I ordered that one, too! Also the confidence one. And I just finished the change your life in 7 days book -- I love it! I wonder if the original download contained a post-hypnotic suggestion: "Buy all my books and fall in love with me!"

Because I have fallen head over heels in love with this man. I can't get enough. Danger Man is getting suspicious.

I love the "I can make you rich" book. It's really brilliant. I'm beginning to think you're right about the post-hypnotic suggestion though. I'm dying to get the confidence book and the change your life in 7 days. There's also "I can mend your broken heart" which I think may help. I thought I'd start with the Rich one so I could find ways to make the money to buy the others!

When I've got myself sorted out and moving in the right circles I'm going to approach him and ask him to do a meditation for people who've been traumatised or abused.

Damn! This thing is working already!

[ladybug]

That's wonderful Joely! It's great when we can do these things for ourselves and have it truly bring miracles. I wish you the best on your goals.