For Lazy, Awkward, Fearful, but "Driven" Losers

[sadavis00]

As a recovering LAFD loser, I can say that you have major problems, and these problems are not in your social situation, grades, motivation, charisma, looks, intelligence, or any of those things. Your problem is that you don't write, you are not honest, you don't keep promises either to yourself or others, you are egotistical and proud for no reason; you think you reflect, but you reflect wrongly, you don't reflect to become and change yourself, you reflect on yourself to become someone else, what someone else who reflects on you would want of you; you envy other people who you have never met; you seethe secretly; you think simply stating you are "this", you feel "this" is honesty and it ends there when it is only the beginning, the beginning of a process of change to ameliorate your condition, and once you do so, you will find another problem, and become and change;; you dislike other people because they are different from you, you cannot understand how they can hold a different opinion on music, politics and other things that you consider simply "common sense"; you treat friends and strangers alike poorly because you are short on time, when what you are really short on is decency, politeness and good-will towards felllow human beings with feelings; you "pump" yourself up to do something and fail over and over again and then feel sorry for yourself, when what you ideally your actions should "flower", they should come when months of problem-solving and deliberation bears fruit and what you do is so easy you surprise yourself, you question youself, is this me? How did I free myself of this loserly pattern of thought?

How can you change, really change? Learn to write constantly, learn to honestly put down your feelings on paper, write a journal, and keep it to yourself until you feel like sharing something, don't write in forums to change, they are good people but you cannot learn much from them. Write, write, and write, all the time. If you feel overwhelmed by something then write about it, and try to solve the problem, the solution may not come at once, it may come over many months of writing. But eventually you will grow, move upwards and higher, and you will feel it and you will be proud of yourself in reflection, and best of all you will have a record of every problem you faced and how you solved it in writing; your very own personal history, a history of your struggles; be a historian for your own inner life; care about yourself enough to do this; care about yourself enough to "become who you are".

I am only writing this if there are other losers like me you lurk "personal development" forums, and think they are "improving" themselves, "increasing" there intelligence, drive, etcetra by reading comments and solutions suggested by people you are just as broken and aimless as you are. I am talking to you, the most loserly of the loserly, those who are loserly from the inside, but perhaps a loserliness not so apparent on the outside. I wish I was introduced to the practice of free, honest writing to solve problems before, and hence I want to pass it to someone who can be helped the most by it, a person like me. If there is anyone out there who is anything like I was in the past, I want that person to take me seriously and know writing and writing constantly to solve problems will improve your life, make you "cool" from the inside; seek advice when a need flowers within your writing, do not adopt another person's "system", it will fail you, create your own and develop it, and then ponder it, and write about it and write it, create your own system of thinking that helps you deal with life. Read your old writing and be proud of how you have changed, and will continue to change; and how proud you will be of yourself in the future when you read what you are writing in the present, all the effort you have taken to change and improve. You will love it. As long as you can write, no problem will seem too difficult, it will engage you in life's problems, you will forget to repress your problems, you will seek to dig up problems so you will have more to write about.

If you are like me, and feel hopeless, aimless and overwhelmed constantly, I really do want you to try writing. I am literally begging you to write, if you are like me. Writing takes a lot of time, so you will end up participating in fewer activities, but you will regret nothing. This is something important I forgot to say, the moment you start writing and reflecting properly, you will regret nothing that you do, because you have proof, in writing, how everything you did was something to be proud of yourself for, even if the actual resulf of an activity did not turn out the way you wished, you will have a history of your own thoughts from which you can find the historical currents of your thought, and at least for me, the only historical current I see in my writing is a drive to move forwards and move higher, nothing evil, everything admirable.

[Acting Like Godot]

That seemed like a remarkably long way to say:

"Keeping a journal is useful for your personal development."



Personally, I've been constantly keeping a journal or a diary or a blog of some kind, for several years. I still have many of these journals. Earliest one that I still have goes back to June 1999.

[sadavis00]

Originally Posted by Acting Like Godot

That seemed like a remarkably long way to say:

"Keeping a journal is useful for your personal development."



Personally, I've been constantly keeping a journal or a diary or a blog of some kind, for several years. I still have many of these journals. Earliest one that I still have goes back to June 1999.

haha, well I'm really trying to convince people. Long post= more dedication?

[Marco Polo]

no, long post = rambling maniac.

Just kidding. Yeah, journaling and blogging are excellent habits. They require a bit of discipline though. Personally I'm quite a slow writer, but I've realized I just have to sit down and do it. Once you make it a routine it become easier.

[Real Subliminal]

Yes, I agree, journaling can be a great way to progress, not only can you look back at where you once were and see what improvements you have made (if perhaps you are feeling negative for some reason perhaps), but the process of actually writing it at the time makes you think deeper about your behaviour and really analyze yourself - often you notice things you did not think of through the process of writing

[ken nubo]

Excellent post! Verbose but good.