The emergency has arrived - how do I pay bills?

[simplystephen]

Toronto Based

It's actually been here for a couple of years. I've been juggling and struggling in many aspects of my life. Instead of giving up and complaining, which is hard not to do and of course there are times, I simply forge onwards.

Unfortunately, I'm behind on payments, I've borrowed to the max, my parents are well off and won't help (they have offered bandaids in the past, with conditions and spite, but never truly helped me build my ambitions like most of my friends families do), I've gotten creative, I've sold everything I own, my health has been suffering and I have lost my line of credit. I've had 1 major nervous breakdown, suffer from anxiety and depression (though I've taken major steps to deal with this) and have had several mini breakdowns in the last 6 months. I'm burned out. Welfare is not an option - and I'm able and willing to work.

I've offered services for: green painting, web services, writing, renovation support, labour, driving, admin, clerical, organizing, flyering and the list goes on.

I've been marketing myself for 12 hours a day. I try different approaches, I monitor what works and what doesn't, I've offered my services and skills (and I have many) through different channels and approaches. I have lots of future oriented work but it doesn't help the present. The bills are gonna start bouncing. I've negotiated a "very temporary" deal with my landlord. I've looked at options and tried them all. I've tried not to seem desperate, though in reality I am. I'm sticking to the courage of my convictions and working my dreams and philosophies.

If I take a job, part time or not, though I have applied for dozens, it really needs to be flexible enough that I can work on the future business I have networked for when it comes in. For 20 years now, I have pushed to build stuff, only to have to quit because I need income (so I take a job - but it is just a job). Though I have tried not to put limitations on my work, I know that working certain types of jobs has been the catalyst to my breakdown. My principles, values and introversion seem to supersede everything.

So, any suggestions or advice would be appreciated. The stress is hindering my focus and ability. I have a lot to offer the world and my community but can't do it if I'm back and forth like a yo-yo.

[Joely]

Hi Stephen,

I can see a lot of me there. I'm not in quite the peril you are, but I can feel very intensely how tough it is, and at the same time, how keen you are to put a good spin on it, rather than really getting lost in how hard it really is.

If I said (and I'm writing this as much for me right now as you) "look at your beliefs" would you think me crazy? I think often our deeply held beliefs get in the way of actually making what we really want work out. What I've been doing is really going through all my beliefs, fears and internal "rules", all the things I secretly believe but couldn't admit to because it's so deeply rooted, turning them over and changing them. Little by little, as I change my beliefs, things start to change in my world.

Could you be bumping up against any beliefs that limit you? Sometimes, too, you just have to stop resisting how impossibly difficult the situation looks, and let go. You find a way out when you accept the way things are and move from there, without trying to come up with solutions constantly.

I don't know if that helps, but I hope it does.

J

[Stephen]

I would suggest the first thing you do, is make your creditors aware of the 'temporary' financial plight you are in and promise them that you will pay them a portion of your debt now with a view to resuming full payments and any overdues in the very near future. This is what creditors like to see. They hate to see people capitulate, go on a last ditched splurge on their money or worse still do a head in the sand and ignore everything. Admitting you are in trouble and vowing to do something about it is the first and hardest step.

Now you have to discover why you are here.

A job is just a job, yes. But it also pays the bills. If you are struggling to make ends meet. Work in MacDonalds or Burger King double shifts until you secure your credit line and a roof over your head.

I have seen loads of people with decent lofty goals fail miserably becuase they never focused on the 'now' and thought some work was below them.
I would shovel sh*t all day as long as it paid the bills and fed the family, if there was no other option.

I dont mean to be hard, but you have to understand that drastic times require drastic actions. Look to no one to bail you out but yourself.

You can do it. Determination and persistence beats everything. Go for it.
Take action now. Dont dwell on what might be, move on to what can be: now!

Good liuck.

[simplystephen]

Stephen,

Thank you for your moral support and input.

I suffer from anxiety, depression & fatique (oh, and I can only have access to phone calls after 7pm for the short term) so calling creditors is tough. I will figure out who I need to call and how I can call them. Thank you.

I have applied for over 400 positions in the last 3 years and have countless client cold calls and adverts to get work. I'm 40 years old, lots of skills and my energy is limited. I have a daughter in another country that I seldom see - I have motivation. I have quite literally done the following, posted ads everywhere as a daily action, delivered flyers, offered to drive people places, painted, dug holes, organized, packed bags, washed things, done clerical work, administration work, helped with computer issues, looked for online & offline opportunities, changed my resume(s), tried creative approaches, traditional approaches, reviewed my purpose, reviewed people's perception of me, not acted in desperation, been thankful for what I have, reviewed my options, re reviewed my options. Where does it end.

I think it's pretty drastic to deliver thousands of flyers (that I was industrious to find myself - oh and I delivered my own flyers for painting at the same time), with a health issue that made it hard to walk and have energy DURING 10 DAYS OF 60cms of snowfall & ice. I am willing and going out there to do anything. I've offered my services at half price. I've been building alliances. I've been spreading the word. I've been looking at new approaches. I've been spending spare time researching and learning.

So, yes I can do it. I am taking action now. I have taken so much action it is just about "finishing me off" - believe me I know, I've had a nervous breakdown before and I can feel all the signs. I'm trying to avert it but my energy is not endless.

Thanks again.

[simplystephen]

Joely,

Your advice is not at all obscure. It too is refreshing. I have reviewed my beliefs and philosophies in the past and present and have found them to be my saving grace. You are indeed insightful.

How do I make sure I protect myself from things that have injured me in the past? I will try to open up my rules and change them, I think everyday I review my character and how I can improve so perhaps beliefs is a good area to focus on. I have accepted where I am and am trying to go forward everyday, the problem is the expectation and reality of bills, money, food, shelter - I lived/slept 6 months in my car last year (Canada is not warm in January).

So I am tired. I want to work within a structure that doesn't "kill me" yet I have no foundation to lay that on. I've sold everything I have, though I like minimizing and my resources are gone, including my emotional and physical strength.

I will keep making attempts to review my beliefs and I will keep making efforts to find any work available. Thank you for your kind insight. Oh...and you too Stephen.

BTW...I'm sick of making excuses but here's a small list of things that have been discovered that have affected me in a very harmful way and I'm doing my darndest to make sure they are not obstacles: adopted to a family incapable of socializing, abused, upper class/middle class peer pressure (I am not your average socialized guy), extremely introverted, divorced (ex-wife has used my child as a pawn - I have not played the game but it hurts and I hardly see my daughter), ex wife cheated on me, suffer from hypersensitivity,SAD, depression, anxiety and there is a slight chance I have mild aspergers which can't be confirmed (I've seen the elite specialist in my city) and those are just a few of the barriers I have to climb. I've never had an easy time fitting in at work (or anywhere) and certainly never had an easy time finding it. Social support has always turned me away and I'm generally too proud to be limited to the help....I WANT WORK AND WILL DO MANY THINGS. THE REASONS ARE REAL!!!

Oh, I have 3 college diplomas and many skills. Thanks for listening.

[medaille]

I can sympathize with your current state, but I'm having trouble understanding who you are or where you want to go. I get the impression that you are fiercely running away from stuff, but not running towards anything in particular.

Do you have some goals? What is your ideal state? What does it look like? What would feel right for you?

What are your skills? Your strengths?

[simplystephen]

If you put your hand on the burner and got third degree burns would you not be pretty cautious not to make the mistake again. What if someone else was telling you to put your hand on the burner would you do it? What if they grabbed your hand and were pushing it onto the burner? Would you be worried?

I have several goals personal, community and abundant living. I have reviewed my values and purpose. I know my strengths and am trying to learn how to use them.

Right now I just want one stable source of income to keep me going - then I will keep going.

More later...tired.

[beautyscientist]

Getting a job will pay the bills. It will also get you involved with an organisation that can pay its bills. Observe. Since you can't work out how to generate an income yourself yet you need to look closely at something that can. Stephen suggested Burger King. Why not? We may not approve of their food but they sure as heck can make money. Watch how they do it.

[Joely]

Originally Posted by simplystephen

BTW...I'm sick of making excuses but here's a small list of things that have been discovered that have affected me in a very harmful way and I'm doing my darndest to make sure they are not obstacles: adopted to a family incapable of socializing, abused, upper class/middle class peer pressure (I am not your average socialized guy), extremely introverted, divorced (ex-wife has used my child as a pawn - I have not played the game but it hurts and I hardly see my daughter), ex wife cheated on me, suffer from hypersensitivity,SAD, depression, anxiety and there is a slight chance I have mild aspergers which can't be confirmed (I've seen the elite specialist in my city) and those are just a few of the barriers I have to climb. I've never had an easy time fitting in at work (or anywhere) and certainly never had an easy time finding it. Social support has always turned me away and I'm generally too proud to be limited to the help....I WANT WORK AND WILL DO MANY THINGS. THE REASONS ARE REAL!!!

OK, first of all, let's look at all of these things you've experienced and been through. You describe them as obstacles, but are they really? Actually, you've done very well to cope with these things and overcome them (or live with them, if they're not the kind of thing you can overcome). When you live through tough things, when you struggle, you can either see them as obstacles or achievements. I've been through a lot of very similar things to you, but I don't see them as obstacles. They're things I've survived and have made me stronger.

Try looking at your life differently, to start with, and that might help you find the courage to carry on. Look at all the things you've survived, but not as obstacles, not as things that could bring you down at any moment, but as the things that have made you stronger, more capable. Those are things that have contributed to shaping your core values (which are very admirable), so you should embrace them, rather than trying to avoid them. If you aren't carrying around these things as somehow deficiencies, you can accept yourself better. You'll find that'll help you fit in better, but it might also give you the courage to really live the life you want. It'll also give you the confidence to help you do whatever you want to do in life.

[Stephen]

Originally Posted by simplystephen

I have applied for over 400 positions in the last 3 years and have countless client cold calls and adverts to get work. I'm 40 years old, lots of skills and my energy is limited. I have a daughter in another country that I seldom see - I have motivation. I have quite literally done the following, posted ads everywhere as a daily action, delivered flyers, offered to drive people places, painted, dug holes, organized, packed bags, washed things, done clerical work, administration work, helped with computer issues, looked for online & offline opportunities, changed my resume(s), tried creative approaches, traditional approaches, reviewed my purpose, reviewed people's perception of me, not acted in desperation, been thankful for what I have, reviewed my options, re reviewed my options. Where does it end.

I think it's pretty drastic to deliver thousands of flyers (that I was industrious to find myself - oh and I delivered my own flyers for painting at the same time), with a health issue that made it hard to walk and have energy DURING 10 DAYS OF 60cms of snowfall & ice. I am willing and going out there to do anything. I've offered my services at half price. I've been building alliances. I've been spreading the word. I've been looking at new approaches. I've been spending spare time researching and learning.

So, yes I can do it. I am taking action now. I have taken so much action it is just about "finishing me off" - believe me I know, I've had a nervous breakdown before and I can feel all the signs. I'm trying to avert it but my energy is not endless.

Hi Simply Stephen

If this is the case then you need to sit down with someone who can match your skills to a job. But is this really the case, mate?

On your first post you say..

Originally Posted by simplystephen

If I take a job, part time or not, though I have applied for dozens, it really needs to be flexible enough that I can work on the future business I have networked for when it comes in.

Thanks again.

There is a tension here between what you need to be doing and what you want to be doing. We all suffer from this tug of war. But your priority should be in the here and now. Forget tommorrow until you have consolidated your financial position today. That doesnt mean ypou cant achieve your goals: infact it will help you to achieve them. How is being harassed by creditors and homeless going to help you? You see what I'm saying. I believe from what you are saying, you are feeling somewhat desperate. Desperate in the sense that you can see everything fall to pieces around you including all the efforts you have put into building your future business. Nonetheless, unless you stop where you are and build a solid foundation under your plans, you will end up in a vicious circle of depression and underachievement. This will ultimately manifest itself in a sense of bitterness for the rest of your life. But hey! Your a young guy: same age as myself . The world lies before you awaiting all the endeavour that you can through at it. Its an old cliche, but it works. Act enthusiastically and you will become enthusiastic. Enthusiasm rubs off on people (especially employers). Ther's nothing else for it. Double your efforts. From what you say, someone who is as persistant as you should have no trouble being financailly secure.

Good luck.

[simplystephen]

Stephen.Thanks for the Thoreau quote - one of my favourites and a great reminder. An update, you are right, my priority is the here and now with a vision for the future. I have felt desperate and want to avert this now and forever, I know it creates bad business. Yes I need a foundation. Yes, I don't want all my efforts to disappear and start over.

Joely. Absolutely - they are character building, but there comes a time when you have enough character, I'm up to my eyeballs in it. That been said, I have usually embraced these obstacles and made them a part of me. I have also used them to motivate and make changes to myself and the world around me. I have been exhausted and worried and that is not a good mix. I will re-embrace them as a part of me to help make me stronger and stop resenting them.

beautyscientist & medaille. There is a purpose in my life. My breakdowns are in great part due to the workforce/society and how it operates "en mass" and in whole because of events that have shaped my life. I need to make a difference in the world. My strength and skills lies in what I have to offer the world to make it better. I am working on this.

Everyone. An update. I am starting to feel better, though my fatique is very high. I have looked at a long-term solution that will lay a foundation and help give me meaninful work. I am also looking at a temporary disability program so that I can have food, shelter, clothing and support easing myself back into the workforce as a contributing member of society. I know my contributions and strengths could actually make a huge dent and change various aspects of our social system. This will give me some time to regain my energy (get some rest), improve nutritional/health aspects in my life and focus on the foundation I want without running away out of desperation. I have also being trying to go to a vipashana meditation retreat to find some answers - I believe I will be able to do this in March or April. This will all help.

The insight and kindness you have each offered is wonderful and has provided a sense of relief with your understanding. If there is more to offer, please keep it coming and I will share what I can in return - I have posted on a "give and take basis" in this and other forums and do generally offer advice and thoughts when I am able. I am certain I will remain with this community and hope to develop a strong group of people to connect, assist and share with.

[Jcs]

Keep on it you!

[JOHNSHED]

I would say try to slow down and completely change your life for who you are.Yourself .You deserve the best.

[Joely]

My former boss, when dealing with situations like this, asks: "Will I die because of this? Will anybody else die?"

If nobody's going to die, then it isn't that serious. This is a blip in your life. You're meant to be here, doing this thing. Learn from it, grow from it. You can never have too much character, and you should never pass up an opportunity to learn more about life. You have no idea, from where you are now, what may happen to you in the future. It isn't the end of the world. You could always use this as a new opportunity to approach strife in a different way.

[KTWILSON]

Stephen,

you can find a company on the net call debt reduction services - they will help you pay off the bills and negotiate for a lower interest and pay off you debts without distroying your credit. They are call DRS a good company. you will also find other company's like this

kt

[kpugh]

Stephen, there's lots of good advice and resources already offered here. I just wanted to reply and let you know that I was really moved reading through this thread. I'm impressed at your self-awareness, and I really appreciate that you are keeping it real in here. Whatever it is about an online forum that made you feel safe enough to open up here...I dunno, I just appreciate that you did, and I feel immense compassion and gratitude for you and everyone else who is reading...whether they've replied or not.

I'm still new to this forum, and I'm learning quickly that it can be a powerful, and profound, community of supportive, caring, and knowledgeable people.

I hope I can find ways of contributing to your success too. For now, I just wanted you to know that I'm reading, and I'm here.

[ken nubo]

It's snowing here in toronto, perhaps it's a bit late but offer shoveling people's front door and side walk for $10 a pop. Walk around and knock on their doors

[Doku]

Originally Posted by simplystephen

Oh, I have 3 college diplomas and many skills. Thanks for listening.

Have you tried going back to the college's counseling department, and see if they could help you with career placement? Many colleges will help out struggling grads, even long after they have graduated.
Get on linked-in, and re-locate some good friends from college. See if they can help you out.
You had mentioned that there was a gig that was coming in in the future. I assume that that is not completely solo work... Have you talked with those people to see if they had something temporary so that a) you could have some income between now and then, and b) so that they knew you would actually be available when the time came?

That's all the suggestions that I have for now.

--Doku

[ken nubo]

Offer labour help on craiglist, I'm sure someone could use your help.

And if you're REALLY DESPERATE for cash, you can always temporary live in a van or car (no shame in that)