Hi, new user

[James88]

Hi, I'm new to this forum, and would just like to say that I am on a personal journey to discovering exactly who I am. I'm a 19 year old history student doing a BA (first year) and I've always been confused about my abilities. The thing that bothers me the most though is the scores on the IQ tests that I have taken. I'm not naming any specific tests, but one said I had an estimated IQ of 153, and another at a distinctly average 102!. So understandably, I'm completely confused.

It's just something that I need to know for sure. I have no understanding of any of my abilities. My teachers at school were less than inspiring, they rarely encouraged me to really do well. I remember handing in a short story once to my English teacher when I was about 12, and after he handed it back it was evidently clear that he had barely read it. I have written stories since about the age of 4 or 5, many of them being 50 pages + (on computer in size 12 font). It's just something that I've done in my spare time.
At school I just didn't feel motivated to really succeed. After the age of 14, I wanted to drop out of school and write a book, in the hope that it would become a big seller, and that I would end up supporting myself via my writing. A little ambitious perhaps, but that's necessary if you want to achieve something special in life.
I always felt that because I wasn't a straight A student at school, somehow I was less intelligent as the people who did get straight As.

I love to write, whether it be journalism, creative writing, film scripts, songs, whatever. I would consider becoming a journalist, or write for films, because I know that it would be something that I would enjoy, and therefore the motivation would be there, which would prevent me from failing. I consider that I have always had a very advanced writing style. I've always had a very active imagination, I love to draw scetches, especially of landscapes. I also love studying architecture, and would love to design something like a skyscraper, for a city like London or New York.

The thing is though, there are a lot of things that I like doing. I've always loved to impress my friends with my maths abilities. In maths at school, whenever we were given a mental arithmetic test with, say, 30 questions, I would always finish it and get full marks before most people had even completed the first few questions (not exaggerating). My maths teacher always thought I was cheating, and she would often come up with a stupid excuse as to why I came up with the answers so fast, in an effort to disprove the notion that I had any special mathematical abilities. Perhaps it was because, in my experience, she felt intimidated by the fact that I didn't need a calculator to work out large sums, whereas she did. In other areas of maths, like advanced equations, I never really succeeded that much, because it bored me to death!

I've always had a fascination with time. I like to compare the world in various contexts, and often use the past to determine the future. Like what it will be like in the year 2018. I would look back at 1978, 1988 and 1998 and would somehow arrive at a conclusion, based on the trends of the past 30 years, to estimate what it would be like in ten years. I also have a very, very vivid long-term memory. I can remember events on the exact date that they occurred, like what I was doing on the Thursday night of the third week of last June, or what I was thinking on any random day in the last few years.

All I can really say for sure is that I love to prove myself to people. I like to show people what I can do and how good I am, the only problem is I don't know how good I am, or whether I have any special talents at all.

Also, although probably unrelated to the other stuff, I have an obsession with the way I look. I go to the gym regularly because I have a vision of my ideal physique, and I feel inspired to achieve that because it gives me control over my future. My health is extremely important to me, more than anything. If I ever had a serious illness, I would have a nervous breakdown. I just wouldn't cope and I hope that I can always have my health.

Finally, I still don't know what I want to do as a career. As you may remember, I said I would like to go into a career involving writing. However, I find it difficult to limit myself into just one career, because there are literally hundreds of things that I want to do in life. I'm not the kind of person who has always known the exact thing that he wanted to for a career. I keep my options open, and incidentally a history degree gives a good range of career opportunities which is one of the main reasons why I chose it.

This post is probably quite boring and random and perhaps a bit corny, but it's just an introduction to the kind of person I like to thing of myself as - complicated and unsure.

[Brutha]

How good are your social skills?
A few thing that you wrote remind me of autism.

[James88]

I'd say I'm fairly quiet, I don't need to be around people all the time, but when I am around people I am pretty sociable. I don't feel uncomfortable being in a room full of people I don't know as I can easily adapt to the situation. I used to be shy in school but I have mostly overcome that, although I don't like doing presentations in front of large groups of people (although a lot of people don't!).

I've never thought about autism/ I knew someone at school who had it and I don't really see any resemblance. Out of interest, what (out of what I said in my post) reminds you of some of the characteristics of autism?

[The Cloud]

I'm not sure if this is the kind of answer you were looking for from your post, but it seems to me that you're too externally focused. You're looking for outside people and events to dictate your own worth to you, such as when you demonstrate your admittedly impressive math skills to get attention, or when you work out so that you can avoid becoming unhealthy despite the fact that it could happen anyways in a way that is completely out of your control. Your self-worth doesn't appear to be defined in terms of yourself. Just something to think on. Oh, and if you like good literature (incidentally, literature that further explores the point that I am trying to make), I would recommend Ayn Rand's "The Fountainhead." Even if you find the philosophy behind it unappealing, in my opinion it is extraordinarily well-written and your skills could only improve from its example.

[James88]

I do seem to have a need to prove myself to people. What my main problem now is that I just lack motivation. I kind of just feel like I'm in stalemate - like I have an emptiness that I just can't seem to fill. I had a happy childhood and I've never suffured any major live events. I just seem to be stuck in a rut. Nothing seems to inspire me or interest me at the moment.

[The Cloud]

One new technique that I'm trying out right now is to boil my life down to what I need and what I want. I take the things that I need to do, or at least am too afraid to do without, set limited but reasonable times to do them, and then force myself to do them at those times. Once the time is up, I refuse to work beyond it. In the time that I have free, I pursue the thing or things that I have decided I really want rather than need to maintain the status quo.

This way isn't perfect, and I am looking for a better way that doesn't have me doing things that I don't want to do, but until then it will suffice. The thing is, I didn't figure out what it was I wanted to do until I created time for myself that I literally had nothing that I had to do with. So, if you're willing to buckle down and do all your hard work at one time (that's an exaggeration, I myself divide my 20 weekly hours of homework throughout 4 days), then you can have open time for yourself to at least consider what you want to do without worrying about what you need to do.

[LittleFlame]

Just a surggestion. But maybe too get an accurate IQ score, go to an psychologist. I know it may be expensive, but if it means that much to you I would do it. I wouldn't know where to acctualy find one, maybe speak to a teacher or counsiler at school to see of they know. Or if there is a teacher at your school who teachers psychology...

Hope it's of help

LittleFlame

[The David]

First of all, welcome to the forums!

The IQ part reminds me of myself. I wouldn't want to take that test because it would probably be 50 points too high or too low because of the mood I'm in when I take it.

You basically sound like you're unconventionally intelligent. You know you can do what needs to be done, but you can't prove it or even display it when you need to (I'm sure Erin Pavlina can relate, lol).

You have a lot of interests. It's good to be complicated. Eventually, the loose ends may tie together and make sense. Or maybe they won't need to.

[Brutha]

Originally Posted by James88

I've never thought about autism/ I knew someone at school who had it and I don't really see any resemblance. Out of interest, what (out of what I said in my post) reminds you of some of the characteristics of autism?

I can remember events on the exact date that they occurred, like what I was doing on the Thursday night of the third week of last June, or what I was thinking on any random day in the last few years.
That is a very unusual talent, that some autists have.
I didn't need a calculator to work out large sums
That's a similar trait that a lot of autists have.
Also, although probably unrelated to the other stuff, I have an obsession with the way I look.
That is an unusual way to describe yourself. Most people wouldn't diagnose themselves that 'objectivly'.

I don't feel uncomfortable being in a room full of people I don't know as I can easily adapt to the situation.

That doesn't sound like an autist.