You'll Never Fulfill Your True Potential

[Tim Brownson]

Without first understanding what your core values are. In almost 4 years of coaching I have never had a client come to me and know what really made them tick. I have never spoken to anybody EVER that could tell me what not only their core values were but their away from values were too.

How can a life coach help somebody and how can anybody help themselves without knowing what drives them at a fundamental level? I honestly don't believe they can, it is that big a deal to me.

Values get you out of bed in a morning, they dictate who your friends are, what you eat, how you interact with other people, who you vote for and even whether you think it’s ok or not to go barging into other countries invited or otherwise. Values aren’t the exclusive domain of individuals either. Business’s, Church’s, Sports Teams, Gangs and Governments have values, and act on them for better or worse.

There are no right or wrong values, only values that are right or wrong for YOU! Nobody’s are better or worse than anybody else’s because the whole idea is completely subjective. Judging other people starts and ends with judging somebody based on your own values and a belief that yours are right and there’s are wrong. How ridiculous is that? I know we all do it (well maybe not the Dalai Lama and one or two other monastic types) but the act of being aware makes it a lot less likely.

Many people also carry around internally and externally value conflicts with them. These often explain why we sometimes just feel stuck and don’t know why. Imagine having a number one core value of honesty, and then finding yourself having to lie for a friend. Do you think you are going to feel comfortable about that? What about being offered that once in a lifetime dream job for a company that you know uses sweat shops when your number one value is integrity? Have you ever met somebody in a bar, say a friend of a friend and taken an instant dislike or even a like to them? That’s probably a value conflict or a value alignment depending on your feelings.

Core values are things like freedom, peace, integrity, health, security and love. Away from values are things like conflict, arrogance, dishonesty, cynicism, hate and greed. Do any of those strike a chord with you? What do they mean to you? Would you walk over broken glass to achieve freedom? Would you refuse to countenance being friendly with somebody that was dishonest? You need to know these things so that when you are making changes or improvements in your life you can align with yourself!

I’ve just re-read that and it sounded a little bit like I was ranting, so for a moment of light relief: Drum roll maestro please! A kid runs to open the door and shouts “Daddy, daddy there’s man at the door with a bill” “Don’t be silly one”’ comes the reply “It must be a duck with a hat on”

I use some very basic forms that help me do a value elicitation with clients. I can honestly say about the least enthusiastic response I get is “That was interesting Tim, now I know why I am so attracted to quiz show hosts” but I often get comments similar to “Jeez that’s amazing, I now realize why I hated my job for the last 39 years ended up murdering my boss and burying him under the patio”

I’ve posted this because I have been procrastinating on doing this for months and months now (value conflict methinks). So by telling you lovely people I’m going to give all this stuff away means I have to do it or I get exposed as the lazy, cheapskate, publicity whore that I am.

If you are interested in knowing more and you are absolutely desperate, e-mail me, although it may take a few days for me to write everything up. Alternatively, if your life isn’t in tatters and you can hang on a few days, I’ll post a free download from here soon with a bit more detail on values (and also what aren’t values!) and how to work out what yours are.

PS Nobody ever told me they murdered their boss…..yet.

[Lola]

Rant, rant, rant.

I agree that we can't really understand who we are, where we're going, what we're doing without acknowledging and identifying our core values.

Kinda along these lines (but different!) was a test I took a couple of years ago - Values In Action Inventory of Strengths Survey - which helped me to crystalize why I was somewhat stuck in a particular situation. It was, like you said, because the situation did not line up with those things that were most important to my life satisfaction.

[Tim Brownson]

Hey Lola, thanks a lot for that link. I read Seligmans 'Learned Optimism' a couple of years ago and loved it. I'll be registering an checking that out. Thanks again.

[Joely]

I'm a fan of Martin Seligman too.

And I think you're very right, Tim, you can't really give anybody advice or support to realise their true potential without knowing their values or what makes them tick. I wonder often if it's because people don't know themselves what their values are.

Two years ago I went on retreat in Thailand and met a man who had sold his business to Fulfil His Purpose. He'd spent the following years going from life coaching course to life coarching course. I recall him telling me he had three or four booked up back to back after the retreat. He asked me how I worked out what my purpose was and I said I just knew. I've always been a writer, I've always been raised around a strong set of personal values, and it just seemed obvious to me. Sometimes I feel like the only person who's always known!

[robertanthony]

Hi Tim

Here's a free online tool. It will save you and your clients all the paperwork and costs - you also get a free report that you can print off.

All About Emotional Intelligence from Six Seconds - Feeling Your Values: Free online tool to identify values

[Tim Brownson]

Just tried it RA and it's certainly interesting. The only problem I have is that I don't agree with some of the values. I had wealth in my values and to me wealth isn't a value. I want wealth becuase it gives me more freedom to do pro bono work, to get to and influence decision makers, to study more, to meditate more becausse there isn't so much of a need to work etc etc.

The value under the surface to me is freedom in all it's guises.

It was interesting though and thanks a lot for the link.