A Miserable Set of Problems

[onomotopeia]

I don't really quite now how to concisely and effectively problematize what I'm dealing with now, as my issues seem to spread into social, academic personal and other areas.

I'd hoped that I could post the litany here and people might be able to point me to sources of really concrete steps to take or help concur my depressing state.

Overall, I have attention issues and have tried to deal with these for the past three years +. I've sought medicine, and am on medicine and clearly can't expect much from that realm, tried to change my poor lifestyle habits, among other things.

Yet I spiral out during conversations, can't focus/direct my focus and in turn become this measly, passive, undirected person who forms limited relationships, has wasted her college experience by not at least nurturing the limited relationships she has and still struggle with basic things like getting the nerve to speak in class when my mind could articulate a topic totally in left field.

I want to be able to:
clarify my values for relationships and form relationships where there's more equal give and take, not just a relationship based around the other's interests/desires/needs
Build at least 3 friendships (perhaps revive ones) by may, the time I graduate (it would stink to graduate alone if I had to reduce this value to its bare minimum)
Talk confidently and ably in class and most of the time for that matter

I'm really quite depressed. Whatever efforts I take to pull out of this spot don't negate my social problems and the fact that I can't really speak beyond the split-second of a moment because my mind can't really situate in that larger term or even access contents of a book for that matter.

My general life situation pretty much stinks now and it's not like I haven't done anything about it, far from that, I've seen professionals and initiated my own attempts.

[The David]

I also have attention problems and some degree of social anxiety. I am giving up social anxiety for Lent, and will post back here to let you know how it goes, if I think it could help you.

[ElleBlue]

Onomotopeia,
So sorry for what you're going through. First of all you have to stop thinking of yourself as a measly, misdirected girl who wasted her college experience. You want to see yourself as you want to be, not as you are today.

Picture yourself as a bright witty, girl who's on top of everything. You will soon follow in the direction of these desirable traits.

Do something everyday to put you in the direction of your goals and feel good about yourself for doing it.

[Joely]

Hello there,

It sounds like you're going through a heck of a lot right now. I think the starting point, as ElleBlue suggested, is to be gentler with yourself. That's some fairly harsh self-criticism in your post, and I don't know that it's true.

I had similar problems at university not with my attention but because I had a period of short-term amnesia. I appreciate how tough it can be to get through conversations and lectures when your brain either forgets or can't focus on what's going on. I got through it by teaching myself to persevere, but give myself the space so that if I did struggle, then I didn't beat myself up for it.

I think it might really help to accept yourself as you are right now, with everything you think might be "wrong" with your life. When you accept yourself, it shines out of you and people want to be around you. Then, no matter how difficult you find it to nurture relationships, or how much you struggle with attention, people will just accept you. I've found that experience myself and have surrounded myself with a great group of really supportive and understanding friends.

I wish you all the best,

J x