inner-balance

[blazer1]

Two part question:

1) I have been plagued by the trait of laziness, this has been a problem for me for as long as I can remember.
The only way I can see myself ridding myself of this problem is to little-by-little do more work in areas which I need to (personal goals, career goals etc). I read somewhere changing things in one part of your life affects the others.
I would like to know what else can I do to overcome laziness/procrastination?

2) I have been through some terrible times since I was young, at the age of 6 my parents fought violently a lot and things were seldom happy at home. I picked up on a lot of drama, and found myself comforting my mother when she was crying at home. I was depressed at this age - a child should never be depressed, so I started to indulge in the taste sense pleasure. I ate and did not exercise. Grew obese, which affected my relationship life (I am 26, never had a girlfriend), and of course further deteriorated my mental/physical health.
After graduate Uni I turned heavily to drugs, amphetamines/marijuana - and this seemed to satisfy me temporarily as I was extremely lonely, and needed close contact with females (girlfriend essentially). Drugs eventually ruined me further and now I am left recovering, still never had a girlfriend.
I have lost weight through drugs, but the baggage of my past has not yet left me. Sometimes certain songs, which encapsulate a part of life, can bring me to an emotional state, I feel my happiness is very fragile.
I think because of my childhood dramas, I lost that sense of Inner-Balance. From the day I started to over-eat to stay happy, to drugs, to anything else which I have done to make myself happy (including anti-depressants) were all attempts to cover-up the void or negative inside of me.
Instead I need to go to the root of my dissatisfaction, I need to slowly dismantle myself and re-arrange myself to where I first lost count.

I need help and opinions please.

Thank You and Peace.

[Adrian]

Have you ever thought your laziness is context driven vs. something innately inside of you? I wrote a blog post about it several weeks ago (and it was discussed on this forum) -

Path to Your Destiny >> You Are Not Responsible for Your Laziness

While you show major, major motive to get out of laziness, perhaps part of the problem is your environment. Is it feeding into lazy habits which in turn effect your daily actions? (For example, do you spend a lot of idle time on the computer or watch TV when you know you could be working on your goals?) If you change your immediate environment, becoming less 'lazy' might become a heck of a lot easier. (Though I will say that in the end, the choice of becoming less lazy lies entirely in your hands. You obviously weren't lazy enough to not post on these forums asking for help!)

[smartile]

Hi blazer1,

1) To answer your first question, "How do you know you're lazy?"

What is the expectation that you're not meeting? I used to think that my wife was lazy because she used to lie down in bed a lot. She would sleep-in on the weekends and go to sleep early at night. She seemed to be sleeping all the time so I thought she was lazy.

In the last month she's been an early riser, participating in a steady gym routine, focusing more time and energy into her mission and reading more books. She just changed everything like that.

I realized that she isn't lazy at all. I realized that she never was. I realized that my wife changed her routine because she didn't like the results she was getting - simple as that. If you want to get different results, make a change. If you don't want different results, then don't change. It still doesn't mean you're lazy. It just means you don't want to change!

2) Stop being a victim. Your past is over; start living in the present and into the future. Life's a game - have fun!

Stephen Martile — Personal Development Made Simple








2)

[{aspiring_to_clarity}]

Hi, blazer. I'm glad you're here and I wish you the best in overcoming these issues.

First, I agree that a great way to combat laziness is to tackle some smaller tasks and then build up to bigger goals. The sense of accomplishment you get from doing even little things when you've been neglecting everything can give you a boost. I am not sure what your personal and career goals are, but for example: say you have the personal goal of losing 20 pounds. You could first just go to the kitchen and throw out all your junk food. Then maybe you feel good enough to take a 20 minute walk. The next day you may have the motivation to cook a healthy meal. Pretty soon, you've got all those factors working together, you are seeing progress and your motivation grows. Start small.

As for the issue of your happiness, first step is forgiveness -- of yourself. You've tried pretty much all of the things that we all use to make ourselves feel better and found them lacking, or only temporarily helpful. To move forward, let go of the blame and fault you are carrying around on your shoulders. Look at where you are and start from there. Just like with the laziness question, you may have to take baby steps at first. If you are not already clean, make that your top priority since drugs tend to skew your perception of reality. Start taking care of your health, eating better, exercising. Then look at your childhood: what did you decide about yourself amid all of the drama? What did that little child tell himself he was? What impact has that had on you? How has it made you feel? How has it affected others in your life? Once you can see that clearly and have really felt what the meaning of it has been in your life, look for what way of being would inspire you. How could you live and who could you be that would impact yourself and those around you in a positive way? Then begin to live it out.

Don't run away from the pain, don't try to cover it up. Face it, relax into it, actually feel it fully. When you do that it can pass through you and you can let it go. When you resist it or attempt to pretend it doesn't exist, it only fights harder to stay alive.

Best of luck. You have incredible strength! Look at how much you have already survived. Now overcome!!!

[Cyndi]

Hi blazer1!

Don't focus on your past!

First of all, you need to take the next 30 minutes to replay all of those bad, horrible images you hold as your life. Think about your parents fighting, your overeating, your drug use and all of the really terrible parts of your past. Imagine yourself in those moments and focus on how you felt at those exact times. Get angry , cry , scream and do whatever it is you need to do to really feel them. All you have is 30 minutes, so get to it.

Now get ready cause your about to have some fun...

Now, for the next 30 minutes, the only thing I want you to think about is the way you WANT your life to be. Imagine yourself with that perfect girl , being healthy and vibrant , drug free and whatever else that YOU define as your perfect life. (Don't worry about getting it perfect, that will come with time). Close your eyes and imagine yourself living your perfect life. You really have to focus and FEEL how you will feel when you are living your perfect life. How great is that!!

Now the only rule to this is....you may not ever again focus on your past! Not even for a second. Never ever. You can have, do or be anything that you desire. You are not a victim, nothing is done to you or against you. The only thing that creates your life is you. Think about your perfect life every single day. Make it a part of your daily routine.

You are the only one that can create your life. No one else can do it for you. Focus only on the things you want in life and the things you want in life will be yours. The possibilities are endless!

[SkateItsGreat]

I think noticing that your life isn't where you want it to be is the first step towards improving yourself. The easy way to do things is to only worry about what you are doing right now. If you take things one step at a time they become very easy. You might find yourself fulfilling your goals in life. It also helps to use NLP like I tried to do in this post. Make affirmations and stick to the changes that you are trying to make in your life. It all comes down to the amount of willpower that you have.